Salma Hayek in Bottega Veneta

Posted on June 01, 2012

Salma honey, we don’t know what you heard or whether you’ve just been binging on classic Prince, but there really is such a thing as too much purple.


Salma Hayek attends the world premiere of “Prometheus” in London in a Bottega Veneta dress.

Bottega Veneta Fall 2012 Collection/Model: Nadja Bender

Come on, now.

What makes us sad is that she’s pretty much rocking the shit out of that dress.

Girl, why’d you have to go and grape things up like that? Purple shoes AND bag? Y’all look like a limited edition Barbie in collaboration with the Berry Growers of America. Fruit Juice Dreams Barbie. With berry-scented hair!

[Photo Credit: Landmark/PR Photos,]

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  • Rocking the shit out of it?  I believe it’s been painted on.  LIke, I’m concerned we may need to provide you with an oxygen mask in case you need assistance breathing.  Too much purple is the least of her problems here. 

    •  Pretty sure they had to use a shoehorn to get her boobs in there.  Gotta say I’m loving the bling on that dress, tho.

      • newleaf1

        Hello I’m Salma, and these are my breasts.  

        • Like any man, gay or not, I dig boobs.  But dayum!  She’s got one hell of a rack.  I wouldn’t know what to do with all that (more than I already wouldn’t know what to do with all that on account of I’m, you know, gayer than thou).

          • Dress needs to be one size larger and altered for her (v-neck).

          • joke in there, but I’m too tired to find

          • paginatrix

             Yes! the neckline is just frumpy. Especially with that hair.

      • kimmeister

        She actually has her own boob-horn, patent pending.

  • HomeOfficeGirl

    Grape-ing it up!  Haha!! 

  • Spreecord

    There’s a “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” joke in there, but I’m too tired to find it.

    • BerlinerNYC

      lol, totally. Me too. Like “what have Salma’s gigantic grapes been eating?”. That looks both vulgar and painful. I can’t believe this wasn’t a “Girl, That’s Not Your Dress,” or at least a “Girl, That’s Clearly Not Your Size.”

  • Ouch! I’m not really loving the “Dynasty Pads”, either.

  • Griffinqueen

    I wonder why she added shoulder pads . The silhouette on the model is so much nicer. But I am glad she didn’t go for that “socks with sandals” thing. Never understood that. 

  • Q. Who was purple and conquered Macedonia?
    A. Alexander the Grape.

    What?  I thought we were telling our favorite purple jokes.

    • Ooh! Ooh! What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

      Breathe! Breathe!

    • Q: What percentage of Americans have problems with ratios and percentages?
      A: Purple.

      •  So not getting this one.

        • The person telling the joke has problems with ratios and percentages, since they answered with a color rather than a number.

          *shrug* I thought it was funny when I read it in my local newspaper a few years ago.

  • girliecue

    This must be her way of getting back at her husband for the Linda Evangelista drama.

  • mjude

    fruit juice dream barbies…love you boys

    • Vlasta Bubinka

      To continue the theme, I like Grape Crushing Barbie. She comes complete with a large barrel filled with wine grapes that she can stomp. (Soak the grades in water after crushing for 3 minutes and they magically regain their shape for hours of fun!) Also included– grape scented purple marker to get authentic stomping stains. (Remove stains with warm water and a soft towel.)
      Sold separately- Beer Garten Barbie– now with pretzel bra!

  • RebeccaKW

    Is she wearing shiny pantyhose?  I can’t trust my eyes, as they are bleeding from the purple assault.

    • She’s definitely got hose on – whether or not the sheen is from the hosiery itself or the lights, I can’t tell.

    • She’s probably wearing Wolford 40s, they have a sheen.

  • jmorino08

    I don’t like the way the confetti, or whatever that is on her shoulders and mid-section, frame her chest like “Look at mah tits!” She’s got an amazing rack, but that dress is for a less endowed girl I think because it creates one giant frankenboob.

    • guestela

      Yes. This. See what I wrote below about the neckline being unflattering to her! I agree with you entirely.

    • sweetestsith

       Agreed, it looks pretty chic on the model, but not so much on Salma… Which clearly means she needs to send it my way. 😉

  • Best not to have the theme from Barney in one’s head while dressing for an evening out.

  • amywinns

    Whatever, I don’t care if she does look like a sparkly wad of Hubba-Bubba. She’s a rich lady attending a premiere of a movie she’s not in… why not? I think it’s fun and everything fits great and I just love it.

  • Lina_bee

    OH, Salma. Dings: 1. Go up a size for your bust & make them tailor the rest. 2. Not sure about that shade of lipstick (but then it looks different in each shot, so maybe it’s fine?). 3. Are those nylons? Really?
    OTOH: you are STILL smokin’ hot and you are working the hell out of this AND I still adore you. So, qualified win!

  • guestela

    I would actually say that is not her dress. Not with the high neckline and vast expanse of unpatterned fabric covering her ample bust. No, definitely not.

    • ballerinawithagun

      That is my opinion also. Busty girls should never wear high necked dresses. They need to break up that vast expanse. There should always be some sort of an opening just to the top of the cleavage. Not revealing, just a division in the bust area.

      • poggi

        I agree– avoid the ski slope affect.

  • BazoDee

    Ohhh – her boobs should not be squeezed in there like that -looks dreadful IMO. 

  • Free Salma Hayek’s breasts!  Free Salma Hayek’s breasts!

  • Sara__B

    Busty Brunette Barbie.  Almost busting out of her dress.

  • she looks like an upscale fantana. 

  • PeaceBang

    I never thought I’d love to see the day : Salma Hayek looks awful. The hair and lipstick tipped it from Ridiculous Purple Situation into Girl, You Look Like Straight Up Hell. 

  • Isana Leshchinskaya

     great color on you, salma, but, GIRL, THAT IS NOT YOUR DRESS.

  • excuse me but wtf is going on with her? And she is wearing support hose. 

  • TheOtherChristina

    I don’t even think Prince would look good in this dress.

  • charlotte

    Bedazzler olé!

  • m0r0

    Love that dress. Gorgeous. Agree with you about the Berry Growers of America accents. Leaves a sour taste.

  • Anathema_Device

    Well, Willy Wonka has already been remade, so she can’t be campaigning for the role of Veruca Salt…

    I do like the dress on her, but she really screwed the pooch when it came to the accessories. Pewter or silver would have been nice.

  • The sheer tights make me sad.

  • nannypoo


  • turtleemily

    I don’t think I’d like this dress on anybody – she’s lactating sequins.

  • Kolo_Ol

     I love the dress on her!

  • AWS

    Introducing Strawberry Cheesecake’s new friend: Grape Jello (jiggly in all the right places).

    Maybe her daughter is dressing her now…

  • marilyn

    That dress is too tight.  She is too petite for that style.  It takes a long-legged model to work it.  I don’t care about the purple.  The only thing I don’t like is the Barbie-pink lipstick color.

  • LesYeuxHiboux

    I’d buy five of that Barbie. 

  • shopgirl716

    Can we find other metaphors besides Barbie?  Sorry, buy Michael Kors has absolutely beaten that one into the ground on Project Runway.  That’s his go to line when he wants to hit someone over the head with his criticism.

  • I cannot.  It’s too tight, too matchy, she looks like Barbie’s Spanish friend…

    Girl, your husband owns part of major design houses, get thee to the seamstresses!!!

  • MzzPants

    Well…it’s not Gucci..

  • Le_Sigh

    The lips, shoes and purse take it from “Salma the fabulous movie star cartoon” to “Salma, the scratch and sniff sticker.”

  • Yeah, too much of a purple-y thing but it’s a gorgeous dress & she is world-class workin’ it!  As if she’s the only celeb who wears tight schitt…. 

  • DaveUWSNYC

    Pride Weekend Barbie

  • janetjb

    I can smell her hair from here.

    It’s a pretty dress and I’d like her to try it in a size up, in September.

  • MilaXX

    I think the dress is pretty and would look great on her if she went a size up . That purse and bag is just ridiculous.

    never really meant to cause you any problems, never really meant to cause you any pain…….

  • EEKstl

    I never thought I’d wish someone had OPTED for putty shoes, but apparently that moment has come (serously, I’d love to have seen something interesting in green or yellow). To boot, the lipstick choice is wrong wrong wrong.

  • It looks like she lost a battle with a bedazzler.

    In what universe can it be so hard to dress that gorgeous woman? I hate that neckline and the shoulder pads. Nude nylons? No, no thanks.

    Her face, though? So darn lovely.

  • Joyce VG

    “grape things up”  hahahahahahaha!  

  • alyce1213

    “rocking the shit out of that dress”?????
    The woman has all the money in the world, couture at her feet, and not one ounce of taste or class.
    What a waste — what I could do with her resources.

  • Yikes. This is the kind of outfit that make me wonder “Are you new here?”

  • lesmaha

    you guys crack me up–berry-scented hair (snort!).  Those shoulders, though, are just painful.

  • judybrowni

    For once the model is rocking it — compared to the actress — those boots and gloves make the dress.

    Now if only someone would slap that pissy look off her face and the magenta lipstick…

  • BrooklynBomber

    Whoa. That’s just wrong.
    Thing is, I hate the gloves and kneesocks (?!?!!) on the model, but I’ve never understood the purple people. You know: the people who love to wear all over purple. I don’t get it.

    • NurseEllen

       Wow, I didn’t even notice the model was wearing knee socks until I read your comment.  I looked quickly and saw boots.  LOVE the long gloves, they are HOT.

      Ms. Hayek needs to get over the whole “my clothing has been painted on me” look.  I think she loses most of her sensuality when she looks stuffed into, and ready to burst out of, her ensemble.  I also hate her default slicked back hair/instant facelift coiffure.

  • LilyPad

    I love all the purple. She looks F-A-B
    Salma Hayek would like to ask that you please eat her grape deliciousness

  • butterflysunita

    Salma, girl, how do you look so beautiful when you’re wearing such ridiculous clothes?  

  • butterflysunita

    Salma, girl, how do you look so beautiful when you’re wearing such ridiculous clothes?  

  • poggi

    If she went up a size and de-Grimaced, she’d look good.

  • Sophie Collier

    HAAAAAAAAAAAATE the collar.  HATE.  

  • LOL

  • golspie

    She looks like an Opal Fruit.

  • quiltrx

    As a total purple girl, I’m pretty sure there’s NO such thing as too much purple.  Especially if you’re a celebrity.

    But there IS such a thing as GO UP A SIZE.

  • ccm800

    put her in some grass and call her Easter. 

  • Judih1

    Great Dress, Wrong Girl – and totally wrong accessories. She dressed better when she was single

  • This dress was designed for the flat chested. On Salma it just looks…tacky? Like her boobs are awkwardly large? As a large breasted woman myself, I sympathize, but this was not the dress for her. 

  • CRH

    How can you guys not comment the atrocity of the stockings? Much worse than going all purple, IMHO.

  • LambeeBaby

    I think she looks like one hot grape. Her ass is magnificent. Plus, the purple princess Barbie taps into my inner 6 year old and makes me squeal with delight.

  • 3boysful

    Besides the overload of purple, I am surprised to find that don’t think that color does a thing for her–she’s looking  a bit sallow.  A shade best left to the blondes.

  • ChristySchiff

    Seven-year-old me would kill a girl scout for a Fruit Juice Dreams Barbie. Berry-scented hair?!? To die.

  • Aurumgirl

    That is a dress designed to make a woman with a flat chest look like she has some shape there.  On a woman with actual breasts, the design is iffy.  On a woman with actual, full breasts, the dress is a disaster.  In that last photo, she looks so top heavy it’s like she’s about to topple forward.

    Now add that to the fact that a bigger size is needed here, and we have a look that makes me feel terrible for Salma.  How is it that she has access to so many couture design houses, and yet she has never dressed so poorly as she does now?

    Added disfigurement:  the support panty hose and the round toed shoes.  It looks like she’s suffering from a long day’s work at the diner.

    • CatherineRhodes

      You are SO right. Look how terrific the dress looks on the flat-chested model, where you can actually see the gathers around the bust.

  • OneTwoThreeFashion

    she looks good in it!

  • newtonGOTbeaned


  • Lilak

    Nothing wrong with Salma’s figure – at all – but boy, is it throwing that particular dress all out of whack. 

  • Holy cow, this dress is definitely for the straight boys.  All I see are boobs, I didn’t even notice the ridiculous purple accessories until I read the post.  And why do people hate tights?  I love them.  Those are definitely Neon 40s.

  • guest2visits

    Yes!  Looks like she just hatched out of one those plastic clam-shells on the shelf, next to my little pony.
    The collar, the padded arms, and the extra snug fit are making me gasp for air.   Of course; Salma herself is very pretty.

  • Woman has an amazing body though. WOW. 

    • Aurumgirl

      She does, yes.  Now imagine how much better it would look in a dress that flatters it, rather than lampoons it.

  • TieDye64

    Oooooo, not good. I don’t know that this particular dress is meant for anyone who isn’t stick thin. If then.

  • Candigirl1968

    This outfit seems almost wintery.  The accessories are absolutely silly.  

  • jw_ny

     I cringed when I saw all the “grape”…coulda & shoulda been nice…even with all those tacky sparkles.

  • sashaychante

    The dress is too tight.  The skirt is pulling across her hips.  “Hello, I’m Salma’s vajayjay”…that’s all I can hear.

  • fanneydg

    i cringed.

  • rainwood1

    Don’t mind the purple.  Not loving the fit and that’s a terrible neckline for someone as buxom as she is. 

  • Body body body! That’s all I see.

  • OffToSeeHim

    I love the dress, and I think she’s got the slammin’ body to pull it off. I was trying to figure out why it looked so much better on the model, and then I realized the model’s accessories aren’t purple. Yup, that’ll do it!

  • I like how it’s styled on the model.  Having all that black offsets the purple to give it a nice edge.

  • TheOriginalLulu

    Her body looks sick in that dress. The color thing may be a bit much, but can anyone say that this woman looks bad here?   

  • Yuck.

  • Puckndc

    Gurl has some ta-tas and booty going on…….too much purple yes, but she has some bod!!

  • i like it.

  • Liz


  • RzYoung

    Mmm Berry scented hair, I often wonder what celebrities smell like – you know when someone wins American Idol or whatever and they get to hug the celeb? If it were me I’d take a big old sniff, I want to know what millionaires smell like!