Salma Hayek in Bottega Veneta

Posted on June 01, 2012

Salma honey, we don’t know what you heard or whether you’ve just been binging on classic Prince, but there really is such a thing as too much purple.

 

Salma Hayek attends the world premiere of “Prometheus” in London in a Bottega Veneta dress.

Bottega Veneta Fall 2012 Collection/Model: Nadja Bender

Come on, now.

What makes us sad is that she’s pretty much rocking the shit out of that dress.

Girl, why’d you have to go and grape things up like that? Purple shoes AND bag? Y’all look like a limited edition Barbie in collaboration with the Berry Growers of America. Fruit Juice Dreams Barbie. With berry-scented hair!

[Photo Credit: Landmark/PR Photos, elle.com]

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      Rocking the shit out of it?  I believe it’s been painted on.  LIke, I’m concerned we may need to provide you with an oxygen mask in case you need assistance breathing.  Too much purple is the least of her problems here. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=678337501 Carla Axtman

         Pretty sure they had to use a shoehorn to get her boobs in there.  Gotta say I’m loving the bling on that dress, tho.

        • newleaf1

          Hello I’m Salma, and these are my breasts.  

          • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

            Like any man, gay or not, I dig boobs.  But dayum!  She’s got one hell of a rack.  I wouldn’t know what to do with all that (more than I already wouldn’t know what to do with all that on account of I’m, you know, gayer than thou).

            • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3JSTXMWWVZN2QNP2UEKJMTWD7U Isabel

              Dress needs to be one size larger and altered for her (v-neck).

            • http://nowtweet.it/2kbq Carla C. Eich

              joke in there, but I’m too tired to find it...SpecialWork4.notlong.com

            • paginatrix

               Yes! the neckline is just frumpy. Especially with that hair.

        • kimmeister

          She actually has her own boob-horn, patent pending.

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      Grape-ing it up!  Haha!! 

    • Spreecord

      There’s a “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” joke in there, but I’m too tired to find it.

      • BerlinerNYC

        lol, totally. Me too. Like “what have Salma’s gigantic grapes been eating?”. That looks both vulgar and painful. I can’t believe this wasn’t a “Girl, That’s Not Your Dress,” or at least a “Girl, That’s Clearly Not Your Size.”

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      Ouch! I’m not really loving the “Dynasty Pads”, either.

    • Griffinqueen

      I wonder why she added shoulder pads . The silhouette on the model is so much nicer. But I am glad she didn’t go for that “socks with sandals” thing. Never understood that. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

        My greatest fear is they are coming back into fashion.  We’ve seen it a few times now.  

    • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

      Q. Who was purple and conquered Macedonia?
      A. Alexander the Grape.

      What?  I thought we were telling our favorite purple jokes.

      • http://teabagsinfusion.blogspot.com/ Laura Toepfer

        Ooh! Ooh! What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

        Breathe! Breathe!

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Liz-Norris/26609454 Liz Norris

        Q: What percentage of Americans have problems with ratios and percentages?
        A: Purple.

        • http://mllesatine.livejournal.com/ mllesatine

           So not getting this one.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Liz-Norris/26609454 Liz Norris

            The person telling the joke has problems with ratios and percentages, since they answered with a color rather than a number.

            *shrug* I thought it was funny when I read it in my local newspaper a few years ago.

            • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

              I got it.

    • girliecue

      This must be her way of getting back at her husband for the Linda Evangelista drama.

    • mjude

      fruit juice dream barbies…love you boys

      • Vlasta Bubinka

        To continue the theme, I like Grape Crushing Barbie. She comes complete with a large barrel filled with wine grapes that she can stomp. (Soak the grades in water after crushing for 3 minutes and they magically regain their shape for hours of fun!) Also included– grape scented purple marker to get authentic stomping stains. (Remove stains with warm water and a soft towel.)
        Sold separately- Beer Garten Barbie– now with pretzel bra!

    • RebeccaKW

      Is she wearing shiny pantyhose?  I can’t trust my eyes, as they are bleeding from the purple assault.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1576973112 Patricia Groves Dobrowski

        She’s definitely got hose on – whether or not the sheen is from the hosiery itself or the lights, I can’t tell.

      • http://twitter.com/Alloyjane Alloy Jane

        She’s probably wearing Wolford 40s, they have a sheen.

    • jmorino08

      I don’t like the way the confetti, or whatever that is on her shoulders and mid-section, frame her chest like “Look at mah tits!” She’s got an amazing rack, but that dress is for a less endowed girl I think because it creates one giant frankenboob.

      • guestela

        Yes. This. See what I wrote below about the neckline being unflattering to her! I agree with you entirely.

      • sweetestsith

         Agreed, it looks pretty chic on the model, but not so much on Salma… Which clearly means she needs to send it my way. ;)

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Martha-Hicks-Leta/1059884884 Martha Hicks Leta

      Best not to have the theme from Barney in one’s head while dressing for an evening out.

    • amywinns

      Whatever, I don’t care if she does look like a sparkly wad of Hubba-Bubba. She’s a rich lady attending a premiere of a movie she’s not in… why not? I think it’s fun and everything fits great and I just love it.

    • Lina_bee

      OH, Salma. Dings: 1. Go up a size for your bust & make them tailor the rest. 2. Not sure about that shade of lipstick (but then it looks different in each shot, so maybe it’s fine?). 3. Are those nylons? Really?
      OTOH: you are STILL smokin’ hot and you are working the hell out of this AND I still adore you. So, qualified win!

    • guestela

      I would actually say that is not her dress. Not with the high neckline and vast expanse of unpatterned fabric covering her ample bust. No, definitely not.

      • ballerinawithagun

        That is my opinion also. Busty girls should never wear high necked dresses. They need to break up that vast expanse. There should always be some sort of an opening just to the top of the cleavage. Not revealing, just a division in the bust area.

        • poggi

          I agree– avoid the ski slope affect.

    • BazoDee

      Ohhh – her boobs should not be squeezed in there like that -looks dreadful IMO. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sierra-Delta/100003182924700 Sierra Delta

      Free Salma Hayek’s breasts!  Free Salma Hayek’s breasts!

    • Sara__B

      Busty Brunette Barbie.  Almost busting out of her dress.

    • http://twitter.com/bfnh bfnh.

      she looks like an upscale fantana. 

    • PeaceBang

      I never thought I’d love to see the day : Salma Hayek looks awful. The hair and lipstick tipped it from Ridiculous Purple Situation into Girl, You Look Like Straight Up Hell. 

    • Isana Leshchinskaya

       great color on you, salma, but, GIRL, THAT IS NOT YOUR DRESS.

    • http://twitter.com/Lola99959 Veronika Kaufmann

      excuse me but wtf is going on with her? And she is wearing support hose. 

    • TheOtherChristina

      I don’t even think Prince would look good in this dress.

    • charlotte

      Bedazzler olé!

    • m0r0

      Love that dress. Gorgeous. Agree with you about the Berry Growers of America accents. Leaves a sour taste.

    • Anathema_Device

      Well, Willy Wonka has already been remade, so she can’t be campaigning for the role of Veruca Salt…

      I do like the dress on her, but she really screwed the pooch when it came to the accessories. Pewter or silver would have been nice.

    • http://twitter.com/awtchy1 Ashley

      The sheer tights make me sad.

    • nannypoo

      Awful. 

    • turtleemily

      I don’t think I’d like this dress on anybody – she’s lactating sequins.

    • Kolo_Ol

       I love the dress on her!

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/toodleskitty79?feature=guide AWS

      Introducing Strawberry Cheesecake’s new friend: Grape Jello (jiggly in all the right places).

      Maybe her daughter is dressing her now…

    • marilyn

      That dress is too tight.  She is too petite for that style.  It takes a long-legged model to work it.  I don’t care about the purple.  The only thing I don’t like is the Barbie-pink lipstick color.

    • LesYeuxHiboux

      I’d buy five of that Barbie. 

    • shopgirl716

      Can we find other metaphors besides Barbie?  Sorry, buy Michael Kors has absolutely beaten that one into the ground on Project Runway.  That’s his go to line when he wants to hit someone over the head with his criticism.

    • http://twitter.com/Kathy_Marlow Kathy Marlow

      I cannot.  It’s too tight, too matchy, she looks like Barbie’s Spanish friend…

      Girl, your husband owns part of major design houses, get thee to the seamstresses!!!

    • MzzPants

      Well…it’s not Gucci..

    • Le_Sigh

      The lips, shoes and purse take it from “Salma the fabulous movie star cartoon” to “Salma, the scratch and sniff sticker.”

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F73LIJ3SJGI5AJQMXMWXCKILHI Pamela

      Yeah, too much of a purple-y thing but it’s a gorgeous dress & she is world-class workin’ it!  As if she’s the only celeb who wears tight schitt…. 

    • DaveUWSNYC

      Pride Weekend Barbie

    • janetjb

      I can smell her hair from here.

      It’s a pretty dress and I’d like her to try it in a size up, in September.

    • MilaXX

      I think the dress is pretty and would look great on her if she went a size up . That purse and bag is just ridiculous.

      never really meant to cause you any problems, never really meant to cause you any pain…….

    • EEKstl

      I never thought I’d wish someone had OPTED for putty shoes, but apparently that moment has come (serously, I’d love to have seen something interesting in green or yellow). To boot, the lipstick choice is wrong wrong wrong.

    • http://twitter.com/jelyzo Jen Zornow

      It looks like she lost a battle with a bedazzler.

      In what universe can it be so hard to dress that gorgeous woman? I hate that neckline and the shoulder pads. Nude nylons? No, no thanks.

      Her face, though? So darn lovely.

    • Joyce VG

      “grape things up”  hahahahahahaha!  

    • alyce1213

      “rocking the shit out of that dress”?????
      This is HALL OF SHAME FUGLY!
      The woman has all the money in the world, couture at her feet, and not one ounce of taste or class.
      What a waste — what I could do with her resources.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001998855370 Fatima Siddique

      Yikes. This is the kind of outfit that make me wonder “Are you new here?”

    • lesmaha

      you guys crack me up–berry-scented hair (snort!).  Those shoulders, though, are just painful.

    • judybrowni

      For once the model is rocking it — compared to the actress — those boots and gloves make the dress.

      Now if only someone would slap that pissy look off her face and the magenta lipstick…

    • BrooklynBomber

      Whoa. That’s just wrong.
      Thing is, I hate the gloves and kneesocks (?!?!!) on the model, but I’ve never understood the purple people. You know: the people who love to wear all over purple. I don’t get it.

      • NurseEllen

         Wow, I didn’t even notice the model was wearing knee socks until I read your comment.  I looked quickly and saw boots.  LOVE the long gloves, they are HOT.

        Ms. Hayek needs to get over the whole “my clothing has been painted on me” look.  I think she loses most of her sensuality when she looks stuffed into, and ready to burst out of, her ensemble.  I also hate her default slicked back hair/instant facelift coiffure.

    • LilyPad

      I love all the purple. She looks F-A-B
      Salma Hayek would like to ask that you please eat her grape deliciousness

    • butterflysunita

      Salma, girl, how do you look so beautiful when you’re wearing such ridiculous clothes?  

    • butterflysunita

      Salma, girl, how do you look so beautiful when you’re wearing such ridiculous clothes?  

    • poggi

      If she went up a size and de-Grimaced, she’d look good.

    • Sophie Collier

      HAAAAAAAAAAAATE the collar.  HATE.  

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/J2VE4NE2FY2BP4QD2XOYKJGLPI Laura

      LOL

    • golspie

      She looks like an Opal Fruit.

    • quiltrx

      As a total purple girl, I’m pretty sure there’s NO such thing as too much purple.  Especially if you’re a celebrity.

      But there IS such a thing as GO UP A SIZE.

    • ccm800

      put her in some grass and call her Easter. 

    • Judih1

      Great Dress, Wrong Girl – and totally wrong accessories. She dressed better when she was single

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sarah-Adams/1143985903 Sarah Adams

      This dress was designed for the flat chested. On Salma it just looks…tacky? Like her boobs are awkwardly large? As a large breasted woman myself, I sympathize, but this was not the dress for her. 

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/ERAGBZ5N4EKD547DFXXDMJOBQ4 CRH

      How can you guys not comment the atrocity of the stockings? Much worse than going all purple, IMHO.

    • LambeeBaby

      I think she looks like one hot grape. Her ass is magnificent. Plus, the purple princess Barbie taps into my inner 6 year old and makes me squeal with delight.

    • 3boysful

      Besides the overload of purple, I am surprised to find that don’t think that color does a thing for her–she’s looking  a bit sallow.  A shade best left to the blondes.

    • ChristySchiff

      Seven-year-old me would kill a girl scout for a Fruit Juice Dreams Barbie. Berry-scented hair?!? To die.

    • Aurumgirl

      That is a dress designed to make a woman with a flat chest look like she has some shape there.  On a woman with actual breasts, the design is iffy.  On a woman with actual, full breasts, the dress is a disaster.  In that last photo, she looks so top heavy it’s like she’s about to topple forward.

      Now add that to the fact that a bigger size is needed here, and we have a look that makes me feel terrible for Salma.  How is it that she has access to so many couture design houses, and yet she has never dressed so poorly as she does now?

      Added disfigurement:  the support panty hose and the round toed shoes.  It looks like she’s suffering from a long day’s work at the diner.

      • CatherineRhodes

        You are SO right. Look how terrific the dress looks on the flat-chested model, where you can actually see the gathers around the bust.

    • OneTwoThreeFashion

      she looks good in it!

    • newtonGOTbeaned

      Horrible. 

    • Lilak

      Nothing wrong with Salma’s figure – at all – but boy, is it throwing that particular dress all out of whack. 

    • http://twitter.com/Alloyjane Alloy Jane

      Holy cow, this dress is definitely for the straight boys.  All I see are boobs, I didn’t even notice the ridiculous purple accessories until I read the post.  And why do people hate tights?  I love them.  Those are definitely Neon 40s.

    • guest2visits

      Yes!  Looks like she just hatched out of one those plastic clam-shells on the shelf, next to my little pony.
      The collar, the padded arms, and the extra snug fit are making me gasp for air.   Of course; Salma herself is very pretty.

    • http://twitter.com/katshimmers Kat Wright

      Woman has an amazing body though. WOW. 

      • Aurumgirl

        She does, yes.  Now imagine how much better it would look in a dress that flatters it, rather than lampoons it.

    • TieDye64

      Oooooo, not good. I don’t know that this particular dress is meant for anyone who isn’t stick thin. If then.

    • Candigirl1968

      This outfit seems almost wintery.  The accessories are absolutely silly.  

    • jw_ny

       I cringed when I saw all the “grape”…coulda & shoulda been nice…even with all those tacky sparkles.

    • sashaychante

      The dress is too tight.  The skirt is pulling across her hips.  “Hello, I’m Salma’s vajayjay”…that’s all I can hear.

    • fanneydg

      i cringed.

    • rainwood1

      Don’t mind the purple.  Not loving the fit and that’s a terrible neckline for someone as buxom as she is. 

    • http://twitter.com/LOfficielEbony TheVeryLivingEND

      Body body body! That’s all I see.

    • OffToSeeHim

      I love the dress, and I think she’s got the slammin’ body to pull it off. I was trying to figure out why it looked so much better on the model, and then I realized the model’s accessories aren’t purple. Yup, that’ll do it!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3KCDEX4FOTCFHZP6WLKSOOKUVM Danielle

      I like how it’s styled on the model.  Having all that black offsets the purple to give it a nice edge.

    • TheOriginalLulu

      Her body looks sick in that dress. The color thing may be a bit much, but can anyone say that this woman looks bad here?   

    • http://profiles.google.com/scaponigro Sarah Caponigro

      Yuck.
       

    • Puckndc

      Gurl has some ta-tas and booty going on…….too much purple yes, but she has some bod!!

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/K3O2QNXDJIU3AJINAGNJRYWDZ4 mrspotts66

      i like it.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ONL37CZFCJ24LZLHIQ6C4BOLTE Liz

      Uniboob.

    • RzYoung

      Mmm Berry scented hair, I often wonder what celebrities smell like – you know when someone wins American Idol or whatever and they get to hug the celeb? If it were me I’d take a big old sniff, I want to know what millionaires smell like!