Lana Del Rey for Zoo Magazine

Posted on June 19, 2012

Lorenzo made Tom promise not to say anything bitchy about Lana just this one time. So here are some pictures of Lana looking pretty good in the makeup department, but giving the impression that she has a splitting headache.

What? That’s not bitchy.


 Lana Del Rey is featured in the latest issue of Zoo magazine photographed by Bryan Adams.


[Photo Credit: Bryan Adams for]

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    • crash1212

      Girl can work a cat-eye.

      • Flora Anderson

        The Woman Who Stares at

      • TieDye64

        She really can. I’m a wee bit jealous as I’ve always wanted to rock a cat-eye. Sadly, no can do.

    • Fifi LaRoux

      Love the make-up and hair. HATE the nails.

      • SapphoPoet

        Totally agree about the nails. 

        • Cheri Lee

           I hate the nails but also the tattoos are distracting as well. I keep thinking “why would anyone get a tattoo there?” and “what did that feel like?”

      • schadenfreudelicious

        the nails are cringe worthy……

        • hellkell

           The nails are awful and poorly done.

        • AlinaValero

          YES omg i’m still crawling inside from looking at them

      • Ginger

        I was going to comment on her Lee Press-Ons but you beat me to it!

    • MarinaB

      Very 90’s Julia Roberts.

      • SapphoPoet

        I thought so, too!

      • lovelyivy

        I was thinking more 90’s Michael Jackson. I am getting serious ‘Bad’ album vibes from her nose alone.

    • Heather Barkman

      1st reaction: Is she still around?
      2nd reaction: What do her hand tattoos say?

      • schadenfreudelicious

        “my 15 minutes are nearly up”…in Latin, cause it’s fancy…;)

        • Heather Barkman

          Ha! Of course. 

        • Ginger

          You’re my new hero.

          • Ass Kicking Adviser

             ha, ha, ha! Genius!

        • Ass Kicking Adviser

           ha, ha, ha, genius!

        • Celandine1

           OK I laughed out loud and spit up on my screen. That was brilliant!!!!

        • TieDye64

          “liked” x 1000

    • amy_raks

      She’s so . . . manufactured by the music industry. I’m a little embarrassed for her.

      • MilaXX

         It’s not just that shes manufactured, plenty of pop artist are. She just doesn’t seem to bring anything else to the table.

        • PetyrBaelish

           Maybe not your table, but a lot to others’.

        • Sara Munoz

          I like “her” music a lot, but I completely agree. 

      • PetyrBaelish

         I’m embarrassed for you.

        • charlotte

           Hey hey, be nice. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion on this blog.

      • LuqeMann

        Totally agree with you on that. But manufactured or not, you can’t deny her music is great, COMPARED to other manufactured popstar, like Bieber or Katy Perry. So I’ll just say SHE is manufactured, but her music is not.

        • Spicytomato1

          Isn’t that sort of a paradox? Is she making her own music or is someone else? I know nothing about her except that she strongly resembles Julia Roberts to me.

    • oatmealpie

      She looks like Julia Roberts in the third one.

    • Lani A. George

      The Woman Who Stares at Goats

    • Laura King

      The only thing I can look at? Those grossly-long fake nails. I love long nails, but that’s just ridiculous. How do you do anything?

      • sleah_in_norcal

        i used to wear long acrylic nails (not as long as those) and you do get used to them and actually start using them to pick stuff up, etc.  i missed mine when i stopped doing them, and had to get used to not having them.  my real nails are so weak that they’re breaking and splitting all the time.  heck of annoying.

    • kimmeister

      That’s a magazine cover?  Looks like a perfume ad.

      That mirror shot really emphasizes the asymmetry of her eyes and lips!  Creeps me out a bit.

      • introspective

        I thought it was too??? and for a perfume called #35 that i had absolutely no interest in smelling after seeing these pics of her vapid face and her excedrin poses. whoever does the layout for this mag’s covers needs a pink slip.

      • norseofcourse

        Looks like an Exedrin ad.

    • newleaf1

      Those nails are just scary. Elvira nails.

    • call_me_schmeg

      oh honey. she does not give good face.

      • Vera

        …but she’s trying in an oh-so-vapid way.

    • A. W.

      Her nose job is giving me the willies in these pictures. Gurl…

      • Nikki

        I knew her in secondary school, same nose she had then… sorry to burst the bubble. The lips you can comment upon, but I’ll just clear the air on that.

        • A. W.

          How tragic.

      • Ms_Flyover

        And the first shot screams “and now that I had the nose done, let’s see what the facelift will look like.”

    • SapphoPoet

      That’s exactly what I look like when I have a migraine. 

    • deathandthestrawberry

      Is her 15 minutes up yet? Okay, I’ll say something nice. She has pretty hair.

    • jmorino08


    • cleep1000

      They said on Fashion Police (I think) that those dagger nails are making a comeback. Gaga’s been wearing them and someone else. They look dangerous, to me. Plus, her nose. It’s weird, right? Like you can see the implant.

      • MilaXX

         Gaga, Rhianna and a host of celebs. They are sometimes referred to as stiletto nails.

      • NinaBoo

        I was just looking at pictures of my parents’ 1966 wedding and my mom was sportin’ some serious claws.  Of course, hers were natural and painted a light pink, but still.  Daggers then.  Daggers now.

      • fursa_saida

        I get way more distracted by her upper lip. Inflate that thing much more and you could use it as a life raft.

    • MilaXX

      Nothing about this person impresses me. She’s a so so singer who may or may not like to party a bit much. nice cat eye, but I prefer Adele’s look over hers any day of the week.

    • Alyssa Caruso Ivins


    • susan6

      Why didn’t they just use Adele?

    • marlie

      This is definitely gorgeous 60’s glam, but is anyone else as weirded out by the nails as I am?

      ETA: And she still can’t sing worth a damn.

    • Ozski

      I’m sorry but she has a Pete Campbell Punchable Face quality about her. Also her music was done better in the 90’s by Mazzy Star. Sorry.

    • hmariec19

      I… who is this person? Seriously, I have no idea who she is or why she is famous. Please, someone, explain.

      • l3icest3r

        She’s a singer, that’s all I’ve got room for in my memory bank. I’ve only heard of her because she lip sync’d her performance on SNL — but I didn’t see the show or read any articles about it, just skimmed the headlines. I get the feeling that she’s one of those entertainers that the industry keeps trying to make happen but can never get off the ground. 

        But she looks good in these photos. 

        • Glammie

          She didn’t lip sync on SNL–that’s wishful thinking.

      • Glammie

        Singer who shot to fame on YouTube.  This makes it easy because all you have to do is watch “Video Games” and  “Born to Die” and you’ll know what you need to know.  Oh, and if you can stand it, look at her “performance” from Saturday Night Live.  Yes, it will be about ten minutes of your life, but you’ll be in the know.

    • JasmineAM

      Ugh, hate her.

    • PatAfan

      They were probably playing her music during the shoot.  That would give anyone a headache.  She is beautiful but totally talentless…….. which just goes to show ya the priorities we set.

      • Spicytomato1

        Yes but I’m afraid our priorities were low before her. My kids are pop music fanatics and I just marvel at the mediocrity of some of the “talent.”

        • PatAfan

          No argument from me on that.   I have to admit to a passion for classic rock ‘n roll, not pop, but there is one artist I really like and he has trouble getting played on radio…… maybe because he can actually sing and doesn’t use autotune nor flash his abs?  Oh well, the people who count in the industry appreciate him and I think he’ll be around 25 years from now when others have faded.  One can only hope.

    • joe_tey83

      Why does her nose look like it can be unplugged from her face?

    • PetyrBaelish

      Love her. Haters gonna hate!

      • julnyes

        Lovers gonna love
        Likers gonna like
        Boozers gonna booze
        Snoozers gonna snooze
        Choosers gonna choose

    • nannypoo

      Don’t worry, Tom, the rest of us will do it for you. This is a moderately attractive woman with no discernible skills who has magically become famous and no one can stand anything about her. Do you honestly think there will be anything but bitchy comments from the Bitter Kittens? The only good thing about these pictures is that there’s no sound track.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      Still a duckface.

      Don’t look at me like that, she’s an artificial duckface, so I’m allowed to write that.

      • LesYeuxHiboux

         She paid good money for that duckface!

        • Pants_are_a_must

          Girl should’ve got that money back, just saying.

    • Lisa

      Ugh, the pressed-face-against-mirror shot is so overdone.  Fifty years ago it was overdone.

      • formerlyAnon

         Yeah, but new babies born every year who haven’t yet seen it a million times. I don’t mind re-using “classic’ poses as long as you don’t try to tell me it’s Art.

    • Karen C

      Did she paint her nails herself for the shoot?  That mirror shot has them looking rather ragged.  I was wondering if her nose is actually pushed up against the mirror in that shot, but am thinking it’s just how it is.  Oh well, not hating, maybe she’s a nice person or loves animals or something and deserves fame just for the heck of it.  Whatev.

    • hellkell

      Did she find a hidden stash of Quaalude somewhere? She always looks high. 

    • Melba Searcy

      I don’t know when these particular nail look came into style, but I wish it would go away.  Everyone has it now.. and honestly they look like witch nails.

      • alyce1213

        And hers are so poorly done, to boot.  I mean, it’s a closeup in a photo shoot.  Nobody noticed?

    • Susi R

      She has really long fingers. It is creeping me out. lol

    • SpcilK

      Bitch is Fabulous!

    • Susi R

      Another thing…I don’t want to body snark, but is it possible to have that split nose thing naturally? I have seen it on plenty of movie stars but never on a “real” person. Or is it a sign of a nose job?

      • alyce1213

        Interesting. I’ve seen it on movie stars and real people. Catherine Deneuve, one of earth’s greatest beauties, has a nose something like this. The cleavage is not quite as deep, but the tip is very similar, and I’m pretty sure it’s natural since her sister, Francoise Dorleac, had the very same nose. An old boyfriend of mine had one too, under a very nice nose. 

        I’m not sure if there’s any point to what I’m saying, except that I think this Lanadel person is trying to evoke a Denueve vibe, and I find her thoroughly artificial.

        • Susi R

           Thanks for the reply, now I know.

    • turtleemily

      She looks like Julia Roberts.

      • QuincyTKatz

        exactly, and that’s not a compliment.

    • shopgirl716

      who is this woman?

      • mjude

        i dont have a clue either.  god am i that out of the loop?

    • Dan Alexander

      That cadaver cartlidge she got implanted in her lips is grossing me out the door!

    • Ass Kicking Adviser

      Am I the only one who is completely distracted by her nose? I mean, she is very pretty but her nose job went a little too far no?  When I am sure she probably didn’t need one to begin with. Is that mean?

      • holdmewhileimnaked

        no, not really.
        but i do think whoever shot/published this stuff really hates her guts.

    •!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      *says nothing at all*

    • Pamela

      What was that movie that starred Christina Ricci as the girl w/ the pig nose?  Well, Lana wouldn’t have needed prosthetics.  She bugs me.  And she can’t sing her way out of a paper bag.

    • TheOtherChristina

      She looks freakishly like Adele made a baby with Hermione.

    • TheOriginalLulu

      The mirror pics make me think of those cheesy bridal pictures where they pose the bride in front of a mirror or two, so you can see her from different angles in the same picture.

      Her makeup does look nice, though.

    • holdmewhileimnaked

      can i do it, then?
      she doesnt need to be pulling her skin back in the manner of one who thinks one needs a facelift. she’s too young for that. besides, all that even more visible in these shots plastic surgery she’s had will take at least several years to fail. or fall, whichever you like.

      as above or below:
      she bugs me too. if she really were having an affaire du coeur avec axl rose that’d be one thing, knowing what i know from the inside rotting out i’d feel sorry enough for her to refrain from comment, at the very least. but it seems like that was just an empty airbag, much like so much about this one–the above unfortunate editorial included. as for pig noses? i dont remember christina ricci’s but i do remember the one on twilight zone‘s rich dilettante allen suess. it’ll work here too.

    • gloriana232

      I think she’s trying to read our minds.

    • EEKstl

      Ok, she isn’t in Kim Kardashian territory just yet but WHY is this woman famous?  She bores the living daylights outta me.

    • alyce1213

      Please tell me she’s not attempting the Garbo pose.

    • fursa_saida

      I remember once driving my mom somewhere, and Video Games came on the radio. I studiously said nothing about how annoying I find Lana Del Rey, and then out of the blue my mom goes, “Wow, this person really has no talent whatsoever, huh?” 

      My mom is a smart lady.

    • Hannah Prutton

      LUHV HUH. she is amazingly talented. Her music, even though it’s packaged by producers and LA, is still beautiful.

    • VicD

      Next to the word ‘vapid’ in the dictionary are these pictures.

    • guest2visits

      She’s very pretty; but somehow she looks like a future candidate for ‘The House Wives of…’  reality tv.

    • golspie

      Props to the stylist, photographer and dresser and their teams for making her almost look like Catherine Deneuve from the 60s.

    • Lauren Bradshaw

      Ummm- is this a senior portrait shoot?  I am confused.  She is missing the one where the mirror is laying like a table and she is cocking her head to the side while resting her it on her hands…

    • Corazon Nunez

      Woah. I totally thought she was kissing her twin or something in that mirror shot. Kinda creeped out for a sec.

    • annrr

      I read this with a splitting headache thanks to some dental work today. She looks like I feel so I hate it.

      • annrr

        and cuz I am crabby hate the nails and hand tats

    • quiltrx

      Getting her Deneuve on.

    • Susan Velazquez

      She is so gorgeous. I feel like she stepped out of the mid 60s.

    • Julie Chase

      She looks so much like Monica Potter.

    • Sarah Thomas

      That’s the single most obvious nosejob I’ve ever seen.

    • Candigirl1968

      Pretty.  But there is something so lethargic about her poses that she makes me want to take a nap.  

      • Spicytomato1

        Totally! *yawns again*

    • Imasewsure

      Who is she again? Gotta look her up (again) and try to remember this time!

      • Ms_Flyover

        No, you really don’t.  In a year, it won’t matter.

    • thecitysleeps

      Miss “My Dad paid for my face and my career” is looking spiffy.

    • RzYoung

      You could sharpen a knife on the edges of her nose

    • Michaela Tuckova

      She’s killing you with her miiiiiiiiind…

    • save_the_hobbit

      Is it weird that I’m 22, watch things like MTV and listen to Top 40s, but have no idea who she is? And her nails are creeping me out…

      • Eclectic Mayhem

        Well, I don’t think MTV would help you out, I think it’s been a while since it played any *actual* music videos…!

    • ccm800

      its like Adele got super skinny

    • Ozski

      Yup. Lizzy Grant has had a nose and lip job. Curious minds want to know…

    • allisankelly

      A migraine or receiving a telepathic message. She’s a pretty girl, sort of looks like Ann Margret.

    • meowing

      Sometimes I do that “splitting headache” pose, but only when I want to see how I’d look after an eye lift.

    • M Carlson

      What’s with the 70s soap opera nails?

    • jilly_d

      nice makeup.  she did always strike me as a soulless Stepford wife type though. 

    • sleah_in_norcal

      photo 1:  tuning in the psychic world, trying to teletransport out of here.   
      2:  i love me so much  
      3:  it’s freezing in here, are we done yet?   
      4:  love me (stroke stroke)   
      5:  this psychic thing’ll give you a migraine… 

      sorry,  is Lo having apoplexy yet? 

    • formerlyAnon

       She’s very pretty, musically I find her very  . . . generic, but I don’t love her photos. Her face looks empty, to me.

    • Brittany

      Not to be bitchy (I actually like her music), but the little dent her plastic surgeon gave her where her nostrils meet is the most distracting thing ever. Je m’excuse, that was pretty bitchy. 

    • MarissaLG

      She’s beautiful, but YAAAWNN.

    • Rokesmiths

      In the mirror pictures is she wearing a ring that encircles two fingers? Is that a thing? Why would that be a thing?

      We used you have to tape our fingers together in volleyball all the time when they were sprained or broken and it’s really awkward, like lobster people awkward. Between the impractical nails and the shackle ring is she just trying to make her hands completely useless?

    • thehousesparrow

      I like her music, I just don’t like that she was marketed as an ‘indie’ act when she isn’t.  It’s annoying.  

      But I’ve got Summertime Sadness on my ipod so, meh.

    • Adrianna Grężak

      I don’t know who this is, but the nose job is distracting