Fergie in Willow

Posted on June 06, 2012

Sometiimes, when you’re a bitchy fashion blogger and thus have to spend your days constantly coming up with new and entertaining ways to say “That outfit sucks,” you just hit the wall. Sometimes, all you can do is look at some ladystar trying to work some look that’s clearly not working for her, and say, “Oh, please.”

Fergie attends SELF Magazine’s July Issue Launch Event in New York City in a Willow dress paired with a Thierry Mugler jacket, Fergie Footwear shoes and a Balmain clutch.

Willow Printed silk-blend Organza Dress

Balmain Safety Pin Leather Clutch

We can’t with this one. Rare is the moment when every single piece of an outfit doesn’t work, but when these moments do come, they’re usually attached to Fergie. Girl is TRAGIC when it comes to dressing. Bad enough the … we’ll call it an “underdress.” Bad enough the underdress looks like an airbrushed van in 1979, but then there’s this weird overdress thing and then she topped it off with a totally incongruous white jacket, as if she felt she needed to hide the fact that she was wearing such a hiddy dress. Top (or bottom) the look off with a pair of neon Payless and a purse that looks like it was made by a moody 13-year-old girl and you’ve got yourself a right mess of a look.

[Photo Credit: Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images, deodore.com, neimanmarcus.com]

Tags: , , , , ,

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=652507064 Chantal Eagles

    Tragic indeed.

    • http://goo.gl/5bqhn Maryellen J. Phillips

      Palm tree coming out of your boobs is never a good look...DemoforFrank.blogspot.com

  • http://profiles.google.com/denise.alden Denise Alden

    Jesus.

  • Pupioso

    Ugh. That whole thing is horrible. It looks like it came right out of Ross from the bargain bin. And those tangerine shoes. Just horrible. I feel sick now.

    • 909girl601world

       Don’t knock the Ross bargain bin! There are fabulous things to be found. Though admittedly, none of this is fabulous in any way…

  • http://smalltownbigwardrobe.wordpress.com Catherine

    When it’s an ugly dress to begin with, there’s not much hope. Palm tree coming out of your boobs is never a good look.

  • schadenfreudelicious

    i am rendered speechless..and that never happens….and yes gentlemen you are correct… i am confident that exact mural appeared on the sides of Chevy Vans in the late ’70′s..

    • Spicytomato1

      There was also a line of bikinis with matching t-shirts for girls with a very similar mural look like this. My friend’s older sister had one and I coveted it like you would not believe.

      • 3boysful

         I lived thru the late 70s–what the hell were we all thinking?

        (This is a set-up for latent drug jokes.)

        • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

          I know I wasn’t thinking at all – the entire decade is pretty much a blur…  :)

      • schadenfreudelicious

        i think i picked up one with a similar image at an Eagles “Hotel California” concert circa 1977 :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=559324312 Pablo Ulloa

    hahaahhaha beach vagina & sunset cleavage  soooooo fkn WRONG

    • cheesebomb

      Look at those lady parts glow!

      • Excellence_and_Elegance

        The sun is not the only thing going down…

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    Not only is the dress, of itself, one of the stupidest, most unattractive things I’ve seen in a LONG while; it is so absolutely not Fergie, and her, “Gosh look at me” pose isn’t helping. The desk jockey jacket REALLY sticks a knife into it, though.

    • MilaXX

      Her pose makes her look like she has no neck. In fact she’s almost troll like in a Princess Fiona from Shrek kind of way.

      • Monabel

        The first picture is of a woman whose neck has retracted, like a turtle.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sierra-Delta/100003182924700 Sierra Delta

          The poor thing looks like she inhaled DEEPLY and is holding her breath, waiting to exhale, until the photo is taken.

    • 3boysful

       I think this has to be a strong contender for Fugliest Ensemble of 2012.

  • VicksieDo

    I didn’t realize she was that…mature in age.  Must be “Fergie Footwear”.  I like the dress actually, and I like 70s vans too! ;-)

  • Jellybish

    Terrible, but I applaud the instinct to cover up as much of that dress as possible.

  • fungstyle

    it’s times like these i must believe in the possibility of momentary blindness/insanity

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

    Airbrushed ’70s van …. YES. Also, the closeup where you can see her lips and chin? Girl needs to lay off the collagen injections. 

  • Rebecca Johnson

    A “right mess of a look,” huh? Sounds like you guys have been watching a lot of Diamond Jubilee coverage! 
    Oh, and I agree entirely. Fergie needs to be on What Not To Wear.

  • uprightcitizen

    Her apologetic downward head tilt says it all. That is one fugly dress. The base of the cleavage palm tree looks like she has a hairy chest.

  • deathandthestrawberry

    That dress is AWFUL. I kinda like the purse though, but it probably costs a fortune and looks like something an aspiring art student could put together. Damning with faint praise, I know.

  • janetjb

    Let’s open the sheer black curtains and watch the sunset.

  • Anathema_Device

    You are so right about the airbrushed van look. My first thought was one of those full wall photo murals from the same era.

    I just don’t get Fergie on any level: musically, fashion-wise, personal appeal. This outfit does nothing to rectify that.

    • Little_Olive

      Amen to all of that. 

      The airbrushed van has got to go in the TLo Top 10. So right. And really, the whole point of it is that behind that picture there is a lot of pot-smoking. I bet her stylist owns a Westfalia! 

  • belfebe

    I want to weep.  I adore Fergie.  I wish she got some decent gays and that she kicked ass on the red carpet.  This is not that day.

  • jmorino08

     I have only three words for Miss Stacy: Get a mirror!!

  • Anna Maria Diamanti

    Excuse me, but, are her nails pointed?!

    • schadenfreudelicious

      those pointed nails with that color polish make her hands look like some kind of reptilian foot, a lizard perhaps…

      • Stubenville

        It goes with her reptilian looking skin.

    • MilaXX

      They are called stiletto nails. They are the latest nail craze. I hate them. Everyone wearing them looks like they have claws.

    • kimmeister

      We’ve been seeing pointy nails all over the place lately!

    • Little_Olive

      You made me look and now I’ll be haunted. 

      Don’t people know cone-shaped fingers are not desirable?

  • PeggyOC

    I rather like the purse, but the rest is indeed hiddy.  She needs to stop wearing puffed sleeves. Her neck isn’t long to begin with and all that pointy up by her shoulders just makes her look like a turtle.

  • famousamy

    I’m more put off by the shape of her nails than anything else in the outfit (and I hate the outfit too!). Whoever told someone claw-nails were in? Ugh. Stop it celebs! Just STOP.

  • AuntieAnonny

    The only thing it’s missing is “Wish you were here.” written across the crotch.

  • carolynmo

    The Magic Mirror strikes again! Ye gods. . .

  • RzYoung

    I actually don’t think i’ve ever seen SUCH an ugly dress, ever!

  • Sara__B

    The outfit, her posture, and hairstyle combine to take away her neck, which makes this wreck of an outfit look even worse. Time for a new hairstyle and new stylist!

  • TheDivineMissAnn

    Sheesh, she may as well have worn a t-shirt showing a wolf howling at the moon.  Can you tell I’m not a fan of “landscape” clothing?  Too senior cruisish.

  • MissAnnieRN

    Crotch drapes. I looked t this and instantly thought the sunset sky was a window into her world down under. Welcome to Miami. Room with a view. There are a hundred jokes in this dress.

    • Call me Bee

      Crotch drapes!  Haaaaahahaha…

  • LauraWL

    Why does she always dress so hideous?! It seems like she wants to dress “different/interesting” and “sexy” at the same time but quirky/weird and sexy rarely go well together… Also, gf needs to stop parting her hair in the middle. It makes her look harsh. I know it’s her “signature” hairstyle, but a side part really softens her features. /end.rant

  • judybrowni

    At first glance, I thought she d had a palm tree tattooed in her cleavage.

    Bad enough, but scroll down and it’s a postcard of her vagina on vacation.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bob-Sponge/100000465550991 Bob Sponge

      Oh your comment made me so happy.
      The position of the palm tree is just unfortunate. And her lady part on vacation is pure comedy. What a dress!

  • DaveUWSNYC

    I love the “sunset on Lady Garden beach” motif.

  • http://twitter.com/SparklyCasanova UglyCasanova

    Sunset Crotch

  • SpcilK

    Oh Dear God!  My eyes are bleeding.

  • YAELS

    I DID make that purse when I was moody 13 year old. Safety pins were the answer to everything.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=629949513 Paula Rogers Whritenour

    sweet baby jeebus, what happened here?!

  • Judy_J

    A thousand monkeys pulling garments from a thousand designers couldn’t put together an outfit as gawd-awful as this one.

  • ItchyInKentucky

    Ma’am, you have a Truffula tree growing out of your cleavage…

  • AlexisPayne

    Note to self, dresses that have suns setting under your lady bits are a BAD idea. 

  • Call me Bee

    And this is why we love you, Tom and Lorenzo.  That is the oddest dress to show up on the RC in quite a while, and even Fergie seems to be a bit embarrassed wearing it. 

  • Beardslee

    I immediately thought of those vans!  And remember the shirts that looked like them, in that hot polyester we all wore back then?

  • MzzPants

    “The curtain is rising on my Hotel California”

    • AthenaJ

      You can check out anytime you like, but you’ll never leave. **shudder**

  • Little_Olive

    Honey, the sun is setting in your crotch. 

    ‘Nuff said. 

  • http://twitter.com/lemonfreshmoxie Donna Lee

     You guys, this dress is vintage repurposed material.  From the wallpaper used in Scarface.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1657226490 Linda Swiontek

    It looked like a tattoo at 1st glance! It’s all absolutely hideous.

  • http://twitter.com/Fibercrazed Sara

    Why is there a palm tree growing out of her sternum? That’s no one’s dress.

  • LuluBI

    Super tacky! As usual for Fergie. And her pointy fingernails – eeewww.

  • jw_ny

    airbrushed van…perfect analogy!  lmao!  thanks TLo  XD

  • Lina_bee

    Wait, the backdrop reads “Fergie Footwear”. Are these horrible neon things HERS?  Is this a product launch?  Also, she needs a stylist.

    • kimmeister

      The fact that she’s hawking her own shoes and they are the worst part of the whole ensemble is downright embarrassing.

  • Dominic On

    My gosh, the sun is setting on her va-jay-jay!!

  • MilaXX

    lol I was just think this was not her dress, not her jacket , a teen’s purse and cheapo shoes. I think the dress on someone else has a chance of working, but Fergie completely fugged it up.

  • TheOriginalLulu

    I don’t know if any girl would look good with a palm tree in her cleavage and the sun setting on her vagina.

  • Sophie Collier

    HAHA!  The wall behind her reads “Fergie Footwear.”  Ergo. she probably designed (or at least signed off on) the hideous shoes she’s wearing.  Wow.  This is her business lady look, apparently.  

  • charlotte

    She should see a dermatalogist with all those big brown spots on her body.

  • http://twitter.com/Mylynka Mylynka

    Oh. Oh no. no no no.  This post actually made me sad.

  • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

    the palm tree on her chest looks like man chest hair.  no no no.

  • up with pod people

    I don’t mind it. Certainly don’t love it, but I like that she picked the sunset orange out for the shoes.

  • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

    Welcome to the HO-tel California.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/VRKPRXWPIAU5JTOPGP5ZYQLZ5E Zoey

    Alright is no one going to comment on the massive amount of work she’s had done? She can’t even show any expression other than “look at my cheek implants” 

    • mountainFashionista

       Yep, as bad as everything else is here, her face is the strangest, most distracting element of all.  Puffed-up plastic…

      (It doesn’t help that her hands and her knees are betraying her actual biological age.)

  • Rand Ortega

    Oh, boy.

  • ballerinawithagun

    I was initially so excited about the digital imaging that mainly started with Mary Katzentrou(sp). It all became so overused and poorly done so quickly that I can’t wait for this to go away. Yes, it does look like an airbrushed van.

  • LuisaNL

    fergie has had some terrible moments (on the red carpet

  • BeeBeauNYC

    She does a fantastic job of dressing horribly almost 100% of the time, and that actually takes some serious skill!

    • curiouserandcuriousest

      I actually love most of Kit Willow’s designs – Fergie, naturally, managed to choose of her worst pieces!

  • Marian Humin

    Awful…..just awful! I do like the bag though I could make one myself and think I will!

  • leftcoastpickle

    I don’t get Fergie at all.

  • altalinda

    You left out the horrible, stringy hair.

  • donkeygospel6

    Big girls don’t cry…but we do when y’all dress like this. 

  • http://twitter.com/stellaphone Stella Zawistowski

    What is UP with the curtains over the sunset over the crotch? This is a terrible, terrible dress that should be burned immediately, unless there can be a MOBF (for Fashion) just like there’s a MOBA (Museum of Bad Art).

  • TSkot

    The silhouette actually works really well on her.  If that dress were a single color without the print, she’d look great.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1129137319 Paula Pertile

    Blimey!

  • Leonardo Alves

    Project Runway HP challenge!

  • formerlyAnon

    There’s nothing intrinsically wrong, IMO, with the jacket or the shoes – though neither screams “take me home and love me forever” either. Purse is not my speed but good in a younger, rock ‘n roll kind of milieu.

    That dress, though, was wrong, wrong, wrong. Ugly on its own, simply not capable of mixing ‘n matching.

    Exponentially less than the sum of its parts.

  • Trisha26

    And she was actually looking so pretty for a few minutes here and there. Why does this happen?

  • CrazyAuntie

    Unbelievably bad.  You guys are right – every piece sucks.  And that dress – it’s like a window into her crotch – yuck!

  • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

    WHY would she put a white jacket over that dress??  Why would she wear that wierd dress in the first place — but to put a white jacket over it?  The purse is pure fug.  The shoes aren’t bad, but they sure don’t go with the rest of the outfit.  And PLEASE do something with your hair, Fergie!  Wow. 

  • MikeW_PHX

    This is just hideous in all meanings of the word.  The first thing I saw was the palm tree growing out of her bosoms, and it just got worse from there.

    And reading all of the comments and trying to stifle myself from chortling at the top of my lungs, has made my co-workers think I’m stranger than usual. 
     

  • sockandaphone

    jesus christ that is one ugly dress

  • MarissaLG

    That dress could be cool. Alone. I could see it on Kristen Stewart or even Nicki Minaj on a day off. Fergie looks both idiotic and sad in it. Obviously the styling is horrible and the jacket looks lumpy and frumpy. Not to mention that her face is so full of chemicals that it looks like it’s about to explode.

  • portlandmermaid

    jettison the bright shoes, the white jacket that she snatched off the back of a waiter, and the godawful purse, and make the the dress longer as more of an homage to airbrushed vans.

  • Snailstsichr

    Can I discuss the jacket? It looks like it is covering some freakish self-mutilation. Tiny fairy wing implant? Some kind of satanic shoulder augmentation? Or – and this was my first thought upon seeing it – she has had mule feet surgically attached at the top of her arms.

    Maybe I’d like the jacket with a different ensemble, but when it is combined with everything else, it just gave me the heebie-jeebies.

  • http://twitter.com/AShinyOConnor A Shiny O’Connor

    The words ‘Fergie Footwear’ scare me to my core. Also the pose is janky, her knees look like worried grannies.

  • ThaliaMenninger

    Her impulses are just horrific.

  • turtleemily

    I want to see Tilda in the jacket with jeans.

    And the palm tree growing out from between Fergie’s boobs made me giggle.

  • guest2visits

    She CAN look good. But usually it’s like this; too much stuff thrown together. Busy and tacky.
    Kind of like her singing voice; she has the most beautiful and melodic sound but it’s hard to hear because it’s so often
    cluttered with vulgarity and unneccessary noise and chatter.

  • LesYeuxHiboux

    Did she roll around in Forever 21′s dumpster before the event?

  • http://twitter.com/Merneith Merneith

    Nobody wants to see your vacation slides, even when they’re projected on your vagina.

  • http://twitter.com/aidanboleyn Aidan B

    Forget the dress; her nails are TERRIFYING

  • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

    I like the jacket.
    But that purse. Seriously? Safety pins on a purse. In 2012. Sold that way. For a shitload of money too, I assume.
    Every fashion needs its victim, I suppose. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1401197785 Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    I just want to hug her, but then I’m afraid the self-tanner will rub off on me.

  • nannypoo

    I’m torn between the crotch forest and the boob tree. I can’t decide which is more special.

  • snarkykitten

    forget her clothes, look at her FACE. A botox bridge too far

  • http://desilluist.tumblr.com/ Briarnoir

    This is like all the bad pieces from a pile of collects crawled together to die. Fergie. Those were for the trash, not for wearing. 

  • kikisayshi

    I love the “neon Payless” shoes. That is all. :)

  • Addicted2Glamour

    The unfortunate placement of the pattern makes this dress say something like “My Tahs and JayJay are brought to you by the Hotel California.” 

  • holdmewhileimnaked

    i wish i had something interesting to say today.

    i guess i can add that i like the underdress better than you guys do–but thats definitely cos i have a fondness for photoprints, one that i’ve probably had since i was not much older than, what? isnt she supposed to be having a baby? or is that some other celeb about whom i barely know or care?

    i even like the overdress better than you guys do–but i cant say i like it. i mean, the same effect can be achieved, & that easily, by going to a fabric shop, buying a bit of netting &, you know, wrapping it around.

    i like the ring.

    i like the idea of her wearing an actual product that bears her name, even though that product is, yes, cheap, & that she’s wearing it/them to a red carpet appearance. most people dont have any money these days & i cant say her, um, ouvre, if you will, appeals mostly to the private club crowd. so she’s reminding people she’s still of them, maybe? even though nobody needs reminding cos nobody really believes elsewise, mice club & endless money & celeb status notw/standing? so theres that. goes for the dress, too, btw–i dont think it cost more than a couple hundred bucks, if that.

    i hate the purse.

    of course.
    [i quote you but not about me. though it works here.]

  • TheOtherChristina

    What?! How did her eyebrows get back to this state? Oh, Fergie.

    That said, if her hair and makeup didn’t look so greasy, I think I would go so far as to call this an IN.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sarah-Adams/1143985903 Sarah Adams

    That purse takes me straight back to high school and some of the girls’ more pathetic attempts to be punk. And I don’t mean that in a good way. 

  • Nonnah

    Girl needs to go back to brunette.  Or at least an Aniston blond.

  • TieDye64

    My brain simply cannot comprehend this mess. Fergie fug at it’s worst. Ugh.

  • quiltrx

    She is SUCH a trainwreck.  I only opened this to see what new levels of hideousness she had reached.

  • http://twitter.com/emilyf007 emily

    what on earth is she wearing? tragic is right.

  • Candigirl1968

    Did someone just make a dress out of my old Ocean Pacific t-shirts?

  • LinXGUA

    That nails fashion is really ugly. Don’t follow trends just because it’s trendy, girl. Oh yes, the dress is so heavy, she needed a jacket. And matchy shoes. Bless her.

  • lrhoff

    How old is she?  She’s looking pretty tired…..

  • alyce1213

    I can’t either. I just can’t.  Hideous.

  • Twinzilla

    this dress needs a bigger jacket… a really BIG jacket.

  • Elle Cobbett

    I don’t understand why some people think she is attractive, I have always thought she looked like a tranny. Except for the fact that trannys dress better than this. 

  • ccm800

     cripes.

  • Melanie Harrison

    “The sun is setting on your vagina.” This is what immediately popped in my head upon viewing this picture of Fergie. this sounds like something you tell a woman when her career as a stripper is over.

  • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

    On the bright side, any of us that DO like the outfit should be able to find a knockoff at Forever 21 in about 6 months or so.

  • Renaissance_Man_ATL

    The opposite of a ‘WERQ’.  There should be a word for it!  Nominations?

  • Nanaia

    I find the drapes going up on her mommy bits rather amusing, not in a good way. More in a “She is joking, right?” kind of way. She is in on the joke of this outfit, isn’t she? Please tell me she is. 

  • http://twitter.com/jennsaysmeow Fifi LaRoux

    Yet again confirming that I think she is trashy and classless.

  • GTrain

    Yes. Tragic is exactly what this is.

  • greyhoundgirl

    She looks like things are sprouting from her top and from her bottom–never a good message.

  • ZnSD

    “My vagina is a sunset” is not a look to which any woman should aspire.

  • BrightsideSusan

    Ugly dress and outdated bag with ridiculous white jacket. How does she manage so poorly with such a big budget?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1241487378 Lauren Lynch Fox

    Looks like she got it in Wildwood NJ on the boardwalk.

  • CatherineRhodes

    That is seriously the ugliest outfit I have ever seen.