Chris Hemsworth for Esquire UK

Posted on June 25, 2012

Thor gets the standard Guyditorial (Long-Haired Variant) from Esquire UK.


Chris Hemsworth is featured in the July 2012 issue of Esquire UK magazine photographed by David Titlow and styled by Tanja Martin.

And we have to say, it’s a little disappointing. Esquire is one of those mags that we assume is going to give us more than the standard “thousand-yard-stare-plus-jean-jacket” set of pics – and to be fair, they usually do. Hemsworth doesn’t do much for us, but if you’ve got a hot actor and he’s working a look that’s slightly off the hot-actor beaten path (i.e., the hair), then you should come up with some looks and a setting that really play to that. This could have been any actor under forty.

Also, Hillary Clinton called and she would like her hair back when you’re done with it, Chris.


[Photo Credit: David Titlow for]

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  • Kiltdntiltd

    No more head condom hats. EVER.  This may be just about the most blandly dull spread I’ve seen in ages.  Hell, they don’t even manage to fully use his stunning looks.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Yes, yes and yes.  Agreed on all counts.

      • Kiltdntiltd

         I can’t decide.  Is the expression because they slapped him?  Or does he need to be slapped to get rid of it?

        • Gayer Than Thou

          “I think the sun must have been hurting [his] eyes.”

          • Kiltdntiltd

             said by Mrs Upson to Mame Dennis.  Thanks for the Auntie Mame reference.  That WAS a test, no?

          • Gayer Than Thou

            It wasn’t a test, only because I felt fairly confident you’d catch it.  :o)

          • Kiltdntiltd

             Does this mean I’m as gay as thou, now?

          • Gayer Than Thou

            At least as gay as I.

          • Kiltdntiltd

             I feel so proud.
            Thank you for your support all along this difficult path.

          • formerlyAnon

             Y’all are cracking me up.

            So much public service provided her at TLo Commentariat.

          • Kiltdntiltd

            One does one’s little best.

          • Mary G. Perry

             whats going on here? *karen walker

          • Joseph Lamour

            I really just want to get this reply stream to run off the page. (But that was delightfully entertaining)

          • Kiltdntiltd

            Thanks Mr L for my first big laugh of the day! Glad you enjoyed our baddinage.

          • ecallaw

             Warms my heart.  I love you all.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    What, there weren’t any abandoned diners available?

    • Kiltdntiltd

       Oh, I think I love you for this.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      You mean, abandoned farm ruins with strategically placed pipes.

      • kimmeister

        Or strategically placed bales of hay alongside rustic fences.

    • RebeccaKW

       Or a classic car.

  • Sobaika

    Jeez, crack a smile.

    • Ali

       He’s such a smile-y guy in person, this really doesn’t suit him.

  • TheOriginalLulu

    Hillary Clinton! LOLOL

    • joything

      No kidding!  MeLOL2!

  • kingderella

    these pictures are ridiculously unflattering. whats going on here? *karen walker voice*

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Maybe he’s still smarting in that photoshoot about how tabloids said his baby looked like a hot dog.

    Also, I’m seeing a lot of Cobain in the styling. Thor does not a good Cobain make.

    • Ginger

      I thought I was the only one who detected a whiff of Cobain.  Glad to know I’m not alone in that assessment.

    • Spicytomato1

      Someone said his baby looked like a hot dog? What will the tabs come up with next? *snickers*

      Agree on the Cobain-esque styling. Although any imitators are bound to pale in comparison to the original, imo.

      I also see a young Brad Pitt in his face, especially in the shot with the sunglasses. In fact maybe it explains his rise (“We found the next Brad Pitt!”) to stardom?

  • elizonthelam

    Totally agreed, but i must say i love the pic in the blue shirt with the dark red sweater. The colors and textures are awesome and pay up his eyes so much that i can easily ignore how ug his hair looks.

  • Lina_bee

    I totally want the orange & white t-shirt and the orange sweater, but micro-sized so they’d fit me. The rest of the clothes are boring. The face is sulky and his least interesting. The blank wall backgrounds seem to shout that the photog apparently couldn’t be arsed with lights or going beyond the alley behind the studio in terms of set. All in all, totally lazy and disappointing. Hems has a great smile and a lovely way of engaging the camera when he doesn’t look completely alienated. What a waste.

    • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

      YES.  THIS.

  • Figgy

    He needs to have a rider in his contract that he will not participate in any photoshoot in which he isn’t shirtless. 

    • sweetestsith

       I support this. Hollywood, make it so!

    • TropiCarla

      THIS! All I could think was … “UGH – this editorial needs more SKIN!”

  • PaulaBerman

    You know what would be nice? A facial expression. ANY facial expression. His face looks exactly the same in each picture. That’s a turn off, though he is a pretty nice looking guy.

  • mjude

    TLO said “Also, Hillary Clinton called and she would like her hair back when you’re done with it, Chris.”   LOVE. YOU. GUYS.

    • TieDye64

      Cracked me up!

    • gdougs

      Whoa this totally brought back memories of before Disqus when one had to do this to reply to any comment haha

  • Thomas Rosenberger

    Good God, is there such a thing as a distinctive movie star anymore? Men and women, they are all so standard, bland and hu hum. I wouldn’t recognize him on the street or even care. Pardon me while I kvetch. ;(

  • tereliz

    Man, this might be just about the most boring Esquire spread evzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

    Which is a shame, because the one I just shot in my dreams is WOW. And won’t even have to be obscured with text for the clothing. Because there isn’t any. :)

  • AlexisPayne

    He doesn’t do anything for me, BUT, the shot with the burnt orange sweater made my lady bits quiver. Otherwise, boring.

  • petalfrog

    How old are these pictures? His build is way too slight to be very recent.

  • Sierra Delta

    He looks like Derek Hough in the second picture, and that is NOT a good thing.

  • frannyprof

    He bores me.

  • Trisha26

    “I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.” And I like these shots. Their starkness. Their normalcy. He looks like “a guy” wearing “a guy’s clothes.” He is gorgeous and breathtaking.

    • sunnycalif

      Is that a quote from Pee Wee’s Great Adventure?  Funny!

    • Spicytomato1

      My favorite line/delivery from that movie! Cracks me up every time.

    • Spicytomato1

      My favorite line/delivery from that movie! Cracks me up every time.

  • SapphoPoet

    He’s a good-looking guy, but they made him look as dull as dishwater here. Boring clothes, bland backgrounds. Yawn…

  • judybrowni

    haven’t seen thor, don’t have a clue who this dude is, but i assumed movie stars had to be able to work up more than one expression.

    i guess i would be wrong.

  • Ajuna Ariel Fenty


  • MK03

    I just don’t get why everyone is swooning for him. He reminds me of Fenrir Greyback.

  • ccm800

    dull as dishwater. 

  • kimmeister

    The pegged pants picture is ridiculous.

  • formerlyAnon

    I’m disappointed. He’s not really ‘my type’ but I can stretch him to ‘my type-adjacent’ and there’s just no reason to, here.

  • Paola Thomas

    These are SUCH crappy photos. Only the one with the shadow has any photographic merit whatsoever.  Did they get an intern to do it?

  • AnaRoW

    Isn’t he like 6’3″ and built?  How did they manage to make him look scrawny?  He’s not much of a model but the photographer and stylist didn’t do much either. Maybe they were all bored.

  • Rebecca

    Too much shirt.

    Remove, plz.

  • kikisayshi

    Yeah, I’m not really feeling this either. I don’t like him clean-shaven; the scruff is part of his sex appeal. I do like the shot of the “guy on the street”, but that’s about it.

  • eruannalle

    These pics are pretty disappointing, knowing how good he can look. On that note: never shave, Hemsworth. You look so much more attractive with a beard. 

    • Maggie_Mae

      Being a Whedon fan, I made it to the theater for Avengers. Which I found great fun.  Then Thor showed up on Netflix Streaming.  Hemsworth can be quite charming–when he smiles.  Which he does in the films.  (Of course I saw him in Cabin In The Woods, too.)  With a trimmed beard, he looked quite dashing–in full on Thor drag or regular guy clothes!

      Of course, Loki was even better…..

  • gillian holroyd

    Well it’s fortunate that he gets a permanent pass for George Kirk because this is dull beyond belief.

  • Beth G

    He kinda looks like the missing Olsen-triplet.

  • Vera

    Boring photoshoot, and the hair isn’t great, but he’s still beautiful.

  • Ass Kicking Adviser

    Oh thank goodness you were bored too. I almost fell asleep scrolling through. Someone at Esquire needs to get fired. But first they will have to wake said person from their nap.

  • Pop Tarts Jen

    “We’ve secretly replaced the Chris Hemsworth they know and love with an android replica. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference.”

  • MilaXX

    I wouldn’t mind the same mindless guytorial so much if the guys could give decent face. Picture after picture of the same vacant stare is pretty boring.

  • Jessi03

    He is so much better looking than this editorial.  Sad.

  • JasonKL

    Don’t love the haircut. Nothing against long-ish hair on a man, but those layers take it straight into middle-aged housewife territory. Pics are dull. 

  • eight_of_nine

    There are too many shirts in these pictures.

    • eight_of_nine

      And not enough scruff.

  • Kess

    These kind of look like modeling Polaroids to me.

  • glennethph

    Wow, he seems unusually thin and less bulky.  Are you sure this is Chris and not Liam?  Or Chris 5 years ago.

  • marlie

    A couple of those photos don’t even look like him, and I don’t mean that in a good way. The second photo looks like a completely different person.

    And I’m pretty sure there’s a paparazzi/Guy on the Street photo of CHems that looks EXACTLY like the third picture.

  • korilian

    He’s contracted to shoot Thor 2, Avengers 2 and god knows what else. Get used to the long hair, because it’s not going anywhere.

  • Twinzilla

    Yeesh.  If you can’t do a photo spread HOW are you supposed to do a movie?  Doesn’t the skill set mostly overlap?

  • Bob Sponge

    His hips look freakishly small.

  • Kimmu

    I am completely incapable of being unbiased or critical when it comes to Chris Hemsworth, so of course I will swoon over just about any pic of him. Though it’s sad that they always attempt to make him look tough in photos when he’s actually a really charming, extremely adorable smiley kind of guy and that is where his real charm lies. He’s a gigantic, physically perfect dork. And his hair is perfect and I hope he never cuts it short ever again.

    As for those who think he looks scrawny, he dropped about 40 lbs of his Thor muscle for Rush.

  • Deborah Lipp

    He’s so gorgeous, he really does it for me, but this editorial is dead in the water. His thousand yard stare just isn’t all that.

  • quiltrx

    Wow, I’m disappointed with how dishwater-dull this spread is!  It looks like he’s posing for the JC Penney catalog.  Either he’s not much of a model, or the person doing the shoot had ZERO imagination.

    And how the hell are you going to cover up that torso?????

  • guest2visits

    O no way TLo.  He’s very handsome here; except for that red eraser hat and denim overload.

    And if I may; WTF with Hillary’s hair! How is it possible she has no one to help her with that!

  • bluefish

    He looks like Colin Farrell here if they put CF on the rack.  CH was terrific as Thor in Avengers.  I’d never seen him in anything before.  Long tall drink of water — but another one of those guys who doesn’t seem to photograph well — Needs to be in motion!

  • Julie Chase

    So boring. 

  • oohsparkley!

    I love his hair.  And I want to make him smile (at me!).