Aw, man. Revenge, why you gotta get so complicated? We can’t keep track of what the hell’s going on anymore. It’s like Game of Thrones in shorter skirts and higher heels. Can’t we just, for at least a little while, let this be about Clarke-style justice raining down on Grayson heads?
Let’s play a game of “I want … I need,” just like the Grayson family does, okay?
We want … this show to remain ridiculously entertaining and campy.
We need … this show not to turn into some grand mythology that leads us down a million dark hallways and cul-de-sacs, eventually losing sight of the whole point in the first place.
No, really, Revenge. We need that. Because with the introduction of The White-Haired Man and something called The Initiative, a cold ball of fear formed in our stomachs. This is so not what we wanted or signed on for. We wanted Emily and Victoria, in bandage dresses, slapping each other for 42 minutes every week. The Initiative sounds like the bad guys in a Fringe episode and that is SO not what we want out of this show.
Worse, each new bit of information about the conspiracy behind David Clarke’s death just causes us to lose interest a little bit more because each new bit of information tends to take us away from the Victoria/Emily relationship that defined the season’s first half. We realize shows need to expand their scope in order to survive, but the laser-focus of the first dozen episodes of Revenge was a huge part of the appeal for us. We should have been tantalized by the first mention of The Initiative, but we literally groaned out loud.
Don’t even ask us to explain Daniel’s inexplicable 180 degree spin. He’s just bad now, and that’s all there is to it. Certainly makes Emily’s eventual (we hope) betrayal of him all the more sweeter. But hey! We’re finally sort of on board with the whole Jack thing, even though we’ve argued extensively that they have no chemistry and that a smart gal like Emily shouldn’t tie herself down to a dumb guy like Jack just because of some childhood memories. But y’know, any guy who can openly sob at the death of their dog automatically becomes just a little hotter, amirite?
R.I.P. Sammy, the Unlikely Long-Lived Dog. Your death scene made us cry and we think you deserve a special Emmy.
And look, if we HAVE to sit through something called The Initiative – if you writers absolutely HAVE to expand the story out into grand(er) conspiracies – then can we please not waste any time with Declan and his totally uninteresting lady problems? Who gives a shit? Less Declan and less shadowy conspiracies, please. More scenes with Victoria slashing paintings and verbally slapping the heavy-lidded Amber Valetta.We NEED it, Revenge. You’ve made us addicts and now you’re trying to slip us some methadone. Boo.
Oh, and one more thing: Can we FINALLY make Ashley into the bitch we’ve been teased with all season? All she does is smirk and then get slapped by Victoria. She’s got some juicy-as-hell info now and we better see her use it.
Also: Nolan is more awesome than ever and we can add world-class disguise skills (a mustache!) to his repertoire.
[Photo Credit: ABC]