Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Eva Mendes

Posted on May 03, 2012

Oh, Jesus. We’ve gotta move, people. There’s a disaster happening right in front of our eyes.

 

Eva Mendes attends the Screening of “Girl In Progress” at the Directors Guild of America in an Honor dress paired with Jimmy Choo sandals.

Honor Spring 2012 Collection

Jimmy Choo ‘Lance’ Sandals

Eva, honey? A word?

Listen, we’re gonna do this quietly so we don’t make a scene. Look at us. Don’t look at the cameras or anyone else; just look at us and listen. Your dress is too big and your shoes are too small. Shh. It’s okay. Don’t panic. We can fix this. We have your limo waiting outside. Just turn around and walk out. Don’t say a word to anyone and keep looking forward. Are you ready? Just remember: Look forward. If you can’t see them, then they can’t see you. Okay, on our mark. Red carpet extraction is GO.

 

[Photo Credit: Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images, saksfifthavenue.com]

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  • Geoff Dankert

    Katya, GO.

    • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

       Love.

    • Sartorial_She

       I hate it when I don’t understand a reference. Would you kindly explain, for us less informed readers? xoxo

      • http://onionjam.tumblr.com SkipperJane

        I believe it’s a reference to the infamous “Sex and the City” scene where Carrie takes a tumble on the runway and Margaret Cho sends another model to walk right over her. “She’s fashion roadkill!”

  • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

    Oh, thank the lord, TLo! I couldn’t figure out why a (what should be) perfectly normal outfit was making my eyes twitch. Bad fit all around indeed.

  • http://twitter.com/claaaaude Jonas Laurente

    mom dress. 

  • Cheri Lee

    Too bad because the dress is super cute and the shoes are hawt. Grrrrrrl go back home, get undressed and try again.

    • Aly Light

       I’m thinking Michelle Williams.

    • Cathy S

       Yeah, the dress is really cute, but it makes her look huge.

    • kikisayshi

       My thoughts exactly. She looks 3x her size. This would be fabulous on someone else.

  • Sobaika Mirza

    It would look infinitely better if it ended at the knee, like the model’s.

    • http://twitter.com/ohmybears48 Michelle Argento

       Totally agree. This dress would be adorable on her if cut a bit shorter. Also, if she wore less heavy colored shoes and maybe a belt.

  • HomeOfficeGirl

    Too big?  Or just “not her dress”?  It’s not very flattering on her – especially below the belt.  Smaller wouldn’t help, imo.

    • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

      Not her dress I think. It makes her shoulders look huge, gives odd titscrepancy and sits strangely around her hips. Plus I think those colours are wrong for her.

      • http://www.facebook.com/theAccidentalHousewife Leah Elzinga

         as a girl with hips and a bum I can tell you that this is what happens when, in order to fit your lower half, you go up a size.  Thankfully I almost always have a MIRROR so I can get that the extra fabric needed to cover my lower half is not doing ANY of my OTHER parts any favors.  Apparently Eva didn’t have the same luxury… go figure.

        • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

          This is why I usually wear separates! Getting boobs and bum into the same dress is challenging.

          • HomeOfficeGirl

            You ain’t lyin’ foodycat!!

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lucía-Gavello/1253586868 Lucía Gavello

            So true!

        • kimmeister

          I’m in the same boat as you, but I’m not sure that the fit of the bottom half was the determining factor here, since it’s not a pencil skirt, but a very full skirt.

          • Oze R.

            I think the problem is the waist and the volume of the skirt. A wider waistline and a bit less fabric can do wonders for a curvy body.

        • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

          “Wait. You have a what? A mir-ror? What is this mirror thing you speak of?” — every celebrity with a shitty stylist, ever

  • introspective

    This doesnt flatter her so much as it makes her look 10 ft wide and a reject from a casting call for Mad Men extras. Boo.

  • MissAnnieRN

    What in Betty Draper Hell was she thinking?

    • charlotte

       I am now imagining Betty Draper Hell. Must be full of fainting couches.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/PKI5RTEEJ5TZIZII6VEN2G3D7A Caitlin

    Betty Hofstadt Draper Francis

  • http://www.wordydoodles.com WordyDoodles

    Didn’t we just see another actress rock these shoes? Was it Chloe Moretz? Sigh– it really goes to show how important it is to pair dress and shoes well. (ETA: It was! See the post about Chloe Moretz in Kenzo- she WERQS.)

    As for the dress– this style doesn’t strike me as Eva as we know her. Much as I want to say “no Mad Men for you!”, I’m not against people trying looks outside the persona we’ve seen, but to make it work for her I think it could have been in a bolder color, and as TLo advises, smaller all around.

    • introspective

      It was Chloe! and she totally rocked them and had them in her size. Chloe FTW.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

    I’ve seen worse…

  • lilibetp

    I didn’t know Eva Mendes was 6-months pregnant!  Or is it just that the dress makes her look about 6-months pregnant?

  • nycfan

    Aren’t those the same shoes that looked fab on a tween starlet recently? They look awful when they don’t fit. Or maybe they are just very similar shoes that also look awful when they don’t fit.

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    Oh and Eva, Honey?  Yellow, even in the smallest amounts is Not Your Friend.

  • StillGary

    Hurry up before Kirstin Dunst catches you!

  • mjude

    how do you possibly NOT know your shoes are to small?  seriously.

  • janetjb

    A different color and a slim skirt would be a huge improvement. 

  • nycfan
    • sleah_in_norcal

      chloe would probably look cute in the dress, too.

  • IAmJ

    Girl, that’s not your dress. It’s MINE. I love the dress and with the right alterations I think it could look lovely, but Miss Eva here missed the mark completely.
    And the shoes look comical. Toes overboard!

  • Fordzo

    What difference does it make? She gets to see Ryan Gosling in his underwear anytime she wants. Bitch could wear a hefty bag and Birkenstocks and I’d still be jealous.

  • nannypoo

    Improved sizing will not help this pathetic 7th grade home ec project.

  • girliecue

    A small pair of those gorgeous Jimmy Choos? Clearly they’re mine. Get your stanky feet out of my shoes, Eva!

  • Kirsten Henry

    I don’t know why, but I don’t think this is too bad?

  • Lina_bee

    At least the jewelry’s pretty?  But she looks like a misshapen cupcake, which sucks because this would be a winner IF IT FIT.

  • greenwich_matron

    It’s a dress for the flat chested. The way her bust stretches out the gathering at the neck makes it look like her boobs start at her larynx. The sheer fabric on the runway version is actually quite different: it falls straight from the mid shoulder leaving the upper outer quadrants exposed.

  • Jessi03

    Does she not have mirrors?  Yes, it’s an adorable dress on the model.  But Eva, sweetie…put it back!

  • http://twitter.com/Hussified Coleen

    I want the model’s loafers so bad.

    That’s all, I’m pretending I didn’t see what’s going on with Eva’s dress.

  • http://twitter.com/starlounging Ann M. Erickson

    Ryan, come on. Her? Over Emma Stone? Emma could have pulled off this look. And would have insisted on a dress in her proper size.

  • E_bee

    Could it be Michelle Obama’s dress? Or is it just that it makes Eva Mendes look as though someone put her head Michelle Obama’s body?

    • BrooklynBomber

      I think it’s nobody’s dress. The model is gaunt – I think that’s the only way to make the dress fit, but even then it’s just “eh.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    I love the shoes, on their own, in the proper size.  The dress on the other hand, must go.

  • Jecca2244

    i feel like she has 2 settings, twee and sex bomb.

  • Snailstsichr

    I’m going to a 50′s potluck dinner tonight (why, yes, I AM bringing a casserole!). My very first thought was, “Oh goodie, Eva is invited to the potluck.” Well, maybe not, but a girl can dream.
    Funny, but the dress looks fresh and flirty on the model when it is the proper length.

  • LuluBI

    Too poofy

  • SapphoPoet

    Those Jimmy Choo sandals are really making the rounds lately, aren’t they?

    I’m not sure that’s anyone’s dress. Very twee. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1313126032 Ajuna Ariel Fenty

    Is this jury out on her acting abilities? sorry, I have nothing to say about the dress.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Irene-Wroclai/733770581 Irene Wroclai

    The model is extremely thin! Those bony shoulders are anti-erotic.

     I prefer to see the dress on Eva, even tough it’s not her dress, to see it on such an ugly and uninspiring model.

  • Jessica O’Connell

    Wow…how can such a cute dress be made to look so TERRIBLE? Thank you for doing this intervention for her!

  • Bill Curtis

    Girl has some serious Shrimp going on in those shoes.

  • http://twitter.com/TimeOutNewYork Time Out New York

    hfhg

  • Kayceed

    A set-in waist is not for amateurs – I’m talking about designers, seamstresses and wearers. Either get it right for that wearer, or step away. Really good women’s tailoring seems to be going the way of the dodo. We are left with barely structured, unlined schmattas or half-a**ed attempts at structure that don’t have the knowledge, discipline (and perhaps funding) to do it like it should be done. My God, this makes me weary.

    • Pennymac

      Aside from being butt ugly, as a seamstress I immediately saw some major construction issues here. Looks like a home reconomics badly sewn and horribly fitted dress to me.

  • jw_ny

    Oh dear…she looks so thick and high waisted.  The fullness and length of the skirt is so unflattering, amongst other issues.  I don’t think the camera angle is helping at all either though…

  • Sophie Collier

    Oh my goo’ness guuuurrrrlllll.  What made you think a full pleated circle skirt and THAT neckline were gonna look good on your curvy body?  What?  Who?  Because they lied to you, honey.  You look like stacked cupcakes.

  • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

     Oh that poor girl.  Who let her out of the house that way?

  • SpcilK

    Dating Ryan Gosling has messed with her powers of reason and sensibility.

  • prettybigkitty

    It’s not super flattering on the model either.  A bad dress made worse by bad fit.  A flagrant RCO (red carpet offense).

  • MilaXX

     I think this is not only a case of not your dress, it’s literally not your shoes. That dress is a petite thin gal so the wearer doesn’t look like a bell.

  • marilyn

    She may have put on some weight, which explains why the dress looks so bad.  Or, in the alternative, she is a curvy gal, not the pencil-thin waif that is made for this dress.  I do like the shoes.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=746098172 Leigh Anne Statton

    It looks like something Zooey Deschanel would (or should) be wearing, not sizzling hot thang Eva.  also that it should have ended at the knee as everyone else has suggested.

  • http://twitter.com/Merneith Merneith

    Too late – she’s been spotted!

  • http://profiles.google.com/psykid42 Christopher Brathwaite

    Eva, set this dress free for Carey Mulligan, please

  • http://twitter.com/jaythenerdkid Aaminah Khan

    That dress belongs on some twee young lady with dimples. On Eva Mendes, it looks like the reverse of a girl playing dress-up in Mummy’s wardrobe.

  • EEKstl

    That dress is lovely and would look wonderful…on Lily Collins!  Those shoes would be perfect on anyone, but size does matter, darlings!

  • Judy_S

    Mysteriously ugly. I like the dress and the woman, but the combination, ugh.

  • TheOriginalLulu

    Makes her look like she’s shaped like a brick. What was she thinking?

  • http://twitter.com/nicolahearts nicole seligman

    send that dress on to t.swift! in a smaller size, of course.

  • http://cheekypinky.wordpress.com/ Rebecca

    Oooo, yeaaahhh…

    The belt is too thin, the skirt too poufy, and the hem too long.

    Hush, hush, Eva. It’ll be all right.

  • bellafigura1

    Oh, dear.  Not her dress, and not her shoes.

  • TieDye64

    Ooooh my. So this is how you make a beautiful woman look chunky and frumpy. Awkward.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    Ohgod.  I’ve been lusting after those Jimmy Choo’s since I first saw them and that dress is ruining them!  Thank heavens TLo’s red carpet extraction team is here to make it stop!

  • guest2visits

    Usually Eva never gets it wrong. I love this dress, but it does look too large for her.

  • snarkykitten

    it’s so twee. needs to go to Michelle Williams. Set it free, Eva!

  • Alison Jimenez

    Is it weird that I would totally love this look if the bottom half was a fitted black pencil skirt instead?

  • ZnSD

    why is she wearing Betty Draper’s dress?

  • Allison Woods

    Oh no, honey, no.

    The shoes are pretty goddamned slammin’ though.

  • oohsparkley!

    I’m thinking only someone very, very thin with a tiny waist and no hips could wear that dress, but I’m also guessing it might make them look wide also.

    • Sally Brownson

      I think it’s fine on the model, but I think the length is the problem on Eva- if it hit above the knee like the runway version, it would be a very different look.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3AJ237ND3GAHDQJZ4TLCO4WLRA Emily

    wow.  train wreck.

  • http://blue-again.myopenid.com/ blue

    How odd. It’s a lovely dress, it’s just too big and is making her look like she’s gained 40 lbs.

  • bluefish

    Too bad because both shoes and dress are great.  Love that shade of pale pale yellow.  Where’s Gosling?

  • Susan Crawford

    I really like the dress, and I really like the shoes, but as always, I bow down to Uncles T and Lo in their infinite wisdom. And will add that the narrow black belt Eva wears is not doing her ANY favors in the fit department. It cuts her in half and spoils the lines of the dress altogether. Eva usually looks VERY put together on the red carpet, but this calls for a full extraction treatment.

  • amber_julene

    I literally just thought “they are totally right! It makes her look huge…unless she’s pregnant.” So, unless she truly is smuggling a bun in the oven, I emphatically agree with you.

  • CatherineRhodes

    Given that Ryan Gosling is her man, I’m wondering why she would ever choose to leave the bedroom…

  • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

    Her makeup’s nice, though.

  • bitterk

    Love the shoes. But the dress choice is indeed bewildering.