Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Charlize Theron

Posted on May 18, 2012

We would like to personally thank Charlize for wearing something so self-evidently wrong for her that we barely have to type another word.


Charlize Theron attends photocall for ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’ in Madrid in a Giambattista Valli dress accessorized with Christian Louboutin pumps.

Giambattista Valli Fall 2012 Collection/Aymeline Valade (WOMEN)

Christian Loboutin ‘Pigalle’ Pump

Our case, it is rested. And now comes the consuming of the coffee, after which, many more words about ladies in gowns at Cannes will be written.

Charlize? Invest in a mirror.


[Photo Credit: Max Powell,, Solarpix/PR Photos,,]

    • Scarlet39

      Oy vey.

    • foodycatAlicia

      Really, really not. Maybe they told her she had to be less pretty than K.Stew?

      • RebeccaKW

         Charlize still wins.

        • foodycatAlicia

          Without doubt. Even in her Aileen Wuornos teeth I think she has more presence.

          • granddelusion

            That’s what I wonder about that movie. How can Snow White be the fairest of them all when the Wicked Queen is Charlize effing Theron?

            • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

              EXACTLY!!!  Jeez louise – its Charlize effing Theron!  We’re supposed to totally suspend disbelief and our own eyes and buy into K Stew being prettier than her??  Never gonna happen.

            • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

              EXACTLY!!!  Jeez louise – its Charlize effing Theron!  We’re supposed to totally suspend disbelief and our own eyes and buy into K Stew being prettier than her??  Never gonna happen.

    • ThatPeterG

      And get some shoes that fit!

      • janetjb

         After much complaining (by me) on that subject I’ve learned it’s nearly impossible; unless, of course, she buys her own shoes which is unlikely.

      • Eileen Duffy

         That’s how a lot of Louboutins fit; toe cleavage galore!  Sometimes it works and sometimes…..

      • granddelusion

        The shoes are just plain ugly. The exclamation point to an ugly dress.

    • egl48

      Oh, it makes me think of the 1980s — power red and shoulder pads.

      • Spicytomato1

        Yes. I think I made a home ec project in the 80s that was very similar. It never saw the light of day outside the classroom. 

        Speaking of which, I visited my old school not long ago and saw that the name on the door of that classroom had changed from “Home Ec/Sewing” to “Fashion Design.” Kids today, I tell ya.

    • Violina23

      This looks like the result of a PR episode where the task is “Design an outfit for Joan Holloway”. 

      Personally, I’m not sure this is ANYONE’s dress. It looks cheap, even on the model

      • giiiirrrr

         Even Joan Collins couldn’t pull this one off.  It’s a hot 80s mess.

        • Snailstsichr

          Joan would have covered the horrid shoulders with her big hair. And some killah jewelry to distract from the other defects.

    • Mylynka Kilgore Cardona

      oh Charlize…  and it makes her look like she has a poochy belly. this gets a :(

    • MishaFoomin

      And a size too small for her. It’s pulling.

    • Amanda Herriott Welliver

      I don’t mind the dress at all.  But it’s not her size.

      • kingderella

        not seeing the “self-evidence”, so to speak. yeah, the dress is too tight, and the shoes look painful. but i love the design, and one size up, it would have looked great on her.

        • Basket

           It does look too small.  The only dislike design wise is around the collar.  Too puffy.

      • BayTampaBay

        Agree 100%

      • judith traherne

        Too small/tight and I hate the color but then I hate red on the red carpet. I like the design, just in a different color.

      • Carla_Charlton

        She does look a little sausage-like — and I can’t believe I’d ever say that about Charlize Theron!  Great legs, though.

    • Funkykatt

      I don’t get the seam in front of the dress, looks weird. 

      • Liz Norris

        This may be some kind of weird personal issue, but I am violently opposed to almost all front seams. If they’re puckered, it completely ruins the look, whereas at least it’s not as noticeable in the back.

        Plus, they look like giant surgical scars a lot of the time. But that may be the personal issue flaring up again…

        • Funkykatt

          Yeah, Liz, I agree, it looks like separate items were surgically sewn together. Ick.

    • Shannon Beamer

      That dress should be publicly shamed for its transgressions.  It makes CHARLIZE look, well, lumpy.  And that just does NOT reflect reality.  Also, can I get some jewelry?  Just saying.

    • Kiltdntiltd

      Carumba, what a sight first thing in the morning.  That shoulder/neckline detail is a mess on her. She looks like there is something Very Very Wrong going on up there.

    • Pupioso

      That dress even looks bad on the model.

      • ballerinawithagun


    • cteeny21

      She has a great body and this dress even made the model look thicker. She is still beautiful, but this dress is not doing anything for her.

    • MilaXX

      wow! That literally looks like it’s not her dress, as in it’s at least 2 sizes 2 small.

    • Uche

      It adds pounds that she doesn’t have.

    • Bellecarmen

      It’s a shame, because it really is a gorgeous dress. I could rock that dress, if I was 6″ taller…I think maybe if she had taken the time for a spray tan, maybe..?

    • Melissa Brogan

      Wow, that is not a dress that would look flattering on anyone. Including the model. Ignoring the obvious fit issue, I can’t imagine a situation where a seam dividing a woman right down her front is going to look nice.

    • Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      A dress that gives the illusion of shoulder pads.  Every woman’s dream. 

      • DinaSews

        And a belly pouch.  What a combo.

    • cmb92191

      Well the shoes are pretty.  

    • Fatima Siddique

      She looks so matronly. 

    • Beardslee

      You are so right.  That is a hard dress to wear and doesn’t look good on the model either (who looks like she needs to be helped to her hospital bed – what is it with these glum, gaunt, ill looking models?).

      • Spicytomato1

        Funny, I though the model’s freaky hair and makeup gave the dress a futuristic vibe that it doesn’t have in real life.

    • nannypoo

      The most tragic thing in this post, even worse than the awful dress, is the model’s hair. What’s that about?

    • Ajuna Ariel Fenty

      it’s ok, nothing tragically bad

    • Lina_bee

      Hmm.  My first impulse is GO UP A SIZE! instead of THAT’S NOT YOUR DRESS…but I’m afraid it’s just not that great a dress to start with.

    • BazoDee

      Ooof. That dress wouldn’t look good on anyone -it needs some volume below to balance out the super broad heavy shoulders and then it ends up looking like an 80’s dress. 

    • Judy_S

      Problem is,  whose dress is it? I actually prefer it on her to on the model. Looking forward to the Cannes posts today…. yesterday was a feast.

      • Tigrrl

        La Swinton could pull this one off, I think.

      • VicD

         Swinton or Cate Blanchett?

      • Qitkat

        Victoria Grayson.

        • Spicytomato1

          Not quite tight enough. I think Queen Victoria would go one size smaller.

          • Qitkat

             But of course!

    • mrspotts66

      no one would look good in that dress.
      the collar/neckline looks like my shirt when the hair stylist tucks it in before she drapes me.

    • SapphoPoet

      Wow. No words. 

    • eclare

      She might have pulled it off if not for that tragic and extremely aging hairstyle.

    • janetjb

      That’s what you get for wearing an out-of-season dress!


    • MissAnnieRN

      For purely selfish reasons, I actually would like to know what size dress is too small on Charlize. Because while she is tall, she is also very small boned. So what size is it? A 4? It will make me feel better about myself.

    • alyce1213

      “Invest in a mirror” is ironic, considering the new movie.

      Awful. So disappointed. She looks very tired, so maybe her judgment is off.

    • carolynmo

      Yikes. That’s the first dress I’ve ever seen that looks like it’s attempting to harm the woman wearing it.

    • Laurie Bergman

      She’s wearing the red dress equivalent of a Crown Royal drawstring sack.

    • Maddie_Faddenoid

      Going straight from the photocall to her duties as quarterback for the New England Patriots, are we, Charlize?

      …(That’s a team, right? I’m British, I don’t know much about American Football – sorry, American Soccer – no, wait…)

      I hate seeing someone so stunning look so crappy. What a waste of incredible genes.

      • sagecreek

        Nope, you got it right 😉

    • sagecreek

      Wow. I find it comforting that even the Charlize Therons of the world can get it so very wrong.

      This looks like a bad Project Runway outfit.

    • pepper76

      How odd. It’s being worn to show off her curves, but is absolutely not designed to do so. Another one to send off to La Swinton.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      Though honestly, it should be said that if it doesn’t fit Charlize Theron, it won’t fit ANYONE well, starved 16 year old coltish girl notwithstanding.

    • blissful2

      Padded shoulders and that neckline are not flattering for us broad shoulder gals.  It might have worked if the neckline was wider and deeper.  Plus her make-up seems flat.

    • Martha Hicks Leta

      That dress is a crying shame on one of the world’s most gorgeous women. Off with the head of whichever misguided stylist chose this nasty frock. Charlize has some legs though, doesn’t she? Love you, girl. Carry on.

    • bellafigura1

      She looks like the Devil!!

    • PeaceBang

      How any dress can make Charlize Theron look like one of those big Jolly Rancher candies we used to eat at the beach in the 70’s is beyond me. Boob smashage! And those shoulders! I will instantly forget this for you, Miss Theron. 

    • uprightcitizen

      Since Joan Crawford is dead, I don’t think that’s anybody’s dress.

    • Patrick Cleary

      Wow. Unflattering on the fierce Charlize, unflattering on the model. Was this designed by someone who just wanted everyone in the world to look like they are retaining water?

    • TheOriginalLulu

      I’d like to personally thank her for wearing a dress that shows the rest of us that she may be Charlize Theron but she doesn’t have a perfectly flat belly. I don’t think this was what she intended, but I love her more for it.

    • Gabriella M

      I feel like Christina Hendricks could probably rock this dress. 
      Also, Pigalle pumps? Really, Louboutin? Why don’t you just call them hooker pumps? 😛

    • Susan Crawford

      I don’t think that dress would look good on ANYONE. Hate the linebacker shoulder treatment, the center seam, the material . . . but we all know Charlize will soon be wearing another dress that will make us gasp and bow down, so she’s allowed an off moment.

    • Melanie

      I think you’re overreacting.  I don’t love it – too ’80’s for me – but I’ve seen a lot of celebrities look a lot worse.

    • Aurumgirl

      To whom does this dress belong?  Sheesh.  It should not be “set free”. It should really be burned.

    • TAGinMO

      As much grief as the silly-putty platforms get in these quarters, I would submit that silly-putty pointy-toes are even more disturbing-looking.

      As for the dress…it takes a special kind of dysfunctional garment to cause “lumpy” to be the first word to spring to mind upon behosprings photo Charlize Theron. Yeesh!

    • VicD

      Girl, that’s nobody’s dress.  Oh.  Wait.  SWINTON could wear that dress, but she’d probably choose not to.

    • TieDye64

      She looks lumpy. Yikes.

    • Clydette Wantland

      Big fat MISS on this dress.  Sigh.

    • lesmaha

      And yet, she still looks pretty good.  

    • saanrio

      With those shoulder details, though, who WOULD be right for this dress?  Ick.  I have no clue what she (or the designer) was thinking.

    • Zippypie

      Ugh.  That is horrorshow. It’s hard to find someone who looks good in tomato red and the shoulders?  What is this 80s shoulder insanity we’ve been seeing lately?  Ugly as hell then, ugly as hell now.

    • unbornfawn

      Get rid of that ridiculous shoulder detail, add a killer necklace and shoes with some personality and she could have pulled off this look.

    • Caaro3

      Go back to bed, Charlize.  You look tired.

    • marilyn

      Dress too tight, makeup too pale.  Plain.  Okay if next size up for some other less formal event.

    • Jessica Potter

      That’s not anyone’s dress! Not even the model.

    • Snailstsichr

      I feel terrible for saying this – but that dress paired with the backdrop makes her look like she is starring in The Attack of the 50 Ft Woman.
      (Well, apparently I didn’t feel bad enough to NOT say it.)

    • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

      Good googly moogly, that is one fugly dress!  and her hair and makeup are bad, too.  HATE the shoes.

    • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

      Good googly moogly, that is one fugly dress!  and her hair and makeup are bad, too.  HATE the shoes.

    • ccm800

      Gah! she looks like an irritated pimple about to pop. EW!!! 

    • guest2visits

      I didn’t think it was as bad as you did; but the shoes were a dismal choice. I wonder if making the sleeves short (above the elbow)
      would also help.

    • Megan Patterson

      Nope, that is Tilda Swinton’s dress, she would like it back please. 

    • quiltrx

      It makes her look fat.  Let me repeat…this dress makes Charlize Theron look fat.  I don’t think this is ANYONE’S dress.

    • Joey Melliza

      send that to a fanning

    • siriuslover

      The dress itself is pretty hideous.

    • sleah_in_norcal

      with those shoulders, she could be playing for the NFL.  and that is some ugly wrinkly toe cleavage.  OUCH.

    • WordyDoodles

      This looks like an ill-fitting dress on a paper doll. I keep looking for the folded back tabs on the sides. (Let it be said that I greatly admire Charlize Theron and think she’s super fierce in general.)

    • How to Faint

      Girl, that is not your size. And get that ridiculous foot tattoo removed already. It makes you look like a sad sorority girl in her 7th year of undergrad as a social work major.

    • Stefanie Mackenzie

      She’s still stunning, even in this. We are just so used to see her being utterly jaw droppingly gorgeous. Besides, she’s a new mom. That will turn your sartorial world upside down in a nano second, trust me. Maybe the nanny wasnt there yet or something. Maybe the baby threw up down her back in the dress she wanted to wear. Baby barf is NOT attractive, particularly on the kind of gown we are used to seeing her wear.

    • Jecca2244

      i know it has been a long weekend of eating cake and living with my in laws, but this isn’t half bad….

    • RzYoung

      Girl, that’s no one’s dress!