Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Charlize Theron

Posted on May 18, 2012

We would like to personally thank Charlize for wearing something so self-evidently wrong for her that we barely have to type another word.

 

Charlize Theron attends photocall for ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’ in Madrid in a Giambattista Valli dress accessorized with Christian Louboutin pumps.

Giambattista Valli Fall 2012 Collection/Aymeline Valade (WOMEN)

Christian Loboutin ‘Pigalle’ Pump

Our case, it is rested. And now comes the consuming of the coffee, after which, many more words about ladies in gowns at Cannes will be written.

Charlize? Invest in a mirror.

 

[Photo Credit: Max Powell, PacificCoastNews.com, Solarpix/PR Photos, matchesfashion.com, elle.com]

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  • Scarlet39

    Oy vey.

  • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

    Really, really not. Maybe they told her she had to be less pretty than K.Stew?

    • RebeccaKW

       Charlize still wins.

      • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

        Without doubt. Even in her Aileen Wuornos teeth I think she has more presence.

        • granddelusion

          That’s what I wonder about that movie. How can Snow White be the fairest of them all when the Wicked Queen is Charlize effing Theron?

          • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

            EXACTLY!!!  Jeez louise – its Charlize effing Theron!  We’re supposed to totally suspend disbelief and our own eyes and buy into K Stew being prettier than her??  Never gonna happen.

          • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

            EXACTLY!!!  Jeez louise – its Charlize effing Theron!  We’re supposed to totally suspend disbelief and our own eyes and buy into K Stew being prettier than her??  Never gonna happen.

  • ThatPeterG

    And get some shoes that fit!

    • janetjb

       After much complaining (by me) on that subject I’ve learned it’s nearly impossible; unless, of course, she buys her own shoes which is unlikely.

    • http://profiles.google.com/melantha.chimera Eileen Duffy

       That’s how a lot of Louboutins fit; toe cleavage galore!  Sometimes it works and sometimes…..

    • granddelusion

      The shoes are just plain ugly. The exclamation point to an ugly dress.

  • egl48

    Oh, it makes me think of the 1980s — power red and shoulder pads.

    • Spicytomato1

      Yes. I think I made a home ec project in the 80s that was very similar. It never saw the light of day outside the classroom. 

      Speaking of which, I visited my old school not long ago and saw that the name on the door of that classroom had changed from “Home Ec/Sewing” to “Fashion Design.” Kids today, I tell ya.

  • Violina23

    This looks like the result of a PR episode where the task is “Design an outfit for Joan Holloway”. 

    Personally, I’m not sure this is ANYONE’s dress. It looks cheap, even on the model

    • giiiirrrr

       Even Joan Collins couldn’t pull this one off.  It’s a hot 80s mess.

      • Snailstsichr

        Joan would have covered the horrid shoulders with her big hair. And some killah jewelry to distract from the other defects.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=683120322 Mylynka Kilgore Cardona

    oh Charlize…  and it makes her look like she has a poochy belly. this gets a :(

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

    And a size too small for her. It’s pulling.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1360913487 Amanda Herriott Welliver

    I don’t mind the dress at all.  But it’s not her size.

    • kingderella

      not seeing the “self-evidence”, so to speak. yeah, the dress is too tight, and the shoes look painful. but i love the design, and one size up, it would have looked great on her.

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/W7A5N4G7FDTV5U2KOHBVSB55XI Basket

         It does look too small.  The only dislike design wise is around the collar.  Too puffy.

    • BayTampaBay

      Agree 100%

    • judith traherne

      Too small/tight and I hate the color but then I hate red on the red carpet. I like the design, just in a different color.

    • Carla_Charlton

      She does look a little sausage-like — and I can’t believe I’d ever say that about Charlize Theron!  Great legs, though.

  • Funkykatt

    I don’t get the seam in front of the dress, looks weird. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Liz-Norris/26609454 Liz Norris

      This may be some kind of weird personal issue, but I am violently opposed to almost all front seams. If they’re puckered, it completely ruins the look, whereas at least it’s not as noticeable in the back.

      Plus, they look like giant surgical scars a lot of the time. But that may be the personal issue flaring up again…

      • Funkykatt

        Yeah, Liz, I agree, it looks like separate items were surgically sewn together. Ick.

  • Shannon Beamer

    That dress should be publicly shamed for its transgressions.  It makes CHARLIZE look, well, lumpy.  And that just does NOT reflect reality.  Also, can I get some jewelry?  Just saying.

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    Carumba, what a sight first thing in the morning.  That shoulder/neckline detail is a mess on her. She looks like there is something Very Very Wrong going on up there.

  • Pupioso

    That dress even looks bad on the model.

    • ballerinawithagun

      Agreed.

  • cteeny21

    She has a great body and this dress even made the model look thicker. She is still beautiful, but this dress is not doing anything for her.

  • MilaXX

    wow! That literally looks like it’s not her dress, as in it’s at least 2 sizes 2 small.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/4KLZGI7NMQE2LQDYYSMPFXANW4 Uche

    It adds pounds that she doesn’t have.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_H53HX5H4X2NVSR3OFVFOPFWXDA Bellecarmen

    It’s a shame, because it really is a gorgeous dress. I could rock that dress, if I was 6″ taller…I think maybe if she had taken the time for a spray tan, maybe..?

  • Melissa Brogan

    Wow, that is not a dress that would look flattering on anyone. Including the model. Ignoring the obvious fit issue, I can’t imagine a situation where a seam dividing a woman right down her front is going to look nice.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    A dress that gives the illusion of shoulder pads.  Every woman’s dream. 

    • DinaSews

      And a belly pouch.  What a combo.

  • cmb92191

    Well the shoes are pretty.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001998855370 Fatima Siddique

    She looks so matronly. 

  • Beardslee

    You are so right.  That is a hard dress to wear and doesn’t look good on the model either (who looks like she needs to be helped to her hospital bed – what is it with these glum, gaunt, ill looking models?).

    • Spicytomato1

      Funny, I though the model’s freaky hair and makeup gave the dress a futuristic vibe that it doesn’t have in real life.

  • nannypoo

    The most tragic thing in this post, even worse than the awful dress, is the model’s hair. What’s that about?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1313126032 Ajuna Ariel Fenty

    it’s ok, nothing tragically bad

  • Lina_bee

    Hmm.  My first impulse is GO UP A SIZE! instead of THAT’S NOT YOUR DRESS…but I’m afraid it’s just not that great a dress to start with.

  • BazoDee

    Ooof. That dress wouldn’t look good on anyone -it needs some volume below to balance out the super broad heavy shoulders and then it ends up looking like an 80′s dress. 

  • Judy_S

    Problem is,  whose dress is it? I actually prefer it on her to on the model. Looking forward to the Cannes posts today…. yesterday was a feast.

    • Tigrrl

      La Swinton could pull this one off, I think.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2P2ANLRZ6YAVGONA36I2AQJYGI VicD

       Swinton or Cate Blanchett?

    • Qitkat

      Victoria Grayson.

      • Spicytomato1

        Not quite tight enough. I think Queen Victoria would go one size smaller.

        • Qitkat

           But of course!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/K3O2QNXDJIU3AJINAGNJRYWDZ4 mrspotts66

    no one would look good in that dress.
    the collar/neckline looks like my shirt when the hair stylist tucks it in before she drapes me.

  • SapphoPoet

    Wow. No words. 

  • eclare

    She might have pulled it off if not for that tragic and extremely aging hairstyle.

  • janetjb

    That’s what you get for wearing an out-of-season dress!

     

  • MissAnnieRN

    For purely selfish reasons, I actually would like to know what size dress is too small on Charlize. Because while she is tall, she is also very small boned. So what size is it? A 4? It will make me feel better about myself.

  • alyce1213

    “Invest in a mirror” is ironic, considering the new movie.

    Awful. So disappointed. She looks very tired, so maybe her judgment is off.

  • carolynmo

    Yikes. That’s the first dress I’ve ever seen that looks like it’s attempting to harm the woman wearing it.

  • Laurie Bergman

    She’s wearing the red dress equivalent of a Crown Royal drawstring sack.

  • Maddie_Faddenoid

    Going straight from the photocall to her duties as quarterback for the New England Patriots, are we, Charlize?

    …(That’s a team, right? I’m British, I don’t know much about American Football – sorry, American Soccer – no, wait…)

    I hate seeing someone so stunning look so crappy. What a waste of incredible genes.

    • sagecreek

      Nope, you got it right ;)

  • sagecreek

    Wow. I find it comforting that even the Charlize Therons of the world can get it so very wrong.

    This looks like a bad Project Runway outfit.

  • pepper76

    How odd. It’s being worn to show off her curves, but is absolutely not designed to do so. Another one to send off to La Swinton.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Though honestly, it should be said that if it doesn’t fit Charlize Theron, it won’t fit ANYONE well, starved 16 year old coltish girl notwithstanding.

  • blissful2

    Padded shoulders and that neckline are not flattering for us broad shoulder gals.  It might have worked if the neckline was wider and deeper.  Plus her make-up seems flat.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Martha-Hicks-Leta/1059884884 Martha Hicks Leta

    That dress is a crying shame on one of the world’s most gorgeous women. Off with the head of whichever misguided stylist chose this nasty frock. Charlize has some legs though, doesn’t she? Love you, girl. Carry on.

  • bellafigura1

    She looks like the Devil!!

  • PeaceBang

    How any dress can make Charlize Theron look like one of those big Jolly Rancher candies we used to eat at the beach in the 70′s is beyond me. Boob smashage! And those shoulders! I will instantly forget this for you, Miss Theron. 

  • uprightcitizen

    Since Joan Crawford is dead, I don’t think that’s anybody’s dress.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Cleary/1201575213 Patrick Cleary

    Wow. Unflattering on the fierce Charlize, unflattering on the model. Was this designed by someone who just wanted everyone in the world to look like they are retaining water?

  • TheOriginalLulu

    I’d like to personally thank her for wearing a dress that shows the rest of us that she may be Charlize Theron but she doesn’t have a perfectly flat belly. I don’t think this was what she intended, but I love her more for it.

  • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gabriella M

    I feel like Christina Hendricks could probably rock this dress. 
    Also, Pigalle pumps? Really, Louboutin? Why don’t you just call them hooker pumps? :P

  • Susan Crawford

    I don’t think that dress would look good on ANYONE. Hate the linebacker shoulder treatment, the center seam, the material . . . but we all know Charlize will soon be wearing another dress that will make us gasp and bow down, so she’s allowed an off moment.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/JO2ZPMWZR7BENRHIQ7DYGJP2HQ Melanie

    I think you’re overreacting.  I don’t love it – too ’80′s for me – but I’ve seen a lot of celebrities look a lot worse.

  • Aurumgirl

    To whom does this dress belong?  Sheesh.  It should not be “set free”. It should really be burned.

  • TAGinMO

    As much grief as the silly-putty platforms get in these quarters, I would submit that silly-putty pointy-toes are even more disturbing-looking.

    As for the dress…it takes a special kind of dysfunctional garment to cause “lumpy” to be the first word to spring to mind upon behosprings photo Charlize Theron. Yeesh!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2P2ANLRZ6YAVGONA36I2AQJYGI VicD

    Girl, that’s nobody’s dress.  Oh.  Wait.  SWINTON could wear that dress, but she’d probably choose not to.

  • TieDye64

    She looks lumpy. Yikes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clydette-Wantland/673315286 Clydette Wantland

    Big fat MISS on this dress.  Sigh.

  • lesmaha

    And yet, she still looks pretty good.  

  • saanrio

    With those shoulder details, though, who WOULD be right for this dress?  Ick.  I have no clue what she (or the designer) was thinking.

  • Zippypie

    Ugh.  That is horrorshow. It’s hard to find someone who looks good in tomato red and the shoulders?  What is this 80s shoulder insanity we’ve been seeing lately?  Ugly as hell then, ugly as hell now.

  • unbornfawn

    Get rid of that ridiculous shoulder detail, add a killer necklace and shoes with some personality and she could have pulled off this look.

  • Caaro3

    Go back to bed, Charlize.  You look tired.

  • marilyn

    Dress too tight, makeup too pale.  Plain.  Okay if next size up for some other less formal event.

  • Jessica Potter

    That’s not anyone’s dress! Not even the model.

  • Snailstsichr

    I feel terrible for saying this – but that dress paired with the backdrop makes her look like she is starring in The Attack of the 50 Ft Woman.
    (Well, apparently I didn’t feel bad enough to NOT say it.)

  • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

    Good googly moogly, that is one fugly dress!  and her hair and makeup are bad, too.  HATE the shoes.

  • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

    Good googly moogly, that is one fugly dress!  and her hair and makeup are bad, too.  HATE the shoes.

  • ccm800

    Gah! she looks like an irritated pimple about to pop. EW!!! 

  • guest2visits

    I didn’t think it was as bad as you did; but the shoes were a dismal choice. I wonder if making the sleeves short (above the elbow)
    would also help.

  • Megan Patterson

    Nope, that is Tilda Swinton’s dress, she would like it back please. 

  • quiltrx

    It makes her look fat.  Let me repeat…this dress makes Charlize Theron look fat.  I don’t think this is ANYONE’S dress.

  • Joey Melliza

    send that to a fanning

  • siriuslover

    The dress itself is pretty hideous.

  • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

    with those shoulders, she could be playing for the NFL.  and that is some ugly wrinkly toe cleavage.  OUCH.

  • http://www.wordydoodles.com WordyDoodles

    This looks like an ill-fitting dress on a paper doll. I keep looking for the folded back tabs on the sides. (Let it be said that I greatly admire Charlize Theron and think she’s super fierce in general.)

  • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

    Girl, that is not your size. And get that ridiculous foot tattoo removed already. It makes you look like a sad sorority girl in her 7th year of undergrad as a social work major.

  • Stefanie Mackenzie

    She’s still stunning, even in this. We are just so used to see her being utterly jaw droppingly gorgeous. Besides, she’s a new mom. That will turn your sartorial world upside down in a nano second, trust me. Maybe the nanny wasnt there yet or something. Maybe the baby threw up down her back in the dress she wanted to wear. Baby barf is NOT attractive, particularly on the kind of gown we are used to seeing her wear.

  • Jecca2244

    i know it has been a long weekend of eating cake and living with my in laws, but this isn’t half bad….

  • RzYoung

    Girl, that’s no one’s dress!