Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Britney Spears

Posted on May 29, 2012

We’re filing this one under GTNYD, but really, the problem here could be summed up more accurately as, Girl, That’s TOO MUCH Your Dress.


Britney Spears attends the first “X-Factor” auditions in Austin in a Brian Lichtenberg dress.

If we were playing a round of Pretend Stylist Flash Cards – y’know, when someone holds up a picture of a dress and you shout out the first celebrity who should wear it. What? You don’t all do this in your spare time when nothing’s on TV? Anyway, if we were playing Pretend Stylist Flash Cards and someone held up this picture:

Brian Lichtenberg Scuba Zipper Dress

We’d instantly shout out “BRITNEY!!!” Not because we’re high-strung fanbois but because it’s so obviously the kind of dress she goes for. For which she goes. Whatever. You get our point.

But here’s the thing: if we really were Britney’s stylists, we’d steer her away from this dress, because it’s too expected and because it doesn’t actually suit her as well as she thinks. She’s not quite in Aguilera territory, but she could look so much better than this.

Brits, pack this dress up and send it to Lea Michele. Then call us and we’ll take you out shopping.


[Photo Credit: Getty,]

    • Sobaika

      I feel like Britney’s entire life has been one giant GTNYD moment.

      • Little_Olive

        Or rather one giant GTTMYD moment.

        • Amelia Logan

          needs clarification.

          • Little_Olive

            Girl, that’s too much your dress

      • joe_tey83

         She really doesn’t seem to wear anything well.

      • MsAfroCAN

        Oh? What’s that? 

    • Laurie Bergman

      The color is great on her, and that’s about it.  Except for this: WTH are those monstrosities on the model’s feet?

      • understateddiva

         old-timey hockey skates?

        • NC_Meg

          That’s honestly what I thought they were, old timey ice skates with the blades removed.

      • schadenfreudelicious

        Herman Munster chic?

      • Srw27

        Special corrective shoes to straighten out her pigeon toes?? lol

      • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

        Well they do call them “Hellbound” shoes and they are available in PONY HAIR. Jesus.

    • Pupioso

      The dress would be fug on anyone. Yuck.

      • VicD

        She looks like a “real housewife.”  If anyone has any question, that is NOT a compliment.

    • MarissaLG

      It’s a touch too short, but I think she looks cute! Compared to the mess that she could have shown up in, I think this gets an A-.

      • Sarah Dickerson

        For me… C+ at best.  Neck up she looks good!

    • Jess

      Britneys looking good lately though!

    • Rocío Vázquez

      I think the dress works with small boobs, with boobs like hers it looks weird

      • TheOriginalLulu

        You’re very kind. I think “slutty” is a more fitting word.

    • marlie

      I would have said “KStew!”

      • VioletFem

        You read my mind! That’s the first celebrity I thought of, after I saw it on the model. Although, KStew would probably wear a black or navy blue version of this dress.

    • Sara__B

      She needs a bra or built-in support. Her braless days are over.

    • janetjb

      Now that she has the X-Factor job, this is the perfect time for Britney to start changing her style.  Week by week she could transform her look into something totally different.

      On the other hand she can keep wearing super short pink dresses and be the Britney we’ve always known.

    • Anathema_Device

      Sad thing is, she probably thought this was classy looking.

      • lordandtaylor

        You got that right! This is her classy, “go to church” dress.

      • TieDye64

        Yep. The girl is clueless.

    • MK03

      God, that is one ugly-ass dress.

    • LilyPad

      Her makeup seems to always make her look…tired…or something…I like this dress on her though. The see-through boob panel is confusing, but I like the sleeves and interesting dress material. BritBrit will always be graded on a curve as far as I’m concerned.

      • kimmeister

        Yeah, I was thinking, Girl, that’s not your makeup artist.

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      No one’s dress…

    • Patti Lever

      It’s so cheap looking, that the first name I yelled out was Pamela Anderson. It just wouldn’t look good on anyone.

      • TheOriginalLulu

        Even Pamela Anderson would say that’s a trashy looking dress.

        • leftcoastpickle

          Ms.Spears completely made me think “young Pam Anderson” in this get up.
           Ms. Anderson would have more exposure of the cleavage, though. A keyhole cut into the middle of the sheer panel.

    • Beth G

      She kinda looks frosted… 

    • carolynmo

      At least her shoes look better than those on the model.  What ARE those things?  Animal print, high top heels? Jimmy Chucks?

    • ecallaw

      I’m probably the only kitten so gauche enough to watch the X Factor, but I think it was a huge mistake hiring her.  Her songs will always be on my Ipod, and I love to watch her videos, but from all the interviews I’ve ever seen the girl has zero personality and I just can’t imagine what she’ll contribute to the show.  I wish they would stop trying to get all these accomplished entertainment artists and would just worry about who will actually make a good JUDGE.

      • Call me Bee

        I thought the same when Nicole Ritchie showed up on that (awful) Fashion Star.  I thought we’d get a string of nonsensical sentances and a lot of “I’d totally wear that!” from her.  But she surprized!  Was quite knowledagble about the fashion industry and gave good critiques in the work room.  I was shocked!  (At least–for the 2 or 3 episodes I could sit through.  I gave up on the entire show fairly quickly…)
        So–maybe Britney will do the same on X Factor.  We can only hope…

    • Judy_J

      Man, that is one cheap-looking dress. 

    • judybrowni

      I thought those black shoes were a mistake until I saw the model’s S&M hobble boots.

    • lordandtaylor

      I think we can look forward to a whole series of “fashionable” outfits as she takes her place on the X-Factor. This should be fun. I love the shoes on the model.

    • l3icest3r

      10 pounds of potatoes in a 5 pound sack. BUT! She’s looking better than she did a short time ago, so that’s something. Unfortunately, I don’t think she’ll dress much differently in the future — we have reached the point of diminishing returns with Britney. 

    • TheOriginalLulu

      Lea Michele should steer clear of this dress as well. I can just imagine the collective eyeroll and “of course” if she did appear wearing this.

    • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

      What’s up with the baggy eyes?  She’s too young to look like that.

    • MilaXX

      That dress looks surprisingly cheap. This is the type of dress I expect to see Ice+T’s wife Coco wearing. Also I realize it may be my inner old lady speaking, but I don’t think Britney judging X – factor is a good idea. Sorry to say, but she’s not the smartest thing walking and she still seems on the verge of a melt down to me. If ever there was a person I would recommend retiring out of the spot light it’s her. Then again I’m also not crazy about Demi Lovato judging either. She also seem a bit too eager to prove she still has it. I think all the heavy lifting will be done by the guys on the judging panel and the ladies are there simply to bring in viewers.

    • Call me Bee

      Might be the camera angle, but that dress makes her look stumpy.  I know she’s not very tall, but still.  Nice to see her smiling and healthy looking….

    • Stubenville

      I think the sleeves are really $%^&ing up the lines of the dress (they’re about 2X too long.)  And yea, totally not flattering on Britney.

    • Lina_bee

      Oh Brit, you are not 19 anymore. Let that girl go and dress like the woman you want to be NOW.

    • Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      …and with those shoes.  Miss Brit needs to move into a more adult look.  Her gyno length is now predictable and down right boring.

    • KathKo

      Too short, too pink, too transparent.
      Seriously, girl, face it, you’re a mother of two and despite all the training and dieting and coaching your body might get, it will never be your twenty years old body anymore. So, stop dressing like you’re still 20.
      Embrace your curves, ditch the fugly that make you look bustier and thicker than you are and go shopping with your gay uncles, that’s a good girl.  

    • SapphoPoet

      Agree it’s too much her kind of thing. But she looks really pretty, healthy, and sane. Good girl. 

    • TheOriginalLulu

      Ok, so I just googled and found out that Britney is 30 years old. Looking at that close-up of her face, I’d probably say around 38. She’s a pretty girl, but that makeup is making her look tired and she’s reached the age where that long bleached blonde hair is too harsh and extremely aging. Time to leave her 20s behind her and make a drastic change; she’s one simple makeover away from being beautiful again.  

    • miagain

      It’s awful, utterly and completely awful…

    • PeaceBang

      The shoes on the model are ludicrous. I LOL’d at work and our secretary had to come in and get a gander. Brit-Brit needs a make-over, ’cause it’s not 2004 any more. Also, Mommy, you need to hoist your lovely bosom up now. 

    • twocee

      It might not be her dress exactly, BUT

      — hair clean and healthy looking
      — no black lace, nor the ability to see her lady parts
      — not looking 20 years older than she really is
      — actual smile and the reminder that she really is a pretty girl (er, woman)

      I’d say that this is a win for Brit.

    • Eva_baby

      That dress is ugly and cheap looking.  The sad thing is I clicked through the link for the designer and this dress is the classiest looking thing he apparently designs.  All the stuff looks like stripper-wear.

    • AWS

      I LIKE IT!  I LIKE IT ON BRITNEY TOO!   *stomps off pouting*

    • Martha Hicks Leta

      Please make a TV show where you take misguided celebrities, edit the hell out of their closet and take them shopping. Start with Britney and have her on every three months for a rehab overhaul.  

      • Jessica TallGirl Freeman

        Even better: Get Stacey and Clinton from What Not To Wear.  I so need to see Britney in the 360 mirror, then watch them ridicule her clothing and throw it in a trash can.  

    • Martha Hicks Leta

      Oh, look. Once again Britney’s fallen face first into a gigantic Hostess Snowball. 

    • marilyn

      She is a skinny girl with dancer’s legs.  This dress is too tight. Somehow it makes her look stocky.  She should really lower the hem if she is going to insist on wearing it.  She also should have some wacko shoes.  The conservative black pumps do nothing for the dress.  She still has a pretty face and can carry off the long blonde tresses.  But, this is not the dress for her.

      • Lisa_Cop

        She does NOT have dancer legs. Dancers are lean, long muscular legs. Her legs are just short and thick.

    • Rebecca

      I don’t think she’s comfortable in it, either. Look at her body language–she’s terrified that her hem is going to scooch up.

      Poor honey.

    • LuisaNL

      even in this shade of pink she looks 20 years older. please TLo, help her before it’s too late!!

    • jessicasac

      Her boobs are too big for this.

    • Maluca

      Her eyes are so vacant. It’s like she’s all dead inside. 

    • bluefish

      Poor baby — I still love her and am so happy she appears to have gotten herself together but she always looks a mess.  No taste at all — ever.

    • tired_mommy

      She looks so uncomfortable. Her stance and smile seem to say “I’m panicked if I move my arms at all my dress will retract-up faster than a slinky”.

    • Beardslee

      The dress is horrible – but  how about the shoes the model is perching in?  Golly.  It’s a scroll through fug.

    • MsKitty

      It’s gonna be fun watching her rock the same kind of dress when she’s in her mid-40s.

    • Spicytomato1

      I wish I had someone to play Pretend Stylist Flash Cards with! Maybe TLo’s game division could come up with a game or app…hint, hint!

      Anyway, I might have guessed Britney but I also may have guessed Mariah Carey or Xtina. They’re all somewhat interchangeable for me, style-wise.

    • lifetime_student

      Does  Brian Lichtenberg design for Frederick’s of Hollywood?

    • michelle shields

      Face? Pretty. The rest? Yikes!

    • MandyJane

      The dress is definitely not for her, she’s getting too old for that, but she is looking a lot better than she was a year or so ago. 

    • joe_tey83

      Lea Michele would have cut out that translucent bit and shorten the hem. 

    • Allison Woods

      THAT is NO WOMAN’S DRESS. Fug.

    • Kathleen Gillies

      she is such a pretty girl.  Is that middle area see-through?  Honestly, I think if I had her body and could get away with it I’d wear anything I wanted.  But it is very Barbie Pink and reminds me of the 90’s.

    • Lorena

      She needs to admit that she’s a woman, and that she has a woman’s body now. Her stylists need to be down with this too, but they are just clearly not. 

    • leave_Blake_alone

      Hmph, I think she looks pretty great in this, especially when grading on a curve for her. Agreed that it is pretty expected, but still, this is the best she’s looked in a while.

    • DebbieLovesShoes

      I would LOVE to see what our beloved T and Lo would put her in!  Perhaps we should start a write-in campaign. 

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      I’m not onboard with any dress that features a boob screen.

    • guest2visits

      Looks like she’s still trying to fit into stuff from the jr. cheap and trashy dept.  Very tacky dress; looks like it was made from
       old terry cloth towels.   …..And I wish someone would teach her how to stand and how to walk.

    • Linderella

      Britney is the QUEEN of “Girl, that’s not your dress!”

    • Lauren Lynch Fox

      I don’t think that is anyone’s dress…..

    • JaCory Deon

      As someone pointed out, I too was thinking that hair color (and coloring in general) is aging her about ten years.  Time to give it up!  That dress looks cheap and unflattering on her…I’m sure she’s got the body back (somewhat) but you can’t tell in that.

    • MzzPants

      Feet clenched together, hand glued to side.  Not a good sign.

    • Lisa

      Too tight and too cheap looking.

    • yifat shaik

      the dress is pretty bad, but she looks so happy and clean I don’t really mind

    • ccm800

      EXACLT!  Man I hope she calls. I wonder if you guys have ever been approached to style a celeb?  

    • ccm800

      EXACLT!  Man I hope she calls. I wonder if you guys have ever been approached to style a celeb?  

    • Carlodog

      Unfortunately, no matter what she wears she always looks trashy.  

    • Maya Laukaran

      I think you guys need a new catergory called “of course”. For getups like this one and, “or course”, anything Lea Michele wears.

    • quiltrx

      You’re someone’s mother, and you’re getting to be a bit of a haint.  Just NO on this dress.

    • bellafigura1

      I’d shout out “Pamela Anderson!”  In both cases, blech.