Eva Longoria at Cannes (X2)

Posted on May 18, 2012

So Lorenzo was all, “We have to feature a couple of Eva Longoria looks,” and Tom was like, “Really? Because she bugs,” and then Lorenzo got all kinds of, “Everyone is talking about her gowns and we should have an opinion,” so Tom goes, “Whatever.”

Hit it, E:

Eva Longoria attends Opening Ceremony and “Moonrise Kingdom” Premiere at Cannes in a Marchesa gown. Clutch by Marchesa. Brian Atwood heels.

Girl, that is entirely too much dress for you. Give it to RuPaul. She’ll know what to do with it. We appreciate a gal who can so easily get in touch with her inner drag queen, but some of the more attention-seeking and outrageous dresses she tends to favor don’t actually suit her tiny size.

This dress is more of what she should be going for:

Eva Longoria attends premiere of “De rouille et D’Os” at Cannes in an Emilio Pucci white silk gown paired with Damiani earrings and Brian Atwood heels.

Glamorous, sexy, and eye-catching simply by being relatively simple in comparison to a lot of red carpet gowns. We appreciate the draggy looks, but she’s better when she’s in classic Hollywood glam mode. She looks sexier, prettier and younger in this look than she does in the Marchesa. The only problem here is that the dress doesn’t fit her correctly, especially in the bust. Still, if she asked us our opinion (and really, she should), then we’d tell her that Glam Eva looks better than Drag Eva.

What do the kittens think? Could there possibly be a more difficult conundrum for the T Lo commentariat? How do you pick between GLAM and DRAG, darlings?
[Photo Credit: Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images, Jean Catuffe/PacificCoastNews.com, Pixplanete/PR Photos]

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  • mjude

    i have to say Glam.  the drag is way to much

    • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

      Glam? Drag? Oh, god, this is worse than Sophie’s Choice.

    • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

      Glam? Drag? Oh, god, this is worse than Sophie’s Choice.

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    Glorious as that first dress is, it requires a level of command that Miss Eva does not as yet possess.

    • http://www.GiftedCollector.com Nancy Abrams

      She’s just too tiny to ever possess a level of command that would carry off an overloaded Marchesa unless it was proportioned for a petite. Less frou frou please.

  • Sobaika

    Tiny or no, she looks fabulous in the Marchesa. Forger the vertically blessed, Eva! Wear all the showy gowns you like.

    • DCSheehan

      I’m with you there, hon. Go for broke, Eva!

  • http://twitter.com/LianaBrooks Liana Brooks

    glam

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/JVY7XEMGPDVRCWR5JIY757SBJE suzin

    They are both gorgeous…but glam wins…simple question…what is she doing there?

    • Sobaika

      She (like Freida Pinto) is a L’Oreal Ambassador.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2ZGSQMHRCO7LAIOWG2HD74V6XU Marcie Dreyfuss

        Which is sort of a euphemism for ‘got no films on hand’.

        • Sobaika

          I think L’Oreal is a big sponsor of the film festival, or has some sort of partnership. The send brand ambassadors every year.

          • Nelliebelle1197

             Thanks for clearing that up. I was wondering myself….

    • anchovymeow

      I saw a trailer of her starring in a movie called “For Greater Glory” due to premier soon.

  • http://twitter.com/hmbscully WendyD

    She looks like two completely different people between those two gowns.

    • In_Stitches

      She looks like Latin Kate Beckinsale in the first and the least memorable Kardashian in the second.  I can’t tell why it’s happening, but it’s crazy.

      • Carla_Charlton

        Is it just me or does her face look different?

        • Lisa_Cop

          The glam picture doesn’t look like her at all.

  • hughman

    The Marchesa gown looks like her heel got caught on a rug and the poor thing has been dragging it around all day.

  • http://twitter.com/GaraStJames Gara St. James

    The white dress is much better. She needs to stay away from dresses with too much train. Like George Sanders says of Anne Baxter in ALL ABOUT EVE, “You’re too short for that gesture.”

  • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

    i much prefer the pucci.  it’s a gorgeous dress, but unfortunately the top fits her like a nightgown.

    the marchesa seems like it wants to be an elie saab, but the artistry just isn’t there.  (see fan bing bing)

  • TonyGo

    Is she aging backward like Benjamin Button?  Has she been guzzling the “Death Becomes Her” potient?  Has she been to see the “dentist?”  Whatever, she looks pretty fab.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julie-Chase/731391326 Julie Chase

    Glam. She looks so great in white and the dress managed to be eye-catching and subdued.

  • lilibetp

    I’m with Tom on this.  She bugs.

  • carolynmo

    I guess the glam gown is better, but that fraying look at the shoulders and neckline bothers me, as if the dress was unfinished.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    Girl. You are no Fan Bing Bing.

  • Lina_bee

     Love the Pucci, even if the bodice is cut with shoulders for a woman 2-3 inches taller than EV. Alas, they don’t make gowns like this in petite sizes unless you special order or sew them yourself.

    I liked the Marchesa up until seeing the back and how transparent it is.

  • http://twitter.com/Glam_Dixie Audra R

    The Marchesa makes her look stumpy, like someone chopped her legs off, and no one wants to look stumpy.

    • Little_Olive

      Total leg chopping. She usually takes larger sartorial bites than she can chew.  

  • 3boysful

    Glam, fer sure. 

    And will some kind sugar daddy PLEASE buy me the Damiani earrings?

  • HK4Seven

    She bugs, BUT, I feel like we’re comparing a gown to a bedsheet.  The Marchesa is stunning, and while it is a lot of dress she is working it.  And (most important), it fits her perfectly.  The Pucci, on the other hand, looks like it’s going to fall off of her, and not in an intentional “Oh, is that strap sliding down my arm?” way, but in a way that means she will be tugging on that nightgown all day to make sure it stays where it’s supposed to. 

  • Amy T.

    Did she do something to her face?  She looks different, but I can’t put my finger on it.

  • Karen Tully

    The train on the first dress is longer than she is tall.  And the only time that’s okay is if you’re a princess getting married or a queen getting crowned (royal queen, drag queen, doesn’t matter–but only for coronation).

  • newleaf1

    Love that second dress.  I have no use for it but she should give it to me.

  • kirkyo

    To be honest, I think she looks pretty damn good in both looks.

  • poggi

    I saw a shot of her in the first gown on stairs and the train was behind her going down the steps and it looked good, but without the aid of staircase I agree this is way too much of a dress for someone of her stature.

  • Judih1

    glam is better, but only slighty. She is too petite for either of these looks. Just because someone gives you a free gown, doesn’t mean you should wear it.

  • BeeBeauNYC

    The train on Eva’s first dress is almost as long as Josephine’s in “The Coronation of Napolean”. Seriously, hun, that’s way too much dress.

  • drdirection

    I thought the first one wasn’t so bad…then I saw the second one!  bee-u-ti-ful!

  • http://profiles.google.com/hillaryschuster Hillary Schuster

    I’m with Tom – she bugs – but she looks GREAT in that second look. I esp. agree that she looks much younger – less Desperate Housewives.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_64HSRZWCSJ5RBFGCWDLFQOICYM G

    GLAM EVA!  But  – not a fan of trains.

  • frannyprof

    Glam. After the fabulous Ms. Bingbing in the Elie Saab, lil’ Eva looks like a downright amateur in the Marchesa.

  • http://twitter.com/lareveuse lareveuse

    Love #2, but the fit is off at the boob level. #1,–nope. Not flattering, she’s too small. Not for her.

    But her eye makeup bugs me. It looks like she has a stamp that she just whomps on her eyelid. Always a variation of the same, always looks slightly askew and not appropriate. She doesn’t need all that brown! Reminds me of Clara Bow and her thumbprint lips. Weird.

  • Little_Olive

    She bores me to no end. I’m with Tom. 

  • SapphoPoet

    Glam. Definitely. 

  • Pants_are_a_must

    I agree with Tom. I can’t with her. I couldn’t with her even at the height of Desperate Housewives.

  • crash1212

     It wouldn’t hurt my feelings if you never – ever – posted anything about Teeny Eva here again. Not sure why anybody would be talking about these gowns. Don’t like either one of them and not on her. First one is just silly, second one is OK, but doesn’t fit her.

  • Cathy S

    Second look is so much better. And as soon as I saw the first gown I thought “Marchesa.” Illusion netting is from the Devil.

  • schadenfreudelicious

    i’ll give it to glam though the fit is definitely off..drag is just too much dress for such a wee pixie of a gal..there must be some rule about the length of one’s train being proportionate to one’s height :) unless of course you are going full on cathedral up the aisle….

  • Frank_821

    It really is no contest. Glam Eva all the way. She’s really way too small for over the top drag gowns.

    And as you point out, Glam Eva is about 15 years younger than Drag Eva 

  • holdmewhileimnaked

    i dont mean this to be catty but it’s probably the most faux-cat thing i’ve ever said in these comments. it wouldnt be if our society didnt have particular prejudices to which i do not also adhere, but anyway.

    i always think this woman is older than i am. it’s not cos she looks old, cos she doesnt. but theres something about her that reads middle age & has since, i dunno, she first appeared. i wonder if thats true for everyone? or maybe just for me cos i know much more about desperate housewives from reading than viewing [i've, of course, never seen it].

    but theres still something. very trophy wife, maybe. but that seems to be how she wants to present herself. dont ask me, it’s not what i would do.

    to that end [or, perhaps, to some other], i really like both dresses but, yr right, not necessarily on this person. the first one is too big & too much for anything other than–& someone else said it better–a wedding or a coronation. maybe she thought since the color was a cross between jam, mud & clouds that it would distract from the fact it’s so overwhelming [& not in the glorious way of bingbing's] that nobody can walk w/in several feet of it w/o ensuring its destruction? & the second, of course, doesnt quite fit. a nice dress in its way but not a trophy wife dress. too scruffy around the edges, too intellectual &, i hate to say it, too young. wouldnt have to be the latter but the combo of the color, the person & its misfittedness just does not work. in a darker shade w/ fewer dips & gaps? then maybe.

  • granddelusion

    First dress is too much, but the second one is underwear.

  • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

    “Girl, that is entirely too much dress for you.”

    This needed to be said again.

  • prettybigkitty

    Is it just me or does anyone else think Marchesa is tacky?  

  • Susan Crawford

    She looks better in the white dress, but I’m damned if I understand why she’s at Cannes to begin with.

  • EEKstl

    Glam for the win.  The 2nd look is gorgeous (I also love the black, long-sleeved version Renee Z. was wearing awhile back).  Drag makes EL look older, haggard and overwhelmed.

  • altalinda

    Glam Eva’s over the shoulder smolder makes this tough, but I’m going with Glam Eva.  I think she’s woman enough to pull it off.

  • marilyn

    Glam is great, but she needed to wear her hair up.  The dress has interest on the upper back, and the hair covers it up.  As far as  the drag look goes, is that fur on the train?  Yikes! Actually, without the fur train, it would have been a smashing dress. Too bad for the furry stuff.

  • kimmeister

    Glam Eva for sure, for the following 3 reasons:
    1. Drag Eva’s clutch is way too ornate, given the ornate gown
    2. Drag Eva has wrinkly illusion netting on her back in the last pic, which makes it look like her back is wrinkly
    3. I don’t need to see your tramp stamp at Cannes

  • janetjb

    Glam Eva’s hair and makeup are lovely, she’s so much prettier than her counterpart.

  • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gabriella M

    Where’s her date?

  • nancymae

    Why is she at Cannes in the first place??

  • VicksieDo

    LOVE the white one, that’s a wow

  • http://twitter.com/TigerLaverada TigerLaverada

    I like the second one OK, but the first thing that popped into my mind when I saw the first dress was “sea slug”. Gross, huh?

  • Glammie

    The Marchesa’s the boa constrictor of dresses–it’s slowly swallowing her.  Unless you’re getting married to royalty, your train should not be twice your height.  Girl’s way too short for the look.  Leave it to the six-footers.

    Second is fine.  Not memorable, but very pretty on her.

  • TSkot

    GLAM all the way.  That first one looks like it was designed as a joke.

  • http://twitter.com/SparklyCasanova UglyCasanova

    GLAM.

    I’m surprised that all the cameramen maintained their composure … I would have pointed and laugh, sorry, but that train is ridiculous;  I can just imagine her walking in that like she’s walking through knee-high mud.

  • http://twitter.com/jennsaysmeow Fifi LaRoux

    Can we opt for neither and she just stop trying to prove to people that she’s something she’s not. Just be yourself on the rec carpet Eva, you’re so naturally pretty.

  • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

    Glam Eva every time. Glam Eva sans train would be my favorite actually.

  • MilaXX

    I think she wears basically the same silhouette, the only difference between her drag vs glam look is how long the train is.

  • BrooklynBomber

    Well, the second dress is just much more interesting. 

  • CQAussie

    Glam, always glam.  I love a good drag and heaven knows it takes a VILLAGE for a good drag to happen but I gotta go with glam every time =) 

    Ditto in Eva’s case.  But agree – the fit up top in the Emilio Pucci dress is off.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/XX3UUXUSBZGZQ4MKNADAMYTADE Mrs

    Nyah nyah Eva Longoria has a tramp stamp!  As someone with a lot of tattoo work myself, I think it’s de rigeur to consider one’s ink when one chooses one’s gowns. 

  • http://theargiehome.blogspot.com/ Gus Casals

    Well, drag Eva is striking. I think she’s pulling it off, and the hair, makeup and accesories are killa. 

  • ballerinawithagun

    The Marchesa gown itself is great, just not the whole parade float behind it.

  • RonHermione42

    I definitely vote GLAM here, and probably would in most cases where drag is less appropriate. Though, the fraying of the netting at the neckline is kind of annoying me.

  • a_liking

    Still nowhere near as fabulous as Queen Bing Bing.

  • guest2visits

    Theres something different about her face in both looks that I like.  Maybe it’s a change of style in the make-up dept.
    The netting in the back of the first gown is not so great, and that is a hefty train for someone so petite.
    I agree, the second is the right kind of glamorous, much better then dress one.

  • allisankelly

    Glam. Though I”m not sure whose face I’m looking at in the profile shots. Did she do something to her face?

  • LesYeuxHiboux

    She looks exquisite in the white but I was so afraid I was going to see butt crack on the rear view, y’all. Stop the sheer insanity!

  • jilly_d

    I liked her in that first look until I scrolled to the second – YOWZA!  That might be the best she’s ever looked!

  • MissMariRose

    I’m so tired of illusion netting.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=610791985 Aniela Marie Perry

    Ugh Marchesa

  • Louise Bryan

    The “drag” is better if the train were whacked off.  Otherwise, she looks great in the dress.  She looks pretty gorgeous in the “glam” gown, also.

  • fiestyfashionfem

    Glam Eva is beautiful.  Drag Eva is just a big ole’ fat ugh.  And, I like her, but why is she there? Does she have a film coming up?  Or what? I’m thinking Desperate Housewives isn’t Cannes-worthy.  Please, tell me it isn’t!

  • MzzPants

    Drag is no good if you can’t work it.  She needs to stick with Glam.

    But no matter what she wears, she will always remind me of a chiuaua.

  • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

    While she is too tiny for the first dress, she looks really cute in the second photo in which you don’t see all that Marchesa frapp. RuPaul could totally rock it, though.

  • lifetime_student

    Definitely Glam. Unless she has some kind of financial arrangement with Marchesa, she needs to avoid them. Also, if I can see the shadow of your butt crack, your lining is not doing its job.

  • Beth G

    The 2nd dress reminds me of Julia Robert’s night-gown in Pretty Woman.

  • ccm800

    The first pic looks like a giant muppet foot. 

  • GTrain

    I like the second look (although I am still a sucker for a red carper shot with all those paparazzi, like #5). Pretty but she never really wows me.

  • dramamajor

    Glam wins for sure

  • lyrico

    Glam is a better look-although the Pucci cutouts made me think of Silence of the Lambs and the skin suit wild Bill was sewing…ugh. Now thats all I can see..

  • kaybeel

    Are we sure that’s her in the Pucci?

  • PeaceBang

    That Drag look is ridiculous. It’s not a flattering gown on her — her waist is non-existent. The second look would be lovely were it not for the bad fit in the bust. HOWEVER. If I see ONE. MORE. TINY. TACKY. TATTOO…..

  • TieDye64

    Glam (that fits) is definitely the way for her to go. Drag just makes her look too much like a little girl playing dress-up. 

  • LambeeBaby

    I love the back of the Drag dress, it is stunning. I agree tho, it is nachodress. The glam dress is much better (with some alterations).

  • Lisa

    Both dresses are gorgeous, and there’s nothing wrong with the way she actually *looks*, you know what I mean?  The styling’s great, the dresses are great.  But dress #1 is way too much dress for her, even though it’s beautiful – she’s too short.  And the second dress is a lot less dress, but that misfit bust is driving me nuts.

  • GorgeousThings

    Yawn…

  • Laylalola

    Even the Pucci is too much train. 

  • bluefish

    The second look looks better on her for sure but don’t care for either one.  Way too much going on in both.  She’s needs the petite dressing manual.

  • CozyCat

    The second look is much better for her.  But the first look is the kind of thing that gets you a lot of press coverage, which is the main point of appearing on red carpets.

    So I think she was actually pretty smart here–one dress for the p.r., one to show how good she can look.

  • Zippypie

    She’s better in white but both are too much.  Waaaaay too much.  What the hell is she at Cannes for anyway?

  • Lisa_Cop

    Prefer the glam to the drag but this may be the last opportunity for her to wear Marchesa. Once Desperate Housewives is over, so is her career.

  • Candigirl1968

    She needs to let those trains go.

  • formerlyAnon

    Glam, hands down. Girl should wear dress, not vice versa.

  • http://www.facebook.com/janet.selman Janet Selman

    If the Glam fits, wear it.

  • Beardslee

    I think that is a whole lotta skirt for anybody but certainly someone who’s quite tall and bigger overall would have a better chance of carrying that off. She looks like a wee little thing wearing someone else’s dress.
    The detailing at the bust reminds me of Bob Mackie.

  • mozzer0906

    Eva wants the world to know she goes commando…  First dress is wayyyyyy too much (typical Marchesa) and the 2nd dress looks great.

  • TheOriginalLulu

    Agreed. She often tries to pull off these grand, dramatic looks and they just end up looking tacky and aging on her.
    She looks a little ridiculous in that first shot, where the train of the dress is completely overwhelming her. She’s just too short for that dress!  
     
    That second look is far prettier for her and the soft hair much more flattering. I would even say that she’s too short for the train on that second dress as well, but it’s better.

  • frankystein123

    The glam dress is definitely for her, unfortunately it makes her look a bit… wide. Have it fitted properly, and everyone will be kissing her feet.

  • dorothea_brooke

    She looks really pretty in the second dress.  I’ve never felt one way or the other about her, and always saw her as television’s Jlo, but I recently saw her on Bill Maher’s show and she’s quite smart. She spoke eloquently about immigration and farmworkers’ rights.  I was surprised, and a little ashamed of myself for my assumptions.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_HIZ7S2FRLC52NXARXQ4ERHNOGE Liz

    I’ve never seen her as pretty as that second dress.

  • jjfg

    I wouldn’t mind the drag look so much if it weren’t for the train.  In the 3/4 shot, she doesn’t look too bad.  Overblown and bridal, for sure, but – it’s her, so I don’t really care.  Second dress: would look better if it fit, but it’s an improvement over the first.  Still, I have to wonder why such a short person would choose to wear TWO dresses that literally drag her down.  You don’t need help getting earth-bound, girl.

  • butter nut

    that train on the first dress is longer than she is tall & makes her look shorter than she really is.  the 2nd dress though is a complete stunner.  WERQ!