Zooey Deschanel in Stella McCartney

Posted on April 16, 2012

Lately, we’ve been fighting the tendency for some people to see us as experts on how women and men should dress in their day-to-day lives, but sometimes a celeb steps out in something that forces us to get all huffy and lay down the law.

Zooey Deschanel attends the world premiere of “My Valentine” video hosted by Paul McCartney and Stella McCartney in Stella McCartney.

Stella McCartney Pre-Fall 2012 Collection

It’s also going to force us to do something else we hate to do, which is recycle a good joke. But sometimes, a bitchy blogger’s got no choice, so here it is. You want a T Lo Law of Dressing? Here goes:

Nipples are sources of fun and nutrition; not hooks upon which you hang a dress.

 

Sorry, but it needed to be said again, darlings.

 

[Photo Credit: Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images, elle.com]

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  • JimMcC

    Further proof that Stella McCartney’s clothes are made of evil.

    • Pants_are_a_must

       She is such a ridiculously untalented designer. I doubt she’s ever made a single flattering frock in her life.

      • Maine1ac

        She must have been up for hours designing that dress.  “Hmmm..big bow in front. Next.”

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      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6PUVFQ7YCZZFZRIER6BEJ4HVYE Amye

        sorry you don’t like them.  While I don’t care for this dress, she is immensly more talented.

        I hate Galiano’s clothes, but do I go about saying he’s not talented?

        Alot of people on this list are very uppity & snobbish, I must say.

        • Pants_are_a_must

          Goop, is that you? lol

        • http://twitter.com/moodring54 Rachel

          Snobbish because we can recognize a trend of extreme fug coming from one source? Is it “uppity” now to have eyes?

    • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

      Just dreadful. Seriously, does *anyone* really like her designs? I wouldn’t wear that dress for free without some serious alterations and a bow reduction.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=27432316 Ally Monge

      Almost exactly my thoughts at seeing this dress.!!!

    • TieDye64

      Yeah, this is truly the work of the devil.

  • miagain

    She looks miserable…

  • http://twitter.com/ThisIsNotEmber John Watson

    Zooey continues to be a constant disappointment. She is so cute, and always end up in these awful outfits.

  • Carla_Charlton

    This didn’t even hang correctly on the model.

  • Violina23

    The look on her face says that she lost a bet, and she knows it…

  • Paigealicious

    At least her hair is shiny?

    • http://onebluetree.blogspot.com/ Sara L.

       I love a positive attitude!

  • Sobaika Mirza

    Sad boobs! Her boobs look so sad. And she looks sorta stumpy. Unflattering all around.

    • slightlybitterkitten

      Stumpy, yet emaciated (which normally isn’t her thing).  That’s hard to pull off.  Right? 

      • Pinup Ghoul

         Like an bored, underfed Welsh Corgi. And that’s the saddest thing in the world.

  • kelsita421

    that dress is just sad. but her skin is luminous! 

  • UrsNY

    Wow. That’s the absurd endpoint of the slipping strapless trend. Or as close as someone can get without nudity. Well done, ZD, you’ve done your part in killing a trend. Finally, your age-inappropriate MPDG shtick has been used for good instead of evil. Thank you.

    • Olive Tree

      Had to look up MPDG, so I’m glad I learned something from your post. But, did you know that the wikipedia definition also lists Maude from Harold and Maude as an example of cinematic MPDGs? Not exactly relegated to a particular age-bracket. 

      • UrsNY

        It’s not about being a certain age, but acting childlike. It’s about aping childlike innocence to evade confrontation, rather than acting with agency and accepting responsibility for one’s actions. It’s about loudly advertising a non-threatening status to men, since there’s a long, ugly history of men seeing women as children, not entitled to the same rights.

        For the record, I can see how Maude can technically fit in a certain point of view, but her open anti-authoritarianism is the opposite of the MPDG, which is essentially reassuring men of their authority.

      • TAGinMO

        Well, at least it didn’t list Maude from Maude. :-)

  • krystinamarie

    Is it bad that my first thought was that you were going to ding her about a strapless dress with black tights and heavy shoes?

    It looks like her shoes and tights are slowly pulling her entire body down. Or at least pulling my focus down. 

  • Call me Bee

    Wow–it certainly did need to be said, and I hope our lovely Zooey (along with Stella herself…) reads and remembers it.  That is one silly dress and the heavy hose and shoes do not help one little bit.   

    • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

      Exactly!

  • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

    In that last picture she looks like whatsername from Pushing Up Daisies. From the neck up. From the neck down she looks like grandma’s sheer curtains.

    • librarygrrl64

      Anna Friel was the name you were looking for. :-)

      • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

        The very one! Thanks! 

  • bluefish

    Come on, TLo!  I am no SMc fan but the dress is adorable and ZD is gorgeous.  Too bad the thing wasn’t fitted properly and that she’s further pulling the gown down with her hands on hip pose.  Cute dress, totally her style — just too big or badly arranged or something. 

  • allj

    Why do so many women leave the house (and step onto the red carpet) looking like that? One light tug on the hem and the girls are coming out to play

  • BrooklynBomber

    My, god, there is absolutely nothing right about this look. 

  • guest2visits

    Oh, bummer Zooey.   

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Stepping further into caricature land, I see.

  • amywinns

    Ugh. How can it be so oppressive, matronly and overly-revealing all at once? and those heavy-soled shoes!?  Plus, it’s finally warm out — but I feel suffocated just looking at this!

  • JaneDC

    Please God, do not give this girl any reason to raise her hands higher than her waist.

  • sagecreek

    Good God, it’s like a perfect storm of bad.

  • ChiliP

    I actually kind of like the dress on the model…I think monochromatic color takes the focus off the huge bow.

    Poor thing- in the close up, you can see the bags under her eyes. I hope she’s taking care of herself through her divorce.

    • asympt

       No, even the model’s version looks like a cross between a nightie and a towel she’s hastily and barely wrapped around her boobs (which it wouldn’t if the bow were more visible but that wouldn’t help).

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OSYAJATXUH3QX7ZDDF52GXG4PU Janie R

    So, how much does that bow weigh anyhow? 50-60 pounds?

    • http://www.djplaw.com/ Tadiana

      I didn’t even notice how low the dress was hanging at first; the bow was a black vortex sucking up all of my attention.

  • ChaquitaPhilly

    Somebody buy the poor thing a mirror. NOW!

  • dress_up_doll

    I saw this over the weekend and thought, this is the absolute worst ZD has ever looked. She even looks like she knows it.

  • granddelusion

    She has such beautiful skin. Too bad her dress is SO UGLY!

  • http://twitter.com/Nancer Nancer

    Stella McCartney is not Zooey’s friend…. 

    • MoHub

      Stella McCartney is not anybody’s friend. She must be stopped. Even the Fashion Police on E! agree.

      • alyce1213

        … until she’s a guest on the show and they ooze praise all over her.  As snarky as they can be, they are ass-kissers.

        • Little_Olive

          Well, E! cannot afford to be mad at some people… It bothers me more that their fashion choices are so obvious I feel we the Bitter Kittens are far more avant-garde. 

          • alyce1213

            Very much so, and with much more discerning taste.  I shake my head every time they gush “gaw-juss, gaw-juss, gaw-juss” over some ugly thing that’s been ripped by T-Lo and their minions.

      • http://twitter.com/Nancer Nancer

        I totally agree! (Almost wrote “titally” by mistake, except in this case – maybe not such a mistake! :]).

    • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

      The thing is, she must be the most utterly delightful woman in the world, to have convinced so many of her friends to go out in her designs looking like shit.

  • Judy_J

    She looks embarassed and well she should be!  That is a hideous dress with hideous styling. 

  • marilyn

    If she is reduced to being stuck with this as a freebie from a designer, she should just buy her clothes.  At least she can then wear something attractive.

  • Joyce VG

    HIDDY!  *sobs* no more Stella McCartney clothes please.

  • MilaXX

    Nipples are sources of fun and nutrition; not hooks upon which you hang a dress.

    So much WORD!  Like many of Stella’s designed this one is pure fug. It looks horrible on the model, so I’m not sure why Zooey thought she stood a snowball’s chance in hell of making it work. Tit bows are never a good idea.

  • DominoEstella

    I love her but this is just AWFUL.  DREADFUL.. It doesn’t even look good on the model.  

  • Annabelle Archer

    This is one of THE WORST looks I can recall seeing in long long time.

  • crash1212

    What is it with Stella McCartney strapless dresses? They ALL seem to sit too low on anybody who is dumb enough to wear them. I fear that Stella is a hack. I’m thinking that Stella the Hack must have some mad foundation skills though, otherwise that sucker would fall off at first breath. Having said that, I would totally love this look if the dress wasn’t – as T Lo state – hanging off her nipples. 

    • alyce1213

      “Stella is a hack” is a given.  I think you’re giving her too much credit at foundation skills (albeit facetious) — that would be her pattern and dressmakers.  So she really has no skill.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Cleary/1201575213 Patrick Cleary

    Also, if your hair looks like a wig that’s floating a few centimeters above your head, reconsider the style.

    • charlotte

       Cause every hairpiece needs a little wiggle room.

  • luciaphile

    I can’t stand ZD, but she is a pretty woman and that outfit? is doing her NO favors. 

  • Deedles

    Look carefully at the skin under her eyes. She’s either REALLY tired or has been crying (eyes look a little pink, too). I’d cry, too, if a stylist handed me this dress.

  • cheesebomb

    Are her boobs the Wicked Witch of the West? Because they are definitely melting.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1401197785 Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    NO GIANT BOOBY BOWS!!!

  • lesmaha

    I’m with you on the recycled phrase, TLo–this is the second dress in about a week where I’m afraid it’s just going to fall off the “hooks”–what’s up with that???  (cf Lake Bell) It’s really unattractive.

  • Little_Olive

    Yes, it needed to be said again, TLo. In fact it does not get said enough.

    As for the wearer, honey, what happened!? You had lost a ton of weight up there in your forehead, you were on the way to a fresh and more flattering hairstyle. You had almost stopped wearing heavy pantyhose with light colored frocks. Did you fall off the young wagon?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

    I… I thought this was a busted drag queen.

  • librarygrrl64

    Wow. Sits too low on her, and I just can’t with the white lace and black tights. FUG!

  • charlotte

    Girl, your dress is about to fall off.

  • erinbinek

    How is that dress even staying on??

  • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

    That is the dumbest dress. Ugh. Zooey looks like she knows it too.

  • butter nut

    this could be cute on one of those teen starlets.  i know zooey banks her image on looking like a cupie-doll or whatever, but this is just way too juvenile.  it’s like the dress knows it shouldn’t be on the back of a grown woman & is desperately trying to sneak off of her.  also it makes it look like her tits are down around her waist.  beautiful girl, nice dress, but the two should just never have been introduced to each other.  

  • IAmJ

    Nothing redeeming about this made-of-fug look. And stop it with the sideburns already.

  • unbornfawn

    Laughing! A good joke is a good joke.  My first thought when I saw this was “hoist it up, Darling!”   If a strapless dress doesn’t fit right it ruins the look, no matter how spectacular the dress or woman. TLo – good advice for startlets and civilians alike. 

  • hillmad

    OMG, I just looked at the rest of the collection 
    http://www.elle.com/Runway/Ready-to-Wear/Pre-Fall-2012/STELLA-MCCARTNEY/STELLA-MCCARTNEYI just don’t get it! I want to like her stuff and to believe it’s not just because she’s Paul’s daughter that she’s ever gotten work, but jeesh!

  • formerlyAnon

    And the riding-too-low is obviously a problem of the dress, since the model has the same thing going on.

    And just because “twee” is her thing doesn’t mean she’s not too old for that dress. Because she is. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1303837450 Lauren Dorsee Dillon

    Because it is not technologically possible for me to reach my hands through the computer monitor and tug her dress up, this photo has inspired me to make it so. 

  • Nelliebelle1197

    The original is almost good. Almost. But it does not fit the model. I just don’t think poor Stella has any innate sense of how clothes should fit. She was very lucky to be a McCartney.

  • Jessi03

    Hahahahaha!

  • abigail3

    That’s it. I am officially over her now.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/J2VE4NE2FY2BP4QD2XOYKJGLPI Laura

    Well besides that, it’s just a hideous dress

  • nannypoo

    It should be hard to make Zooey look tubby, but this dress adds about 20 pounds. Even if she hiked it up in the front and took off the unflattering lace it would still be a hot mess. 

  • TheOriginalLulu

    I’m sorry but it’s a tragic state of affairs when a person looks in the mirror and thinks that this looks good.

  • PastryGoddess

    Dear Stella…just stop..stop now.  You SUCK as a “fashion designer”  Not that Zooey needed any help dressing herself badly, but you ma’am are the gasoline of fugly feeding the fire of fucked up fashion

  • alyce1213

    Stella McCartney must be stopped.

  • poggi

    Can something be twee and matronly at the same time?  The answer is yes, yes it can. 

  • Sophie Collier

    There is a rule somewhere, I’m sure, that states that if a garment makes a pin-straight model look dumpy, you might not want to put it on.  

  • http://twitter.com/jennsaysmeow Fifi LaRoux

    When you tweeted this the first thing that popped into my head was A)Her boobs look sad, and B)Does she seriously think she looks good in that dress? Judging by her face in the last photo, I don’t think she does.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/ZFKRECRF5BOBWB4RXAJGI4D6KA mmc

    I don’t like this look.  This post & the Stella-hate in the comments inspired me to go to Stella McCartney’s web site and look at her 2012 collections.  I like some of the pieces in the 2012 Autumn Collection.  But mostly, the pieces are “meh” to “no”.

  • Mexxoo

    On the bright side, the original hem was much longer – she had it raised for this version!  She did something right!  (Otherwise I can imagine TLo having a double twitchy-eye fit over the nipple hangers AND the below-the-knee hem!)

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    I don’t know how I’d stop myself from yanking her dress up if I saw this in person.  Fortunately for both of us, we don’t travel in the same social circles.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    That is one honkin’ big, and unflattering bow. 

  • VeryClaire

    Also a cliche but so apt: does she not own a mirror?

    • http://www.GiftedCollector.com Nancy Abrams

      Another one — Did she get dressed in the dark?

  • piecesofconfetti

    Horrible, horrible fit. You can’t blame Stella McCartney for that, though. Zooey (or her people) should have had this tailored better.

    I will blame McCartney for the bow, though. Looks silly. I liked it better in the monochromatic dress.

  • Rand Ortega

    Recycling brilliance is how sayings become adages. This is simply the newest addition to the lexicon.

    PS: What a stupid dress made even more stupid by those horrid hose. It’s spring, Zooey.
    Question: Is her name pronounced “Zoo-ey” or “Zoe-ey”. Given her style, the former is more fitting.

  • Anathema_Device

    This is just a disaster on so many levels. This picture, my friends, illustrates why I rarely wear strapless: my breasts are placed kind of low on my torso, and not just because I’m old and had two kids…I have always been built that way.  Zooey looks like hers are somewhere around her belly button. Not a good look.

    Then, of course, there is the ugly dress itself, the tights, and the boots/booties/hooves.

    I really get why so many BKs hate Stella McCartney designs.

  • http://twitter.com/Lola99959 Veronika Kaufmann

    this is true. Although otherwise Ms.Zooey looks alright aside from the fact the ‘adorkable’ craze is getting on my nerves. 

  • Monabel

    And, also, are those black stockings or boots? And, WHY?

  • http://twitter.com/AShinyOConnor A Shiny O’Connor

    It’s the saddest dress I’ve ever seen.

  • http://blue-again.myopenid.com/ blue

    That dress even looks bad on the model. But poor Zooey does manage to make it even worse by wearing it with dark tights, thereby emphasizing the acres of nekkid chest flesh. The bare legs would’ve at least balanced it some.

  • rose88

    From a distance that big heavy bow looks like she’s being attacked by an angry black cat that’s trying to tear the dress right off of her.  And who could blame it, since the dress is so damn ugly!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001998855370 Fatima Siddique

    Poor thing looks miserable. I’m pretty sure she’s also hating her dress.

  • Funkykatt

    Whatever they paid Zooey to wear this dress, it wasn’t enough. The model doesn’t look good too. 

  • Jessica O’Connell

    That’s AWFUL! Zooey…for SHAME!

  • PeaceBang

    Stella McCartney does it again. Have you ever seen anything as dreary as that model? And little Zooey, here? Dear Stella, please move to a desert island and learn a skill that won’t allow you to inflict your hideous aesthetic on the world. Thank you. (P.S. TLo, don’t fret about the ditbags who can’t tell the difference between trenchant fashion analysis and dictatorship of general, everyday style for mere mortals. I get the same whining on my own blog and I have come to the conclusion that some people can’t get over their need to rebel against anything that vaguely smells of confident, clear advice. Ignore them all.). 

  • Nancy Karpen

    Truly ugly dress.  Expensive ugly dress

  • Lisa

    I… I just can’t.  It’s just one of the ugliest dresses I’ve seen.  

    And I love Stella as a person, but her clothes are just crap.  I hope she’s making a killing on her perfume, which I love, but this… just no.

  • Lina_bee

    Amen. Also, I have a huge problem with any female over 10 wearing a giant bow on her dress — unless it’s a wedding gown, in which case it should be on the back. ZD’s “why the hell am I here again?” expression does crack me up, though.

  • rawrgrowlrawr

    I’m not really a fan of ZD, but she just looks so sad that I feel I must give her a virtual hug. (^.^)/

  • http://twitter.com/Eovaai Eovaai

    That dress is just awful. It looks awful on the model. Awful on Zooey. Kill it with fire.

  • quiltrx

    This design is obviously horrible if it sits 75% of the way down the ta-tas of every woman who wears it.  Ick.

  • GTrain

    Well said!
    It looks awful on the model too but celebs keep drinking that Stella McCartney kool-aid…

  • lilazander

    Such another stella shite, such anather LOOOONG-BOOOOOOOOOOOB! Stella, inherit your father’s fortune and quit designing clothes; buh-buh!

  • http://twitter.com/katshimmers Kat Wright

    thank you for saying it. This is terror. 

  • ThaliaMenninger

    Horrible

  • CQAussie

    This is a terrible dress.  JUST AWFUL.

  • Judih1

    this will be one of the finalists for the top 10 worst looks of 2012

  • Louise Bryan

    What’s with all the extremely low necklines?  This looks ridiculous.

  • RzYoung

    This is how I read this photo: running makeup due to crying about her tit bow in the car realising it’s too late.

  • http://twitter.com/baxterb2 Bbart

    That is more of a “censored” bar than it is a bow.

  • Aurumgirl

    Poor Zooey, and poor model. 

  • Aurumgirl

    Poor Zooey, and poor model. 

  • KathKo

    OK, that is another one that won’t win Stella Mc Cartney her “I’m a good designer. Look, stars are wearing my stuff ” campaign she’s attempted since forever.
    Stella, stop threatening stars into wearing your designs, it doesn’t work on the masses.
    Even Zoey looks a little pissed in this one.

  • KathKo

    OK, that is another one that won’t win Stella Mc Cartney her “I’m a good designer. Look, stars are wearing my stuff ” campaign she’s attempted since forever.
    Stella, stop threatening stars into wearing your designs, it doesn’t work on the masses.
    Even Zoey looks a little pissed in this one.

  • http://twitter.com/moodring54 Rachel

    I saw “Zooey Deschanel” and “Stella McCartney” and KNEW horror awaited. 

  • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

    Stella McCartney is, as someone else has said, a Lucky Hack.  BOO.  OUT.

  • CatherineRhodes

    This is such a terrific phrase, you should trademark it.

  • bitterk

    Pure ridiculousness