RuPaul’s Drag Race: NO MO HOs!

Posted on April 03, 2012

We stand with our more glamorous sisters during their Norma Rae moment:

Damn straight skippy, queens.

Ew.

Ew.

We just can’t with this one. We figured it wouldn’t be Willam but we shouldn’t have been surprised it was Kenya. Michelle Visage has always had an inexplicable hardon for her. We just can’t ever shake the feeling that she goes around licking all the items in the room. If we were ever around her, we’d never turn our backs on her.

Anyway: Bears – and not the kind that don’t talk to twinks.

We roared with laughter when Ru said this looked like Jiggly.

Cute – and perfectly Sharon.

Cute, but apparently Latrice’s bear makeup skills are about on par with her own.

That’s right! We said it!

Kind of a mess, no? As if she looked around, saw what everyone else was doing, and just copied everybody?

Oh, what are we saying? Phi Phi would never do a thing like that.

Ru, we luvyahun, but when you award wins like this, it only furthers the idea that this really isn’t a competition. Sure, we all expect that to a certain extent, but there’s no way in hell this bland effort deserved the win. Kenya won because Kenya winning was the most potentially dramatic outcome.

Too bad it wasn’t all that dramatic.

Today’s challenge: Tattoo’d, gorilla-armed straight men who dress badly! In other words… stereotypes!

It was kind of weird, though.

Although kudos must be shouted to all of them, because as strange as it sometimes got, they were all pretty good sports about it.

There was some clumsily inserted psychodrama about fathers and straight men and while we don’t want to minimize any of those issues, it sure would be nice if this one show could refrain too much from the “gay men are victims” meme that’s infecting pop culture at the moment.

And why should a bunch of totally game and open-minded straight men have to answer for other straight men who did or said bad things? Have fun, bitches. Leave the Daddy Drama for your therapist.

Thank god she brought it back this week. We were a bit worried about her after last week’s housecoat.

Cute and very into it.

Perhaps a little too into it. But at least the straight guys were thrilled to see her.

So congrats, Phi Phi! It doesn’t bother us to type that, because she really did wonders with her partner.

Man, those striptease numbers must’ve been painful. We’ve never seen a quicker, less informative montage in our lives. We got about 3 seconds of each routine.

It seems a little crazy to say this after an entire season of ragging on her makeup skills, but Phi Phi did an astonishing job on the guy. She’s better doing other people’s makeup than she is doing her own.

And it’s “Sashay away” for Kenya Michaels. Again. Thank Ru.

Like all the other entries, the relative quality of the striptease number remains unknown to us. Those sure as hell don’t look like striptease costumes to us.

And the rest of their performance was just odd as hell.

Credit where it’s due: Kenya did a pretty good job on the face. It helped that he had the prettiest face of all the dudes. But those costumes are not only hideous, they’re bizarre. What’s with the fluffy boobs?

We were yelling at the TV when it came time for the LSFYL, vowing to Ru that we would write furious things in the morning if she sent Latrice home over Kenya.

But as the opening notes of the song played, Tom laughed and turned to Lorenzo, shushing him with the words:

“Honey, it’s Aretha. She’s got this.”

And she sure as fuck did, didn’t she? We laughed and pointed when Kenya resorted to splits and wig-pulls. Oh, honey. You are in the Church of Miss Latrice right now and you best shut up before you embarrass yourself further.

Bitch STOOD IN ONE SPOT THE ENTIRE TIME.

First Commandment of Latrice: A diva never looks for the spotlight. A diva forces the spotlight to STAY ON HER.

 

[Screencaps: tomandlorenzo.com]

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