W Magazine: The Biel Appeal

Posted on March 14, 2012

Hey, whatever happened to Jessica Biel?

 

Jessica Biel featured in the April 2012 issue of W magazine photographed by Mikael Jansson and styled by Edward Enninful. Hair: Jimmy Paul for Bumble and bumble Makeup: Mark Carrasquillo.

 

IMDB informs us she’s got a number of things in the pipeline, but it also tells us that she’s been taking it pretty slow for the last few years. Is this because of those ill-advised comments about being too pretty to get roles?

The nerdgay part of ourselves will always think she’d make the perfect Wonder Woman. If anyone can fill Lynda’s boots, it’s her. She’s tall and striking, with an athletic body. She’d look fabulous in a bustier and star-spangled panties.

Anyway, like JB herself, this editorial is a tall, cool glass of water. Nothing too out-there in terms of the styling, but it’s pretty and minimalist chic in an old Chanel No. 5 commercial kinda way.

I am made of blue sky…”  Remember that one, slightly-more-seasoned kittens?

 

Nina Ricci Spring 2012 Collection

 

Chanel Spring 2012 Collection

 

Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2012 Collection

 

Louis Vuitton Spring 2012 Collection

 

[Photo Credit: Mikael Jansson for wmagazine.com, elle.com]

    • Jasmine Moten

      The one with her laying by the pool makes it seem like she’s having private-time with herself. On another note, she’s one of those girls that every time I see her I wonder “Why is she famous? She’s done nothing.”

      • serenitynow02

        That’s the first thing I thought, though there doesn’t seem to be much private about it….!

      • Jen Kochanski

        I thought the same thing! I was about to comment when I read your comment first…I thought, “Is she masturbating by the pool?”

      • RebeccaKW

         Same thought here.  And the one of her in the jeweled skirt looks like she’s about to have round 2.

      • Lauren Maier

        Agree with you guys on this!  First picture makes me feel like a skeezy Peeping Tom.  :S

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charlotte-Henßen/708157034 Charlotte Henßen

         She’s managed to get kicked out of 7th Heaven. That’s something.

      • kcarb1025

        “every time I see her I wonder “Why is she famous? She’s done nothing.”

        Ditto!

    • Sobaika Mirza

      Having sat through The Illusionist, I can safely say that Biel receives less work because she can not act, and gets this level of attention because she is uncommonly beautiful.

      • Eclectic Mayhem

        I’m with you on her almost total lack of acting ability.  I’m afraid my frustration with that lack of ability affects how I see her beauty, ie – I don’t see it!

        • girliecue

          Me neither. She’s got a smokin’ hot body, but her face has always struck me as fairly plain. Only noteworthy when it’s slathered in makeup, and even then all I notice is that she’s slathered in makeup.

      • ringthing

        Absolutely! Well said.

      • joe_tey83

         More like generically beautiful? The kind that makes you go ‘Whatever.’

        • Terence Ng

          I was shocked that she was named the Most Beautiful Woman. She’s a pretty woman, but I’ve never found anything particularly exemplary about her looks.

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_HREPOWNBVUBRIVPQCF3ST2IKDM Euphory

             She’s very manly looking.  I never quite really got her as “beautiful” when she was in 7th Heaven and I still don’t get it now.  She has a great body though, and a very striking face.  But just too manly for my taste. 

          • Jasmine Moten

            Yea she’s pretty, but her looks are really vanilla. Like a pretty basic girl-next-door.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_HREPOWNBVUBRIVPQCF3ST2IKDM Euphory

         She’s far more striking than Blake Lively (I make the comparison because both are tall athletic women who got a lot of attention without being able to act).  But she doesn’t seem to get Blake’s luck in the “get attention/”fashion icon” department.

        • Carleenml

          too true! oh, the most abused and overused word “icon.” I die a little every time I hear it lately.

          • girliecue

            Yes, exactly! I feel the same way too about “diva”. Makes me want to apologize to the people who truly deserve to be called those words.

      • sockandaphone

        this apply to many hollywood ladies (ie megan fox, jessica alba, etc)

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_HREPOWNBVUBRIVPQCF3ST2IKDM Euphory

           and many hollywood gents too.

      • TheOriginalLulu

        So true! I remember catching an episode of 7th Heaven (don’t ask why) and I remember thinking, that girl should have been a model instead of an actress. She was almost as bad as I was in my 6th grade school play.

    • http://twitter.com/DonnaThePirana Donna

      Wow, this spread is whiter than a Vanity Fair Young Hollywood cover….

    • http://twitter.com/jerseyemo Edwina

      “Why is she famous? She’s done nothing.”
       
      Ouch, her imdb would beg to differ. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004754/

       
       
       
       

    • beebee10

      gorgeous lady making the clothes look great. don’t know if she can act, but she can wear whatever. 

    • Eclectic Mayhem

      I would’ve really liked Lauren Graham (Lorelai in Gilmore Girls) to get a shot at playing Wonder Woman.  I guess she’s a little long in the tooth for it now but I think she could’ve knocked it out of the park.

      • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

        Oh, I LOVE her! 

      • rowsella

         Yes, she has actual personality.

    • Catiline

      She’s going to be in the Total Recall remake, which I am excited about for the following reasons:

      1. John Cho
      2. Bryan Cranston
      3. Bill Nighy
      4. John Cho

      … Biel, eh, she looks OK.  The third shot is her best.

      • evelina lundmark

        Oh man, John Cho is amazing! 

        • Catiline

          I ADORE JOHN CHO.  To the point of undignified stanning. 

          • harleydear

             I’m jumping on the John Cho bandwagon (and heavens-to-Betsy, would I love to *jump* on the John Cho bandwagon, if you know what I mean.)

      • MilaXX

         I flove Bill Nighy!

        • Catiline

          I know!  I sort of hate the idea of remaking that movie, but I can’t say no to a dream cast.

      • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

        Does she get “divorced” like Sharon Stone in the original? “Cause that’s the best part of the movie.

    • BazoDee

      She looks lovely- she doesn’t look as bony and muscular as she normally does. It makes her look more feminine. 
      The first picture is a bit odd to say the least.
      And I love the monokini -but that line/seam near the bust looks like it would be all wrong on a real person. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1420064763 Patricia Hoffman

      I just find her to be exceedingly boring. 

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/ZSJYWZ4X6HMQMYIME7FEZPIFPQ KarenM

      And don’t forget “Bain de Soleil, for the St. Tropez tan!”
       

    • Laurie Bergman

      I find her very whatever, though once again I’m in love with a D&G jeweled item of apparel.  I find the LV granny panties in the last shot nasty.  I guess they have a very specific retro appeal that utterly eludes me.

    • Little_Olive

      It’s a great editorial IMO; very chic. The y hit the right tone to give elegance to a girl that usually appears overworked (notice how they toned down her lips?) and sexed up for my taste.

      ETA: except for the cover shoot.

    • alyce1213

      Jessica Biel is getting a lot of press now because of her engagement to Justin Timberlake.
      She’s not a very good actress, but she’s a beautiful woman.
      This spread is bad, she looks very hard and a little cheap.  The first shot is not a good editorial choice.

    • Anathema_Device

      Thank you for that Chanel ad. I remember it oh so very well!

      Biel looks more interesting here than she usually does to me. LOVE your suggestion of her in the Wonder Woman role. That really works.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        I do indeed remember that Chanel ad. It’s in my personal Top Ten favorite ads. “I am blue sky…”Heavens, I’m getting flustered just thinking about that ad.

        Oh,yes, Jessica Biel…well, she’s wearing the clothes well. As for acting, I just saw Ulee’s Gold, and she did well as Peter Fonda’s sullen teen-age granddaughter.

    • MilaXX

      Eh, I find her a bit bland and I would HATE for her to become Wonder Woman.

    • Sara__B

      My first thought is, “Please, close your mouth!”

      • Spicytomato1

        I know, that open-mouthed look enrages me.

    • http://blue-again.myopenid.com/ blue

      I think she’s stunning. Very sexy mouth. 

    • Lori

      Is it just me, or does the Nina Ricci look like a bra & apron that some desperate housewife would wear in an attempt to spice up her marriage? Sort of a last stop before meeting your honey at the door in nothing but Saran Wrap (speaking of references that only the more seasoned kittens are likely to get).  

    • JanieS

      How could she be Wonder Woman when she CANNOT ACT. NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT.

      I mean, jeez, she can’t even manage facial expressions. Does she even know how to smile?

      • Little_Olive

        I doubt her lips can stretch to a smile without bursting   :p

      • rowsella

         Seriously hard to tell since almost every picture of her evokes the word “comatose”.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bethany-Roullett/100000413803142 Bethany Roullett

      I’m not convinced on her acting ability either, but I agree that she’s got the look for WW.  And the shot of her in the Chanel makes me want to BE her, it’s so gorgeous.

    • DominoEstella

      I’m not comfortable with all the lady parts in these pics

    • formerlyAnon

      Well, I’d say it’s a successful editorial – the clothes are more appealing on her than the models.

      Well, except for that last photo. Granny panties just cannot be saved by presenting them on Jessica Biel wearing what looks like a cotton eyelet bra. [I mean, honestly? Doesn't that sentence alone scream fashion fail?]

      I *do* remember that ad, it was quite racy for t.v.

    • k op

      Jessica should pose in more swim suits.  She looks better than the models in them, perfect swim suit body even with those massive shoulders of hers. 

      She’s not much of an actress, but no worse than whoever stars in such things like The Bionic Woman or any Bond movie chick.    She really should embrace the stereotype and appear leather-clad in any sci-fi or fantasy movie that requires a female warrior.  It’s a niche that doesn’t require too much expression or talent.  Kick some ass, do some spreads, collect her dough.

    • PRFan

      I have to say I don’t get the appeal – from her 7th Heaven days till now, she’s been really full of herself.  I’ve never seen her succcessfully convey any emotion while acting or modeling.  Blah.

    • Rebecca Johnson

      “Darling, I think I’m going to wear my *formal* swimsuit to the garden party today.”

    • Presumptuous Insect

      I think she should have been Catwoman instead of that overexposed bore, whatshername.

    • Sarah Thomas

      Wow…I think…yeah, there’s no way I could agree with your Jessica Biel wonder woman thesis any less.

    • kcarb1025

      Why do they keep forcing this girl on us? She is not interesting and has no discernible talent, so…?

    • filmcricket

      There’s no there there. I just find her so indescribably bland. And I can’t see her as Wonder Woman, either – she doesn’t have the acting chops to make it work seriously, and she doesn’t have the spark to make it work campy. The only other way to go is spoof – which I suppose she could pull off.

    • ccm800

      She is perfectly attractive however she some how manages to have zero appeal. Something I cannot put my finger on – and I mean sans anything but her physicality…and she does not have the personality to play WW’s magic lasso let alone WW herself. Not in a million years. 

    • Spicytomato1

      I’ve always thought she was pretty with a knockout bod…and good for her for not going the stick-thin route…but this whole editorial feels so contrived. Not a fan.

    • Elizabetta1022

      And I will feel…this way…forevvahhhhh! (Throws head back and stares at blue sky)

    • poketom

      The nerdgay part of ourselves will always think she’d make the perfect Wonder Woman. If anyone can fill Lynda’s boots, it’s her. She’s tall and striking, with an athletic body. She’d look fabulous in a bustier and star-spangled panties.

      YESSSSSSSS!!! You guys. Seriously.  Let’s hope some director who is fantasizing about a Wonder Woman remake (inevitable) is reading this blog right now. 

    • EEKstl

      She looks gorge.  And yes, I remember all the fab vintage Chanel commercials.  Speaking of which, what’s everyone’s thoughts on that 3-minute Cartier ad?  It’s such a throw-back and I love it!

    • EEKstl

      She looks gorge.  And yes, I remember all the fab vintage Chanel commercials.  Speaking of which, what’s everyone’s thoughts on that 3-minute Cartier ad?  It’s such a throw-back and I love it!

    • Caitl

      I haven’t really seen her in much but even though she may not be top-notch acting wise, I really enjoyed her in Easy Virtue- I thought it was a really fun movie and she looked ridiculously beautiful in all the late 20′s/early 30′s get-ups. I could eat her entire wardrobe in that movie I loved it so much!

    • Linderella

      Jessica Biel is turning me into a straight man.
      She’s the most gorgeous woman on the planet. 
      The first pic (in Nina Ricci) looks like she’s masturbating, and instead of being a bit shocked, I’m afraid I’m rather turned on.

    • quiltrx

      I don’t think she can act, and I don’t think she’s pretty.  There’s always been something rather Dr. Zaius about the lower half of her face to me.

    • lucasuk82

      She’s kind of rocking a Liz Hurley, 1995, vibe in these, no?  The clothes don’t interest me, but she looks really beautiful.

    • http://twitter.com/vintagesewing Lisa Utter

      I will never understand her appeal.  

    • DinahR

      I can’t see anything but that sexy couch-bed in the 3rd shot passed the cover.  The way the sun hits it.  It makes me want to cat nap and dream of naughty things.  

    • http://ihaveaphdinhorribleness.tumblr.com/ Dr. Horrible

      My pick for Wonder Woman will always be Gina Torres. Forever and ever. Amen.

      • Emily Chang

        I was just about to post this! :) Gina Torres as Wonder Woman!! Make it happen, world.

      • k op

         Truly inspired idea!  Gina was be a fantastic WW.

    • Jess5628

      That second one is 100% Bond Girl.

    • http://twitter.com/arodenha Alli

      She is so boring. I can’t even name a movie she’s done…oh, wait, Rules of Attraction, but only because I watched it last night.

      Her publicist must have dirt on every single editor out there, because that’s the only reason she must still be getting work.

      Pictures are pretty – a beige wall looks like it would be a better conversationalist but I would kill for a body like hers.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      I have never gotten her appeal, must less found her even more than average in the beauty category.  She is on my list of celebrities I don’t like for no good reason.  And there she shall stay.  

    • Carey Cauthen

      How in the world can you describe her as athletic? She’s not bony and she has some curves (in contrast to that hilariously flat model in the swimsuit with the cutouts, who absolutely fails to make that swimsuit look appealing), but she doesn’t look athletic at all to me. Just having a nice shape does not an athletic body make — a little muscle would be needed. And Wonder Woman definitely needs muscle!

    • jcolli69

      Those control-top, camel toe, Louis Vuitton granny pantys are so not sexy….that outfit looks like something Carmen Carrera would sport!

    • BookishBren

      After perusing her IMDB, perhaps they should have said “done nothing of note”. 

    • Rosa DeAza

      22

    • Rosa DeAza

      33

    • PeaceBang

      Okay, Imma get all political here for a minute. I see these gyno get-ups on this zero charisma beauty girl and I think about what’s going on in this country with the war on contraception and women who use it (like, all of us), and the legally required transvaginal ultrasound for Texas women who go in for an abortion and I think, Wow, fashion is really nailing it here. The prone woman lying by the pool looking dead and holding down her skirt, all in white. The “I couldn’t quite manage to put clothes on my lower half today so I’m going out in my panties” look. Prone on couch, spread legs, little bedazzled girl skirt, pinafore training bra…”Keep your eyes closed honey, you won’t feel a thing.”  I find it all really gross, and that Nina Ricci outfit in particular is disgusting on the runway and in the (forgive the pun) spread. By all means, let’s put women out there in their panties. Certainly. And make sure their legs are spread at all times, except when they’re laying back trying to keep their skirt down.

    • http://www.facebook.com/mikemoralesLA Mike Morales

      Is it just me or is she looking very Carrie Otis circa 1990, especially in that last pic?

    • http://victoriapavlova.com Victoria Pavlova

      I find her rather bland so she’s surprisingly striking in these.