Darlings, it was the 2012 Film Independent Spirit Awards. Sort of an Oscars pre-party where everyone dresses shitty because they know they can.
Honey, no. We’re sorry, but no. Back in the limo you have to go.
Those sound like the opening lines of a Dr. Seuss book about red carpets.
Anna Kendrick in McQ by Alexander McQueen
Cute enough. TRAGIC shoes. They look like medical devices.
Anne Heche in Zac Posen
Enh. Nothing offensive here.
Busy Philipps in Vintage
Another coffee over here, Miss. And can you tell us if your cherry pie is fresh?
Elizabeth Banks in Timo Weiland
Love the dress, but WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE SHOES LATELY? Those things are HIDDY.
Elizabeth Olsen in Antonio Berardi
Kitten, we’re pretty sure they don’t let well-dressed people in.
This woman needs help. Forget “pulling a Jolie;” we’re gonna start calling it “pulling a Garcelle” every time a beautiful woman goes out in an outfit that seriously frumps her down.
If you’ll just wait here, someone from HR will show you to your cubicle and give you some forms to fill out.
Jessica Chastain in Giorgio Armani
Cute suit, even if it is a little big on her. HORRIFYING SHOES.
Kate Beckinsale in Diane von Furstenberg
To us, she often comes off way too “actress-y” in that “find my light and flip my hair” grandiose sort of way, but she looks like one chic bitch here, can’t deny.
Kirsten Dunst in Dolce & Gabbana
The shoes aren’t necessarily tragic; they’re just wrong for this look and they cheapen it. Granted, that skirt airing out her crotch tends to cheapen the look too. Nice jacket, hair and clutch, though.
Oh, honey. We can’t stay mad at you because we love Enlightened so much, but this? This is making us very sad. Pretty dress ruined by seriously honky-tonk styling.
Lucy Liu in Roberto Cavalli
It’s like the dress is changing its mind every ten seconds or so.
Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton
Credit for going the unexpected route, at least. Because not only would we not have expected her to wear something menswear-inspired; we NEVER would have expected that she’d forget to wear pants.
Rashida Jones in Oscar de la Renta
A pretty and eye-catching dress, but it needed an inch of the hem and much more delicate shoes. Hollywood stylists are all getting a cut from Payless, it seems.
We’re all for ladypants on the RC, but this feels just a little too casual too us. Dressy ladypants, please. The top’s cute, if a little big on her.
Zoe Saldana in Balmain
How sad is the state of RC shoe affairs that we actually said “Oh thank God,” AT THE SIGHT OF A PAIR OF SILLY PUTTY ANKLE STRAPS? Oh, WHAT has become of us, kittens? Will those silly Hollywood queens ever stop putting ladystars in big, cheap-looking shoes? Will the Oscars tonight be a parade of snapped heels and broken straps? Stay tuned!
Cute dress, but it does kind of look like the upholstery in a nursing home.
And darlings, don’t forget that we will be tweeting the shit out of the red carpet arrivals for the Oscars starting this evening and all the way through the program. If you’re extra good (and we’re not extra-tired) we might even have the first of our Oscars posts up tonight. Also, clear your calendars for tomorrow night, because we’ll be on Sirius XM Radio’s “Derek & Romaine” show at 8 (on Sirius XM OutQ 108) eastern tomorrow to discuss the Oscars fashions. It should be entertaining, since we doubt we’re going to get much sleep before then. We’ll be good and loopy, so be sure to call in (866-305-6887), bitches!
[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PR Photos]