Elton John AIDS Foundation’s Oscar Party – Part ONE

Posted on February 27, 2012

Darlings, it was the GAYEST party that ever gay-partied! Which means “taste” was NOT a consideration! Let’s all form opinions on the outrageous tackiness on display, shall we?

 

Anika Noni Rose

Y’know, it’s funny? The last couple of times we saw her on the red carpet, we said, “We just can’t give a ruling on this look until we know whether or not she’s wearing panties.”

That’s not a gown; it’s pasties and a bush cover with delusions of grandeur.

 

Anna Paquin in Emilio Pucci and Stephen Moyer

He’s still sporting the Lady Miss Clairol look, we see.  Love the dress, but they both look as warm and appealing as a couple of mannequins. Wouldn’t want to be seated at their table.

 

Chris Colfer

 Standard, mostly well done, needs hemming.

 

Colton Haynes

Also standard and well done. Oddly, the pants look a little full on him, but that could be the pose.

 

Gwen Stefani in Zuhair Murad Couture

LOVE IT. Not so much on the Mamie Van Doren hair, though.

 

Heidi Klum in Atelier Versace

“I’M SINGLE AGAIN, WORLD!”

 

Katy Perry in Blumarine

Hunh. It’s a really pretty dress; elegant, even. But it’s so toned down for her that we’re a little shocked. Don’t love the things on her shoulders, though.

 

Kelly Osbourne in Georges Hobeika Couture

Peep.

 

Malin Akerman in Sportmax

If it didn’t have the weird cleavage guard, we’d like this a lot more.

 

Mena Suvari in Romona Keveza

 Chicken Lady.

 

Natasha Henstridge

 Conehead.

 

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka

 Cute.

 

Nina Dobrev in J. Mendel

LOVE. Especially the cutouts at the shoulder. Hair’s a bit of a disappointment.

Paz Vega in Stephane Rolland Couture

Betcha she was brushing crumbs out of that thing all night and had to fight the drunks off from using it as an ashtray.

 

Sarah Hyland in Collette Dinnigan

 Too mature on someone so young.

 

Rose McGowan in Paule Ka

Bless her, she always serves it up, old school style. The dress is only so-so, but she’s working it like it’s haute couture.

 

Oh, and we keep forgetting to plug remind you, kittens: we’ll be on Sirius XM Radio’s “Derek & Romaine” show at 8 (on Sirius XM OutQ 108) eastern tonight  to discuss the Oscars fashions. We’re running on caffeine and hope at this point, so be sure to call in (866-305-6887), and hear us babble in response to your no-doubt thoughtful questions.

 

[Photo Credit: Getty]

    • Scarlet39

      Oh, Heidi. 

      As the Duchess would say, “slutty, slutty, slutty”!

      • Stubenville

        At what point does it turn into cougar?

        • formerlyAnon

          Just about . . . . NOW!

          Edited to add: Even though I think she’s technically a bit young (39 this June, per Wikipedia). She’s got the look.

          • alyce1213

            Cougar is as much a state of mind as age.

    • Lilyana_F

      Love Nina! 

      • twocee

         She’s totally my girl-crush.

      • Jasmine Moten

        I can only see her as Mia on Degrassi.

        • dress_up_doll

          Same here. I can’t help but think that her Degrassi modeling career took her to Vampire Diaries, or whatevershow she’s on now. Good for her. Next to Drake she’s one of the most successful graduates of Degrassi.

          • sweetestsith

             I’m occasionally terribly excited to find random internet people who also watch(ed) Degrassi. I’ve never met a soul in real life who knew what I was talking about. Alas!

            Also, she’s very pretty. But may soon be naked as I’m stealing her dress.

            • Megan Patterson

               I go to school in the original Degrassi (80s) High building! I pretty much plotzed when I found out.*
              *It is now a college campus, I am not 16

          • MilaXX

             Don’t forget Shanae grimes. I do, but you know what I mean.

    • http://twitter.com/amndad amanda lynn

      oh that’s too bad.  i like the weird clevage guard.

      • emcat8

        Me too! It keeps it from being too “tank dress” for me. 

    • Pennymac

      Should we tell Paz Vega that she has a large fungus growing on her hip? It looks like the dress got damp, was stored in the dark, and this unfortunate growth resulted.

      • Izandra

         That was EXACTLY my first thought. “Why does she have shelf fungus on her hip?”

        • Elizabido

          When I was a kid, we had a tree in our yard that had some sort of beigey fungus growing on it that I called “roogles.” When I saw this dress, the first thing I thought of was ROOGLES!

      • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

        I was going to go with a new take on CrotchFeathers, but fungus is more accurate. 

        She looks fucking ridiculous.

      • wwilson008

        That is exactly what I thought. As soon as saw it, I was like, “shroom”, and not in a good way.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=615187474 Trish Barker

         Her FACE looks so gorgeous, it makes the fungus a cruel blow. The worst kind of scrolldown fug.

      • fiestyfashionfem

        I was going to say it looks like gills – but I can see shroom too!

      • alyce1213

        Oyster mushroom.

    • SewingSiren

      Kelly Osbourne should have worn a turquoise dress and she would be a perfect match for Katy Perry.
      I also enjoy the chicken lady.
      I still think Sarah Hyland and Octavia Spencer need to be cast in a movie together.

      • MilaXX

         Kelly just needs to dye her hair back blonde and be done with it. She doesn’t treat it like Katy Perry and match her outfits to the hair color and it distracts from every look she wears.

    • https://profiles.google.com/104791269167429064986?hl=en&tab=h Judy S

      Anika Noni Rose stole Mondo’s hair. 

      • MilaXX

         I was thinking Janelle Monae.

    • http://twitter.com/susanpcollier Susan Collier

      I can’t figure out Heidi’s dress. Are those skylights on her shoulders. They seem to have lenses.
      Kelly Osbourne is serving up some old school Mamie Eisenhower there. Did she have her hair blued and set at the beauty salon too?

      • Carleenml

         Kelly is forever pointing out young women wearing looks that are too old for them. I’m trying to figure out how that dress and hair make her look her age.

    • NurseEllen

      Mena Suvari should have asked Bjork if she could borrow her “egg” purse.  “Pasties and a bush cover with delusions of grandeur”—clearly, the best comment of the day!!  You guys never fail to make me laugh.  Miss Dobrev for the win!

    • Spicytomato1

      “Peep.” Tis the season after all. And the purple hair is right in keeping with the Easter theme. As T & Lo mentioned earlier, who crowned her fashion authority at E!? It bugs.

      One observation about Sarah Hyland, her hair always hits the perfect note. Never underdone or overdone. Her TV mom should take note.

      • Sweetbetty

         I’ve wondered that about Kelly O. too.  Joan Rivers and Guiliana have earned their cred but what makes that upstart 20-something a fashion expert?  I get the feeling Guiliana just wants to slap her some times when she interrupts with her learned opinions.  I wonder if Joan and Kelly’s mom are good friends or something?

        • VicksieDo

          Guiliana actually told her to shut up once on the Oscar pre-show.  She was trying to segue way into a commercial, and Kelly kept going on and on about how she LOVED this or that.  She is soooo annoying I can barely watch Fashion Police anymore.  But I love Guiliana and Joan.  UGH

          • Sweetbetty

             And I love Georgie too :-)  Sure wish I had seen Guiliana take her down.

            • VicksieDo

              It was epic.  Very sweet, but an “I’m in charge of YOU, dear” attitude!  LOL

      • MilaXX

         I wouldn’t mind Kelly’s pseudo fashion authority if she at least played the part. Either fix the hair or coordinate the outfits with it.

        • VicksieDo

          Her own dubious fashion choices leave her “expertise” as completely unproven!!

    • twocee

      Peeps and chicken ladies.  I’m sensing an Easter theme.

      • AuntieAnonny

        The funny thing is, Kelly made fun of people for acting like it’s Easter during the red carpet show.

    • NasserShaheen

      I love Anika’s dress! It’s somehow classily slutty, quite an achievement.

      Nina Dobrev (who the hell is she) looks darling.

      And Rose McG defines chic here. Effortlessly stylish, adore it.

    • jannanna

      Peep with red lipstick

    • Stubenville

      “Peep”

      The marshmallow kind? TLo, you crack me up.

      (Now if only Kelly would ditch that heinous little-old-lady-in-Boca purple rinse hair…)

      • serenitynow02

        Well, there are purple Peeps now also, so I think it’s pretty perfect.

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

           Prettily perfect, purple peeps, pound passion paved pavement?

    • VicksieDo

      “Peep”…ROFLMAO

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_EDI2DLE7DE3YPW2ONIHBWOVHMA ecallaw

         Exactly my thought.  I think the minimalism of the joke just hit me right in my funnybone.

    • serenitynow02

      Nina’s dress is gorgeous. And you are right about Malin; if I were her I would have taken a pair of scissors to that athletic bra strap in the middle of her chest and called it a day. The dress would be beautiful without it.

    • http://profiles.google.com/misslauraschultz Laura Schultz

      Love the Rose McGowan
      The Paz Vega dress is kind of cool. 
      Kelly – that MIGHT have worked if she had gone more natural with the lips. Maybe. 
      Mena Suvari WTF?
      Katy Perry – love the dress. I don’t know with the hair. 
      Chris Colfer is adorbs.

      • kimmeister

        I’m glad I’m not the only one who like’s Paz’s dress!

    • http://twitter.com/jessicapippin Jessica Pippin

      This is so sad. Nina looks the best. Everyone else looks like a mess. 

    • Judy_J

      Is Gwen Stefani wearing seamed hose?  Good for her!

    • lucasuk82

      Do my eyes decieve me? Is it the elusive front whale tail?  Thanks for this special experience, Malin.

      • Kayceed

        I didn’t see it at first, but you are so right. She is wearing a pair of thong panties on her decolletage. There are more discreet places to stash them, if one thinks the night might call for an extra pair.

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

      Katy Perry’s dress is like an optical illusion, but I like her hair.

      Anna Paquin’s dress is GORGE, but Stephen looks doofy as always.

    • http://www.facebook.com/gina.rook Gina Knox Rook

      “Peep” made me LOL.

    • calimon

      I am really digging Rose McGowan’s look. The earrings are pivotal. Well, and her pose, too. She doesn’t seem to be taking herself too seriously and actually seems to be having fun with it.

    • Violina23

      According to Cookie Monster, Elmo’s car runs on imagination – give that a try if the caffeine doesn’t do it for you:

      http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/174545/june-19-2008/cookie-monster

      Yes, this is my 4th day home with a sick toddler, why do you ask?

    • schadenfreudelicious

      “pasties and a bush cover” nearly choked on my lunch!….;)

    • formerlyAnon

      I mostly agree, though I rate Perry & Osbourne perhaps a bit higher (I DO hope they hung out next to each other – one more & it’d be a full Easter basket!).

      The thing that bugs me about Paquin & Moyer (besides his flat, too dark hair color) is that they could be any age between their current ones and 90 and wear the *exact* same clothes.  I don’t know why that bothers me, since I generally see less wrong than most here when folks dress a tad ‘mature.’

    • granddelusion

      Where has Mena Suvari been? And why is she back?

      • kimmeister

        I was wondering the same thing, but about Natasha Henstridge!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

      Sarah Hyland- would have been beautiful at my mother’s college prom in 1950.

    • Stefanos Mantyla

      Your opening led me to expect something more tacky, like Kesha levels of tacky. Is Kesha not relevant anymore? Thank goodness.

      I think Rose may have won this one because of the lovely colour. Nina Dobrev and Chicken Lady keep her company in the Top three.

      Bottom three – Heidi Klum
      Bottom two – Paz Vega
      OUT – Peep

    • sid123

      Is Colton Haynes pulling an Angelina?

    • KaileeM

      I sort of love Kelly’s dress. It reminds me of a 1970′s bridesmaids dress, in a good way. I think it could look quite pretty on someone with different coloring. 

    • alyce1213

      Peep.  Coffee spit take!!!  Still chuckling.  There’s something Bar Mitzvah Grandma about that dress, albeit the couture version.

      Nina Dobrev’s gown is breathtaking.  I don’t usually go for cutouts as they are so often tacky, but this dress is phenomenal.
      The neckline plunges deep, but it’s cut narrow enough so there’s no boob spillage.  The skirt falls elegantly, so flattering.  LOVE.

      I would kill for Gwen Stefani’s dress.  How do you put together black lace, red flowers, and sparkle and come up with something fabulous?  Zuhair Murad managed, somehow . . .   it could have been a disaster.

      Both Katy Perry’s and Malin Akerman’s dresses are almost gorgeous, save the extraneous sleeve and boob shield business.

      Anna Paquin’s dress is cool, but she needs to accessorize better.  WHAT is with his hair?

      Don’t agree with you on Sarah Hyland. Even though it’s black, it’s very youthful. I mean — a 30+year-old in a big tulle skirt would be stupid and inappropriate, so it’s just right for her 21-year-oldness.  (It might be too old for the teen she plays on TV, but she’s not that age.)

      Heidi’s mini is atrocious in every way.  I never was a big Versace fan (with exceptions), and especially not since he’s gone.  She may look good in underwear, but the teutonic automaton has the worst taste in clothing.

    • pattyw

      Paquin and Moyer give me the chills. They have to be the creepiest couple in Hollywood.

    • Jennifer Coleman

      ANR gets my vote as up and coming crap dresser.
      Peep & Chicken Lady need to pose for a picture together – Easter is coming…

    • http://profiles.google.com/phyllis.craine Phyllis Craine

      Cleavage thong I believe is more accurate!

    • random_poster

      I’m at work and had to stifle my reaction to “Peep” so my co-workers wouldn’t think I lost it! 

      • alyce1213

        I spit coffee.  

    • http://twitter.com/MFMblog MusingsFromManhattan

      Is it just me or does Anna Paquin have a star on her lower lady bits? Also, I would have said the opposite of Sara Hyland’s dress – it looks too young for her – looks like a little girl dress to me. 

    • lalagigi

      Neil Patrick Harris….is so adorable. I have SUCH a straight girl crush on him. I wish he was my gusband. 

      • alyce1213

        Here’s weird for you:  I have a mom-crush on NPH, and my straight 19-yr-old son also has a – what’s would it be ? youngmancrush?  on him.
        I can’t believe I admitted that on the internet.  Don’t tell my son.

        • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

          I have a Mom Crush NPH and DanRad.

          • alyce1213

            Me too on DanRad.  So adorable in those sweaters the other day.
            Such a nice (and cute and kinda sexy) young man.  

      • Violina23

        I feel the same way about Neil Patrick Harris as I do about Daniel Radcliffe — I don’t have a CRUSH crush in a sexual way, but I would KILL for either of them to be my quirky gay or British cousin…

    • TheAutisticStepmom

      I love Katy Perry’s hair here.  So soft and pretty.

    • CQAussie

      The first thought that always pops into my head when I see Katy Perry and her blue hair is “Oh fuck off.” followed by eye roll.

    • mhleta

      For once I really like Katy Perry’s look. The blue hair actually gives it balance. She looks like an Erte print, which is a vast improvement over her usual pin-up cheez.

    • girliecue

      Anika Noni Rose: I scrolled too fast and read it as, “pasties and a bush cover with delusions of GLAMOUR”. I thought, “that T Lo. Such a way with words!”
      Rose McGowan: Now that’s how you do a large growth on your shoulder (take note Emma Stone. And Quasimodo). Every time I see Rose I find myself wishing I too was adopted by a gaggle of drag queens. Girl can serve it!
      Malin Ackerman:  Look at the elegant Nina Dobrev on picking a gown with properly proportioned cutouts. See the difference an inch makes? Gorgeous, star-worthy gown otherwise.
      Gwen: Great to see you in fighting form again! You and Cameron are the Comeback Kids.

    • mochajava13

      Kate Perry needs some dimension in the blue hair.  I can’t take the flat blue look!! Come one, some highlights and lowlights in blue would look so much better.

      Love the cutouts in Nina’s dress. Want a top that looks like the top o the dress.

    • http://twitter.com/mellafe natalia h

      I think that’s the best Nina Dobrev has ever looked.

    • siriuslover

      I wonder if Heidi is having her Seal tattoo removed.  Anyone know?

      Most of this is horrible.  LOVE NPH and his hubbie. Such a great couple–and well dressed, too.

    • Louise Bryan

      If Kelly Osbourne was “Peep,” does that make Mena Suvari “Braawk!”?

    • Pants_are_a_must

      Ah, so Katy Perry has self delusions of class, suddenly? Give me a break.

    • BeeBeauNYC

      Heidi Klum – Yellow means approach with caution and prepare to yield!
      Gwen Stefani – that’s my girl! Damn you look good! (I agree the hair it way too blond, though.)

    • http://beautyforrealgirls.blogspot.com/ accidental housewife

      Man, Rose McGowan has been bringing it lately. Girl can wear a gown like nobody else. She’s so fab, she doesn’t even look like Halloween.

      I think Sarah Hyland looks pretty damn cute in that dress. I’d say it’s a bit young for her, but not to the point that it’s wrong. I can’t help it. I think she’s beyond adorable.

      Colton Hayes looks like Matt LeBlanc in that photo.

      Heidi is hopeless.

      I admit it. I love Mena Suvari’s dress. I’d wear it in a second if I could get away with it.

      I’m on the fence re: Nina Dobrev’s gown. I can see the appeal, but I’m not feeling it a whole lot.

      I’m dying over Gwen Stefani’s dress. (Words I never thought I would say) It’s completely fabulous. But I wish she would stop with the severe hair styles. She has a chin that could challenge Jay Leno’s.

      Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka are too cute.

    • jjfg

      Pasties and a bush cover suffering delusions of grandeur?  You guys totally made my day with this post.

    • Zippypie

      I was laughing at “pasties and a bush cover” but then choked on “Peep” – you boys rock!

      • holdmewhileimnaked

        peep: one of the very best stealth comments ever.

    • GorgeousThings

      Mena Suvari + Kelly Osbourne = Easter Poultry Parade

    • sagecreek

      Wow, they really do go change clothes, don’t they? CRAZY!

      • alyce1213

        Who wouldn’t it you could?
        Dress-up dream.

    • Lisa

      Ooooh!  Congrats on the radio show!

      LOVED Katy Perry’s look – just chic and wacked out at the same time.  

      Poor Kelly Osborne!  I really do adore her, but this is just “Crazy Old Lady Wearing a Southern Bridesmaid Gown.”

      Oh, and the “Chicken Lady” remark killed me (in addition to that being my favorite Kids in the Hall characters)! The first thing I thought was “Bjork’s Swan Dress V2.0″.

    • IAmJ

      No no no! I LOVE Paz Vega’s gown!

    • http://twitter.com/sovereignann Christine Connolly

      I think Kelly Osborne is channeling Doris Day.  Also, Rose McGowen looks so severe and like she has aged.

    • holdmewhileimnaked

      that j mendel collection really is fabulous, on the runway, off the runway, it really works. i’m just surprised we’re not seeing any more of it here.

      i dont quite know who paz vega is [of course i always get her confused w/ the other paz, of course i am probably not alone in this, of course that probably just mortifies this particular paz {when it's done by important personnel, not myself}]. otoh, i like her dress more than you guys like her dress. true it’s kind of like having a wrinkled mini amphitheatre on her hip, one thats kind of collapsing, but at least thats interesting. my only issue w/ it is that this architectural novelty seems to both rise & sink out of nowhere.

      even after reading yr commentary it still took me a little while to stop wondering why in heavens name kelly osborne was wearing a backpack. it’s a great dress other than that but something about the whole package quietly thunders that she is carrying a package strapped to her dorsal side. maybe a couple of notebooks. not a good picture, that, & one perhaps made even worse by its context. <–edi note, i thought the blue green one was here. my tired commentary is about that one. about this one, grazing in the grass w/ the daffy daffodils i have no comment. not worthy of any of us having a comment, im-tired-o. someone said bridesmaid? many people did? just add circa 1971 for me & yr good to go. or not, depending.

      it’s funny [or, again, or not, depending] to note that heidi k is wearing the same color dress as the nail polish worn by the currently estranged mr heidi k to announce, i believe in both cases, that they are estranged. & following up on it, i guess.

      i wouldve really liked anoki nori rose’s dress if she had just pulled just a wee bit back from the everlovin brink of disaster. as is it’s a born wardrobe malfunction & thats pretty much all anyones gonna see, or mention. otoh, katy perry’s dress needs its shoulders removed from the grid iron. unusual, that, especially since it’s a great dress elsewise.

      not to mention that rose mcgowan is making five hundred bucks look like five thousand.

    • quiltrx

      I really like Katy’s dress…it’s different in an interesting, elegant way, not in a weird way.  Good for her.

      Nina’s dress is VERY pretty and very flattering.  Goes to show just a little bit of really interesting detail is all you need.

    • Mindy Schmidt

      Boys, all I have to say is, I had a shitty day at work, only to look forward to another shitty day tomorrow and I came home to read all your Oscar red carpet/party summaries and nearly fell on the floor laughing my arse off.  Mwah!!!  Love you!!!

    • bitchfacela

      ok.

    • Margo Anderson

       Anika’s dress is probably more secure than it looks.  I thin there’s a crotch panel attached at the waist in front and back, to keep the dress under tension so nothing shows that shouldn’t.

      • Sweetbetty

         Some years back when some celeb wore a barely-there dress to some awards show I saw her on TV afterwards showing how the dress had a built-in panty to keep it in place.  I’d bet that Anika’s dress did too.  I’ll bet a lot of the dresses we see that look like they’re in danger of giving a wardrobe malfunction do.

    • Derek_anny

      Oh, Mena.  At least Bjork had literalism on her side.

    • Presumptuous Insect

      How does Heidi sit down in that dress?  Must be a lot of pulling involved.

    • MilaXX

      I keep missing the radio shows.
      Katy Perry looks cute, but  wore lime green shoes with that look.
      Malin Akerman  looks like her thong got stuck in the laundry.

    • patticake1601

       Love Heidi’s shoes, but the dress is fug.  I like Katy’s dress and I just love her hair but the shoes she wore under that dress ruined the whole look for me. They are lime green almost neon green patent leather.

    • CCDilg

      TLO..the first lines of your blog always draw me in…I don’t like K Perry’s hair..but everyone else looks so fabby.  My fave is Natalie Portman in that 60 year old Dior.  Haven’t see any photos of that…clearly who could pull off a dress that is 60 years old.

    • Sweetvegan

      Yikes – I guess Anika really, really, really wanted to get noticed! Never noticed before how much Rose McGowan looks like Lindsey Price.

    • NICHOLAS PASQUALE

      That is NOT Anika, that is a drag queen from space.
      Chris Colfer usually holds it down for the gays, but this is a bit of a step down methinks.
      FINALLY Gwen Stefani pulls it together.
      Heidi, Kelly Osbourne, and Mena are giving me a big case of the LOLZ.

    • http://twitter.com/IamDaBee Antonija Mitt

      Gwen FTW!  She looks absolutley hot and knows it.  Love that. 
      Heidi’s back to short, tight and shiny, I see.  I think Kelly O is darling in that chicky yelow dress.  Mena, not so much. 
      Disappointed in Paz.  I think she is one of the most beautiful women on earth right now, and that dress is so sad….With your beauty, honey, you don’t need to wear anything weird or odd.  Just the classics, hon, just the classics. 

    • Allison Woods

      That lumpy floral number Gwen Stefani’s wearing  is awful damn cute.

    • bitterk

      Gwen’s dress wins the night

    • emcat8

      “Peep.”

      I’m really glad I wasn’t drinking my Pepsi at that point, because I hate it when it goes up my nose. 

      I’m completely nonplussed by Anika Noni Rose’s …um…gown. Anyone know who it’s by?

    • Jena Lohrbach

      I’d just like to say that I didn’t know the “cleavage guard” on Malin Akerman’s dress was a fashionable thing–I’ve been fighting with my nursing tanks to avoid that look for a year! Clearly, I just didn’t understand that whoever designed them was a fashion forward-thinker. :P