Darlings, it was the 84th Academy Awards Nominations Luncheon, which means everyone dressed like a politician’s wife and they all pretended like they weren’t secretly wishing ruin on each other. God, we love the kabuki that is Oscar campaigning.
Hit it, grasping, desperate, clawing nominees!
Berenice Bejo in Elie Saab
Pretty enough, but a little lackluster. Seems a little shapeless on her.
Viola Davis in Juan Carlos Obando
Great dress in a great color. We even like the shoes. But we’ll always think she should ditch the wigs now.
Glenn Close in Stella McCartney
JESUS CHRIST, GLENN. Are you actively trying to look like an 80-year-old Boca retiree?
Miss Hathaway, the Clampetts will see you now.
She looks cute! She still seems to be of the opinion that volume is a good idea, but at least she looks like she’s having fun with her dressing up.
Mary Louise, you’re killing us here. Do you see? Do you see how, when you don’t wear some big, blousy thing you actually wind up looking several sizes smaller and a decade younger? Don’t be afraid of your body, girl. It’s in fine shape and wearing something that shows that doesn’t mean you’re not a Serious Actress.
Michelle Williams in Victoria by Victoria Beckham
Twee as fuck.
Octavia Spencer in David Meister
She looks great. She’s been returning to this shape a couple of times since she first seems to have discovered it and we’ll repeat: similarly shaped ladies would do well to look at the lessons she’s learned about what shapes and proportions work for her.
Rooney Mara in Thierry Mugler and ASOS
Typically weird, dramatic, and eye-catching. It seems strange to say this about pants, but she almost comes across a little over-dressed in comparison to the others. But the girl knows the rules: If you want that Oscar, you better get people talking about you.
[Photo Credit: Kevin Winter/Getty Images North America]