2012 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Red Carpet – Part TWO

Posted on February 28, 2012

Precious Unborn Fawns, you didn’t think we were done with our Oscars coverage, did you? Silly PUFs. The bitchery doesn’t stop until T & Lo drop, you should know that!

 

Adepero Oduye

Cute. We feel like the proportions on the skirt are a little off; like maybe it should sit slightly lower on her.

 

Anthony Mackie

Looks like a 2nd-year Associate at the company Holiday party. Come on now, Anthony. Button the jacket and get the pants hemmed.

 

Catherine O’Hara

Oh, doll. We have worshipped you since the Lola Heatherton days, but we think this dress might be just a bit too much dress for you.

 

Colin Firth and Livia Giuggioli in Valentino

Shockingly, his pants look a little short. Somewhat less shockingly (but much more amusing) is the fact that her tits look like two wall-mounted soap dishes.

 

Diane Kruger in Calvin Klein

Enh. Not a fan of the “Have you met my bra?” -style dress.

 

Emma Stone in Chanel Couture

…the FUCK?

 

Gerard Butler

 Can’t argue with anything here.

Ginnifer Goodwin in Peter Som

…THE FUCK?

Maybe Ginnifer and Emma can get into a dress-off. Throw them in a cage and have them go at it. The dresses could only be improved by the process.

 

Jackie Collins

Sweetie, you are a literary legend, but your earrings clash with the rest of your outfit.

 

Jane Fonda and Richard Perry

It’s the standard-issue 21st Century Marlene Dietrich dress, all winches and pulleys masked by feathers and beading. We salute her for still being able to pull these tight gowns off, but she does tend to give the impression that she can barely move or breathe in the things. She looks good, though. But the color washes her out.

 

Jason Statham and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Antonio Berardi

Is it us or is this the year the female stars finally said “Fuck it. If I want to wear heels, I’m going to damn well wear heels, even if it makes my date look tiny and emasculated?” Lots of ladies towering over their dates.

 

Kelly Lynch

Sorry, honey. Angelina trademarked this pose before the ceremony was even over.

 

Lilly Collins in Monique Lhuillier

We almost feel sorry for her. Because if that little Snow White movie of hers does well, she’ll be stuck wearing these blue princess gowns for the next year.

We’re just kidding. We don’t feel sorry for her at all. And anyone who saw the trailers likely shares our doubt that the movie will do well.

 

Michael Douglas

He’s healthy, and that’s worth saluting, so we won’t mention how the enormous puddle around his ankles makes our eyes twitch.

 

Olga Kurylenko in Georges Hobeika Couture

It looks like a really great dress, but it’s kind of hard to tell against the Vanity Fair Shrubbery. That slit’s a bit high, missy.

 

Olivia Wilde in Gucci

Understated and elegant.

 

Rashida Jones in Elie Saab

Credit for trying, but that’s not her color, the cut makes her look busty and short-waisted, and the hair is a bit of a tragedy. Honey, you’re wearing a gown. Shoot a little higher than second-shift hair.

 

Rosario Dawson in Salvatore Ferragamo

She’s always been one of our fence-jumpers (i.e., we’d jump the fence of our sexual orientation for her), so we’re going to try very hard to assume that this is just a bad picture and that in reality, she was a candy-colored confection that no man and several women couldn’t take their eyes off all night.

But it’s kinda hard with the sad sash and Payless shoes.

 

Selena Gomez in Dolce & Gabbana

Maybe a bit on the serious and mature side, but she looks very pretty.

 

David Beckham and Victoria Beckham in her own design

She’s hilarious. One day she’s going to pose so hard she’ll break something. He, we don’t care what anyone else says, is a genial buffoon who can fill a tux well.

Love the menswear belt on the gown. Chic little touch.

 

[Photo Credit: Getty]

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