RuPaul’s Drag Race: Start Your Engines!

Posted on January 31, 2012

They’re BACK, bitches!

They’re back too.

And that.

Ladies, if we had to guess, we’re thinking this coming season will be the shadiest, bitchiest season of RPDR the world has ever seen. Not very many glamour queens in this crowd, as in past years. Oh, there are a few, but the focus seems to be mainly on the trash-talking types. Which is fine, because what good is a drag queen if she can’t throw some shade around? On the other hand, we think there’s less diversity this time around. A couple comedy queens and genderfuck warriors, but the bulk of the queens seem to be the kind you wouldn’t want yelling at you in a parking lot at 3 am.

There’s a lot of drag queenery to run down for one episode, so let’s get to it.

 

Chad Michaels

Chad seems almost too nice to be in this crew. On the other hand, she’s got a pretty decent career behind her and professionalism might go a long way with this crowd. The picture’s only just okay. All of them were. These bitches had no idea what they were doing, but that’s what makes it so damn entertaining.

 

DiDa Ritz

Bless her, she seems to think she’ll be able to get everyone to get along. She can look pretty good when she puts the work in, but she doesn’t have much in the way of polish.

 

Kenya Michaels

Frankly, we think she’s going to be a major bitch and the super-fishy queens never appealed to us that much. Always gave the impression they were more interested in snagging a boyfriend than being a performer.

 

Milan

Enh. Kinda forgettable.
 

Sharon Needles

TOTALLY unforgettable. We thought she was hilarious and we love her look.

 

Jiggly Caliente (Winner)

Jiggly also comes across like quite the shade-throwing bitch, but we also think she’s got what it takes. She’s kind of intense and Ru really likes that. Didn’t think this was the best of the pics, though. In fact, we’re a bit confused as to why it won at all.

 

Alisa Summers

Feh. A pretty-girl queen. The most boring kind.

 

The Princess

Seemed sweet, if a little clueless. Sharon Needles is obviously the queen she wants to be when she grows up.

 

Phi Phi O’Hara

This bitch wouldn’t shut her bitchmouth the whole time; trash talking just about every other queen there with the exception of Ru. We were unimpressed. If you’re gonna run your mouth off, you best bring it to shut bitches like us up.

 

Lashauwn Beyond

Forgettable.

 

Madame LaQueer

Ditto.

 

Latrice Royale

Honestly, this bitch should’ve won it. That’s the best picture and the fact that she managed it after falling demonstrates the kind of poise that Miss Ru expects from her girls. Besides, we think she’s hilarious. Very polished in her queenery, but perhaps a bit dated.

Willam

We didn’t want to like her, but Willam is freaking hilarious. “You must own a television, then” was the best line of the night (in response to one of the queens saying they recognized her). We just don’t think “I’m the prettiest” is all that funny after the first couple of times.

The zombie drag queen thing was cute, even if the current contestants seemed terribly confused by the whole thing. It was fun picking out previous contestants in the crowd.

Because Miss Ru deserves to have every outfit showcased.

Doesn’t it seem almost impossible that she hasn’t been a guest judge before now? Almost as impossible as the fact that SHE’S SIXTY YEARS OLD, PEOPLE. That simultaneously makes us feel very old and also very committed to aging at least as well as she has. And hey, if it takes a wig and a push-up bra to look this good at 60, sign us up. We’ll make it work somehow.

We couldn’t possibly run down all the catwalk looks in one post, so we’ll stick to winner/loser.

It’s sashay away for Alisa Summers and we don’t disagree even a little.

The outfit was pure crap (literally and figuratively resting entirely on her fake tits) and her behavior during the lip synch was appalling. She might as well just have stood there with a sign that said “I’m too pretty for this.” And honey? You ain’t that pretty. Just sayin’. Carmen Carerra was boring but we couldn’t deny she was gorgeous. You’re just boring.

Condragulations to Sharon Needles! We were shocked that this look won.

We didn’t disagree with it at all, but we were surprised Ru liked it as much as she did, since she does tend to favor glamour queens over the edgier ones. We’re half-wondering if all the decisions last night weren’t responses to previous criticisms about Ru’s decisions, because the fat girl won the photo challenge, the pretty girl went home, and the confusing, off-putting genderfuck queen got the big win. Those are pretty much exactly the opposite decisions one would expect, given the show’s history of always promoting the glamour queens and fishy girls over everyone else. Interesting.

 

[Screencaps: tomandlorenzo.com]

Please review our Community Guidelines before posting a comment. Thank you!

blog comments powered by Disqus