Lady Madonna

Posted on January 12, 2012

You guys, Madonna dressed her age and she didn’t instantly combust! Could she have learned her lesson? Probably not, because her spin on “A lady always wears gloves” is kind of hilariously wrong.

 

Madonna attends photocall for W.E in London.

You will note that this dress is quite tight, shows quite a bit of cleavage, and even exposes her bra a bit, yet we still consider this “dressing her age,” which, to us doesn’t mean she can’t be sexy or show off her body. It means she does so in a way that shows some confidence and experience, rather than in the desperate, attention-seeking manner of a much younger woman whose self esteem is caught up in how good other people think she looks, which was a perfectly fine schtick to flog 3 decades ago, but took on the whiff of pathetic once the first digit became a 5.

Great dress, though. The color’s perfect and it’s got a chicness to balance out the sexiness. A bit too tight on her, though (no surprise there) and we can’t tell if all that stuff at her neck is jewelry or part of the dress, but either way, she’d be better off without it.

Apparently, she got sick of hearing how veiny her hands are and we don’t blame her. This is probably the worst possible way to deal with the criticism, though. All it does is draw attention to her hands and point out that she’s wearing something on them that really doesn’t go with the rest of the look.

Dress shields, Madge. They’re a good thing.

And if you thought those gloves were distracting and silly, check out her formal versions:

Madonna attends premiere of ‘W.E.’ in London in a Jean Paul Gaultier dress. Cape by Dolce & Gabbana. Gloves and bag by Chanel. Shoes by Yves Saint Laurent.

Sweetie, no. We’re telling you now, it’s not a good idea to try and make this a thing. You’re doing so well otherwise. This dress is also very pretty and sexy. It also suits you quite well; especially that side of you that wants to pretend you grew up in Italy or Spain. Your hair looks pretty; your makeup looks pretty. Everything’s really cooking here, hon. Don’t fuck it up with a pair of workout gloves. Just don’t.

 

[Photo Credit: Stuart Wilson, Gareth Cattermole, Chris Jackson/Getty Images]

    • http://twitter.com/deusxmac kim bunchalastnames

      i think she’s wearing gloves because she reads teh commets on teh blogs on teh innertubes, and those HANDS.  those MANHANDS.  those gnarly, twisted, bony, grotesque MANHANDS.  … you know, comments like those.

      • Anonymous

        Exactly.  It’s like when Michael Jackson wore tape on his nails because the nail beds were differently colored than the rest of his skin.

    • Anonymous

      She looks prettier in these than I’ve seen in quite a while.

      Those gloves are a “Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen” thing, though.

      • Lisa

        Haaaa!!!  “That’s GOLD, Jerry!  GOLD!”

    • Anonymous

      Chanel makes workout gloves?!

      • Anonymous

        Uncle Karl will sell the license for those double C’s for anything!  It takes a lot of cashola to keep the young men hanging on you when you look like Skeletor.

        • Anonymous

          Until you guys pointed out that the gloves were by Chanel.  I assumed she was just shamelessly hawking for her and her daughter’s Material Girl accessories line…even though that would STILL have been ill-advised,  she could’ve been forgiven a little.

          • Anonymous

            I thought they were golf gloves

    • http://twitter.com/mandylor It’s All Style To Me

      It’s a shame really. The ensembles are ruined by the tacky gloves. Let’s leave the fingerless gloves to Lagerfeld shall we?
      http://www.ItsAllStyleToMe.com

    • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

      The cut off gloves is hardly new.  Maybe she’s thinking that if the rest of her has to grow up, her hands can go in reverse and dress like they did when she was 22.

    • Anonymous

      I wonder where she parked her bike. 

    • Anonymous

      She looks like a secretary who moonlights as a vampire.

      • Anonymous

        That literally made me chuckle out loud. Thank you!

        • Anonymous

          Or a vampire whose day job is secretary!

    • Anonymous

      Mum always said you can tell a woman’s true age by her hands.

    • Lattis

      I’m just imagining what Joan Hollaway would say to Madge if she came to work with her pits dripping like that.

    • http://twitter.com/shinobi42 Shinobi

      Surely she could get some nice silk gloves?

      • Anonymous

        Diane Keaton wore them for years.  Until she got over it and relaxed.

    • Anonymous

      If she had a Hot Ginger Handler, people wouldn’t be looking at her hands.

      • Anonymous

        I, at least, wouldn’t be!

    • Anonymous

      She looks great here! I don’t know if it’s because her plastic surgery has settled or what, but she looks seriouly great. 

      BUT, the biking gloves make her look like she’s gone the Karl Lagerfeld route – not a good look unless, like Lagerfeld, you’re a vampire. And I don’t get the choice either: She’s obviously not opposed to going under the knife, so why not the hands? 

      Despite all that, it IS a big improvement for her. But I think she got ready to leave the house, looked in the mirror and decided she didn’t look watercooler-worthy, and threw on the gloves.

      –GothamTomato

      • Anonymous

        “not a good look unless, like Lagerfeld, you’re a vampire.” Thank you for that laugh. 

      • Anonymous

        I don’t think her hands are something that can be “fixed.”  They are strong–she works out–& she doesn’t have enough body fat to hide the muscles & sinew.  (In some places, fat is A Good Thing–but it can’t be transplanted from place to place.  Alas.)  

        She could (1) wear ladylike gloves or (2) forget the haters with their pudgy fingers & pudgy everything else….

      • Anonymous

        I wondered the same thing.  I’m pretty sure they can shoot collagen into the backs of her hands to plump them up, just like they did to her cheeks and lips.

        That said, I agree that the surgery seems to be settling nicely and she looks really pretty here… except for the tragic gloves, of course.

    • Anonymous

      Hey Madge, I see you’ve given your eyes a rest and moved on to your lips. 

      Also, some of that filler fell from the needle and made your boobs pop the seam of your dress right off! 

    • Anonymous

      One of the harsh realities of life and being on this earth for more than three decades is that collagen begins to vanish in one’s body.  All over.  Especially in the hands and the face.  As to the face, well, many have “work” done, some more successfully than others, but alas and alack, nothing truly replaces that mili-millimeter of plumping that one’s own natural collagen gives to the skin.  Look at a fresh-faced teenager, and that dewy consistency says it all.

      The same loss of collagen affects the hands, too, and they are a body part that is a heckova lot harder to repair cosmetically.  There’s an old, old Broadway theatre trick that actresses of a certain age would practice: in the wings before an entrance they’d raise their arms up high to drain the blood from their hands to get a (very) temporary smoothness to the hands’ appearance as the ladies would come on-stage.  That isn’t an option in these RC photoshoots, is it?  I’ve heard of collagen injections into the backs of hands – ye gods, what a painful and dicey procedure that would be.  I’ll have to ask my hand surgeon from my 2010 reconstruction operation about that on of these days….

      I don’t endorse Madge’s use of Coco Chanel workout gloves – the look is doofy – but I understand whence comes that need.  You young’uns who are so quick to rail about the appearance of mature women’s hands — it’s a-comin’, chillens, so be kind.  Madge – find a better glove that glams that camouflaging with which I can genuinely sympathize.

      All the best,

      NDC

      • http://profiles.google.com/denise.alden Denise Alden

        Unless you’re fat:  my forty-nine year old hands look like a toddler’s!

        • Anonymous

          Wheeee, we’re the same age, and I’m fat with lovely toddler hands too! 

        • Anonymous

          So true!

          • Anonymous

            I used to hate my chubby hands when I was a teenager and in my twenties. Now that I’m in my mid forties, my still fleshy fingers are one of my favorite things about me!

        • Anonymous

          That’s funny b/c I was going to say that I have slender hands and arms (though the rest of me is 15-20 pounds less slender than it used to be), and my hands just look old. I am an outdoorsy type, so that doesn’t help either.

          • Anonymous

            Gold Bond hand cream, 3 to 4 times a day and once a week lather on thickly and slide into a pair of latex gloves overnight.  Works wonders!  It won’t replace collagen or add plumpness but it does soften and smooth like a dream.

            • Anonymous

              I am hopelessly lazy, but I will give that a try. Thanks!

      • Anonymous

        I don’t endorse Madge’s use of Coco Chanel workout gloves – the look is doofy – but I understand whence comes that need.

        I understand it, too, but why not rock a pair of opera gloves on the red carpet?

      • Anonymous

        I don’t endorse Madge’s use of Coco Chanel workout gloves – the look is doofy – but I understand whence comes that need.

        I understand it, too, but why not rock a pair of opera gloves on the red carpet?

      • Anonymous

        Yes, very few of us who are nearing or already passed 50 have any doubt why she’s returning to gloves. Poor dear.

      • Anonymous

        What about some good old Porcelana for the hand issues?  And they have body make up that really helps too.  Sheesh.  

        • Anonymous

          Hi, BWGP!  With all due respect, Porcelana is an OTC bleaching cream http://porcelana.com/.  It’s not going to restore subcutaneous fullness to the skin.  Neither would body makeup, I believe.  If the hands are thin, and the epidermis is lying basically right on the veins and tendons, all that substructure is outlined in vivid detail.  I’m looking at my busily typing hands right now as proof.

      • Anonymous

        And if you’re slender and especially if you seriously work out, as Madge so obviously does, you really get the ropey hands. Comes with the territory. 

    • http://twitter.com/hmbscully Wendy

      Cape? Um, no. It looks like a piece of lace someone picked up at Joann’s Fabrics and gathered with a ribbon.

    • Anonymous

      So close, it almost hurts more. And especially since she’s softened up and looks so much better for it. She’s got to lose any whiff of 80s-Madonna (Fingerless gloves?  I mean, you ARE Madonna, you done been there!) and must wear clothes that fit.  The blue dress is at least a size too small and she’s literally sweating under the strain of it.  But I think her hair and makeup look terrific.

      • Anna Maria Diamanti

        I WANT that lipstick she’s wearing with the red gloves.

    • Anonymous

      Who is that smiling woman?

    • Anonymous

      she looks great. such a relief to see her look good. well said Tlo!
       let’s hope that with the gloves, she’s serving up a joke aimed at the hand haters (really people, the obsession with her veins is far weirder than the gloves….Maybe.) 
       .

    • Anonymous

      i think she still looks pretty.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Deborah-Jozayt/100002949685297 Deborah Jozayt

      I thought her boobs were gonna burst in the first photo. Heck, maybe they already did! 

    • Anonymous

      I wonder if she regrets what she’s done to her face.

      • Anonymous

        Her new “puppet face” creeps me out.

        • Anonymous

          Me too. I don’t understand how this is preferable to a few wrinkles.

    • Anonymous

      I wonder if she regrets what she’s done to her face.

    • P M

      Oh, Lard. I now know what my nightmare version of Kylie looks like. I never wanted to know, and now I can never erase the image from my mind.

    • P M

      Oh, Lard. I now know what my nightmare version of Kylie looks like. I never wanted to know, and now I can never erase the image from my mind.

    • Anonymous

      The gloves are totally ridiculous, but I feel for her in the veiny hand department. I’m 36 and have had veiny hands (and feet) my whole life (thin, pale skin and all that). While it is getting worse as I age, some of us are just pre-disposed to it, unfortunately.

    • Anonymous

      i think she looks fab, esp. in the first photo. Love that blue dress on her. The second look is a bit too Glinda the Good Witch for me. And the gloves are awful. But hair and make-up A+

    • Anonymous

      I laughed when I saw the red gloves.

      Otherwise, soooo much better.

    • MilaXX

      Both dresses are really good on her. The gloves are just silly and distracting. If she’s looking good the veiny hands are a minor quibble. Wearing the gloves only takes away from otherwise good fashion efforts.

    • Anonymous

      Oh dear.  She must have had no idea she was sweating through that dress, or else she wouldn’t have posed that way.  That pose also must’ve been uncomfortable because her guns are clearly too big for those sleeves.

      • Anonymous

        OH, dear she’s having a hot flash.

        • Anonymous

          You actually may be right…

    • Judy_J

      Maybe she’s had some work done on her hands and the gloves are hiding the evidence?  In any case, a nice pair of opera-length gloves would have looked way better with the formal gown; short black ones would have worked for the blue outfit.  Hm…perhaps the aging boomers will bring back gloves as fashion.  Maybe now is the time to get in on the ground floor of a glove manufacturing company.

    • http://twitter.com/TheRedZavodnik Ginger

      Those look like my cycling gloves.  Who knew that when I went to ride trails that I was starting a fashion trend?

    • Anonymous

      So are Madonna and Lindsay Lohan both getting plastic surgery to look like Old Faye Dunnaway? If so, why?

    • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      She looks utterly amazing in that black dress but then decides a cape and weightlifting gloves are what’s needed here?  More proof that all the money in the entire world still can’t buy you taste.  Damn, girl. 

    • Anonymous

      She looks pretty, but the gloves are just stupid.  And, you know, I am neither rich nor glamorous and I don’t have a stylist, but I do not think I have ever appeared in public with sweaty armpits.  If I can figure out how to manage this problem so can she.

    • Allison Woods

      Oh Madge, honey, put the gloves down.

    • Anonymous

      Well the sweaty pits and the gloves make me think maybe she stopped in at a dojo to kickbox on the way to the movie?

    • Anonymous

      There are so many elegant gloves out there, it’s too bad she chose workout gloves.  Why? Why?

    • Anonymous

      Her second look screams “chaperone at Dragon-Con.”

    • Anonymous

      See? She’s wearing sheer dark hose. A good thing. Gloves notwithstanding, her outfit looks finished and AGE APPROPRIATE.

    • http://twitter.com/BootLadyTeri23 Teri Horne

      She should have went with a pair of black leather opera-length or elbow-length gloves. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=11518328 Kim Sheehan

       Face looks like Reese Witherspoon. Silly, silly mitts.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3AJ237ND3GAHDQJZ4TLCO4WLRA Emily

      Oh Madge.

    • marilyn

      I think  the dark blue dress is too tight for her, because of how the fabric is pulling.  On the second-Her open fingered gloves match her LIPSTICK??????   Oh dear.

    • Anonymous

      maybe she just got a hand-fat transplant? good god, do they do that these days?

    • Anonymous

      Lordy.  The blue dress would be gorgeous if it was the correct size.  Yes, her arms are buff, but they’re stuffed into those teeny sleeves like there is no tomorrow.  She probably could have gotten an accurate blood pressure reading after posing all night like that.  I’m embarrassed for her and those pit stains.  Madge, I can empathize.

    • J Dreesen

      um…is she wearing a NECKLACE with the letters W and E on it???????  Seriously?  it’s a movie premiere, not a middle school notebook.

    • Anonymous

      Honestly. Sometimes I look at her and I expect Clyde Barrow to come strolling along.

    • Lisa

      Welp, ya know, she does go through her phases.  In the early 90s it was the cone bras, around 1998 it was the Geisha thing.  Now I guess it’s the gloves.  She’ll grow out of it – she always does.  Other than that – LOVE HER!!!

    • Anonymous

      Over it.

    • CQAussie

      hahahaha I love this woman.  And yes, the gloves are cracked out.  Oh Madge!  haha

    • Anonymous

      Does she just not want to take off her weight lifting gloves after her workout?  I am reminded of something Michael-Jacksony in those gloves, which makes me unhappy.  I mean, look at her hair! Her skin!  Wow! BUT NOPE, because the gloves are just – wtf – just too too much.

    • Anonymous

      I think she looks terrific in both outfits (gloves notwithstanding) and she looks so happy!

    • Anonymous

      Maybe she did some weird kind of Michael Jackson thing to her hands and now has to hide them because they are either healing or disfigured.

    • vt ba

      I don’t know how, but she’s looking a lot like Kylie Minogue, here. Face wise, I mean. Maybe the hair? 

    • penn collins

      What? You didn’t know? Madge is single handedly (pardon the pun) bringing back BOWLING…

      you don’t recognize quality in style bowling gloves when you see them?

    • http://www.tumblr.com/tumblelog/lastbutnotleast Anonymous

      Also. Butterfly jewelry is for 1) Mariah Carey, 2) 2002 Britney, 3) Middle school girls.

    • http://twitter.com/yankeefoxtrot Alex McGeagh

      Nice to see that her face has settled…

      Despite that, Madge can do no wrong in my eyes, and she looks better than ever, even considering the gloves. Loff her.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=19801927 Dennis Coyle

      aren’t the gloves also referential to her early career?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=630168379 Brian G. Cox

      OMG! Chanel makes workout gloves! MUST BUY!

    • Anonymous

      I think the blue dress is so tight that her armpits are weeping!  Thus the huge wet spots. Okay, really, is this the best she can do?  She looks like she’s ensconced in blue sauage casing. I had an Aunt who used to say “God gives with one hand and takes away with the other” which is the only way to explain how one of the world’s richest women has no fashion sense at all. 

    • Anonymous

      I may be naive — but have these photos been photoshopped? She doesn’t have a single line or wrinkle on her face.

    • Anonymous

      “A bit too tight”? How about 2 sizes too small? She looks like she’s getting squeezed out of that dress like a tube.

      I’m also not a fan of the Don Juan cape.

    • Anonymous

      I like the first look but not the second.  Makes her head look big and her body very short.  Sort of like Dolly Parton.  I so wish she didn’t look like a wax version of herself.  Man, I miss Madonna.

    • Susan Walker

      That low body fat does make the hands look bad – better to ignore it than show you are bothered by it, though.  My hands are benefitted by my plumpness, but I envy her jawline.  We all have our weaknesses.

      Is her need for dress shields new?  She should know better…

    • http://twitter.com/crzepa ChrisRzepa

      She could wear long opera gloves or even shorter ones with fingers (leather, whatever) and she’d look elegant. But I agree, fuck the haters Madge, you’re MADONNA for crying out loud, do what you want! 

    • http://twitter.com/crzepa ChrisRzepa

      She could wear long opera gloves or even shorter ones with fingers (leather, whatever) and she’d look elegant. But I agree, fuck the haters Madge, you’re MADONNA for crying out loud, do what you want! 

    • Anonymous

      Madge is just returning from 18 holes on the links.  As a producer, she knows she has to fit in with the country club set.

    • Anonymous

      What a pleasant surprise to see Madge looking good, in a more age-appropriate(read Dame Helen Mirren) style.  The glovelettes aren’t a good idea, though.

    • Anonymous

      In that second outfit she reminds me a bit of Dalida. Without the gloves, of course.

    • Anonymous

      *sigh* I’ve always had a thing for fingerless gloves. I think she’s pulling it off myself. If not Madge, then who?

    • Anonymous

      awwwww she’s all growns up!

    • http://twitter.com/Pinky71 Jenny Moss

      I think the blue dress is a disaster, it’s way too tight and her pit stains are awful. The black dress is much better but really, no to the gloves. Just no.

    • http://twitter.com/RzYoung RzYoung

      I would like to see her with her shiny dark hair again (circa American Life) it really brought out her eyes, the blonde these days always seems brassy. I like the dress though and her arms are much less scary these days. It’s nice to see her look so good.

    • Anonymous

      Karl called, he wants his gloves back…..especially the red ones.

    • Anonymous

      Don’t like either of the looks — and too much hair going on around the collar on the first and the cape on the second.  The biker gloves are hideous — and the use of jewerly on top of the biker gloves is just a flat out Huh?

    • https://profiles.google.com/104791269167429064986 Judy S

      The blue dress just doesn’t fit her. It reminds me of stuff I try to wear that’s a wee bit too small for my bust. But when I try to convince myself it fits it’s because it’s 50% off clearance. She does not have that excuse. On the other hand, I think she looks great in the black dress, even with the gloves. Or maybe because of the gloves, which are a reminder that Madonna was never Wallis Simpson.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_EDI2DLE7DE3YPW2ONIHBWOVHMA ecallaw

      Beautiful if she went up a size and lost the gloves.

    • Anonymous

      Eh, I don’t mind the gloves.  Don’t love them but don’t hate either.  It wouldn’t be Madonna without trying something new.  Now, the sweaty pits is inexcusable on anyone on a red carpet today.  Dress shields are easy to get and cheap and BOTOX in the armpit also works wonders on this little issue.  I have friends in lowly St. louis, MO who do that little trick before a big event so I know they know about it in Londontown.

    • Anonymous

      Black dress: I haven’t seen her look that good in ages. I kind of love everything about the look…well, with one obvious, bright-red exception.

    • Anonymous

      Bowling gloves.

      But she can’t possible bowl in those tight skirts.

      • Anonymous

        Just needs the Prada Pyramide Bag

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3KCDEX4FOTCFHZP6WLKSOOKUVM Danielle

      The first dress makes it look like her boobs are trying to escape.

    • vmcdanie

      I realize the giant Chanel logos probably make them tacky, but I really love that first pair of gloves she’s got. I agree that first outfit is a huge improvement for her. There is way too much action going on at the neckline.

      The gloves on the second look I really do not covet. I’m not sure she’s really working that cape. Maybe in motion.

    • Anonymous

      She looks great in each look…the gloves though…the gloves!?  Actually, I kind of like the gloves in the 1st look…for her and that dress they kind of work.  2nd look…not so much.  She’d have, almost, knocked it out of the ballpark in each if she’d have left the gloves off.  Knowing her though, she doesn’t give a flying F what we all think…I kind of like her for that. ;)

    • Elias Pineda

      i think is about her hands   

    • Anonymous

      Freaking love the cape.  Love it.  But without those gloves – hideous though they may be – she’d come off like a witch.  You have to admit that the gloves make the cape kind of normal.

    • Anonymous

      one would think with all of Madge’s Minions at her disposal one of them would be carrying a pair of dress shields…..

    • Anonymous

      Amazing how she can still rock a D&G corset dress like no one else. Hats off to Madge, gloves and all.

    • Anonymous

      This is like that unfortunate time a couple of years ago when SJP went through her tiny-Lagerfeld-glove phase.

      Also, this movie still exists?

    • Anonymous

      The blue dress is a gorgeous color and the cut out sexy as hell.  The red glovelets are hysterical.

    • Anonymous

      translation: My old haggard claws give me away and I am nothing but a vain insecure old bitch.

    • Anonymous

      Madge. You’re old. Get over it.

      It’s not that bad, really.

    • Anonymous

      There are designers devoted to making exclusively gloves. I’m sure those exist in the U.S. just like in Italy. Maybe someone should tell her.

    • Anonymous

      when a lady gets older, she can get a lot of things fixed, but the back of the hands aint quite so easy, but it can be done, bet she had some work done and they weren’t all healed up…

    • http://twitter.com/santumisra SANTU M.

      is she sweating, are those sweat stains on MADONNA! o_O

    • Anonymous

      How dare you criticize Madonna’s fashion?

      -First, she invented fashion.
      -Second, she is a God.
      -Third, you shall be punished by the gay Gods.

      Repent now, filthy sinners!