Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Salma Hayek in Gucci

Posted on January 23, 2012

Although anything with a leather pussy bow indicates to us that it might not be anyone’s dress.

Salma Hayek at the premiere of “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” in Paris in Gucci.

All we can think is how much she must be sweating under that. It’s possible this could be styled differently to make it work for her, because those heavy boots were definitely a bad idea. But even if we swapped them out for a pair of pumps or sandals, we still think the dress would look too heavy and too puffy. Salma darling, set this dress free on the wind, so it can someday find Evan Rachel Wood, who could probably do something interesting with it. This just isn’t your style.

 

[Photo Credit: WireImage]

    • http://twitter.com/stellaphone Stella Zawistowski

      Oh dear me, no.

      Although I’m kind of loving the Palin-esque upswept hair she has going on.

    • Sobaika Mirza

      Does she seriously pay someone to put these looks together for her?? I get that she’s rich, but seems like a big waste of money. Every time she’s featured by TLo it feels like “Girl, that’s not your dress!” moment.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1084733830 Kate Andrews

      It actually looks a little like Kalinda on The Good Wife, although the bow would be a departure!

      • Sobaika Mirza

        Except Kalinda’s looks are far more suited to her natural shape and look less forced.

      • Anonymous

        I just typed the same thing before I saw your comment.  Archie Punjab could rock the hell out of this dress if it lost 3″

    • Anonymous

      Like, I know this looks bad and stuff, but what if she likes wearing weird stuff like this? How could she make it work for her if this is the kind of thing she likes?

      • MilaXX

        Anytime you like something that doesn’t work with your figure, you need to adjust it. I think Salma could do a knee length leather skirt and boots just fine. I think the leather dresses look heavy on her because she’s short and because she’s busty. I would put her in a skirt, add a v neck top and wear her hair down. Anytime she pins her hair up she looks like a trophy wife.

    • Anonymous

      Yea, maybe ERW or Rooney Mara could do something with this dress.  It is not working for Selma.  Hair and makeup are fine.  Maybe she should go shopping with Sofia Vergara. 

      • Anonymous

        Ha! I should have read your comment before posting mine. All I’d have to have said is “Amen, sister!”

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=601016544 Amy J Albin

      While not the best look, I dont think this is horrible either.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1309281188 Sandy Dunn Cordell

      Those boots look like weird footies with chopsticks sticking out.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      Such an incredibly lovely woman who keeps making these real sartorial blunders.  I’m not even liking the boots. the placement of the heel looks weirdly awkward.

      • http://twitter.com/mrsjoe3 Karen Nemelka

        See what I wonder is if she keeps screwing up because she has bad taste, or if the real issue is that she’s obligated to wear Gucci, who maybe isn’t designing clothes for women who are not pin-straight and ultra skinny…

        • Anonymous

          She needs to stop wearing Gucci, they don’t design for her shape. Hubby must own other fashion houses that could work for her, doesn’t he? Back in the day when she wore a lot of Narciso Rodriguez Salma looked fantastic because the clothes fit and worked with her proportions. I really hated her Golden Globes dress tooo, she looked like a booblehead with smushed breasts! Step away from the Gucci Salma! 

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          I realize her hubby is pushing her to promote the brand, but how well does it promote the clothing line if the person wearing it doesn’t do the clothing credit?

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F3HKIK7MIJMBDAQBDWEAQDTXUM theneva

            Or if the clothing line doesn’t do a woman with a figure as awesome as Salma’s credit.

            • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

              A far better way to put it. thank you.

          • Anonymous

            that’s actually a really salient point.  Put differently, if you own4 houses of fashion and none of them look good on Salma Hayek, maybe you need to rethink who you are employing as designers, and take the brand in a different direction….

      • Anonymous

        I actually think greatest mistake in this outfit and for Salma are the boots. High, ruched boots belong on models’ skinny and long legs. 

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          Everything about her choices here makes her look shorter than she already is.  Yeah she’s a womanly woman, which is awesome, and there are so many better ways to make herself look terrific. I remember when she first showed up on the RC years back I was always blown away by how drop dead gorgeous she looked.

    • http://twitter.com/Moondragonic Charlotte

      Also; Girl, That’s Not Your Shoes.

    • http://theargiehome.blogspot.com/ Gus Casals

      “Hot latina dominatrix” . The black hose are another mistake. 

      • P M

        A hot Latina dominatrix might dress with more flair, I feel.

    • Judy_J

      Sister wife S & M attire?

    • https://profiles.google.com/104791269167429064986 Judy S

      I agree with the hint that it might not be anybody’s dress. I don’t think she looks worse than anyone else would in it…

    • Anonymous

      That dress is horrible, but can we not hate on those precious, amazing boots. I love them and covet them deeply. *sigh*

    • Anonymous

      Maybe if it was suede? She’s made the ultimate fashion marriage, I don’t understand why she so often misses the mark like this.

    • Anonymous

      “Anything with a leather pussy bow indicates to us that it might not be anyone’s dress.”  Bingo!

      And yes, it is heavy and puffy.  And the boots are heavy.

      So wrong in so many ways.

    • Anonymous

      Hey, it’s the perfect dress to wear to a spy movie premiere!  Shiny black leather + puffy shoulders and a pussy bow (you know, so it’s not TOO literal or costumey…).

      Actually, I don’t think it’s as awful on her as it could be, but the boots are all wrong…

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think those are her boots either.

    • Anonymous

      She should stick to a leather skirt.

    • Anonymous
      • Anonymous

        I was going to search for this!
        ERW wore this much, much better.

      • Anonymous

        Way better.  But note the differences.  Hayak is wearing it too tight, and has shortened the sleeves and the length.  The original has a close resemblance to a coat, and that mitigates the bow and the vast expanse of leather.

      • Anonymous

        Wow, good call. It looks totally different. But. . . while I’ve never really liked leather dresses, I think Salma looks pretty good.

    • http://www.facebook.com/amanda.fields Amanda Fields

      You’re crazy!! This is HOT! This is catering to the straight man.

    • Anonymous

      Ugh, that dress is awful. I do love the way her hair and makeup look, though.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1253053236 Belle Burnett

      I love that because she is Mrs. Whoever That Guy Is, she can force her body into these ridiculous dresses before anybody else can. It’s like, even if it doesn’t actually look good, Salma is saying, “I beat you to it, bitches, even if it looks better on you, I WORE IT FIRST.”

    • Anonymous

      Leather pussy bow? Unusual.

    • MilaXX

      The whole look is just off. As it’s currently styled I think it’s too young for her even with the pussy bow.

    • Anonymous

      Hmm, seems like Salma needs some new gays!

    • Anonymous

      Oddly enough, I kind of like it on her.  Especially in that last photo.  

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

      Leather dress with suede boots?? Wha??

    • http://beautyforrealgirls.blogspot.com/ accidental housewife

      Is she Rubberman’s sister?

      I think she could pull off a leather dress, just not this leather dress. And designers have to stop it with those friggin’ bows right now. They ruin everything.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JSGAZPEESHQT47ATH55GNOHHBY Erin

      Was “will no longer wear clothing that flatters my smoking-hot body” one of her wedding vows?

    • http://profiles.google.com/niconiconico10 Nico Robertson

      Evan Rachel Wood DID rock this, in her Carmen Sandiego drag, REMEMBA?? It was purple, n she wore a hat?? HELLO??

      • http://www.tomandorenzo.com Tom and Lorenzo

        Yes, dear. That’s why we brought her up.

        And hello to you too.

        • http://profiles.google.com/niconiconico10 Nico Robertson

          Ah, I get it…

          Eep, I got a response from you two!!

    • Anonymous

      I know it’s leather and all but the whole look seems just a pair of eyeglasses away from Sarah Palin.

    • http://twitter.com/ryenerman rynerman

      Argh!  Why does she keep dressing like hell?  She is gorgeous, but her clothing choices are killing me.

    • Anonymous

      I can almost hear her on the red carpet. *sqink, squink, squink…*

    • Stefanos Mantyla

      Watch out, Kardashians! Salma Hayak is coming up on your rear-view mirror!

    • Anonymous

      Enough with the trophy-wife-bot hair already. A leather skirt? Sure. Leather dress with leather pussy bow? Ack.

    • Anonymous

      she needs to fire her stylist.  i dont know she looks so different (clothes wise) these days. 

    • Anonymous

      If these were seperates and worn you know, seperately, each would be lovely.  But together?  No, no, no. 

    • Kris Bruneau

      Rooney Mara might be able to pull that dress off or Evan Rachel Wood.  Pretty much nobody else. 

    • Stefanos Mantyla

      She really looks like salmiakki, which come to think of it, really suits her name! Or licorice, if you do not know what salmiakki is.

    • Anonymous

      I’m kind of digging it.  

    • aimee_parrott

      Holy hell.  Salma, as someone who likes men but would probably switch teams for you, let me just say this: HIRE A NEW STYLIST, FER CHRISSAKE!

      Like Sobaika below, I would like to nominate Salma for a “If We Were Her Gays” post, toot sweet.

    • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

      Well, on the bright side, she is wearing something that actually fits her, and her boobies aren’t flapping out in the wind, desperate to escape, like they usually are.  Hair is good, makeup looks okay.  But yeah, not her dress.

    • Maria Rosenfire

      This is why, if you’re going to wear a leather dress, it almost has to be tight-fitting. Because otherwise it looks like you’re trying to fancy up a trash bag with S&M accessories, as is the case here.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, Evan Rachel Wood or Rooney Mara could make this work, but  not with the boots and tights.

      What the hell is up with Hayek’s style lately?

    • Anonymous

      She should just get “Girl That’s Not Your Dress” tattooed on her arm because it’s becoming her signature look. Being a trophy wife has not been good for her, style-wise.

    • Geno Boggiatto

      I’m kind of really loving the dress! Sorry, TLo! But the boots…. are killing me. I’m not a fan of a slouchy boot, and this just reinforces my hatred! I think a sleeker boot would have been a better pairing, although it might have bordered on dominatrix.

    • Anonymous

      1980s secretary-wear in black leather?

      I applaud Gucci’s audacity at trying to do that mashup, but it just looks ridiculous to me. I don’t think this is anybody’s dress.

    • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

      OMG the minute I saw it I thought ‘Evan Rachel Wood needs that.’  It is so cool to have mind meld with you two.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_64HSRZWCSJ5RBFGCWDLFQOICYM G

      True, it’s not her style, but I have seen her look so so so much worse.  Like practically everything she wore to those  Puss ‘n Boots premieres… or whatever they were.  This just looks suffocating.

    • Anonymous

      Oy … I’m schviting bullets just looking at her.

    • Anonymous

      The best I can come up with is that it doesn’t look like trophy wife. Unless, maybe, it’s trophy wife at the funeral of a long-time but low-level member of the household staff? Like a gardener?

      It’d be a perfectly ordinary badly fitting figure-dumpifying shirtwaist style dress with unfortunate pussy bow, except that it’s made of shiny black leather.

    • Allison Woods

      Her hair looks nice.

    • Anonymous

      Girl, that is also not your hairstyle.

    • Anonymous

      How do you even tie that bow???  Jeez that would be hard…
      I don’t think that’s anyone’s dress… I think we’re looking at a couple of handbags and wallets…

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Karen-Stephens-Bassett/1503492602 Karen Stephens Bassett

      How many animals had to die for her to look this bad?

    • Anonymous

      Textbook example of why no one who is a C-cup or larger should wear a pussybow. Oh Salma, if you are trapped in an unhappy marriage or have other issues with your husband, please stop dealing with them by passive-aggressively dressing hideously. It only punishes us, your adoring public. And in that dress, maybe your nipples too. Just sayin’.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not my favorite dress by a long shot, but I could definitely see Beth Ditto rocking it with some fabulous colored tights.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not my favorite dress by a long shot, but I could definitely see Beth Ditto rocking it with some fabulous colored tights.

    • Anonymous

      If it was paired with sheer black tights and some pumps that are not black I think this could have worked.

    • Anonymous

      Maybe she’s trying to be Kalinda (and not making it). Oh–I see Kate Anderson just said the same thing!

    • Anonymous

      You know, I think you should all remember that you are speaking about a Commander of France, of whatever the hell honor she recently received…

    • http://twitter.com/jaythenerdkid Aaminah Khan

      I actually kind of love it on her, but those boots are just all wrong.

    • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      Perhaps if she pushed it to full-on dominatrix – no.  Not anyone’s dress.

    • Anonymous

      She has no taste whatsoever, never has, nor do her stylists. More often than not, her outfits are ill-fitted and tacky.

    • Anonymous

      Could be worse… could be OH so much worse

    • margaret meyers

      A different neck line and I think she’d look HOT in a good way.

    • http://www.facebook.com/samuel.j.donovan Samuel Joesph Donovan

      I like it!

    • http://twitter.com/stopENtalk Brittany Johnstone

      Do her arms get stuck to her body if she keeps them close by for too long? It just all looks so noisy? Sticky? I don’t know just wrong.

      • Lisa

        Just imagine all gunked up baby powder and sweat under there!

        • Anonymous

          Pity the person at the cleaning service.  I would barf.

    • Lisa

      Oh, that’s not good.  No, not at all.

    • Anonymous

      Eh, she’s just giving the girls the night off. Not great – not horrendous. lose the black stockings

      • Anonymous

        Looks to me like she’s entrapped the girls, sealed them up in too-tight leather. Her clothes are always too tight at the bust. 

    • Anonymous

      Actually, Evan Rachel Wood wore a Gucci dress similar to this in burgundy in October 2011 .  She accessorized with an awesome hat.  http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/2011/10/evan-rachel-wood-in-gucci.html

      • Anonymous

        one difference is that the dress actually fits erw without holding her breasts captive.  she can move in it, too, unlike selma.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2P2ANLRZ6YAVGONA36I2AQJYGI VicD

      Girl, that is nobody’s dress.

    • Call me Bee

      Wow that is one ugly garment.  It’s way too bad, cuz otherwise–she looks so great.  Beautiful hair and makeup, and with a different dress, those boots would be smokin’! 

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sarah-Adams/1143985903 Sarah Adams

      That top should go straight to the discount bin and Fetishes R Us.

    • Anonymous

      I also thought ERW. Or Posh.

    • Anonymous

      You are 100% right about the dress, but I do love how the lady looks above the neck.  That hairstyle is fab.  She’s channeling Catherine Deneuve……….if a Latina with black hair can channel a French blonde.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=66202280 Selina Khuu

      I can picture Evan Rachel Wood killing this dress. Oh never mind. I confused that with sacrificial infant whales for their beauty giving stem cells. 

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F3HKIK7MIJMBDAQBDWEAQDTXUM theneva

      That’s Kathy Griffin’s dress. She rocked the leather pussy bow on New Year’s Eve, though I was not just disappointed but actually crushed that she never once referred to it by its proper name.

    • Anonymous

      Kalinda Sharma (aka Archie Punjab) could rock the hell out of this dress if it lost 3″

    • Anonymous

      I weep….. Oh Salma, what has happened to the lovely, sexy, voluptuous creature of yore?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3AJ237ND3GAHDQJZ4TLCO4WLRA Emily

      doesnt even look like her…

    • Anonymous

      More importantly, why is Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy called La Taupe in France?  I know that it translates to The Mole, but…still weird right?

    • Anonymous

      those of us from the SF area will remember the reign of dianne feinstein when these were call di-fi bows.  this look could be titled “madame mayor visits the folsom street faire”, where the latest in fetish wear can be seen each year.

    • Anonymous

      what was she thinking

    • Cheri Lee

      Show the boobs!

    • Tatiana Luján

      I hate those boots more than the rest of the outfit.