David Beckham Bodywear for H&M

Posted on January 04, 2012

Here you go, Ladies and Ladyboys. He really doesn’t do a thing for us, but we understand he has a following.

Prettyboys with no body hair and an abundance of tattoos will never not look like gay porn stars to us. Sorry, Becks. Then again, we suspect that was at least partially what you were going for.

You may have noticed that he’s not wearing much. There’s a reason:

“David Beckham’s debut Bodywear collection for H&M has quality and longevity at its core. This first collection introduces nine underwear styles for men which will go on to form the products of the long-term unique partnership between David Beckham and H&M. Designed by David’s in-house team and sold exclusively at H&M, the focus is on fit, function, comfort and design, avoiding overt branding to present a range of new classics, comprising of briefs, boxers, vests, T-shirts, pyjamas and long johns. The result of eighteen months of research and development, the collection aims to set a new standard in men’s bodywear for the 21st century. Available from 2nd February 2012 in 1,800 H&M stores worldwide as well as on-line.”

Pyjamas! Oh, the Brits and their funny made-up words.

 

All of these pieces will make you magically look like David Beckham the second you put them on. Save your pennies, ladyboys!

 

[Photo Credit:hm.com]

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

      Picture #2 looks as if there’s a piece of cardboard in the crotch

      • Anonymous

        …or is he just happy to see you….

        • aimee_parrott

          OR he’s happy to see you, AND his dick is made of cardboard.

          • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

            Cardboard dick = too close association with tampon applicator.

            • Anonymous

              No wonder Vicki doesn’t smile!

    • http://twitter.com/PWYJudges PWYJudges

      Embarrassed to say that I want those long johns… but it’s true…

      • Anonymous

        I like them

    • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

      I love me a good penis, but seeing one bundled up in cotton underwear always feels icky.

    • Anonymous

      Hmmmm. Those long johns look like they have knee pads.

      • iCouture

        And that could be beneficial to some….. erm….  ladyboys  :)

        • Anonymous

          I just scared people when I guffawed.

    • http://www.facebook.com/charlotte.horseman Charlotte Horseman

      18 months of research?  Shameful.  T-shirts, boxers, briefs, long johns…. seriously? 

      • Anonymous

        My sentiments exactly. Is there no pyjama top?

        • Anonymous

          That would hide all those tats

      • http://twitter.com/TigerLaverada TigerLaverada

        Eighteen months of research to figure out that the way people have been doing it for many, many decades is just fine except for lacking one thing: the David Beckham label and pricetag. 

        I like his athleticism, but his looks are pretty middle of the road meh to me. 

    • Anonymous

      He’s kind of cute until you hear him talk with a strangely high voice.  I’d rather spend the night with Vicki–and I’m straight.

      • Anonymous

        I’m thinking it might be more fun to knock back a few bottles of wine with Victoria Beckham and go through her clothes closet than hang out with Becks.

    • Anonymous

      He does have a following. My sister once molested a life-size poster of him @ Macy’s. lol
      As for me – I can’t get with the muppet voice, so no tingling over here.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      Sorry Becks, ain’t gonna be running out to buy what looks like just another line of yawn inducing underthings.  ‘Sides, there is no amount of Photoshop, diet, exertion or surgery that would make this short middle aged gay look even remotely like you.

      And someone in the Photoshop department needs a talking to about that crotch shading,……

      • Anonymous

        Isn’t that crotch shading bizarro? It makes him look like he’s got a square package. Makes me think of Spongebob…

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          Really!!!!  I mean, what is that junk SHAPED like?

          • Anonymous

            I guess they are trying to appeal to a niche market: men who aspire to have square junk.

            • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

              Maybe so, but damn, that’s gotta hurt.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=677547537 John Hodgins

          OK, I was eating when I read this.  Almost an accident on my keyboard.  Thanks!  :-)

          • Anonymous

            Well, if it’s any comfort: since reading the comments, I have Justin Timberlake’s “Dick in a Box” running on auto repeat in my head, and that little ditty always makes me giggle and snort in a most unattractive and unhygienic manner ;-)

        • Anonymous

          Spongebeck Squarepenis

          • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

            Oh Nelliebelle, I think I love you.

            • Anonymous

              As you should :)

      • Anonymous

        Looks like they hired the people who do the ads for L’oreal or Biotherm anti-cellulite products. 

      • Anonymous

        Oh ye of little faith.  18 months of R&D went into these undies. Surely they are magical.

    • MilaXX

      I don’t know if I find him cute, but he has a great body that I can appreciate as long as he doesn’t open his mouth and destroy the illusion. I hate his voice.

      • Anonymous

        Exactly.  All the appeal for me is just staring at him without a shirt on. 

    • http://twitter.com/DarthJaeda Jaeda Laurez

      I’d smash as long as he didn’t talk. I still remember the Armani ads. 

      • Anonymous

        The Armani ads, those I liked. This, not so much and I totally agree he kills any possible attraction when he opens his mouth.

    • iCouture

      His last underwear campaign was so…. umm….  “bulgetastic”….. but this one?  Not so much.
      Color me disappointed!  :)
      But I’m sure this will sell off the racks of H&M, as the ladyboys will be all over this shit, hehe..

    • foodycat

      Nice body, excellent eyebrow lifting, but I can’t help but think he is dumb  as a box of rocks without the charm to be sexy.

      • Anonymous

        OH wow, I hadn’t noticed the eyebrows! Was the studio lighting blinding him or was he trying to hook up with the caterer girl? 

        • foodycat

          Maybe someone asked him to spell his name?

    • Anonymous

      Wow, this collection sure does blow all other men’s underwear out of the water! Oh, wait, no.

      • http://twitter.com/TheRedZavodnik Ginger

        I think you meant to say that this collection just blows. :)

    • Anonymous

      I don’t want to marry him or even have a fling with him.  Don’t need to talk to him.  He’s not unattractive, but I wouldn’t say he’s the hottest guy ever.  However, one of my favorite things to do is stare at him without a shirt on.  His muscles are what do it for me. 

      • Anonymous

        I’m with you 100%!

    • Brad and Anne White

      He’s up there on the hotness scale, but I’m not a fan of his voice though. Oh, yeah, he doesn’t have to talk. Hee hee. Has he always had that many tattoos? Ick.

    • Anonymous

       “…the collection aims to set a new standard in men’s bodywear for the 21st century.”  With that kind of hype, you’d expect that they’d found a cure for cancer or something.

    • Brad and Anne White

      Oh, and is he growing “Wolverine” sideburns? WHY, Becks, WHY?

    • Anonymous

      It’s H&M, it’ll be cheap as chips. ‘Quality & longevity’ at H&M? Hmmm, forgive me for being sceptical.

      Not interested in Beckham, not my type. But he sells.

    • Jennifer Hejtmánková

      Much airbrushing going on there?

    • Anonymous

      Why is he so frowny; does he not like his new undies?

      I’m with you guys. His tats really turn me off and when he opens his mouth and starts speaking in that girlie voice of his…oy.

      • Anonymous

        I couldn’t stop noticing his frowniness too!  I’ve always been a fan of the soccer player build.

    • Anonymous

      He was cute at one point, but the tattoo sleeves really just pushed him out of my cute sandbox.  Seems like a nice guy, good dad, all that, but the tattoo sleeves are skeevy.  On everyone.  Even a bod like that can’t redeem them.

      • Anonymous

        The worst thing is, it;s started creeping onto his chest. One day his whole body will be covered.

    • Anonymous

      I was confused by the idea of a “vest” in an underwear line.  After looking at the pictures, it dawned on me that “vest” is a much nicer term for a tank-top than “wife-beater”!

      • Anonymous

        vest is British for undershirt as opposed to waistcoat which is British for vest. :)

        • Anonymous

          Yes, I figured that part out, which is why I said that “vest” was a much nicer term.  ;)

    • Anonymous

      His legs are too “bare”, in that I would have liked a bit more hair, esp. in the third picture. I know it’s hart to present men’s upper inner thighs (thank god for boxers) but hey, if they can’t do it, what’s the point.     

      The “fold” at the crotch on the second picture has me very puzzled. Is his stuff sideways? 

    • Judy_J

      Nothing earth-shaking here at all. I’m referring to both the guy and the underpinnings. 

    • Anonymous

      Nice muscles and package, but way too many tats and way too much taking himself seriously.  My tastes run more to guys with a lighter attitude, a little humor, and a little intelligence.  I realize, though, that none of those things sells underwear.

    • Anonymous

      Has he changed his looks greatly?  I used to find him quite attractive, but no longer.
      Maybe my taste in men have changed.

    • Anonymous

      He does nothing for me.  And his expressions make him look like my 2 year old niece when she’s very constipated.  

    • CQAussie

      SWOON.

    • http://twitter.com/herong Heron

      Muscles + tat + undies usually = yum, but here, muscles + tats + undies + angry face + awkward bulge + cardboard posing = bleagh.  

    • Anonymous

      He does have nice legs. I’ve never heard him talk, so can’t comment on his voice (but the poor guy can’t help that). 

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      18 months of research and development, and a team of people to design the exact same underwear Fruit of the Loom has been making since forever and a day.  Can we just say “we are using his name so you’ll buy the shit”

      • http://twitter.com/DarthJaeda Jaeda Laurez

        They aren’t using his name, they’re using his thighs and no-no area. Which I applaud them for.

      • Anonymous

        They specifically say “no overt marketing,” so they can’t be just using his name. It’s right there in the press release, always a bastion of truth and integrity.

    • Anonymous

      His bulge is surely manufactured but he has a handsome face.  And I love the tatoos.

    • Anonymous

      he has rather appealing thighs and a painfully effeminate voice……

    • http://twitter.com/DarthJaeda Jaeda Laurez

      I love clean shaven tatted up boys- he looks delightful, as opposed to Marc Jacobs, who just looks like trade.

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

      Eh.

    • Anonymous

      I used to have a thing for him, but lately he’s looking really angry, especially in these pictures.  Scary!

    • Anonymous

      He’s very attractive…until he opens his mouth…and then I recoil in horror

    • Anonymous

      i usually think hes super sexy, but those pictures are just ok.

    • Sara__B

      He doesn’t do anything for me, either, but I’m sure he’ll sell a lot of over-priced underwear.

    • Anonymous

      I have to love him, he grew up 2 miles away from me and now lives just across the road from my nieces and ex-brother-in-law. :)

    • Anonymous

      In the looks department…he does nothing for me.  But when I see him in interviews and interacting with his kids, he seems like such a nice person (as does his wife) and I do find that attractive.  

      But I think he’s a little too old for this sort of ad.  

    • Anonymous

      He’s too young to remind me so much of Pierce Brosnan.

      Or maybe I’m only feeling that that is a negative because I just re-watched Mamma Mia and am thinking of Pierce Brosnan in a corset, singing badly.

    • Anonymous

      Stiff, like an S&M Ken doll.

    • Jessica Goldstein

      I hate tattoos and never go in for the sporting types, but even so, I think Beckham is gorgeous. As for the voice, I wish that were off limits to discuss since it’s something he can’t change.

      • Anonymous

        Why deface that beautiful body (or any body, for that matter) with hideous tattoos. Hate ‘em!!!

        • http://twitter.com/yankeefoxtrot Alex McGeagh

          Totally disagree. The tats amp up his hotness to atmospheric levels. IMHO of course. Horses for courses….

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, I think that’s always a good guideline for commenting here: if it can’t be changed then don’t criticise it.

    • http://profiles.google.com/ameliaheartsu Amelia Logan

      What is that face?

    • Anonymous

      In house design team?

      One assumes that’s Vicky?

    • Anonymous

      what happened to his gentleman’s area there in the second photo?  it looks like he tried to tuck and had some grave accident and now everything’s folded inward somehow.  no wonder he looks so pissed off.  anyways……..at the words “david’s in-house team”, i imagined a swarm of perfectly groomed buff gayboys running around the beckham mansion in expensive underwear.  and “eighteen months of research…” “to set a new standard in men’s bodywear for the 21st century’?”  feeling a bit self-important are we?  come on now, boys.  it’s only underwear.  i can’t wait for the new underwear playset to go with the becks and posh dolls.

    • Anonymous

      He’s such a gorgeous thing…the kind that you don’t want to talk to, you just want him to do nasty things to you, so nasty that you can’t even look him in the eye in the morning.

      Wait…did I type that out loud?

      • Tamara Hogan

        Yup. No need to talk, David. No, really. Don’t say a word. Just…

    • Anonymous

      He definitely does it for me… but not in these pics! His face looks to frown-y and his hair too pompadour-y.

      Now from the neck down it all starts to come together! :)

    • Anonymous

      That’s some sad looking underwear. They researched for months and that’s what they came up with, saggy grey undies? Dreadful.

    • Anonymous

      All of those pieces will make you un-magically look like you shop at Sears.

    • Cheri Lee

      I love his thighs.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, a following. And a groveling, if that’s what would be necessary. BY ANY MEANS NECESSSARY! I just read a lotta “none for me thanks” which I find heartening, since that means the line is just that much shorter. Yes, I would stand in line. Did I not just make it clear that dignity and I would have a cordial parting of the ways if I was ever within 10 feet of this spectacular example of viripotence??
      Ahem, pardon me.
      And the underwears are nice too.

      • Anonymous

        I am with you amywinss!
        I heart me some David Beckham!  Whatever hairstyle he sports, all of his tats – and the voice just makes him that much better.  I just love the serious faces of both Beckhams… then they speak.  LOVE THEM!

        • Anonymous

          Re: the voice. No, not ideal, granted. But certainly no dealbreaker! No one is perfect! See how gracious I am? ;)  

      • Anonymous

        Are you English, Amywinns? Because I read some heartening news that most Englishmen would allow David Beckham to sleep with their wives or girlfriends.

        • Anonymous

          I am not, but my bf and I have a mutual understanding that there is a certain epic hotness threshold after which we are not responsible for our actions. Part of this understanding is be that full, juicy, detailed disclosure afterward would be pretty much required. :)
          (also understood is the distinct improbability that this will ever been more than a rhetorical question. but it is way fun talk about!)

    • Anonymous

      Not much of a Becks fan, but soccer players do have the best legs… 

      And I agree these looks are Searstastic.

    • Anonymous

      This took 18 months? Are you kidding me?

    • Anonymous

      He stands alone, like Jadis of Charn, on the island of metrosexuality. Like a relic from the days of Queer Eye. Like his own wax statue from Madame Tussauds.

      And it’s still boring as hell.

    • http://profiles.google.com/shawna.ready shawna ready

      That is one yummy man. These are nice and simple and i LOVE that they dont have a lot of branding.

    • Anonymous

      Um, no. Not even close. And what the hell is going on with the crotch? 

    • Anonymous

      Why so scowl-ly?   Undies in a bunch?

    • Anonymous

      Thighs are so…smooth. Ick. And his batch is all square. Ick, ick!

    • Anonymous

      … it took 18 months of R&D to come up with those?

      Whatever. He’s hot so long as he doesn’t speak and I think he’s overrated as a player, but I certainly don’t object to looking at him, and he inspired one of my favourite movies of the past decade, so here’s to ya, Becks.

    • Anonymous

      For some reason, Becks is looking more and more like Ricky Gervais (to me) as he gets older.  Bizarre.

      • Anonymous

        You know, you’re right!
        Same gene pool. 

    • elzatelzabelz

      He doesn’t do it for you? Hubba h-u-b-b-a…

    • Anonymous

      Normally I respond to Becks but he doesn’t look hot here. Plus the underwear looks a little to stiff. I don’t need to buy.

    • Carli Walker

      Why’s he so cranky? Frown, frown, frown…

    • http://www.facebook.com/Hutchlover Amye Sabin

      Eh… Who cares…

      Him & Victoria are almost Kardashian level, to me.  Can really do w/o either.

    • http://twitter.com/myblackfriend myblackfriendsays

      He’s too scrawny for me.

    • Anonymous

      What is up with the Clint Eastwood face?

    • Anonymous

      From the neck down he’s pretty hot albeit hairless, which is a slight turnoff.  In some of his earlier modeling gigs, before all the tats, he was a tight little delicious package from head-to-toe but now, ehh.

      He’s not aging well.  The tats, bad hair and insanely airbrushed crotch are not helping.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks a lot you guys. Now after reading the comments all I can do while looking at this spread is laugh my ass off when I scroll up. This could be permanent and I might start guffawing every time I see his face. Life ruiners, you kittens are.

    • Anonymous

      ps. the last gay porn star i knew fairly well was a pretty boy w/ no body hair & covered w/ tattoos. just to let you know.

    • http://twitter.com/LOfficielEbony TheVeryLivingEND

      Sexy Becks: Scowling in Underwear…the Collection.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Micaela-Cannon/1465504041 Micaela Cannon

      ….this just looks like underwear to me. You could find these in a Hanes six pack.

    • Anonymous

      Obviously he’s no longer under contract to Armani. Pardon me if I’m the only woman on the planet, but I tire of seeing him in his underwear.

    • Nadine Brown

      The Brits didn’t make up the word pyjamas, they picked it up in India.

      Also, muppet voice…enough said.

    • Hilary Sain

      wtf? terrible

    • http://twitter.com/SparklyCasanova UglyCasanova

      “Prettyboys with no body hair and an abundance of tattoos will never not look like gay porn stars to us.”
      Lolol, now I know which gay porn studio you guys mostly watch!

      And he doesn’t do a thing for me either.  Out?

    • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

      The new haircut is very maturing; in a rugged way. Yeah, I’m his ladyboy.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=3310930 Angie O’Brien

      H&M is actually Swedish, not British. But their marketing team could be based in the UK? Not sure.