Tom Cruise, Manly Dude

Posted on December 14, 2011

Tom Cruise wants the world to know how very manly he is. So manly, that his body actively rejects suits, like, with antibodies or something. Because what could be girlier than a man’s suit, amirite?

 

Tom Cruise and Paula Patton at the premiere of “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” in Madrid. Paula Patton wears a Dolce & Gabbana dress.

 

Tom Cruise and Paula Patton at the premiere of “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” in Germany. Paula Patton wears a Vivienne Westwood dress. 

Tom Cruise and Paula Patton at the premiere of “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” in Mumbai. Paula Patton wears a Michael Kors dress.

The end result being not a confirmation of Tom Cruise’s manly manliness, but a confirmation that he really is, no matter how terribly hard he tries to fight the impression, an out-of-touch middle-aged dude. That turtleneck getup makes him look like he’s about to shoot his Christmas Special with Perry Como and the rest of the getups are pure Suburban Dad at the Home Depot.

Your co-star wore ugly gowns for you, Tom! You couldn’t put on a freaking pair of shoes and dress pants? What’s with the giant workboots? Is that so no one notices you’re wearing lifts or are you planning on digging some ditches right after these photocalls are over?

[Photo Credit: Getty, WireImage]

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  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    Oh Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.  Whatever are we to do with you?  Other superstars manage to bring the suit to the game and look hot and manly.  Or are you a trifle too afraid of revealing your inner Girlyman to us all?

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think his Girlyman is all that inner. 

      I look at these photos and see a middle-aged Beebs.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        ARGH!!!!
        Now I really cannot un-see that.  Well, why not?  They both annoy the crap out of me.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah – he’s turning the big Five-oh this year.  Despite everything  (see all those furrow lines on his forehead? Crows feet?  Me neither!) he just looks worn-out and faded, but maybe that’s because he’s standing next to a 35-year woman who is talented, smart and gorgeous.  And taller than he is.  Those clod hoppers look ridiculous. Like he should be wearing a John Deere ball cap.

        • http://www.wordydoodles.com WordyDoodles

          Yes- I was really struck by how his forehead seemed to *want* to crease, but couldn’t.

      • Anonymous

        “Tom Cruise won’t come out of the closet!”

        • Anonymous

          “But I–I’m not in here.”

  • Sobaika Mirza

    Maybe he just isn’t into suits? He’d look like a barrel I think.

    • Anonymous

      I couldn’t even look at Tom, I was so horrified by the dresses. That first one is just one of the worst things I’ve ever seen, and the others are ghastly too. And that is a hard woman to make look bad. YIKES ALL AROUND.

  • Anonymous

    You two are just so funny!   I see these pictures and think.. well he WAS a heart throb back in the day.   The turtle neck get up looks like he should be in a late 70′s -early 80′s aftershave commercial or a sweater catalogue.  Can you please coment on HER gowns?   (Especially that ghastly first one!)

    • foodycat

      I was thinking maybe the old John West tuna ads, where the bloke would turn up at the dock looking for the best fish. But I am sure T.Lo have something special lined up for her dresses!

    • Anonymous

      He really was a heartthrob, wasn’t he? I remember that.
      Top Gun. My girlfriends and I swooned.
      So embarrassing to admit that Tom Cruise once me swoon.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, he does look good in a Letric Shave kind of way.

      • http://twitter.com/1carmelita 1carmelita

        I’m waiting for her to pipe up and say “Manly, yes, but I like it, too!”

        • Anonymous

          Oh My God!  He TOTALLY looks like an old Irish Spring commercial in that turtleneck!!! Awesome!  That last shirt is just too damn tight.  He can’t button the bottom buttom and it is making him look frumpy.

        • Anonymous

          Except that we now know that all our 60s and 70s masculinity icons were getting banged at the baths after work. Therefore what the turtleneck actually says is, “Gay. Gay. Gay.”

  • Alyson Lamble

    That purple leopard print D&G looks like something Eartha Kitt would have worn on the old Batman show. 

    • Anonymous

      Except that it would have looked right and hot on Eartha Kitt.

      • Alyson Lamble

        Well yes, but that goes without saying.

    • leilah

      Or worn by Halle Berry in The Flintstones.

    • Anonymous

      I thought it looked like something you could get from the old Frederick’s of Hollywood Catalog.  UGH.

  • Anonymous

    Don’t leave out the shoes! Same pair each time. I would bet $10,000 if I had it that there are lifts in them.

    • Anonymous

      It takes “very” special shoes to hold his lifts….

      hahahahahahahaha

    • Anonymous

      If you find someone who’ll take that bet, I have a property deal to pitch to them.

    • Anonymous

      Mitt Romney should take you up on that bet.

    • Leonardo Alves

      OMG those shoes! The horror, the horror!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QCJEZMOV4VYMXC5WJALLZNYEB4 Mari Rose

      I think the shoes are the real reason he’s not wearing a suit. Look at the heel on those things.

      This is basically that episode of Seinfeld where George wore those hiking boots to a wedding make him look taller.

      • NATALIE LEWIS

        that’s exactly what I was thinking!

      • Anonymous

        “We were eye-to-eye! I can’t go from eye-to-eye to eye-to-chin!”

  • http://twitter.com/TheRealAndra Andra

    Really like the second look on him, those jeans are really sharp.  Say what you will about Old Tom but he’s good at being action movie dude and I’ll pony up the ducet to get MI:3 out of a redbox. 

  • Anonymous

    Heh heh heh.

    First photos I thought, “Oh, he’s doing a just-slightly-off homage to the over-clean manly insouciance of late 60s/early 70s t.v guys . . . WHAT is up with those ugly shoes???”  Downhill from there.

    I have realized he bugs me far less in still photos where I don’t have to hear him talk.

    • http://twitter.com/asciident Melissa Della

      Yes. In still photos he is just a clueless, but still good-looking middle aged movie star slash suburban dad.

      It’s when you have to watch him move and talk he turns into Crazy McNutters.

    • Anonymous

      No one will ever wear a turtleneck the way David McCallum did. And McCallum doesn’t wear them any more.

      • Now I am The Bee

        Oh yes!  You are so right–D McCallum was yum-mmmmy back in the day…

        • Anonymous

          He’s still one of the sexiest septuagenarians on the planet.

  • Anonymous

    That first pic of the two of them in Mumbai: it looks like she’s saying “I’m gonna kick your ass, dude. Three premieres and you couldn’t wear a suit once?”

  • foodycat

    His hair is looking unexpectedly good, but dressing for a holiday at the cabin when the girls are in purple animal print is just not OK.

    • Lori

      Hum, I kind of hate the hair. Of course, that may be because I assume it’s for his role in “One Shot”. The fact that he’s playing Jack Reacher is so very, very wrong that it fills me with irrational hate for everything associated with the film.

      • foodycat

        I was just comparing it to the floppier, douchier, Knight & Day press tour http://blogs.reuters.com/fanfare/tag/tom-cruise/ ! 

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_MNMVM2GPVUEIOJXBOSLCXKAW4U judy brown

          On the other hand, that suit is pretty femme looking…

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Linda-Harris/1358701372 Linda Harris

        I totally agree about his playing well over six foot Jack Reacher-so wrong on so may levels

      • aimee_parrott

        Preach!  I so rejected the idea of him playing Reacher that when I read your comment, it was like new news to me because it’s SO WRONG.  SOSOSO WRONG.

        • Lori

          I totally understand. I, sadly, have not been able to block out the fact that he’s playing Reacher. I had been able to block out which book they’re ripping off. A couple weeks ago I was reminded that it’s One Shot, which is one of absolute favorite in the series and I got totally ragey all over again. So. Much. Hate.

      • Anonymous

        The fact that he’s playing Jack Reacher is so very, very wrong that it
        fills me with irrational hate for everything associated with the film.

        Me too.  I just block out the film,  but I really hope that he won’t be plastered on the cover of the books (new or reprinted).

    • Lori

      Hum, I kind of hate the hair. Of course, that may be because I assume it’s for his role in “One Shot”. The fact that he’s playing Jack Reacher is so very, very wrong that it fills me with irrational hate for everything associated with the film.

  • Annabelle Archer

    So…millions of dollars were spent to make this little movie….and the stars look, cheap, underdressed, and tacky.

    Brilliant.

    • Anonymous

      It surprises me that studios/producers don’t write a “stylist clause”  into their contracts, stipulating that stars have to pass pairs division muster before they’re allowed to step in front of the cameras and fans at gigs like these. 

      The worst offense here isn’t that both Tom and Paula look awful; it’s that they look like they’re from different planets.

      • http://profiles.google.com/mmara00 M M

        Speaking of planets, I believe there was a “clause” written into his co-stars’ contracts that require Him to select their red carpet dress, which apparently have Xenu on their labels. 

  • http://profiles.google.com/misslauraschultz Laura Schultz

    I would have liked that turtleneck with nicer pants and shoes. 

    That purple dress is HIDEOUS….

  • http://twitter.com/Goldielox73 Goldie

    I don’t care about Tommy, but that first dress looks like Paula Patton’s boobs are auditioning to play Catwoman.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=668425491 Daniela ‘Dani’ Weiss-Bronstein

    He looks so old and melted. Of course I’m super-imposing his crazy ovre his face, so it’s not helping.

  • Anonymous

    HAHAHA!  Too funny.  I think that poor Tom has a severe case of ‘short-man-syndrome’.  Trying to prove that he is better than most therefore does not need to resort to any effort to dress himself in an appropriate manner.  TLo, you crack me up.

  • Anonymous

    HAHAHA!  Too funny.  I think that poor Tom has a severe case of ‘short-man-syndrome’.  Trying to prove that he is better than most therefore does not need to resort to any effort to dress himself in an appropriate manner.  TLo, you crack me up.

  • Bridget Dierks

    Oh, baby, this is all about those shoes.  Men can get SEVERAL inches of height off manly work boot type shoes.  I bet it is harder to hide lifts in dress shoes….

  • Bridget Dierks

    Oh, baby, this is all about those shoes.  Men can get SEVERAL inches of height off manly work boot type shoes.  I bet it is harder to hide lifts in dress shoes….

  • Anonymous

    Perry Como christmas special, or ill-conceived Republican political ad. either way, it’s a terrible look. I’ve always hated Tom Cruise.
    I think the orange dress the girl is wearing isn’t awful. not ugly, exactly, anyway.

  • Anonymous

    it totally is to disguise the lifts.

  • Anonymous

    If I were a lady movie star who showed up at a photo shoot in a dress/heels/makeup/hairdo/etc. and my gentleman co-star showed up in jeans and a t-shirt, I would punch him in the nuts.  Seriously, dudes, that’s pure disrespect for your co-star, the event, and yourself.  Grow the fuck up and put on a nice suit and tie!  It isn’t like you can’t afford it.

  • Anonymous

    If I were a lady movie star who showed up at a photo shoot in a dress/heels/makeup/hairdo/etc. and my gentleman co-star showed up in jeans and a t-shirt, I would punch him in the nuts.  Seriously, dudes, that’s pure disrespect for your co-star, the event, and yourself.  Grow the fuck up and put on a nice suit and tie!  It isn’t like you can’t afford it.

    • Rand Ortega

      “I would punch him in the nuts”.
      SPEW. ALERT!
      Hilarious & truer words could not be spoken.

    • Jennifer Coleman

      Hmmm, I think Paula should’ve went with the nut-punch, rather than the ‘I’m going to attempt to out-ugly you by wearing some gawdawful, too-tight, tacky designer shit’ approach.

    • Anonymous

      Paula Patton has some mighty impressive thigh muscles. I’m sure she’d be the perfect nutcracker.

    • http://twitter.com/RBinTexas RBinTexas

      If she had only put her shoulders back, posed tall and proud, and SOLD those dresses, it might have sufficed as a nutpunch.

    • Anonymous

      Oh, I agree that some of those dresses are pretty terrible and pretty apt to stay that way, but at least it looks like she put in some effort.  No matter how misguided.

    • Anonymous

      this assumes tom has nuts.  

  • Rand Ortega

    Yeah…No.

  • Rand Ortega

    Yeah…No.

  • Anonymous

    I love you guys.

  • Anonymous

    I love you guys.

  • Brooke U

    I’m frankly surprised that he let her wear heels. Doesn’t he have contractual stipulations against that sort of thing?

  • Brooke U

    I’m frankly surprised that he let her wear heels. Doesn’t he have contractual stipulations against that sort of thing?

    • Anonymous

      Nah, I think he’s used to it. His wife is always towering over him in her 5-inch heels.
      I don’t think Nicole even needed heels to be taller than him.

    • http://twitter.com/asciident Melissa Della

      IMDB says she’s a mere 5’4″ herself, so between the slouching on her part and the lifts on his part the heels aren’t doing much.

  • http://profiles.google.com/denise.alden Denise Alden

    Gawd!  Never liked this dude, and so sick of these jackasses next their costars (who are in full RC armor) dressed exactly as my husband does for Casual Friday.  Perry Como, indeed.

  • Sara Leigh Merrey

    She must be really short to get away with those heels and not squatting next to him to avoid being taller, which I’m pretty sure is required by contract if you’re going to be photographed with Tommy.

  • Anonymous

    Wow, they both look terrible!

  • up with pod people

    She is so gorgeous. And she must be 4’11″, for real.

  • http://twitter.com/EspyRants Sonia Pao

    Off topic but…Have you guys seen the Rock of Ages trailer yet? I would be really curious to know what you think.

  • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

    I like his hair though.

  • Anonymous

    Yes, I was about to say, she doesn’t have the best taste in gowns, does she? But at least she’s dressed up. He looks like he’s about to run to Costco for cat litter and TP.

  • Brad and Anne White

    In the Third photo he looks like Mark Harmon from Summer School days. In the first photo, he looks like KD Lang…

  • Anonymous

    What a tool…

    • Sara W

      I was going to leave my own comment, but that pretty much sums it up. ;D

  • Sara__B

    He looks like a fan who was lucky enough to get his picture taken with a real movie star. (But those are some seriously ugly gowns!)

  • Anonymous

    I’m glad you didn’t do these as a “pairs division” post.  The scores would have been somewhere around a 3/10 average.

  • http://angryfemur.tumblr.com Andrea Lane

    I can’t decide which of them is dressed worse. God, her dresses really are awful, aren’t they?

    He’s ridiculous. It’s like he’s trying to be nonchalant, but it just reads as Massive Douche.

  • Anonymous

    HA! Perry Como Christmas Specials!! Hahaha! You two should be registered as deadly humor weapons with your laser-like accuracy. Perry Como was much more ruggedly handsome, though, than Tepid Tom.

    • Anonymous

      An insult to Perry Como no matter how you look at it.

  • Anonymous

    Paula Patton is so gorgeous – WHY are they dressing her like that??????? As for Tom…I’m not even going there.  Un disastre.

  • Anonymous

    Maybe he forgot to pack his dressy lifts and realized he had to downgrade his outfits to match the only lift shoes (boots) he had?
    I don’t know why but it seems like he of all people would know to dress up, at least in order to please the “suits” (no pun intended) involved with the film. 

  • Anonymous

    that purple dress is what i envision covers the windows of every bordello…and Perry Como was a much snappier dresser ;)

    • Anonymous

      I may have nightmares about that purple dress tonight.

  • Anonymous

    Oh, are those terrible gowns? Sorry, I thought she was dressing up as Xenu’s intergalactic mistress.

    It matches his costume as world’s most delusional lumberjack wannabe.

  • Anonymous

    He doesn’t look like he’s even going to the same event as his hooker/date.
     

  • Anonymous

    At first, I thought “Tom looks pretty good”  Then I kept scrolling & saw the ridiculousness of his attire vs his co-star’s.  Although her dressier get ups were disasterous, she did at least try to dress up to schill her movie.
    For shame Tom

  • Anonymous

    Do you think bad posture is a pre-requisite for co-starring with Tom Cruise?

  • Anonymous

    Ha ha re boots. Lifts definitely. He is such a drip.

  • MilaXX

    See this is the type of douche move that makes me want to give RDJ and his ridiculous sneakers a pass. At least he puts enough effort in to get ugly suits and silly sneakers to coordinate. Stupid Tom looks like he’s auditioning for those silly Brawny commercials. Meanwhile Paula has an entire hair & makeup team trailing after her on this round the world press junket, fugly dresses and all.

  • Anonymous

    What is this, an episode of Home Improvement?

  • Anonymous

    I thought the turtleneck was more “N*SYNC circa 1998 Christmas Special” than Perry Como, but that’s just me. Either way, heebie jeebies.

  • Judy_J

    What’s happened to his face?  I hardly recognize him in these photos.  And his co-star managed to pick out 2 of the ugliest gowns I’ve ever seen. That short, tight, shiny cocktail dress is pretty bad, too.   

    • Anonymous

      i noticed his weird looking face too.  maybe cheek implants?  or something to enhance his square jaw.  he’s a little chipmunk-cheeked.  he looks like a retired gameshow host (bob barker?) with his new trophy wife.  that last dark shirt is particularly offensive, like he had no clean clothes, so he dug this out of the goodwill bag where he had thrown it because it shrunk in the wash.

  • Anonymous

    What’s with the giant workboots? Is that so no one notices you’re wearing lifts? DAMN, you beat me to it! That is EXACTLY what I thought! Lame.

  • http://twitter.com/FilmJen Jenny stark

    His face an hair look better than usual–I’ll say that.  Honestly, I have had a soft spot for the guy since Jerry Maguire, because he’s such a soulful, crazy actor/robot.  There’s no one else like him.  I think that he should rock the whole graying suit-wearing look that he sported when he played the assassin in whatever that movie was.  That was really hot.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=610791985 Aniela Marie Perry

    Can’t see past the tacky, ill-fitted gowns. My eyes!

  • Scott Hester-Johnson

    He’s wearing the same Brokeback jacket as Rick Perry!

    This must be the new signifier for closet cases.

    • Anonymous

      Are those both urban myths or is there any actual validity to the rumors?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    Sorry, but I can’t stop staring a Paula to even glance at Tom.  She is a hot mess in every shot.  Although I don’t think she gets it right much on the red carpet.  It irks me to see such beautiful women with design houses at their finger tips wear such absolute shit. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Stone/100001328135240 Mary Stone

    or at least, if you’re going to dress “down” a la navy blue shirt with dark jeans and workboots, have someone use an iron on the shirt, and go one size up on the shirt too…

    or just go home…

  • Anonymous

    Love this post.  Mwah!

  • Anonymous

     LL Bean catalog model. And his shoes are just awful. 

  • http://twitter.com/herong Heron

    He is a tiny tiny little man.  

  • Anonymous

    I’m just glad he got a grown-up haircut. 

  • leilah

    Plus, the boots give the impression of bigger feet….

  • Anonymous

    Actually the first outfit is a DEAD ringer for wardrobe for Gary from Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy movie….manly man Hungary circa 1973….all he needs is the Brawny man ‘stache.

  • Anonymous

    5′ 7 1/4″ is what I read. Who knows?

  • Anonymous

    Tom Cruise, Mainly Douche.

    The workboots are the absolute limit. 

    Has he had facial work done?  He doesn’t really look like himself in all but one of these pictures.

  • Anonymous

    He does not inhabit my world… he no longer exists….

  • Anonymous

    She looks like she could kick his ass — while he’s trying to be manly, really she is the one with the conjones!

    A man who is lacking in a few areas (ie: height) can make up for it by being impeccably dressed (see: Alan Cumming).

    • Anonymous

      Alan Cumming isn’t that wee. I’d guess he’s around 5’10″, which is about average Scottish male height. He’s certainly got a few inches on ex performing partner Forbes Masson.
      Agree though, impeccable dressing makes up for a lot.

      • Anonymous

        I stand corrected. According to IMBD, Cumming is 5’10″ and Cruise is 5’7″. How does Tom Cruise get away with so playing against so many tall co-stars? Must be a lot of work to block those scenes.

        • Anonymous

          Ah, that was a good guess then :) Plus you can often add on 2 inches for the hair LOL!
          I know, it’s not like there’s a shortage of short actresses around.

        • foodycat

          I think he had to stand on boxes to be taller than Kelly McGillis, she’s 5’10″ as well.

  • Anonymous

    That turtleneck outfit makes him look like a Ken Doll from 1971.

    • Anonymous

      I knew I recognized it! I had that doll when I was little!

  • Anonymous

    OMG THE SHOES THE SHOES THE SHOES

    I die

  • Anonymous

    OMG THE SHOES THE SHOES THE SHOES

    I die

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1253053236 Belle Burnett

    My first thought was “I miss the scruffy work boots that Kiefer wears, a cooler way to ‘hide’ those lifts…”

    I feel bad for Paula Patton, having to wear a bunch of expensive ugly dresses PLUS have Tommy grabbing at her.

  • Anonymous

    he picks his clothes to go with the boots.  can’t he find some black ones? im flashining back to seinfeld and the trip to india and georges boots

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jane-Morris/1076502799 Jane Morris

    It’s for the lifts. He’s only about 2 inches tall.

  • Anonymous

    Oh Tom, you are SO butch.  Obviously Katie was nowhere around, because she wouldn’t have gone out with you in this LL Bean catalog shoot shit.

    Can we talk about girlfriend’s purple cheetah Frederick’s of Hollywood dress?  I don’t want us to lose sight of how hiddy that is…you know, while Tom passes us the Brawny paper towels.

  • Anonymous

    That purple frock just confirms my Dolce & gabbana dislike.
    Nice that he could take some time away from going round the DIY store to get to the premieres!

  • Anonymous

    The implication of arrogance comes through loud and clear by his appearance…that he’s above having to dress up for such an event.  It’s just rude.

    On the plus side…he makes his costar look all that much better in her hideous outfits.  XD

  • Hetha Innis

    Yes! It’s all about the lifts! Look at that heel she’s wearing and yet shorty mcshorterson is looking pretty level with her. He’s such a fox that he can almost pull this off, shitty work-boots and all. 

  • bloodshothalfblind

    holy botoxface LOL

    • Anonymous

      you took the words right out of my fingers….

    • Anonymous

      Exactly.  Wow. 

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know Paula Patton but she really seems like a chameleon.    I kept looking at the names to see who the WOMEN were in the pictures.   

  • Anonymous

    Both he and RD Jr. with those silly tennis shoes are trying for this I’m young and hip thing and are just showing their ages.  And Paula is too beautiful to be dressed that many different shades of terrible.

  • Anonymous

    Perry Como. Teehee.
    And Paula Patton’s very pretty, but what the hell is going on with her clothes?

  • Anonymous

    How is it possible for someone as beautiful as Paula Patton to look so bad?

  • Anonymous

    Oh my, the turtleneck getup is so wrong. And the lumberjack lifts must be burned. Being a vertically challenged male is nothing to be ashamed of. Being an “out-of-touch middle-aged dude” is. 

  • Anonymous

    she must be hang from your rear view mirror tiny!  In those heels next to the wee one.

  • Anonymous

    I used to really like him.  But he is the epitome of douche

  • Anonymous

    Maybe because of his height, he looks like a little boy on Easter Sunday when he wears a suit, and these are his big-boy clothes?

    Just hazarding a guess there. I agree it looks stupid to be wearing jeans and workboots when your costar is in a gown.

  • Anonymous

    Okay, it has been explained to me why men sit on the subway with their legs wide open, but why do some of them also stand with their arms away from their bodies?

  • Anonymous

    He is so creepy.  She definitely chose some ugly dresses here, but at least they are at an appropriate level of dressiness for the occasion.  He looks like a total douche, and his clothes are so casual and sloppy as to be disrespectful of her effort and of the occasion.

  • glennethph

    Paula Patton, you may be Frida Pinto’s older sister but as gorgeous as you are, you cannot survive an ugly-ass gown.  And seriously, she didn’t get the memo…but then again, they olny give it out to girlfriends and wives, so Tom Cruise barely forgives you for dressing tall on him.  She’s so used to not hding her height since her hubby Robin Thicke is tall.

  • Zach Ng Zheng Yang

    the first pair of shoes made my eyes bleed.

  • Anonymous

    Yeah. She doesn’t look any better.

  • Anonymous

    When I first read this statement “….an out-of-touch middle-aged dude”, I saw  “an out-of-touch middle-aged DOUCHE.” 
    Is that wrong of me?

  • Anonymous

    Darker shoes would help elongate his frame. As would a better cut on the pants.

  • Anonymous

    Paula Patton went beyond the call of duty to help Mr. Cruise out and he still fugged it up! Seriously, she is a stunning woman on a normal day but she looks positively tragic in these dresses. All he needed was a gray suit and a tie to look amazing and instead he looks like he just cut down the family’s Christmas tree and loaded it on top of the minivan.

  • Anonymous

    I’m just gonna say it:  no one, ever ever ever should wear a bulky, ribbed cream colored turtleneck.  Not man, woman, child or chihuahua.  Please, throw away your big beige sweaters, people!

  • Anonymous

    Her clothes are a w f u l.  Rilly bad.  And they needed to get together and talk about the kind of clothes they were going to wear.  He’s ready for that blind date at Ruby Tuesdays and she’s… ready for that escort job.

  • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

    such a douche.  cannot stand him.

  • http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com/ Vic

    Pffftt. 

  • kf hub

    no wonder he’s been wearing his hair longer – guys ears are MASSIVE

  • Anonymous

    boy he’s hard to recognize w/o the hair.
    i think the pants are too tight for suburban dudes. theyre too tight for urban LA dudes, i cant imagine those further from the center are more likely to emphasize the goods than those who have to fight more & harder, no pun intended [okay maybe], to compete.

    edited to add:
    ps. yeah, you do know, it’s for the lifts. & she also kept her head down for him [though she didnt bother to not wear skyscrapers; then again, i wouldntve either. theres a time & a place for everything]. & all the dresses are horrible but the westwood, which is not worn all that well either & which, of course, may just be my undiluted personal preference, as it were, as it is.

  • Anonymous

    maybe the worst part is he makes her look SO overdressed. like she showed up at the wrong party.

  • MilaXX

    Just saw the movie tonight. Typical action movie, but not bad if. My sister called it Mission Short guys because most of the main actors were Tom height or shorter except for Josh Hollowway who was looking hellavu good.

  • Anonymous

    If there were any stylists involved in any of this, they need TO DIE before they dress one more person.

  • Anonymous

    The turtleneck outfit is giving me a Gary Collins vibe.

  • Anonymous

    Mostly, he looks uber boring.  She, on the other hand, looks super tacky/slutty.

    • Anonymous

      Also, he needs to switch his underwear preference if he is going to rock too tight jeans.  VBBL (visible boxer breif line) is worse than VPL (visible panty line).

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=564839755 Jillian Liszewski

    I saw the second picture and my immediate response was, “it’s so he can wear the lifts” and even my cat agreed.  Plus I am pretty sure that one of the girls at my prom wore the dress his co-star is wearing in the first picture in 1997.  From Debs or something.  

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_J4QGTFQCCILAE4N2SYZZRJ6SPY R LM

    I need Paula Patton to make better choices on the red carpet.  She is way too stunning to bring herself down like that.

  • Anonymous

    It’s amazing how these two people keep running into each other on the street just when she’s on her way to the red carpet and he’s on his way to his longshoreman job. What are the odds?

  • Toto Maya

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! That’s the only reaction I have.

  • Anonymous

    That is a terrible twosome however you slice it. He looks ridiculous, she looks disastrous. 

  • Anonymous

    I think Tom looks good. Seriously. The girl, however- yikes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=583505025 Kelley Comfort

    LOL I was totally thinking the shoes were about his lifts! He’s already shorter than his coworker, so he couldn’t sacrifice the lifts when she’s wearing heels! Can scientologists not find someone to invent subtle, platform dress shoes?

  • Anonymous

    I’m sure there are lifts in those boots. And if I couldn’t see her feet in #3 and #5, I’d swear they were making her stand in a hole.