Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Miley Cyrus in Jenny Packham

Posted on December 12, 2011

Textbook example coming your way, bitches:


Miley Cyrus in Jenny PackhamMiley Cyrus attends the 2011 American Giving Awards in LA in a Jenny Packham dress paired with Loree Rodkin jewelry.

Miley Cyrus in Jenny PackhamJenny Packham Fall 2011 Collection

Miley Cyrus in Jenny Packham

Miley Cyrus in Jenny Packham

Miley Cyrus in Jenny Packham

This is a super-pretty dress. We don’t love these sorts of colorless gowns but when someone gets it right, we can’t hold a grudge. Love the sparkle and drape in the neckline. But girl? This is totally a grownup lady dress and you are way too young be wearing something like this with your hair all slicked back like you’re in a Revlon ad.  You’re nineteen, for shit’s sake. Why are you dressing like you’re here to pick up your Lifetime Achievement Award? Why does your dress say “I still got it” when in fact you just “got it” all of about ten minutes ago?

Besides, even if we thought the dress was style-appropriate, it’s still the wrong dress for you, girl. This dress was designed for those less blessed than yourself in the boob department. Set this dress free to find some skinny actress in her late ’30s with something to prove. You need something with a little more edge than this.

And new hair. You desperately need that.

[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PR Photos,]

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  • Anonymous

    Severe hair doesn’t help.  And for heaven’s sake, stand up straight!

    • Gaby Ripoll

      UGH I FUCKING HATE BAD POSTURE ON THE RED CARPET. Especially from people my age-ish – I just want to smack her with a ruler. 

      • Anonymous

        I KNOW RIGHT??? She gives us young-uns a bad name. She makes me feel all old and crotchety when I’m barely a year older. “STAND UP STRAIGHT BRUSH YOUR HAIR WASH YOUR FACE OMG WHACK YOU WITH MY KNITTING NEEDLE”. And yes, the severe hair is TERRIBLE on her, it is not flattering in the slightest.

        • Lauren Maier

          *Uproarious giggling at “OMG WHACK YOU WITH MY KNITTING NEEDLE”*  
          *Imagines a mob of 20-somethings chasing Cyrus through LA brandishing knitting needles like swords*
          *more insane giggling*  

          • Gaby Ripoll

            I’d join that angry mob.

          • Anonymous

            I’d LEAD that angry mob. Just let me go sharpen my knitting needles.

        • Anonymous

          Girl ALWAYS has her shoulders hunched up. 

  • Stacy Parker Cole

    I dunno.  I hear what you’re saying.. but she often gets it SO WRONG almost all of the time.  I’m willing to throw her a bone and say step in the right direction at least.

    • Anonymous

      I agree. She has moved from dressing like a rode hard, put up wet middle aged woman to a classier middle aged woman. That has to be an improvement, right?

    • marlie

      Ditto. At least she doesn’t look trashy.

  • Susan Collier

    That dress is all Las Vegas showgirl on top and Sweeney Sisters on the bottom.

  • Anonymous

    Her hair reminds me of “My little pony.”

    • MilaXX

      Agreed. I like the clicked back look, but the phony pony has to go.

    • Anonymous

      It doesn’t help that the pony tail is a completely different color from the severely stretched hair on top of her head. It matches her dress better than it does her actual hair.

  • Anonymous

    That dress is very pretty.  I love it on the model with her coloring and auburn hair.

  • Anonymous

    Given all of the fashion missteps (and that’s being kind) we’ve seen from Cyrus, I’m going to give her a pass here. I agree that she is too busty for it and it makes her look broad shouldered, but overall, I think she looks loads better than usual. If the hair were not quite as tight to her head, the ‘do would be more flattering.

  • Eclectic Mayhem

    Oooh, the combination of the height of the fabric in the halter and those dangly earrings makes it look as though Ms Cirus has absolutely no neck at all.

    • Kim Elmore

      all heads turned except hers…

      • Anonymous

        “…beecauuzzzz she has no neck!”

        OMFG love the Steve Martin reference.

  • Anonymous

    In general, I agree with you. But it could have been so much worse, that I’m willing to give her a pass this time. 

  • Mariah J

    I think the dress looks good but the hair is all kinds of wrong

    • BerlinerNYC

      Right. And TLo need to be more specific when they prescribe “new hair.” Girlfriend gets “new hair” glued into whatever’s still left of her own on a regular basis.

  • Vivi N

    The dress is very pretty…on the model. Miley didn’t to help the styling with the too-tight-she-can’t-even-move-her-facial-muscles-properly ponytail. Not to mention that atrocity attached to the end of the ponytail. What the eff is that? The neckline is already busy so wearing long, dangling diamond earrings just put it a bit overboard. Also, the ‘arm party’ and the ‘edgy’ ring does not work well with the dress.

    • Anonymous

      I went back to look at the arm party again and ick, the rocker girl nails are also not working.

      • Anonymous

        Exactly my thoughts.  This dress leaves no room for edgy.

        • Anonymous

          An edgy contrast would work if the dress was sweet instead of sophisticated.

          • Shannon Stewart

            I think edgy could still work, but the color is working against it… and so is Miley Cyrus who simply doesn’t have the skills to pull it off.

  • Ali

    This was way better on the runway, with just a small bit of sternum exposed. It just looks tacky on Miley. Poor choice.

  • Glynis Fediuk

    Compared to some of the other entries in the Girl, That’s Not Your Dress dress category, this is downright sublime.

    • Anonymous

      I agree!  I was expecting a train wreck, and instead, I think it’s a pretty dress, just not her color.

  • Christina Brennan

    The dress is way to pale and washed out for her coloring.  But more importantly, WHAT is going on with her hair!?!

  • Anonymous

    She also looks extremely uncomfortable, and unable to WERQ it.

    • Anonymous

      … were it WERQable.

  • Gaby Ripoll

    I can already see Helen Mirren wearing this dress as she waves to her adorable Fanfuckingtastican subjects. 

    • Shannon Stewart

      Nah, she likes to keep her arms covered.

  • Anonymous

    I kinda hate the hair, but it is so much better than the spaniels we are shown so often. Much better from the back, I expected it to be put up, maybe even in a bun. At least the sleek ponytail is young.

    My opinion? Lose the earrings.

  • MilaXX

    I like this dress on her even though I don’t necessarily love the nude color. I even like that hair with the exception of the ponytail attached and the makeup is the freshest I’ve seen her wear in a long while.

  • Kate Pearce

    I actually thought she looked quite nice for a change. LOL

  • Anonymous

    After looking at the horror show that Fergie put on this morning i’m in a generous mood. She’s not that bad. The dress could have been fitted a bit better to be sure, but pretty good for Miley. 

  • Anonymous

    During the weekend I was shopping for dresses and while trying them on a little voice would creep in my head, saying: “Girl, is this your dress?” Thanks to TLo trying new dresses has taken a whole new perspective :-)  

    • CQAussie

      I really need to listen to the voices in my head about dress appropriateness too.  

  • Stella Zawistowski

    This is probably a multi-thousand-dollar dress. Nobody could have paid 20 bucks to have it steamed?

  • Anonymous

    If this dress were in a color it would look younger, and if her hair weren’t all skinned back she would look more relaxed, but she looks neckless and awkward here.  This is a dress for a tall, skinny person. The earrings are wrong, and WTF is up with all those tacky rings?

  • Anonymous

    …is her hair bleached out to blonde on the ends? Or is that somehow part of the dress? Dislike either way.

    I actually really like the dress, but it would look much much better on her in a brighter color. Green, yellow if she can pull it off, blue-green, something!

    • Anonymous

      I think that’s a big ol’ fake ponytail. 

      • Anonymous

        well, at least it isn’t her hair… I guess. Not a great styling choice.

  • Anonymous

    You fellas are SO right.  It’s hard to imagine a dress looking dowdy & hoochie all at the same time, but her build (both bust and rear end/hips) combine with the dress to accomplish that.

    She’s young and curvy and more sturdy than willowy. Not Her Dress.

    • Shannon Stewart

      I feel her pain… I think I was at least 23 before I truly accepted that my 5’4″, 39 inch hip-having self was NEVER going to be willowy…

      • Anonymous

        Well, you were brighter than I. (I’m near to your height). I was damn near 30 before I figured out that willowy was not in my wheelhouse. I could diet & exercise until the breasts went away, but anything short of starvation and the hips were staying.
        I can only say, in explanation if not defense, that the long-legged, hipless 70’s image appealed to me far more than any fashion image of the 50’s or 60’s.  Possibly because my beauty ideals have always been of “the grass is always greener” variety.

  • Judy_J

    Either she’s got shoulders like a line backer, or this dress is making her shoulders appear that way.  In any case, this is a dress for a more mature woman.  And since the wrinkly skirt issue was raised a few postings ago, I’m noticing that this dress is also in need of a steamer.

  • Anonymous

    If you are going to wear the glam gown, you go glam all the way.  You don’t wear metallic blue nail polish (and I’m not hating…I love crazy nail polish colors) and an arm of jewelry from Claire’s.

    The hair is ridiculous and as always, she has bad posture. 

  • Anonymous

    Is the dress supposed to look all wrinkly?

  • Anonymous

    Absolutely agree she’s too young and too big in the bust for this to look flattering on her.  But things get even worse with the hair, make-up and jewelry.  The no muss, no fuss hair and make-up on the model make the dress chicly understated on the runway; would have made Miley look younger, too.

  • Anonymous

    This is also a “Girl, That is Not Your Hair.”

    • Anonymous

      Not to mention “Girl, those are not your boobs.”

  • Anonymous

    T Lo, I can’t imagine agreeing with you more than I do right now.

  • Anonymous

    Is that thing in the last picture her dress or her hair. Is she doing ombre hair!?

  • Anonymous

    While I agree with you 100%, Miley has spent her lifetime in not-her-dress and usually looks so much trashier; this isn’t all that bad considering that she could have (and has) done a whole lot worse. 

  • Now I am The Bee

    Actually,I don’t think it’s so bad…the dress is pretty if a bit too old for her, but I like her hair away from her face and she looks happy….but apparently girlfriend does NOT own a steamer.  Too many wrinkles.   

  • Terence Ng

    She needs so much help. :( And I like her enough to mean it earnestly.

  • Anonymous

    While it is not right for her, it looks better on her then the model (at least WRT the upper side boobs). 
    The hair and make up   are so bad.

  • Judy S

    SO right.

  • Sara W

    I’m not a fan of hers at all, but I don’t think it’s that bad. Yes, it needs steamed and the blue polish is not right for that look (I love funky polishes, just not with that dress), but it looks more like she tried to grow up a bit and overshot. Not an uncommon mistake, I don’t think and she at least looked like she tried. Different earrings wouldn’t compete with the front of the dress either.

  • Anonymous

    19 is the late 30s of the less talented ex-Mouseketeers. Watch her and Selena Gomez try their best Kate Bosoworth impression for the foreseeable future.

  • CQAussie

    I can’t even get past THAT hair let alone comment on the dress.  Which is awful on her by the way.

  • Anonymous

    At least she doesn’t look like she just stepped off a bus from Burning Man.

  • Anonymous

    I hate to be mean about this, but someone has to say it: if your ears stick out, don’t do that hair. Some people with ears on the large side on things can carry it but in this case they “unbalance” her face. 

    The dress is too close to LiLo territory for it’s own good.   

  • Anonymous

    Oh no, here I am disagreeing with TLo once again. I still love you, promise, but… I think she looks great. This look feels edgy, especially with the goth jewelry and nail polish. Love the slicked-back hair. So…

  • MandyM

    The hair kills it for me. I don’t hate the dress as much but it is too old for her and it is too colorless for her. I just hate the hair so much that I can’t get past it to even give a damn about the dress.

  • Anonymous

    Has Miley Cyrus EVER been united with Her Dress? I can’t remember an occasion when she has (though I am not a Miley-watcher. thankfully.)

  • M Carlson

    I would love to see this dress is a jewel tone.

  • Jane

    The hair is so bad, who cares about the dress?    Did she look in the mirror while her hair was being styled?   I think not.   

  • Anonymous

    Poor thing can’t win. It’s either ‘too slutty for a disney princess’ or ‘too old’ or ‘too young’, shows too much, doesn’t show enough…

    She has a face for jeans, boots and a leather jacket. Let the hair down, ditch daddy, and go play. Seriously.

  • foodycat

    That’s J-Lo’s dress – it needs a woman with more colour. And age. I also don’t think her hair is flattering. On the upside, I think the rings and bracelets are excellent.

  • M M

    but her daddy tells here she’s beautiful

    • Anonymous

      & to him she is. Because, really, she’s lovely. Just not dressing for the kind of lovely she is.

  • Anonymous

    Who on earth styles this girl? Who thought the Robert Palmer girls hair was a good idea? “Look how it sets off her giant ears and prominent brows!”

    I wish this girl would disappear. Somebody put her out of my misery.

  • Anonymous

    A different colour would have younger this dress down and different hair would young her down. But props to her for looking fresh, makeup working that’s for sure.

  • Anonymous

    Spot on criticism, spot on.  Too much tit, not enough years for this gorgeous dress.

  • Emily Smith

    I actually think she looks fun.  When in your life can you rock ridiculous extensions than when you’re that age.

    • Shannon Stewart

      Picture the dress in black, and it works better.

  • Megan Sullivan

    I actually thought she looked pretty good in this. She’s looked much worse in the past.

  • aimee_parrott

    Oh, this poor girl.  She needs gays, STAT.  She’s accessorized her hands and arms like she’s wearing something edgier (blue nails!) but then the boobs are going to pop out and her hair…!  The hair is TRAGIC.

  • Emily

    Pretty dress – not on her and not with those earrings – they look like one big piece of jewelry.  Hair is terribly.  Sorry Miley.

  • Anonymous

    Agreed, TLo!

  • Ana Cedillo

    agreed, she is edgy idk why she goes for this shit at award shows! she needs to embrace her slutty rockerish self and stop wearing old lady things at award shows.

  • MandyJane

    Well, this is better than she usually looks.

  • Anonymous

    I usually agree with you about this kind of dress but I think she looks elegant and pretty, and yes the boobage is a bit too-too, but I still think overall it’s a successful look. 

  • Mary Stone

    I agree, it’s too old. The hair is way too old/severe for her, and “glitter boobies” is just such a focus-puller.  Don’t love it.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t like the dress, which is weird because I usually love Jenny Packham. I just think it looks cheap and the skirt has wrinkles.

  • Anonymous

    how old is she???   45?????  poor kid is just trying to grow up too soon.  when she hits about 40 she’ll be longing for the days when she could get away with younger styles, then she’ll probably start wearing the stuff she should be wearing now and will look ridiculous…..

  • Anonymous

    I disagree fellas, I think she looks great.

  • Anonymous

    Kid sure loves to get her tits out. It looks classy and luxe on the model, ill-fitting and ill-suited on Ms. Cyrus. I want to see a Kate Hudson or a Keira Knightley in this. Knightley would look gorgeous in it if this had a little more color.

  • Linde Hoff

    Totally agree — very good call.  Besides, it’s wrinkled somewhat awful!

  • Anonymous

    I completely agree that this is soooo not her dress and the hair is extremely unflattering. BUT, given her past transgressions, I’m just relieved she doesn’t look like a stripper. Or like Maude’s groovy niece. Remember that one?

  • Toto Maya

    THE HAIR THE HAIR WHAT IS THAT. I know they call it a ponytail, but when it literally looks like you ripped it off of a horse’s ass and stuck it on the back of your head, you need to rethink what you’re doing.

  • Anonymous

    I think it looks like she had the dress altered by someone to fit the way Miley wanted it to fit.  The drop waist is gone, the draping at the bodice has been tacked into place and the glittery ruffle underneath seems to have been given structure.  I don’t think it;s just Miley’s boobs changing the fit of the dress.  I think the dress was altered.

  • Vivian Anyema Quaye

    The dress needs a good ironing.

  • elzatelzabelz

    Frankly, this is the best she’s looked in YEARS. So, I have to give her points for that.

  • blue

    I disagree. I think her hairstyle is what’s aging her, not the dress. The dress is gorgeous; it actually looks better on her than the model. 

  • Anonymous

    …I like her nail polish.

  • Anonymous

    Before she turned around, I thought her wig fell off. She does not have the type of face that can pull off super slick hair. Eek.

  • Anonymous

    It’s The Slumper!!! And look…her tits are sparkling!!

  • Anonymous

    At least she doesn’t look like a stoner anymore.

  • Laura Schultz

    That’s Rosie Huntington Whitley’s dress, for sure. 

  • Advaita Waikar

    That hair is awful. Please go back to curls.

  • Anonymous

    wait, aren’t those the earrings that diego designed on project accessory this weeK? it looks like the crystals are falling off and are sprinkled all over her boobs.

  • Anonymous

    She does this dress a serious disservice with the blue nail polish and jewelry from the Johnny Depp Collection.

    Plus that dress is so wrinkled!  Looks like it’s impossible to wear…

    • Anonymous

      “She does this dress a serious disservice with the blue nail polish and jewelry from the Johnny Depp Collection.”


  • Annie Chen

    I feel as though her cnn heroes dress employed many of the same dress ideas but in a more effective (although she is still too busty for this dress) way her hair looks way better this way youthful and funky and the light yellow is at least a color. Also, the arm candy doesn’t hurt.

  • Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    I seem to think it’s never Miley’s dress.  At least she is attempting to be a lady here.  

  • Anonymous

    Given the alternatives, I’ll take well groomed, clean, covered up and slightly out of her age category.  Let’s giver her some positive reinforcement.

  • Anonymous

    Lamb dressed as mutton.  It seems like the red carpet fashion industry only knows what to do with 25 year olds.  Other than that, women have to work hard at proving they’re something they’re not.

  • vmcdanie

    I’m so torn. I admire that she picked something sophisticated. It doesn’t look bad.

    Also, Miley is nearly the spitting image of my sister so it’s hard for me to rag on her.

    Here’s a dumb question: why does her ponytail go blonde near the end?

  • Anonymous

    Those ears!  I think she could fly!!!

  • Meghan Young

    It’s the hair, mostly, to me. She doesn’t have the ears for that hair, and those danglemonster earrings are not doing her any favors in that department either. Some young, fresh, glamorous hair could potentially have rescued this dress. And maybe raising the hem a couple of feet, too.

  • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

    She’s only 19??  Good god, I thought she must be at least 25 – she’s been around forever.  Yeah, not the right dress for her.  Why does she always dress so old?  These young whippersnappers today…  Jesus, I’m old.

  • Anonymous

    She never wears color appropriately.  This makes her look washed out.

  • Anonymous

    Why is Ombre-colored hair in right now?  I don’t understand.

  • Fatima Siddique

    Her hair looks painful. My temples are throbbing just looking at her.