Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Abigail Breslin in L’Agence

Posted on December 09, 2011

Y’know, if we ever got the chance to be bigtime celebrity stylists and had the (completely imaginary and unrealistic) chance to pick our clients, we think we’d be more likely to bypass the divas and head straight for the little girls.

Oh, wow. Did THAT ever come out awkward.

What we mean is, we take our imaginary roles as the kindly gay uncles to a gaggle of teen starlets quite seriously, even if they don’t. And if we had to boil our philosophy for teen starlet dressing down to one phrase, it would be this:

Abigail Freslin in L'AgenceAbigail Breslin attends the ‘New Year’s Eve’ premiere at the Ziegfeld Theatre in New York City in L’Agence. Clutch by Judith Leiber.

Abigail Freslin in L'Agence

Abigail Freslin in L'Agence

“Sweetie, adulthood blows. Don’t be in such a rush to get there.”

Girl is FIFTEEN YEARS OLD.

And we get it. Like a lot of 15 year old girls, she IS in a rush to get to adulthood. Or at least to be looked at as a woman and not a girl. That’s a powerful impulse and we wouldn’t try and fight it if we were her stylists. What we WOULD try and do is direct her toward grownup looks that DON’T make her look like a cougar on the prowl at a company holiday party. Kickass shoes! A sophisticated (and yes, even a little sexy) dress that looks modern and current! An edgy clutch! Hair that doesn’t look more suitable for Beyonce’s wig stand! Attitudinal earrings! Come on, girl! Dressing can be fun! Believe us, middle age will come whether you want it to or not and there’s no point reaching it without piling up some regrets along the way. Get out there and wear something you’ll regret in 20 years. Then you can wear dresses like this, because it’s the expected, mature thing to do.

But secretly, you’ll still want to dye your hair with Kool-Aid.

Set this dress free to go and find Julianne Moore. She desperately needs it way more than you do, hon. Any girl who cries when she meets Zac Efron should be wearing something a hell of a lot more fun than this.

[Photo Credit: Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images, Charles Norfleet/PR Photos]

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