Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Abigail Breslin in L’Agence

Posted on December 09, 2011

Y’know, if we ever got the chance to be bigtime celebrity stylists and had the (completely imaginary and unrealistic) chance to pick our clients, we think we’d be more likely to bypass the divas and head straight for the little girls.

Oh, wow. Did THAT ever come out awkward.

What we mean is, we take our imaginary roles as the kindly gay uncles to a gaggle of teen starlets quite seriously, even if they don’t. And if we had to boil our philosophy for teen starlet dressing down to one phrase, it would be this:

Abigail Freslin in L'AgenceAbigail Breslin attends the ‘New Year’s Eve’ premiere at the Ziegfeld Theatre in New York City in L’Agence. Clutch by Judith Leiber.

Abigail Freslin in L'Agence

Abigail Freslin in L'Agence

“Sweetie, adulthood blows. Don’t be in such a rush to get there.”

Girl is FIFTEEN YEARS OLD.

And we get it. Like a lot of 15 year old girls, she IS in a rush to get to adulthood. Or at least to be looked at as a woman and not a girl. That’s a powerful impulse and we wouldn’t try and fight it if we were her stylists. What we WOULD try and do is direct her toward grownup looks that DON’T make her look like a cougar on the prowl at a company holiday party. Kickass shoes! A sophisticated (and yes, even a little sexy) dress that looks modern and current! An edgy clutch! Hair that doesn’t look more suitable for Beyonce’s wig stand! Attitudinal earrings! Come on, girl! Dressing can be fun! Believe us, middle age will come whether you want it to or not and there’s no point reaching it without piling up some regrets along the way. Get out there and wear something you’ll regret in 20 years. Then you can wear dresses like this, because it’s the expected, mature thing to do.

But secretly, you’ll still want to dye your hair with Kool-Aid.

Set this dress free to go and find Julianne Moore. She desperately needs it way more than you do, hon. Any girl who cries when she meets Zac Efron should be wearing something a hell of a lot more fun than this.

[Photo Credit: Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images, Charles Norfleet/PR Photos]

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  • Anonymous

    Yes, calling in TLo for a fashion intervention, stat.

    Girl needs some help.

    (I actually needed to do a Google image search to make sure this girl is the same one I remembered from Little Miss Sunshine.)

  • Anonymous

    Completely agree, that dress looks like she was playing dress up in her grandmas closet.

    • http://twitter.com/NC_Meg Megan

      Exactly. It even looks too big for her.

      • Anonymous

        At least 3 sizes.

  • http://twitter.com/KalisaHyman Kalisa Hyman

    That’s almost…disturbing. 

  • Judy_J

    And on top of all that you said, it doesn’t even fit!  That dress looks about 3 sizes too big for that poor little girl.  Ay, yi, yi.

    • Anonymous

      My impression exactly!

  • Anonymous

    “Go back up to your room and change RIGHT THIS MINUTE, young lady.  You are NOT going out in that!”

    • Anonymous

      Hah, that just made me proper laugh out loud. 

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    15?!!!!!!  She looks 35!  And Horny.

    • Anonymous

      My first thought was that this look belonged to a early to late 30′s administrative assistant who decided this is the Xmas party to get drunk and try to get the boss to notice she’s single.

  • Anonymous

    The top looks uncomfortably big and the bottom looks a bit tight.

  • Anonymous

    Entirely too much shoulder pad. Other than that okayish.  She was far better served in the  sort of deconstructed mini crini she wore to the premiere the other day ( though I don’t think anybody else liked it). Or she had on a bright orange chemise style dress at another affair that looked good and sophisticated, I can’t remember how that was received , but I liked it.

  • https://profiles.google.com/104791269167429064986 Judy S

    Hear hear. She doesn’t even look that happy about this look, which is what makes me hope she will liberate herself fast.

  • MilaXX

    This dress looks like one of Jane Fonda’s cast off. Whoever styled her needs to be severely slapped.

    • Anonymous

      Oh, you’re so right. Jane Fonda.

  • Anonymous

    You two are so right. That is totally a look I would rock (sans nude pumps, of course) and I’m 47!!!! And I ain’t no cougar or deluded middle-aged woman trying to look younger than I am (well, maybe a few years, but not a few decades younger).

    On a positive note: She is growing up to be a beautiful young woman. Just re-watched Little Miss Sunshine with my kids last week, and she was so endearing.

  • Anonymous

     that dress is way too “ladies who lunch” for a teenager…..

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

    It would be OK if it was a better fit- looks like she’s swimming in it.

  • Anonymous

    She should immerse herself in pictures of the Fannings, Ema Watson, a little Selena Gomez (too keep it less serious), hell, even Kristen Stewart does a better job by looking uncomfortable instead of ‘yeah, my mom’s clothes fit me! I’m big!’

    The proportions are so off she looks like a midget.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus, how many people are in this movie?

    • http://iamthelizardqueen.wordpress.com Lizzie

      All of them.  Seriously, think of someone big in Hollywood at the moment, and they’re probably in there.  Hell, in one preview I spotted Yeardley Smith (who does the voice of Lisa Simpson), and just about fell out of my chair.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PRM766RS56X25A5742XLACK2LM Sam

        Yeardley Smith the only one of them that I’d actually pay to see in a movie.

        • http://iamthelizardqueen.wordpress.com Lizzie

          That was precisely what I thought when I saw her.  :)

    • http://beautyforrealgirls.blogspot.com/ accidental housewife

      At last count, I think it was 3,742. And it looks and sounds like a terrible movie.

  • Anonymous

    “Sweetie, adulthood blows. Don’t be in such a rush to get there.”

    This is going on my running list of quotes that must be featured one day in a fabulous line of TLo-licensed merchandise.

    As for Abigail; poor kid. She looks like she rummaged through her Mommie Dearest’s non-wire hangered closet.  

  • Anonymous

    That Zac Efron story is so sweet that now I have diabetes. 

  • http://twitter.com/anacedillo Ana Cedillo

    SO NOT her dress, and so not her age. I agree completely the need to stop trying to look 15 years older than they actually are. I am 20 years old and i try not to take myself too seriously or try to grow up too fast because i do not want to be the 55 year old trying to look 20 again.

  • Anonymous

    She looks like 50 years old.  Good grief.

  • Anonymous

    Well said T Lo…the little girls could use your advice.

  • Anonymous

    She’s always been adorable and suddenly she’s turning into a beauty of a young woman. Whether she thinks she is or not, she’s in a state of total confusion right now and it’s rather charming to see this awkward stab at what to wear. (I can remember some of the horrid dress-up way-too-middle-age looks my parents put me in when I was 14 and 15 and going to special events and am thankful I wasn’t in the spotlight.) She’ll figure it out!

    • Anonymous

      Wow, I’m old enough to be her mom AND wear that dress and I wouldn’t stick my daughter in it.  It’s a stylish matron dress with stylish matron hair if I ever saw it.  You wear the sparkles and black to cover the bulges and the long sleeves to cover the arm sag.  Then it’s short enough to show off your still good legs.

      What was anyone thinking here?  Wear the other stuff while you can.

  • Richard Harper

    Okay, ‘Beyonce’s wig stand’ made me anoint my screen with coffee.  Good job.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    And she looks so pretty from the neck up….what a horrible fit.

  • Anonymous

    What also gets me is the awkwardness of the pose. “Okay, right hand goes HERE…and left hand goes here….and bend knee like so….and smile but not too big….” It’s adorable. She’s endearing. She’ll be okay.

    • Anonymous

      I didn’t even notice the dress at first, because the posing is just. so. bad.  :-(

  • CQAussie

    That is awful look on her.  Too old and also, not flattering at all!  Agree with all points.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3AJ237ND3GAHDQJZ4TLCO4WLRA Emily

    Wow, it doesn’t even look like her.  Too right.

  • http://iamthelizardqueen.wordpress.com Lizzie

    Oh, honey, no.  The shoes look too big in that first shot, so overall the general look is “Playing in Mom’s Closet (Circa 1988)” (seriously, am I the only child of the 80s who just can’t with the shoulder pads?).

    • http://onebluetree.blogspot.com/ Sara L.

      Oh, I am right there with you. I have broad shoulders anyway, so I always looked like a linebacker in school photos. Down with shoulder pads, I say!

      • Anonymous

        No, I also have broad shoulders and was always cutting out my shoulder pads.  I sooo wanted a different silhouette to come in.

    • Anonymous

      Oh no. First thing I thought of was a couple of 20-something friends of mine who adopted this as their signature dress-up look during the 80′s. Though it was always jewel tones.

      (ETA: and yes, they were on the near-universal 80′s trend to shoulder pad to the point of linebacker.)

  • http://beautyforrealgirls.blogspot.com/ accidental housewife

    I remember being 15 years old and getting it in my head that I had to wear a particular dress/skirt/whatever that day or I would just die. There was no talking me out of it. That’s what we have here. I’m imagining her mother rolling her eyes, throwing her hands in the air, and thinking that if this is the worst thing Abigail ever does, she’ll be lucky.

  • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

    Normally, I cut the young girls some slack, because I remember wanting nothing more than to be seen as an adult.  And I often think you guys are too rigid about what’s appropriate for them.

    But this time I”m with you — this is too old for her.  It’s a great dress, and one I probably would have picked up at 15.  Only to hear (the exceptionally rare words) from my mother “That’s too old for you.  We’ll get it when you’re 25.” 

  • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

    I certainly understand her desire to move away from the pre-teen parts she usually plays.  Girl is 15, after all.  But that dress is way too big on her, and is too matronly, and with all that makeup on, she looks absurd.  I think she’s a great little actress who will age well.  Needs some styling help, though.  Those shoes are hiddy.

  • foodycat

    She’s dressed for a charity casino night and I am not OK with that. 

  • Rebecca Johnson

    She hasn’t quite gotten the posing thing down yet, either. It’s not “gotta pee” it’s “I’m about to fall over”.

  • Anonymous

    I would never have known that was her.  Although, I do like the dress.  The shoes and styling otoh….

  • Sara__B

    This outfit would have made an appropriate Halloween costume — “Look at me! I’m 45!” 
    The adults around her have obviously lost their minds.

  • Anonymous

    She looks like Arianna Huffington!  It’s okay to want to look older, but not OLD. 

  • Anonymous

    Tragic. It’s like what little girls at pageants would look like when they become teenagers – too much hair, make-up, and inappropriate clothing and shoes, all to make them look like women, albeit infantalized ones.

    Which is especially funny in a weird way considering her role in Little Miss Sunshine.

    • Tamara Hogan

      I agree. I don’t believe for a minute that SHE picked out the dress, the shoes, the jewelry, chose the makeup, her hair color, or style. She’s been styled and shellacked to within an inch of her life, all freshness gone, all of it selected FOR her, so she can work the red carpet stroll.  Just say no, Abigal. Just say no.

  • Anonymous

    This dress could work if the skirt was more of a fitted mini and she paired it with a patent clutch in a bright color, funky bright wedges, fun jewelry, and a hairstyle with any life to it at all. She is so pretty and she is squandering her chance to dress like Punky-Brewster-goes-clubbing! Squandering it I say!

  • Anonymous

    Everything you guys said?  Bravo!  And ditto!

    This is just so sad.  In the first photo you can see her teenaged awkwardness.  Which is something to celebrate, instead of coming off looking like Ann-Margret in Vegas.

  • Anonymous

    Sing it, TLo! This girl should definitely be wearing something youthful and kicky. I actually like the dress and wish she would send it to me, but honey I’m 41. I wouldn’t have looked at this twice when I was 15.

  • Anonymous

    I am neither 15 nor a starlet, but you guys can be my gay uncles. Please?

    Yeah, not her dress. She needs to shop with Emma.

  • Anonymous

    Amen, TLo.  Before I even read your comments, I looked at it and said, that looks like something Linda Evans would wear.  Don’t think this girl would even know who that is, so that certainly says something.

  • Terry Weyna

    As a 55-year-old who would dearly love to dye her hair with Kool-Aid (red!  Bright, shocking, crazy red!), I absolutely agree with everyone you said, O Kindly Uncles.  (No, can’t do it.  It would make court appearances (I’m a lawyer) rather awkward.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/jill.m.woods Jill Woods

    She looks as if she were a Barbie doll and someone slightly twisted her torso. It’s throwing me off.

  • Anonymous

    I wish you could be my kindly gay uncles.

  • Anonymous

    This child needs help. She’s just adorable, but her look! Ack! She needs to play a little!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_66KPZ36LMHMRQOX3HIJGHRNNUA MandyM

    This dress would have been KILLA on Helen Mirren. Cracked up at the Julianne Moore comment! She DOES need that dress! Her makeup is overdone but pretty but I agree she needs to be 15 for now.

  • Anonymous

    Did she go through her mother’s closet to find a dress?  Far to mature, and it doesn’t fit her…too big.

  • Anonymous

    Ooh, yes, I like the idea of this for Julianne Moore.  

  • Anonymous

    In all seriousness, her stylist SHOULD be fired.  

  • Anonymous

    “Sweetie, adulthood blows. Don’t be in such a rush to get there.”

    You have boiled down to its essence parenting the mid-teen girl. Without all the fraught angst about what she’s actually doing out there with her friends (oh, you know damn well!) & the pouting and eye-rolling and disdainful retorts. And the wondering why trapping yourself in the house with a child who [temporarily] can’t stand you and whom you [temporarily] can’t stand (aka known as ‘grounding’) is the most effective discipline you can think of, sparking the query “am I really the most intellectually challenged parent ever? Possibly Teen Girl is right about that.”

    Um . . . ahem. What I meant was, you have grasped the message. And are oh. so. right. Sartorially and otherwise.

  • Anonymous

    SHE’S FIFTEEN YEARS OLD?!

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    Fifteen?!  Oh, honey no!

  • Anonymous

    How did they make her look like a classmate of SJP’s? Horrors!

  • Anonymous

    How did they make her look like a classmate of SJP’s? Horrors!

  • Anonymous

    She needs to give that dress to her costar Michelle Pfeiffer.

  • Anonymous

    Have some FUN with your style, girl! You have many years ahead to wear the dull as hell nude platform pump and standard movie star hair. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the dress but it would look appropriate on me. I’m 47. Even so I wouldn’t give this dress a second look. Did a stylist really do this to her? 

  • Anonymous

    Gasp!  She’s unrecognizable!  That’s Little Miss Sunshine!

  • Anonymous

    That would look so much better on Uma.

  • Anonymous

    The Story of Lucy and Jessie

  • Anonymous

    That dress would look good on Christina Applegate.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=583505025 Kelley Comfort

    God, that dress ages her. And the shoes! I can’t with the shoes! It’s nice to see another girl with thicker ankles, though! Well met, my sister!

  • Mary McClelland

    Well she’s turned into an absolutely stunning girl, but yes that entire look is SO aging. Middle-aged agin. Jennifer Aniston should trade dresses with this little one. She can have the hottie mini skirts and JAn can start dressing her age and stop looking so desperate! 

  • Anonymous

    She looks like something from that show Designing Women.  Ugh.

  • Valerie Little

    Quick, someone give this dress to Julianne Moore for her next RC appearance.

  • Anonymous

    Poor girl!

  • Anonymous

    At least the length is appropriate. I am not a fan of young ladies in very short skirts. But that’s the only thing I can praise about this look. I had no idea it was AB at first and figured she was 35.

  • Anonymous

    Dammit, what’s with the Alexis Carrington dresses lately? I think this is the third one this week. Don’t give up, Uncles T and Lo! Your mission is a sacred one.

  • Anonymous

    someone should have stepped in and just said no … terrible

  • Now I am The Bee

    Oh my word.  Get that girl some help and turn her into a girl again! 

  • Anonymous

    OMG what did they do to lil miss sunshine?!