Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Scarlett Johansson in Dolce & Gabbana

Posted on December 14, 2011

We think Scarlett needs a hug or something.

Scarlett Johansson attends the premiere of “We Bought a Zoo” in NYC in a Dolce & Gabbana dress.

Because girl has seriously lost her mojo. Was it the divorce, Scar? Because no one really thought that was a real marriage anyway.  Whatever the reason, she’s not been looking her best self lately. Before we get to the dress, though: Girl, That’s Not Your Hairstyle. Leave the Rosie the Riveter ‘dos to the gals that can rock them.

As for the dress, we think it could kill on the right lady, but Scar, no matter the abundance of charms she possesses, is not the right lady for it. We think the top, especially the neckline, looks pretty matronly on her and we think that strip of skin above the skirt is puzzlingly unflattering. We know she’s got a fantastic bod, but for whatever reason, the exact size and placement of that strip of skin is making her look much thicker than she is. Styling could have helped things – we dislike not only the hair, but the shoes, belt and earrings as well – but in the end, we think it’s simply not her dress.

Scar, set this dress free on the wind so it can get caught in Gwen Stefani’s clothesline, where it belongs.

[Photo Credit: Charles Norfleet/PR Photos]

    • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

      In the first pic, she looks like she’s going to fall over because she’s not supported in her mid-section. It’s like when ballerinas pretend to be a doll. Poor, poor, poor ScarJo.

      • http://twitter.com/neeBarbero Debby Griffiths

        That is THE perfect description.  I scrolled up, and yup  I remember seeing the dolls in the Nutcracker teetering just like that when I was a kid!

      • Anonymous

        Gods, is that ensemble unfortunate. She looks ten years older and – well, rather sad, really. Hard to believe this is the same woman who appeared on the cover of GLAMOUR two years ago like this – http://www.dailystab.com/scarlett-johansson-glamour-november-2009/ . Okay, maybe that one sells her a bit too hard as a sex kitten, but at least she doesn’t look like a matron going to a funeral.

        If she wants to look upscale but still sexy, the recent COSMO cover of her works – http://www.dailystab.com/scarlett-johansson-cosmopolitan-magazine-january-2012/ .

    • Anonymous

      Also don’t care for the eye makeup.

      • Anonymous

        Replying to fashionzombie and Cindi Williams: Everything about her looks completely exhausted and about to fall over.  Sad.

        • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

          Not to be off-topic (and I like precious unborn fawns calling me “Cindi”), but do you know how to get Disqus to post under your twitter handle instead of name? Cindi is an OK name; I prefer “ILikeShiny”. :)

          • http://twitter.com/RBinTexas RBinTexas

            Try logging out, then when your username and avatar has been cleared, click log in. Disqus should provide a dialog box that gives you new options for logging in, including using your Twitter account.

            • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

              Thank you! I will give it a try on other sites that use Disqus. We are all friends here on TLo. It’s those other bitch sites I can’t trust. ;-)

            • Anonymous

              I dare not use my real name here, lest my family and/or colleagues find out how much time I spend here at TLO Enterprises, LLC.

              *ssshhhhh!*

            • Anonymous

              oooh me too!

        • Anonymous

          Wow, I was going to say the exact same thing. Is she tired? Are we tired of her? 

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, it’s really not good. Somebody doesn’t like her.

    • http://www.facebook.com/chloe.stabler Chloe Stabler

      That strip of skin is making the proportions on her all wrong.  And the hair, completely not for you love.  Not at all.

    • Anonymous

      i’m not sure how you can look dowdy with a strip of bare midriff showing, but it’s the only word that comes to mind….

      • BerlinerNYC

        If you saw my gut extruded through that little window, dowdy is only one of a long string of negative adjectives that would come to mind, probably followed by nausea and/or hysterical blindness.

      • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

        I hate this trend — oh, we’re going to go back to bare midriffs, but only a tiny sliver so it won’t be tacky.  It also won’t be attractive!  When it’s just that little bit, the softness that is natural to relaxed abs reads as flabby because you can’t see how it’s flat and smooth over a distance.  I have yet to see one of these that DOESN’T make the wearer look just a little less toned and in shape than she really is. 

    • foodycat

      I like the skirt, but the neckline makes her shoulders look really bowed. And if Hilary Swank’s bare back is not seasonally appropriate, neither is a bare midriff. Also, her eyeshadow does her no favours.

      • Anonymous

        I agree about the shoulders–makes her look a little hunched.  Needs a chiropractor and some mojo.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, it does odd things to her shoulders for sure. She’s a girl who normally has very good posture (I pay attention to these things!) and this is making her look slouchy.

    • Anonymous

      She’s had a string of misses lately, but this is just unbelievably bad.

    • Anonymous

      Not only does this make Ms. Scarlett look bad, it doesn’t do D&G any favors either.  Out.

    • Anonymous

      Looks like I’m in the minority, but I think she looks pretty good here. If her midriff wasn’t showing I’d nearly call this a WERQ moment.

    • Anonymous

      She was going for the whole 40’s pinup thing, I think. The problem is that she’s short-waisted, so the cut on that dress, especially with the peekaboo line of skin, just makes her look wide. If her torso was about 3 inches longer, it would look good on her. That’s a look that curvy gals should avoid.

      • Anonymous

        The 40s look is not a bad way to go, but those gowns usually had more than a half inch of skin between the top and the skirt. The sliver of skin looked accidental and was not at all flattering.

    • Anonymous

      This just supports my inherent dislike for ScarJo. 

    • Anonymous

      I want to know what happened to her boobs? Where did they go? She couldn’t possibly have lost that much weight. If she ever had mojo, it was definitely contained in her missing breast tissue/silicon cutlets.

    • J Dreesen

      sorry, but i don’t think anyone – not even Gwen Stefani – could escape the biscuit-tin illusion that occurs when an outfit bares that particular section of a woman’s body.

      • BerlinerNYC

        OMG, brilliant. I used the word “extruded” above, but canned biscuit dough is exactly the right image. Ew. Only the Pillsbury Doughboy can work that look and have it seem cute.

    • Anonymous

      WOW, is that thing ever unflattering! It’s everything…the aforementioned strip of skin, the straps, the length.
      The hairstyle is horrifying. Didn’t she look in the mirror before she went out? Because I don’t care how long the hairdresser took to do that to her head; she should have ripped out the pins and shaken that shit out the second she saw herself in the mirror.

    • Anonymous

      eeek!

    • Anonymous

      Who decided a rather demure dress would work with that strip of skin thing? It’s horrid.

      I’m having Josh from PR flashbacks here. The design for the wife challenge he won…which would have suited SJ better than this thing.

    • MilaXX

      Yeah not loving the top and the cut out makes her look thick and short waisted. Also the hair id a bit aging and the ankle strap cut off her leg line and make her look stumpy in a dress that is already chopping her up.

    • Anonymous

      Nothing in here is working for her. Not the dress, not the hair/make up, not the shoes. I vote for giving her a hug.

    • Sara__B

      I don’t think this summery 40s style translates well to a winter red carpet, and her posture is awful. She looks limp, listless, and lackluster. She can do so much better than this!

    • Anonymous

      It looks like she is wearing an Evan Rachel Wood costume, she just needs redder lips. She is not Evan Rachel Wood.

    • Judy_J

      Bad all round.  I can’t get over how poorly her makeup was applied.  It’s all so depressing.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s the poses more than the dress. Girl needs to stand up straight and throw those shoulders back.

      –GothamTomato

      • Anonymous

        Thank you. This chick drives me crazy with the awkward posing. The word that always comes to mind when I see her on the RC is awkward. Drives me to distraction. Okay, done ranting.

    • Anonymous

      This wasn’t your best post ever until the last line. Then I DIED.

    • Anonymous

      I’mma give a WERK! to that unknown hairdresser because that hair is done *beautifully*. It’s so movie-star-glamourous! It also really spotlights her lovely honey tones, giving more depth than just about any other haircolor would (be that dark, red or platinum). So  I don’t see it as unflattering as an occasional style.

      Can’t say the same for the makeup, accessories or clothes, though, sadly.

      • Anonymous

        I will consider changing my tune re the hair.  I initially hated it, but after reading your post, I remember how much I hate hair that is not in a style but just hangs there all lank and long and crappy.  Thank you miss Amy.  

    • Anonymous

      Girl, that’s not your hairstyle nor your haircolor as well.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t understand how a woman as beautiful as she is can’t find fancy clothes that flatter her. I can’t remember her ever looking really good on the RC. I’ve seen a few pictures of her just going about her life, and while her off-duty style isn’t really my thing she looks totally cute.

    • Anonymous

      I kind of like the hair.  [shrugs]

    • Anonymous

      Ok, I might be crazy here, but I actually think I might look better than Scarlett Johansson today – it’s a frikkin’ Christmas miracle!

      • Anonymous

        Take notes. You want to keep the rights should it become a heartwarming family entertainment.

        • Anonymous

          I’m gonna use this comment as proof. Hollywood, here I come!

    • Terence Ng

      Her make up is terrible, poor girl. :(

    • Anonymous

      Betty Grable. I think if that’s what she was going for, she kind of missed it. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      If it was a whole dress, she would have gotten it.  But why make 2 pieces to show 1/2 inch of skin.  Also maybe a colored belt or shoes or clutch or something.  She doesn’t look horrible, but that everything is slightly off is what makes it worse.

    • http://profiles.google.com/misslauraschultz Laura Schultz

      Yeah, makes her torso look very short.  She looked SO freakin’ hot in Iron Man but she hasn’t been able to translate that to the red carpet lately. 

    • Anonymous

      “Matronly.”  You need say no more.  Not her look.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Stone/100001328135240 Mary Stone

      Gwen Stefani or Steffi Germanotta.  you imagine this paired with the usual Gaga shoes-and-makeup-as-performance-art?  I think the thickening effect is aggravated by how high-waisted the skirt is, the thickness of the material itself, the fact there’s a thick leather belt atop the high-waisted skirt, and the fact that the top is really little more than a long-line bra with a halterish top and back.  At any rate, it belongs on someone with a longer torso, the thin band of flesh above the waistband of the skirt and below the bottom of the top looks like muffin-top waiting to happen, which is terribly unfair because Scarlett does not have muffin top.

    • Anonymous

      I dunno, I think she looks nice. I don’t have a problem with this.

      • Anonymous

        I agree – not crazy about the strip of skin, but otherwise I like it too.

    • https://profiles.google.com/104791269167429064986 Judy S

      She looks good, but in spite of all the problems you rightly note.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3AJ237ND3GAHDQJZ4TLCO4WLRA Emily

      You are so much better than this Scar Jo.

    • Anonymous

      With you on the dress … it does tragic things to her bod … but I do like her hair.  I think she could carry off a very tailored 40’s glamour vibe with the hair, but not in that dress.  Not crazy about the makeup either.

    • Anonymous

      I really like Scarlet so my ugly-blinders were up for this look.  I really had to stare at it for the mistakes to come to life.  Yes-it’s tragic, but at first glance, I really liked it. 

    • Anonymous

      Glancing at the first photo, I thought the midriff strip was a belt, and I couldn’t imagine why anyone would put a belt in such an unflattering position.  Then I realized–not a belt!  Scarlett is wearing a slightly jazzed-up sports bra and a skirt!  With a strip of midriff showing!  I need to go check my sources: This might be the Sign of the Beast.

      I’d like to say one nice thing about her look, but it is not possible. Fire your stylist, Scarlett, and find one who cares.

    • Anonymous

      Glancing at the first photo, I thought the midriff strip was a belt, and I couldn’t imagine why anyone would put a belt in such an unflattering position.  Then I realized–not a belt!  Scarlett is wearing a slightly jazzed-up sports bra and a skirt!  With a strip of midriff showing!  I need to go check my sources: This might be the Sign of the Beast.

      I’d like to say one nice thing about her look, but it is not possible. Fire your stylist, Scarlett, and find one who cares.

    • Anonymous

      She looks uncomfortable in those shoes and it’s throwing off her posture. Hate, hate, hate the hair.

    • Anonymous

      She looks uncomfortable in those shoes and it’s throwing off her posture. Hate, hate, hate the hair.

    • Anonymous

      The dress isn’t flattering, but I regularly think that about Dolce & Gabbana. I don’t know what it is, but they just don’t work on a lot of figures.

      I like the hair, with better make-up and a nicer frock it would work. It’s a damn site better than the middle-aged mop she has in that perfume ad!

    • Anonymous

      a chubby, embarrassed teen stuffed in a dress for her bat mitzvah.  she’ll hate her mom forever. 

    • Anonymous

      I actually don’t mind her hair…let a girl try getting her Dita on every once in a while.

      But that dress…gosh.  From the tits up I was like “but what’s wrong wi…”  then BAM.  Like a three-foot horizontal swath of belly.  She is NOT a thick girl!  How unflattering.  And the fabric looks itchy.

    • Anonymous

      Suspect she is short-waisted and too busty for this get-up to work.  The ankle straps aren’t helping things, either.

    • bloodshothalfblind

      she looks like a mamarella – the old ladies in my family photo albums.  meanwhile, she’s a 20-something millionaire moviestar, with every designer’s closet at her disposal.  it’s old lady drag.  i don’t get it.  also, that skirt makes her look fat.

    • Anonymous

      I can’t get behind the makeup, but everything else I like when she’s standing up straight. But I have an inexplicable soft spot for her, so.

    • Anonymous

      You’re right, yes, but I think the hair works.

    • Christina Brennan

      I think she looks OK.  It’s a little boring, but not terrible.  I also sorta like the Rosie hair?  Am i alone here?

      • http://twitter.com/DarthJaeda Jaeda Laurez

        no you aren’t. I don’t understand why this is SUCH a travesty. I WILL knock her for those multicolored teeth though- what is that about?

    • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

      Yeah, no, she is not that thick. Hits her in all the wrong places and boy-o-boy do I hate the hair.

    • Anonymous

      Wrong hair, wrong dress. (ETA: and I’m not sure about the eye makeup.)

      Really, it’s depressing that so much money & professional expertise can combine so disappointingly. Not that she isn’t still a lovely woman, but she shouldn’t look so amateurish. It’s like she’s 16 & in high school and all the girls in her crowd are wearing the same hair, makeup & clothing, whether it suits them individually or not.

    • Anonymous

      Am I looking at the same dress? I think she looks amazing! She’d look better if she was standing up straight in the first picture, but her hair is cool. She usually does 50’s inspired looks.

    • Anonymous

      Am I looking at the same dress? I think she looks amazing! She’d look better if she was standing up straight in the first picture, but her hair is cool. She usually does 50’s inspired looks.

    • Anonymous

      Oh honey.  She needs to go and do, or see, Kirsten Dunst’s peeps.  

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F73LIJ3SJGI5AJQMXMWXCKILHI Pamela

      Ugh-I am SO over ScarJo.  And she looks silly here.

    • Anonymous

      She should have lost the top all together and just pulled the damn dress up over her girls and put the belt back on. Then shook the hair out. *giggle*

    • http://www.facebook.com/jahna.peloquin Jahna Peloquin

      I think that hairstyle and the silhouette of the dress really suit her. This seems more like a summery look. I think she just needs some better posture, and fresher-looking makeup.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_IHWCJIMARF4OOW6PQZQS3RFOOA JillK

      WTH?

    • http://profiles.google.com/claudiaberry Claudia Berry

      she looks so thick. and needs some body foundation on the back of her arms.

    • Anonymous

      Her pose in the first picture says it all. Shoulders slumped over, feet pointed inward, she looks completely defeated.  Maybe she passed a mirror on her way in and realized what a mistake this was.

    • Jen Craigslist

      Did she have breast reduction surgery? If so, bad idea.

    • Anonymous

      She looks short and dumpy. The upper arms, in particular, look really bad. She may have reached the age where a cute shrug or some capped sleeves would do her a world of good.

    • Anonymous

      I like the hair.

    • Jessica Goldstein

      Oof. Among other problems, the angle and placement of the bare strip gives the impression of clothes riding up due to weight gain. Horribly unflattering!

    • http://www.joannao.blogspot.com JoannaOC

      It’s the shoes: look how high they are, even with the platform, and then imagine the angle they force her body into. Nobody can have good posture when  trying to counterbalance having their weight so far forward over their toes, even if the shoes are well-constructed, which these may not be. It’s also exhausting to be in that much pain.

    • Anonymous

      I notice the red speckly rash on the backs of her upper arms.  I am sad that she has this but I was also relieved because my arms have this happening ALL THE TIME.   I hate the dress and I am unhappy with the hair – but I feel love for her because she has rash-y arms like me.  Sad, isn’t it?  If I find out she wears big granny panties I am going to start the Rocky Mountain S J Fan Club.

    • Anonymous

      i dont think it’s anyones dress. i think it’s kind of a minor atrocity in the dresshood.
      otoh, once again we have proof that celebrities actually dont look all that much better, or even different, than non-celebrities. it’s usually all in the production & its post-. i dont mean that in a bad way, either. i think it’s kind of a good thing. not all the production foofaraw designed to make people look better than people [especially when they can be used to make people look more interesting & all kinds of other things]–anyway, i dont think thats good. but celebs looking less than minor gods & everyone knowing it? good for the world, that.

    • Anonymous

      My initial reaction to the first picture was “Ugh, don’t slouch!” but then, looking at the others, I’m not now sure if she’s slouching or if it’s just the cut of the dress. That right there is a bad sign.

    • Anonymous

      I think this dress belongs on Lana Turner’s clotheslines. But definitely not Scarlett’s.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1401197785 Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

      Girl, that is not your eye shadow.

    • Anonymous

      Poor Scar Jo….. that sliver of skin running horizontal really is totally unflattering on her and probably anyone.  It’s so out of place with the rest of the dress.  That said, the whole outfit needs to be set free and for her pennance, she is to email those comprimising, naked photos of Ryan she has to T&Lo for them to share with all the bitter kittens for Christmas.

    • Anonymous

      This is one of the times a T Lo intervention as she got out of the car would’ve been helpful. YOU would’ve sent her home to change before any cameras could get to her…and she would’ve thanked you later. Blech…top to toe.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Karen-Stephens-Bassett/1503492602 Karen Stephens Bassett

      Spending time with Sean (Spicolli) Penn can do that to you.

    • Anonymous

      My goodness she looks miserable to be there. Poor thing.

    • Anonymous

      Agree with all of the above points except the shoes, which I like.  It’s too bad – the fabric is gorgeous.

    • Anonymous

      And it’s so sad how she has a zebra growing out of her back!!

    • http://twitter.com/younglibrarian Katie Dunneback

      Note, I am sooo not a fan of ScarJo. However, she’s thisclose to werqing this look for me. It’s that strip of skin that sends it off the rails due to the aforementioned poor placement.