Cover Girls: Dunst and Johansson

Posted on December 05, 2011

Neither of these covers really jumped off the monitor at us. In fact, had we seen them for the first time on separate days, we wouldn’t have given them a second thought. But we happened upon each of these covers within minutes of each other and the differences could not have been more stark.

See, as an actress, you’re going to want a certain set of results when you agree to (or are contractually obligated to) pose for a magazine cover. There’s the tried and true favorite “I’m having a banner career year and I look incredible” cover (See: previous years’ entries filed under Winslet, Kate and Portman, Natalie).

Like so:

 

Kirsten Dunst covers ‘C’ magazine December 2011 issue

 

This says “I am both cool AND hot and you haven’t yet gotten tired of looking at me or hearing about me.”

 

Then there’s the other kind of cover:

 

Scarlett Johannson covers Cosmopolitan magazine January 2012 issue

 

Ohhhhhh, SWEETIE. It SO doesn’t have to be this way. Fire everyone who had anything to do with getting you to do this.

[Photo Credit: magazinec.com, cosmopolitan.com]

    • Sobaika Mirza

      That’s just tragic.

      • Anonymous

        Yes but on last month’s Cosmo cover Adele looked freaking gorgeous, even in a leopard print dress that could have easily gone cheap or tacky.  The editor responsible for this cover is really awful,  even a  Cosmo cover shouldn’t look this cheap. 

        • muzan-e

          Amen. It’s the title that’s killing me. Taking its colour directly from the dress feels like choosing shoes that exactly match the skirt….

    • Anonymous

      That purple does look striking on Scarlett. I’ve come to the realization that she really must have an extraordinarily large head because it looks that way in every photo. Can’t be all photoshopped.

      • Anonymous

        That’s a quick way of making someone look skinnier without resorting to gumby limbs.

        • Anonymous

          Ooh, thanks. I’ll try to remember that for our Christmas card photo this year. My head is going to be ginormous.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        An enormous number of Hollywood actors are really short with overly large heads for their size.  Apparently, it seems to record well on film. This is from friend who works as an art director and set designer in Film and TV.

        • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

          I think that’s how Vanna White got her gig (seriously). She had the largest head of the models who tried out, and it filmed well.

    • Anonymous

      My irrational dislike of Scarlet Johansson is starting to look pretty rational.

    • Anonymous

      Scarlett’s cover REEKS of desperation.

    • Anonymous

      She looks like she’s about to cry…as well she should.

    • Anonymous

      Oh that Johannson cover is so awkward! Almost like they dug it up from before she was famous and was going to one of those rip-off modeling schools.

      Dunst, on the other hand, looks amazing.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, exactly.  The definition of trying too hard.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        She totally needs to fire everyone involved with this cover or sue the F out of them.

      • BerlinerNYC

        Yes. Kiki is serving some fierce Jerry Hall realness. If she were to speak, it should come out with a Texan accent.

    • http://twitter.com/sonjamikail sonjamikail

      Oh, Scarlet, honey, I’m embarrassed for you. 

    • http://www.wordydoodles.com WordyDoodles

      BOTH covers look off-kilter to me, like they both just heard a really terrible pick-up line. Kirsten’s pissed and has no trouble letting the would-be picker-upper know. ScarJo’s trying to be polite but only succeeding in looking slightly constipated.

    • http://twitter.com/jaythenerdkid Aaminah Khan

      That Scarlett one makes me cringe so hard every time I see it. She’s gorgeous, and yet she looks awful there.

      Kirsten looks great though. I’m so happy that she’s back. :)

    • Anonymous

      I hope heads rolled.

    • Anonymous

      OHHHHH NOOOO!  That Cosmo cover is tragic but aren’t they all….

    • Anonymous

      Lordy, that Scarlett cover looks like someone photoshopped her to look worse than she does.  What a sad cover.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Hixenbaugh/1337566439 John Hixenbaugh

      That Cosmo still does covers like this cracks me up.  She’s got a “True Story” inserted into her crotch.  “Dragging Ass Lately?”  “Your Other G-Spot”  “Kinky Sex Moves”  This cover could drive her drink.  Which, come to think of it, she seems to have been skidding for a while now.  Hard to believe she emerged as an oscar nominee with great promise just a few years ago.  And she’s fallen into this purple and pink abyss.  It’s not too late, but an intervention must happen immediately.

      • Sobaika Mirza

        A “True Story” on her crotch about a failed marriage. Really now?

      • Anonymous

        We’re really saying “dragging ass” on covers now? Lord.

    • Anonymous

      Scarlett looks like her next stop is chez Hef. 

      But Kiki looks unpleasant and snappish. I don’t think her cover is doing her any favors either.

      • Anonymous

        I know, right? I disagree with TLo that Kirsten Dunst looks good here.

    • http://blue-again.myopenid.com/ blue

      Scarlett’s dress, especially the color, is very striking. But what is up with her hair and the expression on her face? Makes me think that was the only usable shot they ended up with.

    • Anonymous

      I can’t think of a cover that has stayed in my mind more than this: http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/2011/06/cover-girl-mila-kunis-for-flare.html

    • Anonymous

      Oh, honey. Cosmo. Really? It reeks of “has been”.

    • bloodshothalfblind

      holy christ! i didnt think it was possible to make scarlet johanssen look so cheap.  is she playing a $2 hooker in her next movie?  will she star as a red haired 80s madonna?  did they just photoshop her face on to some russian mail-order bride??  

    • Linde Hoff

      Gosh, didn’t realize Scarlett’s career was in such jeopardy….

    • Anonymous

      So, TLo, what does the Scarlett cover say?  ”      “

    • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

      And seriously this is a cover you’re going to do after a high profile divorce?  Really, really bad idea — the trying too hard thing just makes it look like you got dumped for a younger model… which since the ex is supposedly dating Blake Lively is only WORSE!

      • Anonymous

        I just had to tell you I had a dream last night TLo had to shut down the comment board because I was having a horrible fight with Shannon Stewart over an outfit worn by Clint Eastwood. So you had a starring role in my Most Random Dream of the Year! lol

        • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

          LOL!  Was I pro-Clint or anti-Clint? 

          • Anonymous

            You hated it and I loved it! lol. I don’t even know what he was wearing, though. In fact, when I woke up my first thought was “what the hell?” and my second was “I wonder what he was wearing?”

            I think maybe it’s a sign I spend to much time at TLo?? hehe

    • Anonymous

      But it’s COSMO. Whatever else would you expect on its cover? Tasteful, sophisticated restraint? Hahahahahahahahah. I think she looks hot (even with that strange one-sided smirk) and I’m sure every straight guy who sees this at the supermarket checkout would agree with me. And, weirdly, I even like the purple lace. It’s all in good fun, right? Right?

    • CQAussie

      Forget Johannson…..are they saying my boobs is my OTHER G-spot?  

      • Anonymous

        I think they must be referring to the ‘gag reflex’

    • Anonymous

      Kirsten looks like the Joker and Scarlett like a hooker who just took the towel off her hair and checking out the new shade she just dyed it

    • Anonymous

      Scarlett’s cover is terrible, but it IS Cosmopolitan.  Not known for sophistication.

    • Monkey Toe

      In what universe does Cosmo shrink the cover model’s boobs a cup size? Is that even Johannson’s body? Look at the way her armpit connects to her chest on her right, our left.

    • Anonymous

      I think they both look bad.  Dunst looks aggrieved, and I hate what she’s wearing.  Talk about something that’s too close to one’s skin color!  Johansson looks like she’s trying too hard, and I hate what SHE’S wearing, too, but at least the color is better on her. 

    • muzan-e

      Oh. Oh no. Scarlett, you’re just one pink lipgloss away from the cover of Seventeen.

      • http://beautyforrealgirls.blogspot.com/ accidental housewife

        Seventeen? Yikes! I think she needs an old Italian woman to say a novena for her career, or her self-esteem, or something.

    • Anonymous

      Oh, NO. HONEY. 

    • Anonymous

      Sad sad sad. She must be a great actress because if someone had put me in this dress, I would not have been able to force a smile.

      • http://profiles.google.com/mmara00 M M

        So sad, it’s almost funny.

    • Judy Raddue

      Honestly, I do not believe that’s ScarJo.  Seriously, I thought she had more dignity.  Is she going through some kind of far-too-premature midlife crisis, wondering how in hell she let Ryan Reynolds get away???

      • Anonymous

        I love the headline placement they used “I knew he was the wrong guy on our wedding day.”  Genius salesmanship.

    • emily mcginnis

      Scarlett’s cover looks completely fake. It looks like her face was put with someone else’s body and hair. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

      That look and hair says “I’ve just been f*cked, and I didn’t even get kissed”

      • Anonymous

        Or… “Thanks, is my cash on the dresser?”

    • Anonymous

      Neither looks happy. Kirsten looks disgusted. Scarlett looks like she’s ready to puke. Both look photoshopped out of the real world.

    • http://twitter.com/anibellee Lynsey M.

      I don’t even get the Scarlett cover, it seems more Maxim than Cosmo.  Who are they marketing to?

      • Anonymous

        The same as always.  I used to get Cosmo years and years ago. The standard cover:  Bright color, big hair, tight body conscious clothes and  cleavage. 

    • Anonymous

      I have never thought that Scarlett Johannson is much of a model, but I can see that she has a great future as a hooker.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      Wow, Scarlett Johannson in a PURPLE skin tight lace dress that looks like a hooker’s slip from 1968.  Yeah THAT’S a good idea.
      Kirsten, who I have loved irrationally since “The Cat’s Meow”, looks spectacular, if a trifle too photoshopped for my taste.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1046681022 Paula Berman

      Hello, Scarlett?  1985 called.  It wants its purple lace body suit back.

    • Ebony Dawkins

      Scarlett looks like constipation is ruining her life right now.

    • http://twitter.com/anacedillo Ana Cedillo

      omg…hahaha. you can get that purple thing at wetseal 

    • Helen C

      Scarlett doesn’t look good as a redhead.  She should go back to being blonde.  
      Kirsten always photographs better than she looks. 

    • Anonymous

      They should swap hair colors. Kristen looks better as a redhead and Scarlett improves as a blonde.

    • http://twitter.com/pag_baj Paige Boerman

      When I saw ScarJo on the cover of Cosmo, I told my hubby that if I were her, I would sue. So unfortunate. :/

    • Anonymous

      Oh, dear. Scarlett, please just act–well, if you don’t mind–in an interesting film. It needn’t be high budget, nor need it be EXTRAORDINARILY LOW BUDGET/INDIE. Just DO something apart from running around trying to be a sex symbol, a role that fit you much better when you HAD JOBS. JOBS THAT WERE  INTERESTING. SO SIMPLE.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-Dotson/100001476610342 Jessica Dotson

      That eye makeup is super unflattering on Scarlett–it makes it look like she has a Neanderthal forehead.  So sad.

    • http://www.facebook.com/rachel.council Rachel Council

      Cosmo covers are routinely terrible now.  Good God, Scarlett, a woman with your resources should never have hair that fried. 

    • Anonymous

      And people say women’s magazines make you feel bad about yourself!  I’m going to rip that cover off and pin it up next to the mirror as a reminder that it can always be worse!

    • Anonymous

      ScarJo keeps it classy.

    • Anonymous

      Kirsten looks so elegant here. I don’t even recognize the other woman, is she someone’s slutty niece?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=720946720 Carolyn Smrcka

      I’m not big on bashing people for looks, but because everyone usually loves her (which I don’t and nevewill get) I’m okay with it:  ScarJo looks like she’s been using this new botox-like product I heard about called “Dullard.”

      • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

        I hate her too… maybe we should have meetings…

    • foodycat

      Kirsten’s pissed because they gave her Chloe Sevigny’s hair. And I can’t say anything about Scarlett that the rest of you haven’t said more eloquently. Poor love.

    • Anonymous

      Frederick’s of Hollywood. I’m not sure firing the people who did this is enough. Firing squad, yes.

    • Anonymous

      Poor Scarlett……..

    • Anonymous

      Any actress who poses for the cover of COSMO has got to know by now exactly what she’s getting herself into.  Scarlett looks utterly ridiculous.  And then there’s the “story” about her: “The Love Rule She Now Swears By.”  And she brought it all on herself because she’s now become one of those celebritards who cannot say no to any exposure that’s offered. 

      Scarlett Johansson, meet Lea Michelle.  Bet you never thought you’d fall THAT low!

      • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

        And until she has a SUCCESSFUL relationship, why would I care what her love rule is?!?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      Scarlett looks like she’s advertising herself for an ad that is int eh back of the magazine.  Not good, and she’s too much of a knock out to look this cheap.  As long as Kiki keeps nailing it, she can be photographed as much as they want.

    • Anonymous

      Scarjo looks not only bad here but odd. If I didn’t know better I would swear her face was photo shopped on to that head and body.

    • Anonymous

      OMG, that Cosmo cover is horrifying! It takes real “talent” to make a girl like Scarlett Johansson look like a tired old hooker with fried hair.

    • Anonymous

      Looks like ScarJo is going for a “reboot of the Like a Prayer video” look.

      All she’s missing is Black Jesus.  I vote for Scottie to get in the picture. :)

    • Anonymous

      That COSMO cover is some seriously bad photoshopping (ie; her head removed and reattached).

      –GothamTomato

    • MilaXX

      Yes the cosmo cover practically screams, “I’m still hot.”  in a try hard type of way.

    • http://twitter.com/starrika Ali

      Evidently the editors at Cosmo took Ryan’s side in the split.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3AJ237ND3GAHDQJZ4TLCO4WLRA Emily

      Seriously.  wow.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=717883898 Glynis Fediuk

      “I am both cool AND hot and you haven’t yet gotten tired of looking at me or hearing about me.”

      I agree with this—plus, KD hasn’t been thrown in our faces constantly over the years. She faded from the public eye for awhile, but is back for the right reasons: a well-reviewed movie. Scarlett, on the other hand, made Iron Man 2 and got divorced.

    • Anonymous

      They must have used photoshop to get Scarlett to look so old.

    • Anonymous

      I saw the Cosmo cover at Target last night & gasped at the horrific hair (doesn’t it look like they prayed that color on after styling it?! I mean, look at the hairline!).  The only thing that distracted me from that atrocity is the Fredrick’s of Hollywood dress & pose.  Ick!  Actually, I’ve never really understood the ScarJo love fest…meh

    • Judy_J

      Scarlett….what have they done to you?  I picture you being like Tom Wilkinson in “The Full Monty”…going out and buying every copy of this magazine so no one will see this godawful picture. 

    • Anonymous

      wow! amazing contrast! i knew when I saw Scarlett’s cover that something had gone totally wrong (what’s up with her face??) but the difference with Kiki is shocking! You go Kiki!!!!!!

    • Anonymous

      oh lordie lordie!  Thanks, TLo, for my laugh of the morning.  Poor Miss Scarlett!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1326120071 Gaby Ripoll

      Who did Scarlett’s hair? She should sue for follicular damages. 

    • Jessica O’Connell

      How’d they manage to make such a gorgeous woman look SO BAD? Wow.

    • Terence Ng

      Woah, Johannson looks like a cover model version of Starfire…

    • Anonymous

      Seriously, she really does need to do some firing.

    • Mariah J

      Ouch. She looks cheap. Like a cheap hooker. :(

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nicole-Walraven/527225623 Nicole Walraven

      on first glance in the grocery store i thought Scarlett was a drag queen. not even kidding.

    • Anonymous

      I just saw the ScarJo cover in the supermarket checkout line and one of the many distressing thoughts going through my head was, Oh Dear God, she allowed them to photograph her with her arm up in standard 70’s model pose AND in some PURPLE lace Fredericks of Hollywood get-up!  Does NO ONE look out for this girl???

    • Anonymous

      Whenever I see something like this, I’m always reminded of a saying I was once told.  “Using a feather is erotic.  Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.” Who wants to bet the the 50 kinky sex moves aren’t actually kinky.

      Yes,  I noticed the word kinky first.  The cover was that unmemorable.

    • Brooke U

      My first thought when I saw this on the stands was, “good Lord, what did they do to that poor girls hair?” Followed closely by, “Oh, wait, is she hooking now?”