Cover Girl: Paris Hilton for Vanity Fair Spain

Posted on December 22, 2011

As you gaze at this cover, keep in mind two things:

Paris Hilton featured in the January 2012 issue of Vanity Fair Spain.

One: Paris Hilton is now almost totally irrelevant.

Two: You just found your Holiday game! All you need is a printer and a dartboard! You’re welcome!

 

[Photo Credit: revistavanityfair.es - Video Credit: Fashnberry via youtube.com]

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  • Kit Taylor

    Pop culture can only handle one obnoxious socialite at a time. We’re already stuck with the Kardashians. >.<

    • Anonymous

      and isn’t it her fault that we are stuck with the Kardashian’s?  Sweet irony…

      • Anonymous

        Ohhh, Kardashians–I hope a house falls on them too.  It would have to be a big house as there are so many of them.

        • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

          The Kardashians must have figured out how to stop time, or their 15 collective minutes would surely be up by now.

          • http://profiles.google.com/withano Loren S

            I think you mean their 15 Kollective minutes.

          • Anonymous

            “kollektive”

      • http://twitter.com/DC_Lockwood Michelle

        I think it’s O.J.’s, actually

  • Anonymous

    Three: Her face is made entirely of molded plastic.

    • Anonymous

      Exactly what I was just about to post!

    • Anonymous

      Exactly what I said.  I think it’s a doll, not a real person.

      • Anonymous

        Question of the day: If you replace Pairs Hilton with a doll…will anyone notice?

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1589131702 Jenna Gordon

          you mean they haven’t already?

        • Anonymous

          I think it might help her.  People would be less annoyed 
          “Wow, she hasn’t said one insipid thing all night!”   “I know, and not once has she flashed her crotch!”

    • Anonymous

      If I ever get photoshopped, I want it to be by the editors of Spanish Vanity Fair.  They obviously take their craft seriously.

      • Anonymous

        Too seriously for their own good!

      • Anonymous

        I think even the dog is photoshopped….

    • Sara__B

      Perhaps this is the new Paris Hilton doll, available soon on your favorite home shopping channel.

    • Anonymous

      her hands too. creeping me out.

  • Anonymous

    I wonder if she hates the Kardashians? How can she compete against all that booty? (No disrespect. I am a woman of ample booty myself.)

  • http://twitter.com/LianaBrooks Liana Brooks

    She looks so… plastic.

    • Anonymous

      I think she is a fabrication of Madame Trousseau!

  • Anonymous

    Nooooo the puppy!

    • Anonymous

      Check out where the puppy is looking–right at that muffin. Crack me up! The liveliness in that dog makes Paris look even more waxen and dead.

      • Anonymous

        Despise her, love the pooch. Too cute!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stevie-Lo/923283 Stevie Lo

    Isn’t it ironic that her middle aged aunts get more publicity for being on RHOBH than she does? 

    …Cute dog

  • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

    I know I’m alone in this, but I just can’t hate her. 

    Sure, she’s a slut, but hey, she’s single so she’s allowed to be in my book.  And yes, she’s incredibly vapid — but so are millions of other people: we live in a world where DANCING WITH THE STARS gets more attention than PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES.  (Though seriously, how awesome would a dancing segment to the debates be?  Totally complete our turn to the insane:)  I also do not argue that she’s spoiled and with no apparent talents to justify being famous.  But to me that begs the questions: a)who doesn’t want to be spoiled? and b) how many famous people throughout history can the same be said about (Lindbergh, for example, is an American folk hero who’s only skill was flying a plane — something I know literally dozens of people who can do the same — and it got him out of bad press for being a NAZI!)?  

    Besides, she at least has shown herself to have a decent sense of humor about her existence, and I appreciate that.

    • Anonymous

      Re: Lindberg–Maybe it was having his baby kidnapped and killed that got him out of bad press… possibly.  I don’t hate her because of sluttiness (who really cares) or because she made her money the old fashioned way, inherited it.  I hate her because not only was she given every possible extravagance and resource, she is still so stupid, vain and shallow and has done nothing positive, added nothing to elevate others.  Much more is expected from those in which much has been given.  The day a house falls on her will be a good day.

      • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

        No, it really wasn’t — Lindbergh was already an adored media figure long before the baby thing.  That’s the reason the Lindbergh baby got the press attention it did.

        • Anonymous

          About that ire.

          Speaking only for myself, it’s that modern publicity machine-fueled full frontal assault that offends me as much as the vapidity and failure to provide either a useful role model (arguably not their responsibility) or to otherwise notably contribute to society.Many people who could do better are less than productive and do their best to stumble after happiness by pursuing a life I find shallow (as some others might find my own life) and/or selling & promoting things I think fall somewhere between fluffy, over-priced fun and entirely useless, resource-wasting accessories of a self-involved “lifestyle.”  These people don’t annoy me nearly as much even if I am aware of their existence.  

          But the Paris Hiltons & Kardashians of our world work hard (& spend money) to make sure that I am aware of their existence, indeed, cannot avoid some sketchy knowledge of their doings unless I actively work to avoid much of the media around me.  So, having intentionally intruded themselves on my notice, when they annoy me and I find the values & lifestyles they parade for my edification worthless and possibly destructive to the healthy world view of the impressionable, I feel both ire and justified in blathering on about my ire.

          Sadly, I am aware that blathering on about ire inspired by aspects of popular culture is just one sure sign that I’m no longer young or relevant. *smiley face*

        • Anonymous

          I don’t dislike her for her sluttiness or her vapidness, or her general worthlessness. Like you said, socialites have had a role our celebrity culture. What annoys me about Paris Hilton is she doesn’t live up to the role of what a socialite is supposed to be -basically, our American version of royalty who give us a fun little escapist glimpse it a more glamorous, sophisticated, cultured life. Ms. Hilton just seems so damn tacky. The way she dressed didn’t seem high class fancy, just loud and garish and cheap. The way she conducted herself…well, like I said, she just seems super tacky. I am not saying I want my socialites to be stuffy and scandal free, just to give off the appearance of being well-bred and well educated (did Paris Hilton even go to college?). 

          • Anonymous

             I believe Ms. Hilton never finished high school, but did receive a GED.

        • Anonymous

          I don’t hate her or the Kardashians, just the people who worship them.  If you can be famous for not doing anything of any significance, more power to you.  But who are these idiots that follow everything they do and watch their insipid shows and show up and scream like maniacs when they make an appearance.  It just depresses me.

    • Anonymous

      yes!  the presidential debates should have a talent component, as well as swimsuit (ick) and evening gown segments.  then they’d get more attention.  ru paul could host.  the trophy could incorporate an image of j edgar hoover.

      • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

        You know that day is coming, right?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=811053804 Stacy Parker Cole

        I’m so on board with this plan… especially with RuPaul hosting.

      • Anonymous

        They might as well add a talent portion. Those republican candidates already all sound like Miss Teen South Carolina, such as: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

        –GothamTomato

        • Anonymous

          Hahahaha! Oh snap! That was very Bachmann-esque. Personally I prefer the way that Rick Perry just gives a “fuck it! You caught me” shrug and asks for the next question to watching a filibuster comprised entirely of repeated unrelated words.

      • Anonymous

        They might as well add a talent portion. Those republican candidates already all sound like Miss Teen South Carolina, such as: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

        –GothamTomato

    • Anonymous

      I don’t hate her, I really don’t. I don’t know enough about her to say she’s a slut (which, to be honest, I never say about anybody), and I don’t see pictures of her or hear about her very often.

      • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

        Oh, I’m very comfortable with the word slut because I don’t have any negative connotations with it.  It’s just a lot easier to type than other adjectives meaning the same.

        • http://profiles.google.com/ameliaheartsu Amelia Logan

          You might not, but other people do think the word i negative. Just some food for thought.

          • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

            I know.  But I babble on so often about oh so many things that there are only so many ways to worry about offending someone:)  When you talk as much as I do, with as few boundaries as I have, it’s almost a given.

    • Anonymous

      Lindberg did get bad press for his Nazi sympathizer opinions. That he didn’t get more was for the same reason so many in the public eye don’t get called out for their bigotry: Other members of the press and public share those same opinions. His life eventually ended in disgrace.

      –GothamTomato

      • Anonymous

        What about Coco Chanel?? She was a Nazi sympathizer and collaborater and she is worshipped by millions worldwide. She should have been sent to the trash heap.

        • Anonymous

          Or Henry Ford, or Edward VII & Wallis Simpson (people romanticize them), or Sonya Henie, or the Krups family (people still buy their appliances), or Mel Gibson, or Ron Paul for that matter (he’s been running for President for all this time and no one in the press asked him asked him about his history of anti-semitism & racism until the other day), and the list goes on and on.

          –GothamTomato

          • Anonymous

            Amazing, how many people get away with anti-semitism and racism. That’s because lots of people agree with it. Sick.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Hutchlover Amye Sabin

      You’re not alone.

      She’s really not up to the level of in-your-face as the Kardashians, neither is she all THAT slutty compared to some others, including the Kardassians and Pamela Anderson and Rob Lowe.  Besides, her dad didn’t slam the LAPD and get OJ out of doing prison time for double murder.

      Vapid, I will give you that one.  But it’s such a non-relevant kind of vapid that doesn’t grate too much.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t argue with most of your points. And being a Jewish woman, I don’t much like volunteering to defend a white supremecist and Nazi sympathizer (very much like his pal, another American hero, Henry Ford). Not to mention a serial adulterer with several secret children, and several other unappealing personal qualities.
      HOWEVER, comparing Charles Lindbergh with pop-culture socialite/celebrities known for doing little or nothing to deserve their fame totally undermines your argument. It’s just ignorant to equate the complexities of 1920s aviation with modern piloting. Lindbergh had many REAL skills, and the combination was incredibly rare at the time. His many achievements rightfully captured the world’s attention and admiration. (And retained it through a lifetime of other achievements, btw, look it up if you don’t believe me.) Yes, the broad Western culture of the time readily idolized a tall, good-looking WASP male. Didn’t hurt that he was the son of a Congressman and had also trained with the military, among other legend-building elements. That his baby ws kidnapped and killed as a result of his fame also won enormous empathy worldwide. Etc.So he was already famous and deeply beloved in the U.S. and Western Europe long before WWII and considering the way the press and government operated at the time (again, yesterday and today are not the same), it’s unlikely anyone in charge then thought it would be a good idea to expose his friendliness to the Germans, especially seeing as how he was actively consulting with the U.S. Army operations at the same time.
      UGH. That wasn’t fun.

      So to an opposite point, as useless as I find the socialites, at least they aren’t cavorting with Al Quaeda or Hamas or some shit. There’s a bright side!

    • Anonymous

      I don’t argue with most of your points. And being a Jewish woman, I don’t much like volunteering to defend a white supremecist and Nazi sympathizer (very much like his pal, another American hero, Henry Ford). Not to mention a serial adulterer with several secret children, and several other unappealing personal qualities.

      HOWEVER, comparing Charles Lindbergh with pop-culture socialite/celebrities known for doing little or nothing to deserve their fame totally undermines your argument. It’s just ignorant to equate the complexities of 1920s aviation with modern piloting. Lindbergh had many REAL intellectual and mechanical skills and the combination was incredibly rare at the time. His many achievements rightfully captured the world’s attention and admiration. (And he kept it through a lifetime of achievements, technical and political.) Yes, the broad Western culture of the time readily idolized a tall, good-looking WASP male. Didn’t hurt that he was the son of a Congressman and had also trained with the military, among other legend-building elements. That his baby ws kidnapped and killed as a result of his fame also won enormous empathy worldwide. Etc.
      So he was already famous and deeply beloved in the U.S. and Western Europe long before WWII and considering the way the press and government operated at the time (again, yesterday and today are not the same), it’s unlikely anyone in charge then thought it would be a good idea to expose his friendliness to the Germans, especially seeing as how he was actively consulting with the U.S. Army operations at the same time.
      UGH.

      But to make the opposite point: As useless as I find the socialites, at least they aren’t cavorting with Al-Quaeda or Hamas or some shit. There’s a bright side!

  • Anonymous

    Someone waved their magic airbrush a few dozen times…

  • Anonymous

    The trick would be to land the dart on her face and not her dog.  Sounds like a game to play over cocktails.

  • Anonymous

    Is this even really her?  She has no awareness in her face, her arm is lifeless….is this like a Paris Hilton real doll?

  • Anonymous

    oh geez. nice “sexy” sweater set there, Paris

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1253053236 Belle Burnett

    You’d think they’d photoshop her wonky eye better than that. Maybe they hate her too?

    • Anonymous

      extra dart points for hitting the wonky bulls-eye!

  • http://twitter.com/TheRealSandraOh Sandra Oh

    She’s photoshopped all to hell and pretty interchangeable with Lindsy Lohan.   Vanity Fair Spain must be desperate.

  • foodycat

    Does Spanish Vanity Fair have the same sort of audience the US one does?

  • Joe J

    That is one creepy-ass photo there.  I feel like if I stared too long my soul would start getting sucked out.

  • Anonymous

    but don’t you dare hurt that sweet little doggie!

  • http://twitter.com/Bookmanfilm Mike dobbins

    “now almost totally irrelevant”  ?  Am having problems with, now, AND, almost!   Hasn’t she always been totally irrelevant?

  • Anonymous

    Oh my gosh, she looks like a figure out of Madame Tussauds on this cover.  This is not good.  Bad Vanity Fair, bad, bad!

  • Anonymous

    Hard times at Vanity Fair Spain I guess.

  • Anonymous

    The tagline is what really makes me laugh. Above Paris Hilton’s name, it says “the blondest, the richest, and surprise! the smartest.” I’m going to take that as sarcasm, because I don’t see how it can be anything else. 

  • Anonymous

    Their caption for her calls her “the blondest, the richest, and SURPRISE! the most clever.”  O RLY?

    (Unless they meant “lista” meaning “ready,” which doesn’t really work in context with the surprise.)

  • Anonymous

    More importantly, where is the WOA recap?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    This is very bad. 

  • Meredith R

    I really love how the headline about her translates to “the blondest, the richest, and surprise, the brightest!”  Her? 

    • Anonymous

      Maybe they’re referring to the chihuahua…

  • http://twitter.com/RobertSanchez36 Robert Sanchez

    Wow, the dog is modeling better than Paris is!

  • Anonymous

    What did the Spaniards do to deserve this?

  • Anonymous

    I am, however, enjoying the Miss Piggy eye makeup.

  • Anonymous

    She really isn’t relevant anymore…thank God!  But maybe in Spain??  Naahhh!  Someone lost a bet and had to do this!  And the photoshopping…geez!  She looks like a bobblehead! Oh wait… ;-)

  • Anonymous

    Oh, God help us.

  • Anonymous

    Maybe the economic malaise that is affecting the Euro Zone is hitting hard at VF Spain – they couldn’t afford anything more than a D-lister.

    • Anonymous

      My guess is that Paris is like Donald Trump – since both are media creations. I once sat in on a seminar with a very well known magazine photographer who said that photographs of Trump are absolutely worthless because he’ll do a photo shoot/interview with anyone who asks. His office never turns down a request. My guess is Paris is the same way.

      The only difference between the two is that Paris first made a name for herself, as a teenager, by partying and dancing on tables with no underwear to get attention. Thankfully, The Donald hasn’t thought of that yet.

      –GothamTomato

  • Anonymous

    They tried so hard to hide the wonk eye.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    Ha!

    Still overexposed.

  • Anonymous

    I can’t look at her without thinking about the episode of South Park about her. Hence, I see that cute little dog staring at the teacup, and I can only think he is contemplating drowning himself in it to get away from her.

    Paris Hilton has always been celebrity white noise to me. So much so, I never noticed that she had kind of gone away.

    • Anonymous

      I just watched that episode and I’m with you–that is all I see.

  • Anonymous

    What a beautiful Pomeranian!   I have a red Pom, but I think the cream color is really pretty too.  You can tell the Pom is focused on the food. 

  • aimee_parrott

    If she is la mas lista, that *is* a sorpresa.

  • http://twitter.com/susanpcollier Susan Collier

    The dog is an excellent model. Paris looks like she’s ready for her golden years. This looks like a cover from Architectural Digest: Paris’ Hollywood Hideaway.

    • Anonymous

      I think this observation deserves far more than the single ‘like’ I am allowed.

  • Anonymous

    In light of the “K”-word world domination, I’m actually missing Paris Hilton a little bit. 

  • Anonymous

    yup, that’s a tea cup all right.

  • Anonymous

    “Tlo said: One: Paris Hilton is now almost totally irrelevant.”

    When was she ever not irrelevant?

    –GothamTomato

  • http://profiles.google.com/laura.jane.ogorman Laura O’Gorman

    Goodness, she really isn’t all that attractive at all.

  • Anonymous

    They didn’t even bother to properly balance her doll head on that neck column thingie.  It’s like a paper doll put together by ’50s housewives on Miltown. 

  • Lauren Maier

    Talk about Spin Doctors – the cover blurb translates as 
    “La más rubia” – the most blonde (lit.)
    “La más rica” – the most rich 
    (and here’s the kicker)
    “Y ¡Sorpresa! la más lista” – And, Surprise! The most clever/cunning.  

    Paris Hilton as clever or intelligent or any adjective that describes having one’s brain act as more than skull stuffing??  WHAT.  
    Dear Vanity Fair Spain – What crack are you smoking and where can I get some???  

  • http://twitter.com/karenrubyleo Karen

    Its very sad that this was the best Vanity Fair could do. Has she actually done anything worth talking about in the last 5 years?

    • Anonymous

      Or ever?

  • Anonymous

    I couldn’t give less of a damn about her ’til she named her vanity stink “Siren”. Now loathe.

  • Anonymous

    That’s a pretty tea set.

  • Anonymous

    Photoshopped into unrecognizable middleage, poor girl. The dog is the most natural looking thing in the photo.

  • http://twitter.com/lenabena_ Elena

    She looks ridiculous, and I don’t mean that in a nice way.

  • MilaXX

    In a world of famewhores there just isn’t any room for Paris.

  • Anonymous

    The  headline makes no sense. “PARIS HILTON: The blondest, the richest, and, SURPRISE! The most ready.” WTF, VF España. But I love the high Spanish drama of the banner on the lower right corner: “My sister Esther held my hand. Alicia, never.”

    Also, I am reassured to know the King of Spain is agile of mind? Siiiigh, I miss Spain.

    • Anonymous

      “Lista” can mean “clever,” as well as “ready.”

      • Anonymous

        Aha! Thank you, that makes much more sense. Never encountered that before, is it a regional thing?

        • http://profiles.google.com/valencia.lucia87 Lucía Valencia

          No, it’s a general Spanish language thing, it can mean clever or smart too.

          • Anonymous

            Huh, that’s weird! Not that the word does double duty–that actually makes a lot of sense–just that I never encountered it. (I’ve been studying/exposed to Spanish in various countries for seventeen years now, so I don’t get full-on surprised that often anymore.) Thanks for letting me know.

          • http://profiles.google.com/valencia.lucia87 Lucía Valencia

            On that note, my mother just made me realize that Pink Wine=Vino rosado can also mean in spanish “He/She came with a butt rash”! Because Vino means “wine” and “he/she came” and rosado means “pink” AND “butt rash!” 

  • Anonymous

    Somebody used Paris Hilton as the template for a Real Doll? That’s truly unsettling. Oh well, better that than the real thing on the cover of a fashion magazine.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

    Why?

  • Anonymous

    As I soon as I saw this, I immediately thought of point #1 that you made.

  • Anonymous

    Does the dog look like he wants to drink the tea or chow down on one of those manhands? And I’m assuming the ban on Silly Putty Pumps extends to Silly Putty Faces?

  • http://twitter.com/mellafe natalia h

    I thought it was her wax figure.

  • Anonymous

    Allow me to translate, fellow bitter kittens:

    “The blondest, the richest, and–surprise!–the smartest: Paris Hilton”

    Discuss.

  • Anonymous

    Did they take a picture of her Madame Tussauds’ wax figure before it got thrown in the trash?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Heather-McIlrath/673340132 Heather McIlrath

    she looks ridiculous. i know she’s over 30 (gasp) but there’s no need for her to be as airbrushed as a 75 year old woman. Her face is literally one, perfect color. her lips, hair, skin, and eyes are all the same color and it’s kinda creeping me out.

  • Anonymous

    Wow, that is an incredibly life-like mannequin.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Hutchlover Amye Sabin

    In the whole reality scheme of things, Paris is fairly innocuous.

    I’d rather have her 100x over vs. those stupid Housewives or their NY & Dallas counterparts.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OSYAJATXUH3QX7ZDDF52GXG4PU Janie R

      At least there isn’t a herd of her.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1326120071 Gaby Ripoll

    “The blondest, the richest, and – surprise! – the most ready” Umwut. 

  • Anonymous

    never understood why she had her nose done the way she had her nose done, especially w/ all that money. it looks like a before picture.

    anyway. she’s not worth hating. or, rather: i’d hate her if our wonderful culture would not have created her had she not existed. cos, in the five or ten years since, it’s created worse. they didnt have as much money so they scrabbled [i'm looking at the unter-kardashians here]. otoh, i’m not sure our culture didnt even create paris hilton, rather the paris hilton we were impelled to know. if not it certainly forced us to know her.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you Santa, for my early Christmas present.  Statement #1 is the best gift anyone could ask for. 

  • R. L.

    As long as there is a dog in the photo I can’t find it in myself to throw darts.  The poor little thing has to live with Princess P.H. so I won’t do that to its photo.

  • http://inkblotphotography.blogspot.com/ Cate

    my first thought when i saw this was “she’s still famous?”

  • marilyn

    She is dressed like a 70 year old. 

  • Laura Shearer

    My first thought was, eww there is that ugly neck contraption Charlize Theron is wearing in the Dior J’Adore ads.
    http://thebeautysmith.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/CharlizeTheron.jpg

  • Anonymous

    I refuse to believe that is a photograph of a real person. It is either a photoshop painting of a real person, or a photograph of a fake person.

  • Anonymous

    tons of photoshopping and yet still not photogenic

  • Jessica Goldstein

    There’s so much Photoshopping here that she’s slipping into uncanny valley territory, no?

  • Anonymous

    the hair styling is interesting

  • Anonymous

    They made her look like a (more) plastic version of her mother.

  • Anonymous

    That’s a dude in drag, right? AWESOME!

  • marilyn

    She looks really old, like almost 50.  The beige/cream/gold color scheme is not good for her.  Of course, she is wearing so much makeup that we can’t see her skin color.  But the fake color they gave her just adds to the geriatric look.

  • akprincess72

    Looking more & more like her Mom…

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GQIN74TNNQROY5JFPOWWBGJWEM andy

    My hands, how they itch to slap her.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GQIN74TNNQROY5JFPOWWBGJWEM andy

    My hands, how they itch to slap her.