Victoria’s Secret Extravaganza Part 1

Posted on November 10, 2011

Darlings, it’s time once again for a peek at that anatomically correct drag revue known as the Victoria’s Secret runway show. As gays, we’re quite clearly not the audience for this particular fashion event, which means, like any good gay, we’re going to make fun of it. Your heterosexual mating rituals are just so darn hilarious and confusing to us.

Hit it, divas!

She’s an angel with neon wings and a mirror ball cooch, darlings! She’s the patron saint of nightclubs!

When a girl’s head explodes, it’s really hot if it happens while she’s in her underwear, amirite guys?

Queen Elizabeth is tired of being the Virgin Queen and would like to direct your attention to the rear exits in case there’s a fire.

Sometimes, a gal just wants something to keep her massive tits from getting rained on.


White and Black Swan’s slightly wild younger sister, Pink Swan.

This pantsless chav would also like to direct your attention to the rear exits. Apparently, those costumes are highly flammable.

It’s sad when strippers get attacked by a pack of dingoes, isn’t it?

Crayola stripper with huge boils on her hips.

Cartoon superhero stripper.

Supervillain sold separately.

It’s so hot when a girl gets eaten by a jellyfish, amirite, guys?

You’re on a runway in your underwear, sweetie. The shocked and embarrassed schtick isn’t gonna fly.

So many of these looks are kind impossible to figure out. So..she’s a Victorian bride, right? Except with wings and a need to show her crotch that’s totally uncharacteristic of Victorian brides? So…what? She’s a naughty, dead Victorian bride?

And straight guys think that’s hot?


Straight guys also apparently think ripping the wings off butterflies is hot. We don’t care what y’all do in your own bedrooms, but we sure wish you wouldn’t shove your sick behavior down our throats.

DO. NOT. GET.

NASCAR DEMON STRIPPER, BITCHES!

The Archangel of Lingerie.

 

Ladies, don’t you always walk around the bedroom in a sash and a huge velvet jacket you stole from Prince? Isn’t that always the best way to get your man’s motor running?

Princess Anastasia of Coochlandia.

Mental patients are so hot, amirite, guys?

Another superhero. It’s turning into the Justice League of Secondary Sexual Characteristics up on that runway.

Lace umbrellas and high-collared bras. They’re not big on the practical over at Victoria’s Secret, are they?


“… and then one day, she gave up stripping forever and opened up a chocolate factory.”

[Photo Credit: Getty]

    • Anonymous

      As a heterosexual woman, I have usually watched this in years past.  I’ve missed it?  I thought it was nearer holiday shopping season. For me it’s just like a little girl’s princess toy-box dress-up fantasy.  Which removes any sexuality for me.  I don’t see it either.

      • Anonymous

        Okay, well, two of those were sexy, the two with black lingerie.  Looking over the still photos, I was really aware of the absence of the music, which creates quite an effect for me.  And I realize I like to see the rare breed of giraffe-legged women, it really is like a special exhibition of other-worldly creatures.  Or maybe something like an upscale Toddlers and Tiaras (but that’s more likely the Miss Universe costume competition). And I started watching because Heidi used to be in it.

        Those “hip boils” are just awful.  They look like motorcycle helmets she’s hooked to her belt as if she’s ridden there and ran in.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kelsey-Albrecht/100001647200441 Kelsey Albrecht

        No, last night was just the taping. It’ll air on the 29th of this month.

        • Anonymous

          That seems to be exactly the time of the season I remember – the designated “everyone haul your ass to the mall” week!  Thanks for the info.

      • Anonymous

        “For me it’s just like a little girl’s princess toy-box dress-up fantasy.  Which removes any sexuality for me.  I don’t see it either.”

        To be honest, I think this is the point. It’s not as much directed at hetero males (except for the “whoo, skin!” part) as much as it’s directed at the hetero ladies in the audience and a child-like desire to dress up.  The butterfly and angel wings say hetero woman rather loudly, I think. 

    • Anonymous

      I’m surprised there were no steampunk versions of Victoria’s Secret. Oh well I am sure there’s more on the way so it may yet pop up

      • Terence Ng

        That was last year or 2009. Can’t remember.

      • muzan-e

        I’m pretty sure that the proto-spats and the vague attempts at velvet jackets were a slightly bewildered attempt at Steampunk. 

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QF4Y553ZONNUZJN5AVBU6VY33U Renee

          That was my take on it too.  Horrible horrible attempts, but attempts nontheless.  At least they didn’t stick gears all over those poor women. 

    • Sobaika Mirza

      NASCAR DEMON STRIPPER, BITCHES!
      I choked on my coffee with that one.

      • Anonymous

        Yep, my keyboard has little drops of coffee on it as well.  Seriously, you boys are going to get me in trouble!

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_KQSWLY2RUE3HAOERJI7HHORJJQ Debby Barbero

        Yes, I was eating and had to clean up!  Your quips show more imagination than 99.9% of the get-ups!

    • Anonymous

      “The shocked and embarrassed schtick isn’t gonna fly.”

      I thought she was blowing a kiss?

      • Anonymous

        Me, too.

      • http://www.facebook.com/WendyLKaufman Wendy Kaufman

        For sure she was blowing a kiss.

      • Anonymous

        Of course she is. But TLo are making a joke with that one, just like all the rest of the snarks.

        Jeez, comedy murderers, the whole lot of ya.

        • Anonymous

          Um…Pointing out the flaw in a joke/a joke that doesn’t make sense isn’t “comedy murder”. The rest of the post is still funny. And the joke is still funny as well. It just doesn’t match the picture. And I was pointing it out to make sure it wasn’t just me going insane and seeing things. You can still find a joke funny even if it doesn’t completely make sense. Calm down. No murder involved.

    • Anonymous

      Hysterical.  The last one…priceless. 

      I have never really gotten this either.  Straight boys want to see women in underwear-they have no idea what color her hair is, let alone what kind of wings she’s sporting.  I’m a straight woman and all I can think is how uncomfortable most of the actual bra and panties look.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

        Uncomfortable, and would leave you with REALLY bad panty lines.

        • Anonymous

          Well, not with the zero percent body fat those girls have. No fat layer for the panties to cut into.

    • Anonymous

      nascar demon stripper. hahahahaha.

    • Anonymous

      I am DYING over here at the Justice League of Secondary Sexual Characteristics. Dear Lord, but I love you guys.

    • Anonymous

      This is supposed to be a sexually attractive show?  They have taken women who I assume have great bodies (it’s hard to tell with all that’s going on with the costumes) and turned them into underdressed drag queens/circus clowns.

    • Anonymous

      Saddest thing to me is how Victoria’s Secret once had models with shapes—like Frederique and Tyra—and has devolved to using the same androgynous Pixie Stix we see on the regular runways. Although not nearly as well built as the old models, I was still able to look at the catalogs and visually what the stuff would look like on me, with my definite boobs and hips. Now, the models have to do contrapposto hip slinging and upper-arm boob squeezing to create the illusion of curves. 

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2VBWWGHZEBKTVQMXE5SO5NCU2I Mich

        wasn’t one of the regular secret models labelled fat at a south american runway show last year? i forget her name, she’s blonde and doesn’t have a bellybutton…

        • Allison Stokes

          Karolina Kurkova….yeah, she had some controversy surrounding her weight a few years ago.  Apparently even VS asked her to tone up a bit.  Although, at the time she had put on a few and she was a contract Angel, so I’m sure there were contractual obligations about her weight.

      • Anonymous

        bony hips and stringy thighs!  Don’t straight men supposedly like variety?  Why parade out 15 of the same girl?

      • Anonymous

        When Heidi Klum worked for VS, it was such a good combo-Heidi had exactly the kind of curvy figure for VS undies.

    • http://twitter.com/glastea Coralie

      I don’t even care about the craziness, I’m just pleased the models look happy. Normally runway show models look miserable as sin.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, Iv’e noticed that too in their shows. VS must pay well.

        • http://www.facebook.com/WendyLKaufman Wendy Kaufman

          Aww c’mon. It looks like a LOT of fun to wear the costumes. Who would NOT be happy walking that show? It’s  hoot and a half.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_B53PQYXSJR4YJBV3J6BWYSICRQ Jamie

      She’s an angel with neon wings and a mirror ball cooch, darlings! She’s the patron saint of nightclubs!

      Hahahahaha

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_K7VOQSAYZ7H2OBX6LOJNNIBSSE Amanda

      “… and then one day, she gave up stripping forever and opened up a chocolate factory.” LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!

    • Anonymous

      In conclusion: tip your waxer.

    • Anonymous

      Frankly, your descriptions make more sense than anything *I* could dream up.  Especially the “DO.NOT.GET.”  As a straight woman, I am as mystified by this ridiculous runway show as you guys are.  Most guys I’ve met are more interested in a woman *not* wearing underwear than a woman dressing the underwear up with ridiculous accessories!

    • Anonymous

      OMG, I’m rolling on the floor laughing so hard! Does the dual-umbrella one remind anyone of the classic “South Park” episode when aliens shoved a probe up Cartman’s ass?
      http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s01e01-cartman-gets-an-anal-probe

      • Eclectic Mayhem

        I used to have a wee animated gif of Cartman and the anal probe as a screen saver.  It swore beautifully.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      And virtually all of these ensembles so overpower the actual product they are selling as to make it disappear entirely. WTF, mates?

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2VBWWGHZEBKTVQMXE5SO5NCU2I Mich

        i know! all i kept thinking was i wish i could actually see the lingerie. that part i like. and if they’re not going to sell the enormous velvet jacket previously worn by prince, then they shouldn’t tease us with showing it.

    • http://twitter.com/starrika Ali

      Hilarious!

      I really want those gray and black Victorian boots, though. Any idea if those are sold in stores anywhere?

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        You can bet that they aren’t a Victoria’s Secret product.  lol

        • http://twitter.com/starrika Ali

          I figured that. Was hoping someone might recognize them, but I’m guessing they were made for the show.

          • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

            Just take a look at how crappy the fit is, and that will tell you they were made for the show, or perhaps bought at a costume shop.

    • http://profiles.google.com/anplica Anplica Fiore

      Love the gays dancing in the background of some of these pics.  I bet they’re happy to be too blurry to recognize! 

      • Anonymous

        Especially love the guy in the “pantless chav” pic. Cracked me up.

    • Anonymous

      The thing about Victoria’s Secret is that they’re actually pretty boring. Like, they’ve got lacy combos and shiny combos; thong and not-thong; and that’s about it. They bring out a new bra with great fanfare every few months, and each time it looks frankly indistinguishable from the last thing they brought out. So a runway show that was JUST the underwear would be… boring. Hence, all this nonsense.

      • Anonymous

        Don’t forget their expansive sizing, “Small” boobs (B cup, LOL)   “Average” (C cup) and “Large”  (D)   Woe to any woman who is an A cup or a DD cup or anything beyond.   And, ladies, please.   Size 36-40 bands only.   Don’t get so crazy with your outlandish sizing needs, for heaven’s sakes.

      • http://www.facebook.com/WendyLKaufman Wendy Kaufman

        Exactly.

    • Cathy S

      “Supervillain sold separately” cracked me up. The NASCAR one reminded me more of Evel Knievel, but then, I’m very old.

    • Patty Wetli

      Supervillain sold separately. LMAO.

    • Anonymous

      Love you guys, but the audience isn’t really straight men. It’s straight young women who Victoria’s Secret is trying to seduce here. The 20something hotbodies who are smart but who are still naive — they wait breathlessly each month for the latest issue of Cosmo, mistakenly thinking it’s advice is, well, cosmopolitan and not cheesy. These are the gals who have been in Victoria’s Secret and who eventually will buy at least one bra — and eventually figure out V.S. bras never, ever really fit any woman and are never comfortable. I wouldn’t say the target audience is Taylor Swift fans, but weirdly, Taylor Swift has a weird way of tapping into the odd romance fantasy world of girls a certain age and Victoria’s Secret is kind of the sex side of that.  

      • Anonymous

        How true.  I bought one pair of red 100% silk panties there, maybe around 1990 in college, thinking that was quality, but they turned out to look baggy from behind.  None of the bras ever fit me.  I went in for some of the lotions for a while.  That was all.

      • Anonymous

        That’s true.  The 20-something market just hasn’t learned that men do not care what sort of underwear it is, if it matches, or anything other than the fastest way to remove it.  

      • Terence Ng

        Actually, my friend specifically seeks out VS bras because they fit her better than any others. I think her two VS bras are the ones she’s most comfortable in and she talks about them like they’re one of her must-have comfort garments.

        I’m surprised that so many people are so critical of over-the-top nature the VS Fashion Show, considering that for years now, it hasn’t actually been about underwear and it’s all clearly about sexy models dressed in crazy imaginative outfits. No one is really supposed to buy it or wear it (except for the PINK line, I guess). It’s odd to hear criticism that it’s not effectively selling the clothes, when in reality, it’s been a show for years now and not really a sale showcase. That’s what their catalogs are for.

        • BerlinerNYC

          Right. Crazy wings and $2.5 million diamond bras are not about the fashion, they’re about publicity and maintaining brand awareness…

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2VBWWGHZEBKTVQMXE5SO5NCU2I Mich

        i’ve actually had a lot of luck with their bras for larger boobs. their dds (which are not all that plentiful) seem to fit me pretty well. i do think their panties are waaay overpriced for the quality though. and i think i’ve posted more on this victoria secret story than anything else on the internet.

        • Anonymous

          I have DDs too and was never able to find a thing.  It was the lack of quality for the price that turned me off, also.

        • MilaXX

          I’ve never had success with their bra’s and I’m a DD. I don’t hate their panties, but they aren’t anything special. I do like their lounge wear and occasionally buy shoes from them online.

          • http://twitter.com/OperaSickness Opera Sickness

            I always have issues with the fit of their panties.  I have a lot of them because they keep on sending me those coupons for free pairs (how do they make money?), but I find that if I get a medium, it doesn’t successfully cover my entire butt, but if I get a large, it’s too loose in the waist area and it will slide down.

            • MilaXX

              I stopped buying them because they always gave me wedgies. Honestly I buy bridal shower gifts and shoes from VS and that’s it.

      • Mariah J

        Victoria’s secret doesn’t even carry bras that will fit me (apparently it takes a B cup or above to be worthy) and their underwear is poorer quality than the clearance rack stuff at target.

      • Anonymous

        I’m a straight girl in her 20s. I actually like Victoria’s Secret bras, but only their more inexpensive plain cotton no-underwire ones. I am model-skinny (but not model-tall, and with bad skin), so that probably is why they fit me okay. This show just looked like dress-up to me, and didn’t make me want anything, or even a more sensible version of anything. I don’t go for frills and lacy things.

      • Anonymous

        I am a 21 year old straight lady and I absolutely hate Victoria’s Secret. I always have because of the way they advertise. Their advertisements are marketed towards men, not women. Ugh.

      • BerlinerNYC

        That is really interesting to know. Maybe they could start cross-marketing with My Little Pony? Or revive Strawberry Shortcake—the bras could smell like various fruit flavors. So many possibilities.

    • Ann VerWiebe

      I just can’t figure out why they cover up the product with crap. What’s a panty and what’s a costume?

    • Anonymous

      You guys don’t get it… y’know, being gay and all, although bless you, you try.  This is not about the men, it is about fancy, doll, dress-up clothes for girls.  Most women don’t feel that good about their bodies so VS wants them to get all dressed up to make the women think/feel they are sexy.  The men are thinking… she’s wearing that goofy outfit again, it must means I am gonna let laid tonight, how quickly can I get that crap off her?

      • Anonymous

        They don’t actually SELL at least 98% of this!

      • Terence Ng

        EXACTLY. I imagine most straight guys treat high fashion as window dressing, but all they care about is the skin below. I always think about this when I see an outfit come down the runway. The women look stunning and it’s supposed to be every straight man’s dream, but int he end, do they really care about it?

        The whole VSFS just seems like a big display of dress up. The models have fun because it’s a big event and they all gather for the one show each year, the outfits are intentionally ridiculous and fun (albeit not so great in recent years), and it’s not serious. I don’t think the models are expected to sell the underwear, let alone the wings, the head pieces or frippery around them. It’s just a fun, silly spectacle for the models and the audience.(Also, I’m gay. :D)

      • MilaXX

        Must have missed that gene. I like pretty underwear but I don’t get this fashion show. I wonder if I was still in my 20’s if I would think differently.

    • Anonymous

      You guys are so friggin funny. Amirite fellow kittens?

    • Anonymous

      My very heterosexual husband laughed his ass off as I scrolled through these (if he had found it sexy, he would have remained wisely quiet and looked slightly guilty). Why is this event still being held?

      You got me to actually laugh out loud with the Justice League of Secondary Sexual Characteristics.

      • Anonymous

        It looks like this year is especially ridiculous.  (Anything amazing ahead in part 2?)  They must have run out of good ideas and are scraping the bottom of the barrel.   Like Rachael Ray Magazine.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, it is like they are parodying themselves at this point.

    • Anonymous

      Two things:

      Those old-timey Music Man boots are fantastic.

      “Nascar Demon Stripper, Bitches!” should be a film.  And I would so watch that.

      • Anonymous

        Co-sponsored by Spike and the Syfy Channel.

    • Bree The Vole

      The outfits are silly, but this lesbian is swooning too hard over Adriana Lima and Chanel Iman to care. Gorgeous!

      • Terence Ng

        I miss Karolina Kurkova, Heidi, and Giselle. Is Miranda still a VS Angel?

        • Anonymous

          Yes, Miranda is still an Angel according to the VS website.

    • Anonymous

      Straight guys think women in their underwear are hot. Period. You could paint them green and put twizzlers in their hair, it wouldn’t matter. All the rest of this tomfoolery is just to keep the people backstage and everyone who isn’t a straight guy from getting bored.

    • Anonymous

      Agent Provocateur is so much hotter than Victoria’s Secret.

      • Anonymous

        “Agent Provocateur” is what I expected to find on my first visit to VS all those years ago.  I was so underwhelmed. 

    • Anonymous

      As others have said, this is totally marketed to women, and I would venture to say even more specifically, to 20-25 year old straight women who haven’t yet figured out that 99.9% of hetero men don’t care what color your underwear is, and what kind of bra you wear, as long as they get to take it off 10 seconds after they see it.  I remember being that girl.

      Also, NASCAR demon stripper.  I think I might print that out for when I need a good laugh.  I love you guys!

    • http://twitter.com/HotMessHousWife Sammi M

      This just further proves my husband’s argument for not wasting money on lingerie – it’s all just going to end up on the floor in a minute, anyway, so why bother buying it in the first place? (Esp. when it looks like THIS CRAP, eugh)

    • Anonymous

      Victoria’s Secret makes very cheap lingerie at high prices. When you but at their stores, you’re not paying for quality (La Perla, Lejaby), but for these hideous shows.

    • Anonymous

      Clearly these costumes are from The Hunger Games.

    • Terence Ng

      Wait, but it hasn’t aired yet, right? It was just recorded last night.

      Anyway, as a gay man, I LOVE the VSFS! I watch it each year. Unfortunately, since Martin Izquierdo’s departure (he made the wings up until 2008 and also did the wings for Selita Ebanks in Kanye’s video) the wings and the art direction have gone downhill. 
      It’s a weird smattering of unfinished ideas and none of it rings dress-up-fun-sexy anymore. It just looks weird and jumbled. Entirely disappointing.

      Black Tie Holiday was one of the best back in 2008. Where has that mixture of creativity and sexiness gone to?

      • Anonymous

        Yes, I’m feeling none of the former magic so far.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t care for any of the actual lingerie but I just love that all the models are smiling and obviously having fun with the whole thing.

      • Anonymous

        The way all the models enjoy the VS fashion show is my favorite part – every other job it seems they have to be aloof, cool and sophisticated, and here they can let loose and be silly and girly.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Catherine-Rhodes/602850414 Catherine Rhodes

      It’s all so stupid.

    • Anonymous

      I sent this to my co-workers down the hall and I keep hearing giggles, laughter, and in one case, a big GUFFAW.

    • Wrenaria

      Who cares about the panties, I’m digging the shoes! Especially those gray and black boots that pop up multiple times.

    • Sara__B

      I asked my husband, the only heterosexual male I had handy at the time, if these women or their outfits were sexy. The outfits? Ridiculous, he said. (Except for the garters. Those he liked.) The women? Too thin, especially in the legs, and obviously sporting fake boobs, neither of which are sexy to him. He did find their incredibly long legs fascinating, though. Now I’m wondering what my 28-year-old son thinks…

      • Anonymous

        Wow, he had the same opinions as I do, as a 40 year-old woman.  It must be as many are commenting here, Victoria’s Secret is for 16-25 girls.  Like how we had outgrown Seventeen magazine by the time we were 17.

    • aimee_parrott

      Ha!  Nascar Demon Stripper is my favorite, mostly because the model’s got this look on her face like, “HA!  I can’t believe I’m wearing this tacky shit, either!”

    • Anonymous

      How much would you pay for Michael Kors to emcee this event?  I think the Kors-a-tron randomizer would finally explode…

      “She’s a disco stripper/hooker/nurse in a pumpkin…. GRAAAAAH”

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

      *sigh*
      I could do without the juvenile styling on the “Pink” stuff. (1, 6 & 20 I think) You know, jelly bracelets and puffball hair ties (worn as jewelry) & stuffed dogs. Accessories more suited to a 7 year old.

      • Anonymous

        I think that’s the point.

        Sadly.

        • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

          It is, here’s why. Show these pics to a typical 5 year old girl and she will go gaga over it.

          *stepping down from soapbox*

      • Anonymous

        I find the name “PINK” so vulgar.  It conjures “pink taco” rather than any femininity.   Yuck.

    • Scott Hester-Johnson

      Are we 100% sure these are really bio-women?

      Cause this just looks like one big ole drag extravaganza to me.

      Granted, one with REALLY convincing cutlets and some severe tucking, but drag queens nonetheless.

    • Anonymous

      Amazing. Perhaps one of the funniest TLo posts I’ve ever read.

      You guys are my heroes.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Claudia-Gilbert/875055316 Claudia Gilbert

      I’m convinced these things are more for women than men.  Straight guys don’t really do pretty, funky, sassy lingerie.  

    • http://twitter.com/delysia_lafosse Delysia LaFosse

      Unfathomable. When did straight guys start deciding that Victorian chin-grazing collars were hot?

    • Anonymous

      I just CAN’T!  I’m supposed to be working. I’m at a law school for goodness sake. Oh what the hell, bwah ha ha ha ha!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1234087433 Jen Freeman

      These are ridiculous, and no one would ever look good in it except these alien women from outer space.  BUT…..those knee high grey and black Victorian boots????  WANT.  A LOT.

    • Anonymous

      You guys slay me. This really can’t be directed at straight men can it? I can’t figure out to whom this is directed. At all.

      But I’m so glad VS trots out this stupidity every year, otherwise we wouldn’t get the T Lo take.

      What was up with the dancing boys in neon behind the polka dot mental patient? this is all so cracktastic.

    • Anonymous

      what’s with the styling? OMG!

    • http://www.myblackfriendsays.com myblackfriendsays

      so many visible ribs. disturbing.

    • J Bevers

      If it’s true that most people simply dress up for Halloween in theirs or others fantasies (Dr Frankenstein style, keeping with the theme i suppose).

      Isn’t this an attempt to capitalize on that with a undercover Halloween fashion show.

      Yo, sex sales…

    • Mariah J

      You guys had me rolling. I remember when this show was just normal lingere and angel wings…when did it get so batshit crazy?

    • MilaXX

      How is Chris March not designing for this?

      On a side note, am I the only female who doesn’t like how Vicky’s bra fit? I just don’t find them very real boobs plus big boob friendly.

      • Kate Pearce

        Agree. Badly made. over priced and not good for anyone with a cup size over a 32 c, imo. :) I love me some Chantelle or Agent Provocateur personally.

        • Anonymous

          Wacoal and Fantasie all the way for me!

          • Stephanie Hao

            Elle Macpherson!

        • Anonymous

           Do they even carry sizes > C?

          • Kate Pearce

            I don’t think there’s much beyond a C there. :)

      • Anonymous

        A friend of mine who has large breasts won’t buy VS because in her words, “I bust right out of them after a few wearings.”

      • http://profiles.google.com/marteani Barbara Guttman

        I despise them.  They’re not real bras.  They’re mostly foam with itty bitty straps and no variety of cup style.  It’s moot since they don’t carry a band small enough or a cup large enough for me.  But their ill-fitting contraptions make sense when you look at their catalog, where not even the models are fit into properly sized bras!

        I tend to import everything from France now.  Aubade, Simone Perelle and Gossard.  Bless those understanding female relatives…

        • MilaXX

          I can’t afford the really pricey stuff. I’m a 46 DD so options are fairly limited and if they aren’t they are expensive. I go for Lane Bryant Balconette, or sports bra from Just my size. I like a wider strap so it doesn’t dig in my shoulder

    • Emily Bachhuber

      This is the poor man’s George Michael Too Funky video.

      Also, WHY AM I THE FIRST PERSON TO COMMENT ON THE MEN IN NEON 80s, KIDS INCORPORATED OUTFITS IN THE BACKGROUND??!! What are they there for and where is Mario Lopez? Someone is hitting his head that he forgot to tie bright bandanas around their upper thighs.

      The ladies are bizarre, but those boys are HILARIOUS.

      (Apologies if I missed someone else’s comment)

    • iCouture

      Its called a SHOW for a reason, and thats what it is.  These gals are fuckin fierce!!  How many couture & fashion shows out there are wearable pieces??   They sell the bras, undies, and pajama gear, the rest is a hugely popular SHOW!
      I’m suprised some gays don’t get this, while others celebrate it like the second coming!  :)
      Eh, to each their own  ;)

    • Anonymous

      VS only goes bigger each year with all the glittery floaty butterfly/fairy/angel wings and ballerina tutus … it’s not straight men’s fantasies they’re playing with, at least not directly. They’re trying to appeal to straight young women who woud be their customers. (I mentioned this in an earlier post but the point got lost in discussing the unpleasant reality of the VS bra fit and quality.)

    • http://twitter.com/susanpcollier Susan Collier

      The mirrorbox dress? It’s like she’s giving birth to her own legs and panties in breech position.

    • Anonymous

      The costumes are awful this year. AWFUL. at least last year they tried.

    • Anonymous

      Does anyone know why the Victoria’s Secret shows feature wings so prominently? As far as I know, neither Queen Vicky nor her Secrets had wings. So how did all this angel/butterfly/fairy stuff get connected to them?

      Oh, and the jellyfish girl looks like a Thanksgiving turkey after all the meat has been eaten. Like the carcass. We call that Skexis in my household.

      • Anonymous

        If I’m correct, these started as Victoria Secret Angels fashion shows, to showcase their Angels line of lingerie.

    • Anonymous

      “….attacked by a pack of dingos…”  I love you, TLo, for your ability to pick just the right words to pack visual punch!  

      On a side note, what is a “pantsless chav”???  I know what “pantsless” means, but “chav”?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?

      • Anonymous

        “chav” is a British slang term for skanky girl or guy.

        • Anonymous

          Like Rose and her mum on Doctor Who.

        • Anonymous

          Thank you, tomstl1 – I always like learning new Britishisms.  Now…. this old git needs to go to the loo. ;-)

      • Anonymous

        The skanky is just an offshoot.   Chavs are certain brand of UK underclass youth…check out “Lauren” on the Catherine Tate Show or “Vicky” from Little Britain for good parodies.  Think oversize track suits, gold chains, a surfeit* of Burberry plaid, and cheap cider drunk from 2L bottles.

        The closest US equivalents would be that group of white downwardly mobile idiots who like to be called the hideously racist name “Wigga,” or perhaps the cast of the Jersey Shore. 

        *I’d like to note that I am possibly the first person ever to use the words “chav” and “surfeit” in the same paragraph.

    • Anonymous

      The Victorian bride costume could be awesome for Helena Bonham Carter’s Miss Havisham, no?

    • Anonymous

      There is now way any straight men are invloved in this show.  Full on drag queen staff, has to be…..

    • Grace Armstrong

      Tom and Lorenzo! Please tell us which outfits were selected by gay men, like last time? I love that part.

    • Anonymous

      THIS IS HYSTERICAL. 

      Holy lord, I adore you two. 

    • Anonymous

      Josh M should design for this next year. It’s totally his, um, sensibility…

    • Anonymous

      Doesn’t Heidi do this show anymore?

      • Anonymous

        No, Heidi quit in 2010.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

      I was feeling sad that your captions were not as awesome as last year… but! Then I realized this show is a lot more lame than last year, thus not providing you with good enough material. 

      Or they were just inspired by or designed by this year’s Project Runway contestants.

    • Anonymous

      I feel tired.

      LOL @ “a huge velvet jacket you stole from Prince.”

    • Anonymous

      This entire post is comedy GOLD. But, then again, shooting fish in a barrel, right? ;-)

    • Anonymous

      Let me start by saying that I am not male, nor am I the target audience for the VS brand. 

      I think there is enough ridiculously distracting costuming going on here that it has the potential to turn off heterosexual males.  If they want to guys to sit up and pay attention, they should dump the costumes and keep the focus on the lingerie and lack of it. 

    • Anonymous

      My theory is:

      For people attracted to women: chance to see women with hot bodies (by cultural standards) in skimpy outfits.  And, “they were wearing outfits?”

      For people not attracted to women: chance to see women with enviable bodies (by cultural standards) in ridiculous outfits that undermine their attractiveness.

      More simply: lust vs. schadenfreude.  Something for everyone!

      • akprincess72

        but they have no butts!!!  

    • CQAussie

      Have not seen this many idiots at once on stage since…..the last GOP Primary debate.  

      Whoever designed these “outfits” need to be whipped mercilessly.

    • Anonymous

      I’m thinking that if you asked most straight guys something like “did you like the one where she had umbrellas coming out her back?” the answer would be: “there were umbrellas?  ;)

      I don’t think most straight guys are necessarily taking in the entire look here. But I could be wrong.

      • Anonymous

        Oh, I doubt you’re wrong.

    • http://twitter.com/ryenerman rynerman

      Well as a hetero woman I have no idea what the hell most of these are or are supposed to be.  I find it totally inexplicable.

    • Anonymous

      God awful — even if I am not the intended audience — calling Chris March.

    • Anonymous

      I think the product and how the models look is irrelevant.  It’s about spectacle–like a giant Bullwinkle parade balloon.  While most people may not know who or what Bullwinkle is, they can appreciate a giant floating moose.  While these may not look practical or alluring everyone can appreciate the spectacle of a supermodel wearing spats, wings, a cameo and panties (you know every gal’s ‘go-to’ weekend outfit). 

    • Caeli Christianson

      I was so excited reading the free paper on the tube on the way home to see that the Victoria Secret fashion show pictures were out because I knew there would be Tom & Lorenzo posts about it! This series gives me almost as much joy as the miss universe ones – I laughed seriously out loud several times here, such a rarity. Thanks guys!

    • http://twitter.com/democracydiva Democracy Diva

      That last comment is phenomenal, boys. Your cheeky brilliance never ceases to entertain.

    • http://summerborn.livejournal.com/ Summer Born

      I hope you guys had fun making fun of that, because it was hilarious (and also nice to see the photos). Love!

    • Judy_J

      I loved Jill Clayburgh for wearing a t-shirt and panties to bed in ” An Unmarried Woman”.  That’s still my customary boudoir attire.  This stuff just makes me laugh.

    • Brenna McClellan

      I am in love with every. single. thing. 

    • J Dreesen

      not sure i could in good conscience wear panties that said “Pink Nation” directly over my, er…pink…nation.

      oh.  got it.

    • Anonymous

      I would give my 100 pounds of excess weight to be a fabufuckingtastic NASCAR demon stripper!!!

      (I’ve never really understood these shows, unless it’s to give hetero males someone to screw in their fever-induced dreams.

      The QuiltRx Snort Count for this post is two…Anastasia of Coochlandia and the chocolate factory got me.

    • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      I have no idea what’s going on here. Mind you, I like seeing girls in their knickers, but this doesn’t even work for me as spectacle.  And trust, the goofy faces and finger guns aren’t helping…

    • Anonymous

      HTF do you boys DO it!!!!  I can’t stop laffing.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Stone/100001328135240 Mary Stone

      “justice league of secondary sexual characteristics” FTW!
      I’m a het female and I don’t get it either.

    • Anonymous

      This line: “It’s sad when strippers get attacked by a pack of dingoes, isn’t it?”

      Killed me. Kilt me dead. Also, that girl you dinged for the “surprised” schtick looked like she was in the middle of blowing a kiss, to me. But whatever.

      Anyway, this runway show isn’t for straight guys. The underwear is. Sometimes.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, Willy Wonka’s such a turn on, ha. Thanks for the giggles on an otherwise sucky day. You guys are great.

    • Anonymous

      I especially love the ones that seem to be an attempt at an outfit that mysteriously stops just below the collarbone. Maybe it’s a tie-in to the superhero theme, because it does make me feel like I have x-ray vision.

    • http://www.facebook.com/catherine.kronenwetter Catherine L Kronenwetter

      I am constantly amazed on how little of VS I find attractive.  Maybe I’m just bitter since I can’t get one boob into their sizes much less both.

      • Anonymous

        Ha! Same. I went to VS to get measured because they do it for free and I’m cheap, and they basically told me they had like one style in my size in stock. I’m only a 36 DD! It’s not like I’m some freakish unheard-of size!

        Also, as a straight girl whose friends are mostly straight male scumbags (and I mean this lovingly), they don’t see the outfits. At all. They see the T and they see the A.

    • Anonymous

      NASCAR DEMON STRIPPER, BITCHES! Whoa….

      I just can’t help thinking that real drag queens would have worked these wackadoo get-ups so much more effectively.

    • Anonymous

      The last one did it for me.  What are they even selling there?  

    • http://orangtunes.blogspot.com BIG MAC

      Its like I’m really watching Project Runway. 

    • Anne Lucchesi

      Is it disturbing that I love the boots with the gray spats-looking part on top? LOVE them. The rest of this whole thing could fall off the face of the earth and all I’d miss was T and Lo’s commentary.

    • Anonymous

      At least they mix up the models. These are AWFUL, but the diversity is refreshing. I guess VS knows its markets. 

    • Anonymous

      take any of these outfits…remove the bras..replace the heels with biker boots and throw em aussie bum models and we gays would think this was the greatest thing since the french press so quit fronting TLo! (wink)
      PS: I miss when the models were curvier. These chicks look like boy soccer players with implants and weaves.

    • Anonymous

      “So many of these looks are kind impossible to figure out.”

      That just about sums it up for me!  Though I do get fascinated trying to figure out which boobs are real and which are good fakes. (the bad fakes are, of course obvious & to me, inexplicable on women this young. I mean, there IS an age where a bad fake might be better than the real thing, but these girls ain’t there yet. Clearly I just don’t appreciate the job(size) requirements for fantasy underwear model.)

      I feel kind of sorry for the fellas dancing(?) in the background. They had the most anonymous clothes on in some of the most hideous colors.  And I can’t help but think they had to have felt under-appreciated.

    • Melvis Velour

      For a minute there, I thought it was the “national costumes” part of the Miss Universe pageant…

    • Anonymous

      the “naughty, dead, victorian bride” looks like Barbarella.

    • http://twitter.com/BriannaQ79 Brianna

      I actually have the bra in the 2nd photo in red and back.  It’s gorgeous.  I’m kind of small and it is hard for me to find anything outside of VS that fits (and is pretty, IMO).  I’ve tried brands at Nordstrom, Dillards, etc. without any luck.  I tried AP but just can’t afford it. 

      Anyway, like others I miss the shows of a few years ago.  They were always over the top but much prettier.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, I don’t get these looks at all.  I do love the spatterdash-inspired boots some of the girls are wearing though.

    • Anonymous

      I laughed so hard, I cried….. Too damn funny!

    • http://twitter.com/mellafe natalia h

      Is it always like this? Because I don’t remember it being like this. Wow. Just, no. :P

    • Anonymous

      Is that an oboe?

    • http://twitter.com/cosmiquemuffin Dorothy Nelson

      As a bi woman, I can say with certainty that these freakshow costumes do these yummy women no favors.  I have a hard time believing het men find the dayglo gewgaws sticking out from back harnesses attractive.  Anyone???  Who is this FOR?  Geesh.