Darlings, it’s time once again for a peek at that anatomically correct drag revue known as the Victoria’s Secret runway show. As gays, we’re quite clearly not the audience for this particular fashion event, which means, like any good gay, we’re going to make fun of it. Your heterosexual mating rituals are just so darn hilarious and confusing to us.
Hit it, divas!
She’s an angel with neon wings and a mirror ball cooch, darlings! She’s the patron saint of nightclubs!
When a girl’s head explodes, it’s really hot if it happens while she’s in her underwear, amirite guys?
Queen Elizabeth is tired of being the Virgin Queen and would like to direct your attention to the rear exits in case there’s a fire.
Sometimes, a gal just wants something to keep her massive tits from getting rained on.
White and Black Swan’s slightly wild younger sister, Pink Swan.
This pantsless chav would also like to direct your attention to the rear exits. Apparently, those costumes are highly flammable.
It’s sad when strippers get attacked by a pack of dingoes, isn’t it?
Crayola stripper with huge boils on her hips.
Cartoon superhero stripper.
Supervillain sold separately.
It’s so hot when a girl gets eaten by a jellyfish, amirite, guys?
You’re on a runway in your underwear, sweetie. The shocked and embarrassed schtick isn’t gonna fly.
So many of these looks are kind impossible to figure out. So..she’s a Victorian bride, right? Except with wings and a need to show her crotch that’s totally uncharacteristic of Victorian brides? So…what? She’s a naughty, dead Victorian bride?
And straight guys think that’s hot?
Straight guys also apparently think ripping the wings off butterflies is hot. We don’t care what y’all do in your own bedrooms, but we sure wish you wouldn’t shove your sick behavior down our throats.
DO. NOT. GET.
NASCAR DEMON STRIPPER, BITCHES!
The Archangel of Lingerie.
Ladies, don’t you always walk around the bedroom in a sash and a huge velvet jacket you stole from Prince? Isn’t that always the best way to get your man’s motor running?
Princess Anastasia of Coochlandia.
Mental patients are so hot, amirite, guys?
Another superhero. It’s turning into the Justice League of Secondary Sexual Characteristics up on that runway.
Lace umbrellas and high-collared bras. They’re not big on the practical over at Victoria’s Secret, are they?
“… and then one day, she gave up stripping forever and opened up a chocolate factory.”
[Photo Credit: Getty]