Pairs Division: Depp and Heard

Posted on November 09, 2011

As your judges, we feel it best to let you all know before the judging commences that lately we’ve been on an Amber Heard kick and also, we’re kind of over Depp’s whole schtick. We will almost certainly allow these factors to influence our judging.

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard attend the premiere of “The Rum Diary” in Paris. Amber Heard wears a Stella McCartney dress.

SHE: Is serving up Brigitte Nielsen realness. We’re loving the sleek minimalism here, with the no-nonsense hair and dress and the relative lack of jewelry. It’s wisely offset by some spectacular eye makeup, which lifts the whole look up. We’re thinking the look might be a skosh too far on the minimalist side for a film premiere, but given what she’s standing next to, she can’t help but come out looking chic and styled. Score: 7.75/10. She’s not killing it here, but she looks pretty good. An 8 seemed too high, considering how much of the heavy lifting is being done by her makeup.

HE: Looks like Hipster Hobbit. We’re over it. Score: 3.5/10.

Combined Score: 5.625/10. Wow. You wouldn’t think these looks would be so complicated to score. Johnny? Time for a change. Dressing like an old man when you’re a young man can be quirky and even sexy. Dressing like one in middle age makes you look like an old man trying too hard to look hip. True story.

 

[Photo Credit: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images]

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  • Anonymous

    I think your scoring is fair. I love me some Johnny Depp, but man is that a bad hair length on him. the little dutch boy thing isn’t his look at all. But he doesn’t give a shit, which is what makes him awesome.

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

      Ha! That’s what I came here to say. BAD HAIR, Johnny, BAD.

      • Anonymous

        LOL. “Here Johnny, just let me gently push that hair away from your face for you…”

    • Anonymous

      I agree. I love him BECAUSE he doesn’t give a shit…and he doesn’t give a shit in an unpretentious way. 

      • Anonymous

        Someone who doesn’t give a shit doesn’t spend the time it took to put all those goofy pieces together.  I love him too, but it’s clear that he does care. 

        • margaret meyers

          And someone who doesn’t give a shit and is really rock and roll allows himself to look 48, not 26.

        • Anonymous

          I think he likes and is comfortable in what he wears, so he wears it.  Stylish or not ? it is what makes him happy.
          I read once were Cindy Crawford once said after all the prodding, pushing, tons pf make up and hair all she wanted to do was wear what she liked.

          cheers, parsnip

    • Anonymous

      but he clearly does give a shit otherwise he wouldn’t have such a defined “look”…he needs to move on

  • http://www.facebook.com/charlotte.horseman Charlotte Horseman

    She looks amazing !  But, anyway, HE is so sexy… I can’t stand it.  He can do no wrong. 

    • Anonymous

      I have to agree, he just  always looks hot, but I wouldn’t mind a better haircut. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1326120071 Gaby Ripoll

    How I would restyle Johnny Depp (not that he’s asking me): No more mismatched crap. Proper suits for elegant events, ONE FLAMBOYANT ACCESSORY at MOST for casual looks (and if you’re doing a short sleeve button down, that half counts as an accessory, so you better have a low key accessory at most). Also, cut your damn hair – I’m having terrible 90s middle school flashbacks of boys with terrible bowl haircuts. Also, the goatee has reached its expiration date for you, Mr. Depp; switch it up a little: just a mustache might work – especially if you can Tom Selleck it up, nom, but also, perchance if you can grow it, try a full beard? Would like to see you play up your mannish traits more than your boyish ones, Mr. Depp. Please get on this, stat. 

    • http://profiles.google.com/marteani Barbara Guttman

      You are incorrect.  It is an 80s flashback.  I’m not sure what is causing Monsieur Depp to relive 21 Jump Street, right down to the dangly doo-dads, but this is simply no longer his hairstyle.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1326120071 Gaby Ripoll

        Haha it must have had a resurgence in the 90s – didn’t Matt LeBlanc have that hair on Friends? 

        • Anonymous

          Joey Tribbiani hair! That’s so on the money!

        • http://profiles.google.com/marteani Barbara Guttman

          My god! You’re right! It’s The Hairstyle That Wouldn’t Die!

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1326120071 Gaby Ripoll

            Oh man, you know who else had that hair? Smith Jared on Sex and the City. 

          • Saoirse Lee

            And Jordan Catalano.

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

      I’m wondering if Johnny’s got some grays he’s trying to hide. He could ROCK gray hair with a shorter cut.

      • Anonymous

        I was thinking for someone who supposedly doesn’t give a shit he certainly seems to be playing with hair dye, plastic surgery and sucking-in-the-gut pose. 

        • Anonymous

          Agreed. Each time I see him, he’s looking more and more like a waxed figure of himself instead of a real human being. So sad really.  Give me a raw-looking real man like Jeff Bridges any day over a play-doe imitation. 

  • Anonymous

    Sigh. I’ve always liked Johnny Depp so it pains me to totally agree with your comments. The outfit looks like he tried too hard to look like he didn’t care. The end result being he just looks foolish, not cool or sexy. True story. I think she looks good, even if the dress has a little too much of an 80′s vibe for my tastes. 

    • Anonymous

      Oh, mmoc–we are in complete agreement on Johnny Depp!  I’ve liked him since “Benny and Joon” and I always will like him. He is a phenomenal actor and so personally attractive. But he is definitely too long in the tooth to play these silly teenage-boy games with what he wears.

      As you say, he clearly spends a lot of time putting an outfit together–the scarf, the vest, the chains, the rings, the freakin’ hang-down suspenders–and I’m sure this isn’t how he dresses when hanging around the French farmhouse. So Johnny, if you’re going to spend time on your clothes, use that time to come up with something a good-looking, sophisticated man approaching 50 would wear. It doesn’t have to be dull. But this mess is ridiculous and not worthy of you.

      I say this with love.  Believe me.  Big love!

      Oh–and she looks pretty.

  • Anonymous

    I never knew he actually had a jack sparrow tattoo. That’s going pretty far for your art.

    • Sobaika Mirza

      I think his son is named Jack?

      • Anonymous

        Really? I’ll look that up. But that tattoo is a Jack Sparrow one from the film.

        • Anonymous

          His son is named Jack.  I think he might have gotten the tattoo before he was in POTC.

          • Anonymous

            OK, but it’s the distinctive Jack Sparrow tattoo. Not just a tattoo with his son’s name on it. So perhaps he requested the producers of POTC incorporate it in?

      • Anonymous

        It actually is the reverse of the one in the films. His son is named Jack. His daughter is Lily Rose, the tatoo with her name is on his chest. You’d know this if you had JDOCD. (Johnny Depp Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) :-)

  • Anonymous

    Her eyes remind me of Olivia Wilde in the first photo, and her smile in the second reminds me of Alicia Keys.  Spectacular makeup indeed.

    • http://www.facebook.com/charlotte.horseman Charlotte Horseman

      I think she also looks at lot like Scarlett Johannsson….

    • http://twitter.com/JoStrickland Charlotte Fabricius

      THANK YOU for pointing out the Alicia Keys thing – I couldn’t think who it reminded me off. She looks stunning, and he looks stupid. Someone, PLEASE, get him some gays. Her gays, perhaps?

  • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

    Also, they display zero sexual chemistry. Which is actually good, since he is old enough to be her father. But doesn’t speak well for the movie itself.

    • Anonymous

      She is also a lesbian, so that’s probably the more likely reason they don’t have sexual chemistry :).

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_EDI2DLE7DE3YPW2ONIHBWOVHMA ecallaw

        I don’t think you in any way intended it, but I don’t like that comment because it seems to imply that a gay actor or actress can’t exhibit sexual chemistry with the opposite sex.  If they’re worth their salt as actors and actresses, it shouldn’t matter.

        • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

          They may have tons of chemistry onscreen, age difference and sexual orientations aside. They are just not bringing it to the RC. Which they certainly are not obligated to do. :) 

  • http://profiles.google.com/marteani Barbara Guttman

    Monsieur Depp: I realize you appear to be having a traumatic flashback to 21 Jump Street, but this is simply not your look anymore.  You have dated many models, surely you could have osmosised some styling information by now.

    The dangly doo-dads, pinstripes, vests and fussy little facial hair always make me think that he is failing spectacularly at something left of steampunk.  If this is your bent, that’s fine, but for the love of watch-fobs get it right!

  • Anonymous

    Love him too for not giving a fat flying merde.

  • Anonymous

    She’s pretty.
    He’s ridiculous. You were way too generous. Unless you accidentally left a minus off in front of the 3.5.

  • Anonymous

    This way, way too much make up. If you need that much make up to balance the dress, it’s time to bling it up. The make up also reveals that she is a bit worse for wear and can’t quite pull an “on” face.

    As for Depp, that hairstyle offends me. It also offends his jawline, which isn’t quite as well-defined as it used to be.

  • Anonymous

    You cannot pull off 1980s Floppy-Bottom-Hair now, even if he pioneered the look then. 

  • MilaXX

    No major quibbles with the scores, although I was planning on giving Johnny at least a 4/10. I think she could have benefited from more jewelry either a big ring on a bracelet, but as you mention, next to Johny’s unkempt mess, anything is going to look great. Johnny I love you but you’re not the hot guy on 21 Jump Street anymore. Time to dress like a grown up.

  • Anonymous

    I really don’t like her makeup at all. I love the McCartney dress a lot, and I love her styling, but her makeup should be more lively and less raccoon.

  • http://profiles.google.com/misslauraschultz Laura Schultz

    This the best she’s looked.

  • Anonymous

    Has he had work done, because lately he’s been looking like he’s made of plastic. I don’t know who she is; she looks good enough, but she also looks very generic Hollywood blonde whatever. Meh to both.

  • Anonymous

    He looks really goofy.

  • Anonymous

    I would have loved one statement piece of jewelry from her – a large ring would work.

    Johnny – I have loved him since 21 Jump Street and I always will love him, but the way he dresses does not flatter him at all.

  • Anonymous

    I think she deserves the 8.

    Johnny will never change and I’m not sure he cares.

  • Anonymous

    maybe you are right but i still love him no matter………

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=720742723 Sarah Winningham

    This is the best I’ve ever seen her look, first time she’s dressed like she want’s to be considered a serious actress and not for Maxim’s Hot 100.

  • Anonymous

    See, I put in Johnny in the HBC category…we EXPECT them to dress a certain way, and they fulfill that with a parade of slightly off-kilter fashions.

    I like his hair more at Gilbert Grape length, but other than that, he’s fabulous, and I’d love to take all that stuff off him piece by piece. :)

    And I’m STILL convinced there is a horrible painting of him in some attic. He had what few little lines are appearing on his face surgically added so we wouldn’t ask questions.  He’ll be beautiful until his last day.

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

      Sure, he was a heartthrob in his Gilbert Grape Days. But he was 25, and the long hair suited him. This hairdo is a retread of his 21 Jump Street years.

      OMG, now I feel OLD.

      ETA- I reread the comments and clearly I am not alone with my 21 Jump Street remark. Just means I’m right.
      LOL:) I did prefer his GG look though.

  • https://profiles.google.com/104791269167429064986 Judy S

    Something about the dangling suspenders…. like he just forgot to readjust them after visiting the john….

  • margaret meyers

    I don’t mind the way Johnny dresses.  B U T  I do mind the overly brown hair (he’s 48)  A N D  I must say he is looking very smooth and very taut and a little plumped.  I think he’s had some of what Madonna is having.

  • Sara__B

    That man can ACT, but he’s becoming a caricature of himself. I’m hoping he’ll go the Paul Newman route, and look amazingly handsome as he gracefully ages, rather than the Robert Redford route, looking awkward and silly as he fights aging with every imaginable weapon in the cosmetic arsenal.

  • Aly Light

    I think Johnny Depp is actually trying to reference steampunk with this look without going overboard.

  • Anonymous

    What a relief!  I thought I was the only one who had grown tired of Johnny Depp’s schtick.  Hipster Hobbit is brilliant!

  • Anonymous

    Actually I think Johnny looks a bit more put together here than usual

  • Anonymous

    Oh please, let me take those clothes away, that doth offend the eyes of T & Lo for you, dear Johnny…

  • Anonymous

    I read Depp as Derp. I think it’s appropriate.

  • Anonymous

    Damn, he is looking like Gary Oldman is secretly his real father in this photos. Which is not a bad thing at all, mind you, since the things I would do to Gary Oldman….*coughs* but moving on, he’s Johnny. It’s how he dresses. He’s never going to change. To quote Mango, “Can you go up to a rainbow and go hey, stop being a rainbow! NO!” Such is Johnny.

  • Anonymous

    I’m sorry TLo, yes he looks kinda goofy but to me he is still DEAD SEXY. And weird. And DEAD SEXY.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F73LIJ3SJGI5AJQMXMWXCKILHI Pamela

    This all makes me laugh because Johnny doesn’t give a fuck what you, we, or anyone thinks and I love him for that.  I love him for a lot of reasons, actually, and don’t care what he wears or where he wears it or how long or short his hair is.  He’s hot no matter what.
    Why is he any different from HBC, who gets a pass no matter what she wears, no matter how cray-cray? 
    You go, Johnny!  You climb out of your style rut if and when you want to.

    • margaret meyers

      Pamela is right.  Sauce for the goose…

    • margaret meyers

      Pamela is right.  Sauce for the goose…

  • Anonymous

    puhleez…I think he picks up whatever is on the closet floor and puts it on…decidedly NOT sexy…..more affected i think..

  • Anonymous

    He has far too many…things hanging off of him.  I want to come at him with some Scissorhands! She looks great.

  • http://twitter.com/ryenerman rynerman

    I would have given her the 8 – I think this is the best I’ve seen her look, but then I realize she may be getting a contrast gain standing next to that ridiculous get up on JD.

  • Anonymous

    She looks amazing, I will go with a 8.999.  Maybe even a 9, that dress fits fab when you really examine the pics closely.  He looks stupid per usual.  I’ve been over his schtick for YEARS…….

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    I think she looks fabulous.  Johnny is well…just like Brad Pitt.  Please give up the hobo act.  I miss your fresh shaved face and short hair. And normal clothes.  Make me swoon again, I beg of you.

  • Kate Pearce

    I think it’s his ”costume’ and when he takes it off, he can go out and not be recognized, a bit like Jay from Jamiroqui’s big hat. :)

  • Anonymous

    “Hipster Hobbit” — great, now people in the office are looking at me funny.

    I still love Johnny Depp, but even I have to agree that he looks a bit ridiculous.

  • http://liptonrm.livejournal.com/ Lipton

    I feel like the only woman who does not love Johnny Depp and is not at all attracted to him sexually. He just does nothing for me. I’d think my libido was broken except, no, no, it’s really not.

    *ahem* Anyway, I still don’t really know who Amber Heard is but I really like her look here. It’s such a shame that she had to pose with unwashed arm candy.

    • Anonymous

      You are not alone.  He ruined “Chocolat” for me.  Well, not ruined, but he was horribly miscast.

    • http://modernretrowoman.com DrJulieAnn

      I’m not attracted to him either.  He always looks like he is need of a bath, to me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2254843 Kara Lang Guminski

    Is that tattoo of his supposed to be an homage to his role as Captian Jack Sparrow?  Gross.

    • Anonymous

      His son’s name is Jack.

    • Anonymous

      Jack’s his son. He has “Lily” his daughter’s name on other arm.

  • Toto Maya

    I must be completely nuts because I just do not get Johnny Depp. I do not get why he looks good, or why that is forgivable, because it is ridiculous. No.

  • Anonymous

    I want to be Amber Heard when I grow up.

    Oh, wait…

  • Anonymous

    Hipster Hobbit…hahaaaa. Cut that mop of hair already.

  • http://profiles.google.com/trashilove { edi } ilovetrash

    i think you gotta give him more points for making it up. he’s looked like this forever. other people are just copying it so, instead of him, i would grade them way down. otoh, yeah, he could mix it up a bit. or at least look at some books & pictures from another interesting time period & learn something else to do.

  • Anonymous

    “Is serving up Brigitte Nielsen realness.” I love a good Brigitte Nielsen reference. He has never done it for me, I usually just ignore him, but I agree he needs a change.

  • Anonymous

    right on
    i am also so over JD’s shtick

  • Terence Ng

    Johnny Depp-ly done, Johnny Depp. Congratulations on your Johnny Depp costume. The illusion is complete.

  • Anonymous

    Johnny Depp has such a gorgeous face, it kills me that he goes out of his way to distract from it with ridiculous getups. He’s old to be insouciantly quirky and too young to be lovably eccentric. It is just a crying shame.

  • Anonymous

    She normally doesn’t do it for me but I think she looks phenomenal here. I’d give her a 9. He… is tiresome. Let’s leave it there before I get all mean.

  • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

    That is a killer dress she is wearing. I am just loving it. And you gotta admit, if she had gone any further in the glam direction, she would have looked ridunculous standing next to Mister Bojangles there. She knew he’d show up looking homeless and she dressed accordingly. I’d love to see another person wear that with some statement jewelry and more interesting hair. It’s one of those dresses that can really change depending on the wearer or the accessories, etc.
    Does everyone get that I think JD looks stupid? Did I get that across? Cause he spent way too much time on this outfit to look so, um, stupid.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Catherine-Rhodes/602850414 Catherine Rhodes

    Damn, she’s pretty and that dress is her color. Completely agree on Depp. Pity, I used to have a big, fat crush on him. No more, that’s for sure.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t dislike Depp’s schtick, but this outfit is not dressy enough in comparison to Amber’s.  The rolled sleeves of the shirt, the leather cuff, and dingy old pants are way too casual.  I like the vest and scarf…don’t mind the suspenders and chains..that’s his thing.  Long sleeve shirt and crisp dark pants would have been more appropriate and complimentary to Amber. 

    Amber looks great.  I don’t think she needed a brooch or necklace…but a bolder sparkly bracelet would have been better.  It took me a while to realize that she’s standing in front of hair in the picture behind her, and she doesn’t have a dark bun.  lol. 

  • Anonymous

    Is Keith Richards his style model in life?  That is the only explanation I can think of for this outfit.

  • Anonymous

    It hurts me to admit that Depp looks ridiculous. 

  • Anonymous

    that’s depps’ waxed figure,  RIGHT??? pls say yeesssssss. creepsta.

  • Anonymous

    Eeek!!! All I can see is her leg bone, which is so skinny it looks like she has a skeleton leg under that dress. Doesn’t anyone else see that??? It is freaking me out!!

    • Sara__B

      I couldn’t see that on my monitor at work, but now I can clearly see reflection that seems to highlight a very bony leg. I think (hope?) it’s a trick of the light!

  • Anonymous

    I always forget who Amber Heard is, but she looks really pretty. It’s such a chic dress. 

    I love Johnny Depp and his fabulous bone structure but I’ve never liked how he dresses. However, I don’t think it’s a shtick. I think he genuinely likes to dress like a hipster Hobbit (I can’t believe I really just typed that sentence – ha!). And this is why he gets along so well with Tim Burton and HBC.

  • Anonymous

    You know, I usually love Johnny’s schtick, but I have to say this look and what he wore on Letterman are off in some way. I think it’s the vest? I don’t know, but I’m not liking this incarnation. She’s fabulous.

  • Samantha Irene

    you are so right about johnny, so tragic 

  • Stargatefan

    Oh no, Johnny! That hair is not your friend, and neither is the rest of your outfit. And please remember: boyish men with rather feminine features doesn’t carry weight well – its time to clean up and start excersising…

  • Anonymous

    Dear Mr. Depp
    – In my younger years, I thought you were the best looking thing on 21 Jump Street..  I thought  Benny and Joon and Edward Scissorhands was interesting and quirky.    Time passes, and well I matured.   Apparently you did not get that memo.
    As a 48 year old man, please start dressing like one.   , George Clooney is similar in age, perhaps you can get style tips from him.  If you want another frame of reference, John Stamos is also 48 .   Please look to these men and see how 48 year old men should dress.   

  • Anonymous

    What the hell did Johnny Depp do to his head?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7DDBWDEQZA3OUS4S6MEMDEKWQ4 chhivt

      I imagined it’s the hair (plugs) you’re addressing.  Yes, I too think it’s weird.  Shave your head and stay fit Mr. Depp, you’ll look good, promise.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3AJ237ND3GAHDQJZ4TLCO4WLRA Emily

    She looks great, he looks terrible.  I’m over his look as well.

  • Anonymous

    This is crazy that he dresses like that for a premier.

    A friend of mine saw him in Paris 3 days ago, and he was wearing a dark suit and white shirt.  He was leaving a hotel.   If he can dress in a suit then, why not at the premier?    

    I weep.

  • Anonymous

    He always looks like he went shopping then put on every damn thing he bought. And forgot to wash. And maybe drinks too much.

  • Anonymous

    ps: prediction: Within three years he’s all Mickey Rourke on that face – it’s already started.

  • Anonymous

    UGH.  I think Amber’s look is boring.  Johnny Depp needs to NOT show old, faded tattoos. 

  • Anonymous

    “Hipster Hobbit”??  Bahahahahahah

    I love you guys :)

  • Anonymous

    Love it all. Because it makes me laugh and because Johnny still strikes me as a beautiful human being who would be awful fun to have a long, French dinner with — several courses and lots of wine and fantastic stories. His hair is the only argument I have.

  • http://twitter.com/smooshfacedcat smooshfaced cat

    Tinted eye wear is the worst. Once a celebrity starts wearing blue or rose tinted glasses they are on the fast track to paw-paw and me-maw territory.

  • frankystein123

    Depp, someone needs to drag you out of the room by your Waldo-esque hair and punt your ass out.