Cover Girl: Jessica Biel for ELLE Magazine

Posted on November 04, 2011

Believe it or not, we fought over whether to do this post. We’ve been sniping for two days over it. “Why don’t you want to do that Jessica Biel cover?” yells out Lorenzo, while cleaning the litter box. “I don’t know,” snaps Tom, scrubbing the toilet, “Why don’t you get off my back about it?” “But TOM,” implores Lorenzo while filling up ice cube trays, “She looks fabulous!” “FINE,” replies Tom, Swiffering, “Let me see the picture again.”

Jessica Biel for ELLE magazineJessica Biel covers the December 2011 issue of ELLE , photographed by Carter Smith and styled by Joe Zee. wearing a molded tankdress from Donna Karan New York, a bra from Eres, earrings from Low Luv x Erin Wasson, a pendant necklace and sterling silver rings from Gregg Wolf, a hook necklace from Jelena Behrend, a curb-link necklace from David Yurman, sterling silver bracelets and a textured ring from Chrome Hearts, and a diamond bracelet from Harry Winston.

“Hunh,” says Tom, the picking up of cat hair momentarily forgotten, “I have no idea why I didn’t want to do this. She looks fantastic.”

Donna Karan Resort 2012 CollectionDonna Karan Resort 2012 Collection/Model: Juju Ivanyuk

It’s a great, simple little dress that works perfectly with her shape. It would be dull on its own for a cover, but Mr. Zee wisely piled on the bling and the heavy jewelry and it works really, really well. A chic, almost minimalist take on the December holidays-style of cover.

Now if you’ll excuse us, Lorenzo has to empty the kitchen garbage can and Tom has to put clothes in the dryer.

[Photo Credit:,]

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  • Eclectic Mayhem

    And it’s really okay to see her bra…?  *shrugs*

    • Anonymous

      Reads a little trashy to me, especially for a Christmas issue.

      • Sara__B

        Reads a LOT trashy to me for a Christmas issue!

        • Anonymous

          Reads a LOT trashy to me for any circumstance!

          • Anonymous

            Agree. This is trashynp not elegant. And not Xmas or festive looking. Looks like something Madonna would wear

        • Terence Ng

          Maybe she’s a take on the Ghost of Christmas Present and we are asked to see beneath her top to behold the twin bra pads of Ignorance and Want.

          • Anonymous

            C. Dickens for the win!

      • Anonymous

        Ho Ho Ho.

        Old fart that I am, I think showing your underwear is trashy in any season.

        • Anonymous

          Goodness…. me too !
          cheers,  parsnip

        • Anonymous

          I’ll admit I was tempering my opinion for these, our modern times. I was raised to feel that if your underwear is showing, you aren’t dressed. I still won’t go outside my home, even to get the mail, in sweatpants because they were categorized as undies in my home. Seeing girls wear pajama pants to my college classes gave me the vapors, and I’m only 26.
          My uncensored opinion is more like: SKANK!

          • Anonymous

            I like the way you think.  Wearing sweats outside of the house is a goddam crime.  Wearing them to drop off or pick up your children at school?  I see it all the time and my first thought is always, huh, guess they are unemployed slackers.

          • Megan

            I’m only 23 and HATE the PJs in public thing. The Today Show actually did a thing on it a few weeks ago and called it a trend. They had a model wearing PJs with heels. I thought I was going to die.

      • Anonymous

        Good point.    Doesn’t make me want to purchase the magazine for holiday party dress ideas.

    • Anonymous

      I agree.  Seeing a strap…okay.  But seeing the actual cups of a bra?  No.  I get that covers are not necessarily going to translate into the real world, but why put her in a dress like this then?  It would have been just as effective without it, with the added bonus of me not thinking a. why are you wearing a black bra with a white top? and b. you seriously can’t find a bra that wouldn’t show?

  • Amelia Ross

    Not going to argue with you, the clothes are fantastic. But her waist looks disproportionately thin, no?

    • Anonymous

      Yes, they clearly Photoshopped her waist.  Which is why I prefer critiquing the red carpet photos.  At least we can be mostly sure the people depicted are “real.”

      • Sara Munoz

        As if “Hollywood’s Most Beautiful Woman” isn’t beautiful enough on her own. Jesus.

    • Anonymous

      Whose effing waste is that small?  She is a strong, solid woman (meaning not waif-like) and it would be nice if she could own it.

      • Sara Munoz

        Well, she didn’t photoshop herself. But yeah, it would be nice if she spoke out against it like Kate or Gabourey.

  • Eclectic Mayhem

    It pains me that we can see her bra.

    • Sara L.

      When is Disqus ever NOT being weird?

      (OT, does anybody else keep pronouncing it “discus” in their head, rather than “discuss”? Just me?)

      • Anonymous

        Me! It always makes me think of the Olympics.

      • Ali

        I keep reading is as “discwus”. Then again, I also read the show Numb3ers as “num-three-ers” in my head, so…

      • Eclectic Mayhem

        *puts hand up*  yes!

      • Karn

        Wait, It’s supposed to be pronounced “discuss”.  I never got that before today.

        • Anonymous

          Same here. I totally missed that. 

      • Anonymous

        ME! Discus! Discus! Discus!

      • Anonymous

        didn’t know it was discuss.  … Learn something new every day!

  • Urban Gypsy aka Tess

    I’m glad her bra is showing. That happens to me and it makes me feel self-conscious, now I can just saw it’s meant to be that way, darling, while rolling my eyes.

    She looks fab. I love fun and funky silver jewelry and covet all of it.

  • Tiger Gray

    That dress is awesome but I question all the bracelets, and I love over the top jewelry. To me that necklace should have stood alone. 

  • Kevin VanOrd

    She looks beautiful. But I’m struck by the Zee-styled look, and the Zee quote featured on the cover: “Mix prints, wear color!” If that’s “what to wear now,” why is the cover star wearing–no prints or color?

    Mind ‘splode.

    • J Dreesen

      My sentiments exactly!

  • Sobaika Mirza

    That is DEFINITELY the best I’ve seen her look.

    Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s saying much. She often gets fashion and photoshoots wrong.

    • Trish Barker

      Exactly. She looks *her* best here, but I still think she’s boring. Look at the dead eyes!

    • jennifuh

      She looks nice but somehow much older than she is IRL, and she need to take Sexyface 101.

  • Rand Ortega

    The bra is fab, but the bracelets along w/ the necklace says, “Try not to notice this dress is so boring”.
    But she’s very sexy in the photo. A marginal IN.

  • Anonymous

    Hmm. That’s an awful lot of jewelry (and this coming from someone who could wear a different pair of earrings each day for a year and not repeat any). Also, her waist looks a little Photoshopped.

  • Anonymous

    Visible bra is tacky and I do not for even one moment believe that is her actual bodily silhouette. She looks thinner than the model, ferchrisssakes.

    The jewelry is awesome, though.

  • Anonymous

    how does she still get covers? and yes, photoshopping wasn’t as rampant as usual, but still as present as ever on both body and face.

  • Anonymous

    Very  pretty, but I’m beginning to be unable to bear looking at magazine covers from all the Photoshopping.

  • Anonymous

    This is Hollywood’s most beautiful woman?  She’s pretty but I don’t think the Bitter Kittens were consulted on this decision.  The bra and truckload of cheap looking jewelry do not help here. 

  • CQAussie

    She looks good, I hate the rings but I love the bracelets and the necklace.  HATE that her bra is showing….looks skanky.

  • Joyce VG

    I agree. Black bra showing is very skanky.

  • Anonymous

    Huh. Guess I’m in the minority here as I like the bra peeking out; makes for a more interesting look. Without it all you’d have is a boring old white dress. I love the big honkin’ silver jewelry also. Also, totally dig the darker hair color.

  • BerlinerNYC

    Hollywood’s Most Beautiful Woman? I’m sorry, I’m not a hater, but I’m not sure what she’s really supposed to be famous for, other than having sex with Justin Timberlake. I was about to say Dark Angel, but that was that other Jessica. Seriously, she’s like the American Sienna Miller. WTF? She looks OK, but it still doesn’t explain why she gets the cover of Elle (in December!).

    • Anonymous

      She was in the Illusionist and she was on Seventh Heaven for about a decade.

    • Anonymous

      Exactly … I’m a fan of Elle on Facebook, and when their post about “Jessica” filming the cover popped up, I couldn’t believe any of the Jessicas merited a cover in any month.  Aren’t they all fading?  She looks fine though.

  • Ginger

    Y’all can argue at my house anytime.  I’ll provide the cleaning supplies.  =)

  • Anonymous

    I just don’t care. She alternately bores me and pisses me off.

  • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

    Out.  Why the bra, on the cover of the magazine?  Looks chip in a chip way. 

  • Anonymous

    Ahhh, how strong the relationship that can withstand living AND working together?  My props to you guys.

    She’d look elegant if she weren’t showing off the lovely trim of her bra cups. Look, I know I am you-kids-get-offa-my-lawn old and cranky. And my kids have convinced me that visible bra straps are ‘no big deal.’ (Well, *I’m* not convinced, but I have accepted that *they’re* convinced)

    But showing just a bit of the cups of one’s underwear is taking the underwear as outerwear worn out trope and making it look cheap. Or cheaper.

    (shuffles off to feed the 47 cats wearing worn down terry cloth slippers and a Sear’s cotton housedress.)

    • Anonymous

      I have this conversation with my teenager all the time.  She thinks showing her bra straps is okay and I think it is vulgar and cheap.  We go round and round about this occasionally since apparently we can’t agree to disagree.  Fun times at our house!

      I originally thought that the black was part of the dress and was let down when I saw it was her bra. Yuck.

  • Sara__B

    The cover reads, “Joe Zee on what to wear now: “Mix prints, wear color!”. Just like he did for the cover photo?

  • Ceur –

    I might have eaten too many wine gums, because for some reason I got a Freida Pinto vibe here, and I don’t think I’ve ever connected Jessica Biel with Freida Pinto before. And the bra thing is annoying.

  • Anonymous

    I like the visible bra. Adds some visual interest and takes it from boring to a little sexy to me.

  • Anonymous

    1 visible bra + 2 much tacky jewelry + 1 irrelevant actress = I big yawn.

  • Anonymous

    I can tell you why I wouldn’t have put it out there. I thoroughly dislike her. Even when she was on 7th Heaven she wasn’t my favorite. Blech.

    And I agree with Eclectic Mayhem 27 posts up: it’s really okay to see her bra?

  • Deborah Lipp

    I love the dress. Hate the visible bra.

  • Anonymous

    Better without the bra. And perhaps NOT the most beautiful woman in America. Just not a superlative I think she lives up to.

  • Anonymous

    Her face doesn’t even look like here here.  Maybe it’s the angle, but she looks very bucktoothed here.  I don’t think she is, but the angle is not doing her face any favors.

    • Eclectic Mayhem

      Yes – THIS!

    • Anonymous

      You took the words right out of my mouth.

    • margaret meyers

      Horsey.  They did something to her jaw with photoshop and now her mouth is too big.

  • Anonymous

    Damn, you bitches are hard to please. I think she looks fab, and certainly much better than I do.

    • Eclectic Mayhem

      Well, I can’t speak for you but – yes – she certainly looks better than me.  

      But then I’m a civilian, I don’t have a dietician or a personal trainer, I’m not even thinking about gracing the cover of a magazine and BOTH my bra cups are discreetly hidden under my clothing.

      • Anonymous

        This is true. The bra thing would bother me if she was on the street/red carpet, but here it just seems like something the stylist did, so it doesn’t really bother me.

  • Anonymous

    Alright, she looks great.  For her.  I’m not completely sure why but she just bores the hell out of me.  It might be the uber forced “I’m a sexy woman!” look she is always pushing or the fact she has made a career out of complaining about all the fantastic roles she got passed over for.  Just a pretty, dull woman.

  • MilaXX

    I like it, but I think Joe went overboard with the rings & bracelets. Otherwise pretty cover, but I find her dull as dishwater.

  • Caitlin Gozdecki

    her face looks weird to me, but I’m not a fan of her whatsoever so perhaps I’m biased.. .

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for that little moment of domesticity, you reminded me that I have a much neglected apartment to attend to after work :)

    And I like photo, despite everyone’s abhorrence to seeing her bra, she looks striking.

  • Ali

    They photoshopped the hell out of her face. It’s distracting.

  • tw125

    I like the exposed bra. The dress would be more boring without it. The biggest problem is the woman in the dress is the second most boring actress in the world (behind Kate Bosworth) and the great styling isn’t doing anything to make me change my mind. 

    I’m inclined to believe that her waist isn’t Photoshopped. She has a waistline that makes you think she had a rib removed. 

  • Kathleen Gillies

    I just don’t believe she is Hollywood’s most beautiful woman.  There’s a little horsiness there, sorry.  They could have dubbed her something else.  I’m not liking the bra, but it doesn’t offend me, I don’t understand the choice– for a holiday issue?  But the clothing on Elle’s covers lately have had me flummoxed anyway.  I “inspect” them at the grocer’s.   There have been a variety of covers for the past few issues.  Has she been good in anything lately?

  • Anonymous

    “FINE,” replies Tom, Swiffering.  This is the sly joke that I need on this relentless Friday.  Not many of the minions may remember Tom Swifties; they were pun-y quotes that had the adverb that modifies the active verb relate humorously to the statement.  Well, this wasn’t exactly a Tom Swifty, but it made me remember those clever word-plays back in the early 1960s with a fond smile.

    All the best,


  • Anonymous

    OMG. Yet another example of extreme photoshopping on a mag cover. Guys…her waist is substantially narrower than that of the RUNWAY MODEL. Does that tell you anything?

    Please don’t encourage this crap by publicizing it. You know I love you, but just don’t.

  • Robert Sanchez

    Yeah, she looks terrific here. And that’s a compliment from me, ’cause I don’t like her.

  • Anonymous

    Um…the dress is from a RESORT collection, which to me reads summer rather than winter.  Maybe just me.

  • Lisa Utter

    I have never understood the big deal about Jessica Biel, so that turned me off immediately. 

  • Anonymous

    She is fiercely styled within an inch of her life and yet still looks vaguely boring. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE.

  • Anonymous

    Ah, yes.  First enlightenment, then the laundry.  Glad you posted this one–simple, yet beautiful.

  • Anonymous

    Joe Zee has endless taste and talent, but even he can’t make Jessica Biel interesting. Sorry, but I’m with the many minions that don’t find her attractive or noteworthy. Killer bod, yes, but a cardboard face and absolutely no signs of life –  let alone signs of anything special.

  • Erin Nice

    Hey – a terrible actress in a sexy dress. Innovative! Seriously though, as much as she annoys me, this is a great shot of her. I especially love the bracelets.

  • Anonymous

    Exposed bra always seems trashy to me, but that seems to be this looks only flaw.

  • { edi } ilovetrash

    how is this hollywood’s most beautiful woman? more beautiful than rosie huntington-whitley? more beautiful than emma stone? more beautiful than amanda seyfried? more beautiful than leighton meester, even? more beautiful than angelina jolie? & thats [for comparison] just current, approximately the same age white hollywood. we could go back to more beautiful than faye dunaway in 1967? & then we could all just start laughing. or julie christie, say. & thats just hollywood of the last forty or fifty years.

    oy vey, what hyperbole. & my mother would seriously hate the visible bra were she around any more than josh’s mother to hate anything. not cos it’s obscene, mind you. cos it’s silly.

  • Anonymous

    She looks photoshopped (obviously. Such a pity that editors freak out at the mere idea to showcase a normal body) and her bra is showing.
    She’s a disgrace.
    What ? Off course, I can’t stand her. Why do you ask ?

  • Mariah J

    I think there are too many bracelets and rings but other than that, perfect.

  • Allison Woods

    Nope, I can’t deal with that bra.

  • Alexandria N

    i really like her hair that color!

  • Alexandria N

    and the ONLY thing I like about minimalist clothes is the opportunity to wear everything in my jewlery box. yippie!

  • Anonymous

    Has she had a rib or two removed? Maybe you can see the bra because her sides are so narrow. 

  • Anonymous

    Wow, she’s so boring. Again. This time boring with lots of bracelets.

  • Anonymous

    Perfect sort of dress for her and love the styling. Give us a little fierce though girl.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t particularly care for her, but I do think she’s pretty.  However, there is something weird going on with her face in this picture. 

  • Anonymous

    I think they photoshopped the heck out of her waist!!! She looks much skinnier than the model!! 

  • Anonymous

    I’ve never got her appeal.  Also, her hair looks like it’s choking her

  • Anonymous

    Boring, airbrushed to the within an inch of her life, still boring.

  • margaret meyers

    So much airbrushing going on here.

  • Anonymous

    Well, I’m just bugged by the headline proclaiming her Hollywood’s Most Beautiful Woman.  Even if I had liked the cover, which I’m sorry to say I don’t.  Except I do believe that I like the necklace a whole lot…..

  • M M

    Why’d they have to make her figure so unappealingly thin?? She has a natural lovely full(er) figure, that I adore (and I’m a heterosexual female). Did they just need to fit her whole body/dress on the cover(?).

  • Anonymous

    she annoys me.

    also, love that one of the headlines screams at us that joe zee suggests “mixing prints” and “wearing colors,” yet he styled this cover and it lacks both.

  • Marissa

    That’s photoshopped to death. It doesn’t count as a real photograph of a real human. YAAWWWNNNN.

  • chhivt

    Oh to be exposed to the lives of our favorite snarky bitter couple.  Remember that episode of American Horror Story … when Quinto …

  • Hannah Penfield

    I disagree. While I think SHE looks amazing, because she’s working that face and her body is fierce, that dress is not made for a cover, and the bra sticking out is tacky, and the five pounds of jewelry is excessive and trashy. It especially does not work for the holiday issue. I might not be so vehemently against it if it was a June or July cover. But it would still be ugly. And white background with a barely off-white dress and then red text??? Joe Zee needs to be taken out back and slapped around.

  • Anonymous

    “Hollywood’s most beautiful woman” more like Hollywood’s dullest most overrated gal. Does she, you know, WORK?

  • Anonymous

    At some point when they were styling this cover, you would think someone would say, hey, this dress is okay and all but maybe if it takes 15-20 pieces of jewelry, a visible bra and hours of Photoshopping to to achieve Not Boring, we should strap the whole thing and start over. 

  • Anonymous

    I’ve never thought she was very pretty (something odd about her, her mouth and something else I can’t put my finger on), but she looks better than usual here.

    But I have to say…black bra under white dress reads SUPER-trashy to this Southern girl.

  • Anonymous

    You two! Domestic Goddesses and Bloggers Extraordinaire.

    Jessica has to wear 30 pounds of jewelry and remove a rib, to even try to become as fabulous.

  • Presumptuous Insect

    I think she looks great. I don’t have a problem with her as an actress. She seems as talented as most of the women around her age. Which is to say, not Cate Blanchett talented, but OK. I think she would have provided a great physicality for the Catwoman part, and would have been a better choice than the clunky and clutzy Hathaway.

    • Anonymous

      That’s a thought.  I really can’t see Anne Hathaway as cat woman either.  Biel would have been better.

  • Anne Lucchesi

    Am I the only one bothered by how ‘shopped her face is? Something about it looks very un-Biel to me.

  • Anonymous

    I pine for the days when unknown, or known models, graced the covers.  Always the usual suspects — Jenn, JSP, Gaga,Michelle Williams, this young lady, etc. 

    It’s an odd cover.  Her head looks huge — and when I think of winter white, I don’t think of silver.  And enough of it to drown the poor child Virginia Woolf style.  It’s hard to reconcile the JayZee who creates these kind of meh covers with the person who is so in charge and astute on his tv show.

    Missing his show a lot and wish it would return to dry my tears.

  • Anonymous

    We are told who photographs her, who styles her, who made the dress, the bra, the earrings, the necklaces, the rings, and the bracelets, but why don’t they give the name of the Graphic Artist who handled the photoshopping? Credit ought to be given where credit is due.

  • Paula Berman

    To me, she looks very Real Housewives of New Jersey in this, sorry guys…

  • Bethley

    I think she looks like a New Jersey hooker.

  • Anonymous

    She is so stunning, I think she could get away with wearing a plastic garbage bag.  Aging into her looks to the point that she just might be the most beautiful actress around.  Love her.  If I were straight…hell, I’m not straight and she still kind of does it for me.

  • Anonymous

    She looks fine

  • Ass Kicking Adviser

    Oh please. Snore!!  Her boringness is only eclipsed by the boringness of the dress. Did I mention that it’s boring. Silver jewelry does not a magazine cover make. That is the drabbest cover,. I wouldn’t notice it in the check-out line. bleh!

  • theneva

    “Hollywood’s Most Beautiful Woman”. Hahaha. Okay. Sure.

    • Anonymous

      This!  I hardly think she is Hollywood’s finest anything….beauty, acting, whatever it is that she does.  Is her 15 minutes up yet?

  • Helen C

    Banging body, but man-face.  Looks a bit like a drag queen… 

  • Emily

    I agree about the trashy/sloppy feel.  She does look beautiful, but maybe would have liked it better without the bra showing…

  • Anonymous

    Gee, that photoshopped waist sure makes her head looks huge.

  • Anonymous

    Not a showing-bra fan, either, but love Biel getting attention for her amazing beauty.  Girl-crush!

  • Anonymous

    This looks more like a Maxim cover than an Elle cover.

  • Anonymous

    Sorry, but they lost me at “Hollywood’s most beautiful woman”.  I beg to differ, especially in that getup.  The numerous bangles add up to cheap, even if some of them are by Harry Winston.  The visible bra edges are beyond tacky, and the whole thing comes off as early Madonna wanna-be.  It *is* a great, simple dress but I hate the styling, the design of the cover, the white-on-white, and now that I think about it, I’m adding Jessica herself to my morning list of hates.

    Time for my coffee.  Grrrr…….

  • Anonymous

    The ‘jessica’ syndrome. Famous for what? 
    Lets ask the Reverend Simpson.

  • Brenna McClellan

    I cannot handle her face. In any format. 

  • vmcdanie

    I love Jessica Biel. It grieves me that she isn’t in more stuff. I can’t say I’m loving this cover though. She doesn’t even look like herself. Photoshopped into oblivion.

  • Zi Jie Tan

    The under-eye liner is a bit much. The first words that popped into my head were “centuries-old vampire queen”