Around the World with Salma Hayek

Posted on November 28, 2011

Salma has been strutting around the world in 4-inch heels, poledancing for that cat movie, bless her. But ever since she married that insanely rich French guy, it seems she’s been forced to only wear the brands his company owns or partially owns, e.g., Gucci, Bottega Veneta, Balenciaga, YSL. Alexander McQueen and such. That would be fine with us because who wouldn’t support a gal who married a billionaire and gets free designer clothes for the rest of her life marriage?

Unfortunately, many of these brands work an aesthetic that doesn’t always work for our Salma.  Let’s break it down:

Salma Hayek attends the premiere of  ”Puss in Boots”  in Sydney, Australia in a Bottega Veneta dress and YSL pumps.

These gigantic corset-like belts do nothing for her figure. Plus, the slightly edgy feel of the look works against her looks. And that thing around the neck needs to be ripped off.

 

Salma Hayek attends the “Puss In Boots” photocall in Rome in a Balenciaga dress paired with Giuseppe Zanotti shoes.

This is quite cute. That sash is a horrible idea. We suspect it was deployed because without it, she’d have no shape in this thing.

 

Salma Hayek attends the “Puss In Boots” UK premiere  in London in an Yves Saint Laurent tuxedo paired with an Alexander McQueen clutch.

There are many ways a woman can look incredibly chic and sexy in a simple tuxedo. This is not the way. Swaddling her decolletage and plopping a man hat on her head takes the look away from sexy and straight into drag. The whole point to the female tuxedo is that it plays around with gender conventions and turns them on their head. It somewhat defeats the purpose when everything that would indicate the wearer’s femaleness is covered up. Also, the cut here looks too masculine.

Salma Hayek attends the premiere of  ”El Gato con Botas” (“Puss in Boots”)  in Madrid in a Bottega Veneta dress and Gucci shoes.

Cute. A little too fussy for her (clean lines, Salma; they’ll always do you right) and we don’t like the shoes, but it’s not a bad look.

 

Salma Hayek attends the German premiere  of “Der Gestiefelte Kater” (“Puss in Boots”)  in Berlin in an Azzedine Alaïa ensemble paired with YSL pumps

Oh, honey.What made you think the top from a track suit would look good with a Cha Cha skirt? Sweetie, don’t let hubby dictate your style for you, no matter how many diamonds you get out of the deal. Best to hire a sassy gay to do that.

 

[Photo Credit: Caroline McCredie, Elisabetta Villa, Fergus McDonald, Andreas Rentz, Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images]

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

  • Sobaika Mirza

    Wow… She really doesn’t get what works for her, does she?

  • Anonymous

    Such a waste of a beautiful woman.  

  • https://profiles.google.com/104791269167429064986 Judy S

    I think she looks good in all the pictures except the tux. It just seems to swallow her up. I guess I would give her points because, gorgeous as she is, her figure is not anything like a model’s and choosing something that makes the most of it can’t be that easy.

    • Sobaika Mirza

      I agree that it can’t be easy. But surely there is something better than these offerings. There are a few signs (the deployment of a vest, a green scarf folded, the tracksuit is zipped all the way up) that she genuinely doesn’t understand what looks good on her.

    • MilaXX

      The thing is before she married this guy she did pretty well dressing her curves. In fact I remember being impressed that she always seemed to look good with a rack that size.

      • Anonymous

        True. The sad is she’s dressing the worst I’ve seen her, even considering she’s gotten really thin (seriously, she has boobs and ass but she is not fat at all).  

        Petite people should i) learn that those type of platforms actually go against their height (she looks like she’s standing on wooden blocks in some pictures); and ii) know that shoes with ankle straps are a definite no-no if your legs are toned/curvy/on the short side.

        I guess, as TLo put it about a year ago, she cannot shake the ‘trophy wife’ style.  

      • Anonymous

        I completely agree with you. Her styling pre-marriage was definitely better and flattering. 

        • Anonymous

          Me three. What is the deal with that? Is he some kind of style vampire who’s draining her taste for his own sustenance, or something?

    • Anonymous

      personally, I think models look bad in clothing.  The emaciated look doesn’t do it for me.  We all have difficult bodies to fit – we all have our own issues.  I don’t imagine her body is any more difficult to fit than the next person’s.  Particularly when money is no object.  She doesn’t seem to understand that these shapes don’t work for her, or she likes the clothes for some other reason and doesn’t care that the shapes don’t work for her.  

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3AJ237ND3GAHDQJZ4TLCO4WLRA Emily

    Too bad.  These are not her clothes – except for that black and white dress.   She needs help to see what is flattering on her.

  • Anonymous

    She’s so beautiful I don’t even care about the tracksuit.

  • http://twitter.com/ryenerman rynerman

    What has happened to her?  Honestly, I think she is one of the most beautiful women around, but in every one of these outfits she looks bad.  Frustrating.

  • Now I am The Bee

    Wow–not good.  Any of them except the sassy skirt, which needed a different top or jacket.  She is way too petite for any of these dresses/outfits, especially the tux.  You have to be 6′ tall and all legs to pull off a suit like this.  I don’t hate the first dress with the corset, but again, the proportions are all wrong for her frame.  Nope–she doesn’t get what works for her.  At all! 
    How fun that she gets to all of those places, though.  I wonder if she needs a personal assistant for her next trip…? 

  • http://profiles.google.com/marteani Barbara Guttman

    Did we see that blue swaddled chest fabric kick someone off Project Runway?  While the show has declined, surely that’s an indication that this was a Bad Idea. 

    • MilaXX

      I believe you are thinking of Carmen who dressed her model in a scarf for the Tiki Barber challenge. BTW she was auf’d because the only reason she used the scarf was because she hadn’t made a shirt and was trying to hide that fact.

      • http://profiles.google.com/marteani Barbara Guttman

        Ah HA!  I know that color/shape/placement/…everything seemed eerily familiar.

  • MilaXX

    Looks like an endless parade of Not Your Dress. She’s just too curvy for theses looks.

  • Anonymous

    There’s a 6 year old German kid out there who lost her clothes on the way to school… only way to explain that last outfit.

  • Judy_J

    My, my.  So many countries, so many bad choices.  The only one I liked was the black and white dress she wore in Rome, but the pleather-looking sash totally destroyed the look.

  • Anonymous

    Dios mio. Just goes to show that all the money in the world cannot buy you good taste. I do like that Balenciaga (without the pirate sash) but not for a red carpet. Even if it’s only for a CGI cat.

  • Sara__B

    She’s forgotten how to dress her fabulous body and how to flatter her fabulous face. She needs to ditch the center-parted hair styles and ditch her stylist, stat.

  • J Dreesen

    i still think whoever is dressing her feels he/she needs to incorporate literal translations of clothes the cartoon character would wear.  please let that be the case; please let that be the explanation for the tuxedo and the curtain pulls and the leather belts galore.

  • aimee_parrott

    She’s so gorgeous, and she picks such unfortunate clothes.  ¡Que lastima!

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    Come on, with a man that rich in your boudoir on a daily basis, plus being an internationally known film star, you should be able to find a stylist who will do you right.  (GAY man, I’m just sayin’)

  • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

    The problem is not that she’s only wearing brands he has a stake in — there are enough names on that list that there MUST be far more flattering items in the collections for her.  I think it has more to do with the fact she’s promoting a CHILDREN’S movie: every neckline is high and every hem hits her knees.  She doesn’t seem to know how to be appropriate and still sexy, and since sexy is her shtick…

    • Anonymous

      She’s been covering up a lot since she had her kid. I think she is trying to promote a less va-va-voom image in general. Too bad she has taken it to this boring and often ugly (the clothes, not her) extreme.

    • Anonymous

      true.  you don’t want to be wearing a gyno-mini while standing in front of a sign that says puss puss puss with your arm around a giant pussy.

  • Anonymous

    Actually, I don’t think the first Bottega Veneta looks all that bad. The corset shows off her tiny waist and hips, which is never a bad thing for someone who is both petite and busty. 

  • Anonymous

    That first dress could be salvaged if the belt were only two rows and not three. The rest is terrible on her. I think that second to last dress (the black one…or are those separates?) stumpifies her.

  • http://twitter.com/urban_gypsy Urban Gypsy aka Tess

    T-Lo, I’m surprised you really don’t mind the black Bottega Veneta. To me, that’s the worst look on her (or maybe the tux). It somehow makes the magical, magnificent Salma (my body-type idol and ideal) look, gasp, somewhat dumpy.  My fave is the black & white with perhaps another sort of belt.

    Do you see why I am anti-marriage, kittens? If marriage to a billionaire can do this to my beloved Salma, what hope is there for the rest of us?  By the way, I’m married since 1989 so that may have something to do with my stance on that particular institution.

  • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

    That first outfit- it just looks like her boobs are busting through the dress. Either that, or the cat got too close.

    The rest of it… just not worth the comments, only a heavy *sigh*.

  • Anonymous

    i think the first two looks are refugees from project accessory.  first challenge:  make a piece of jewelry out of old dirty string.  second challenge:  in 30 seconds, make an accessory out of something you find on the workroom floor.

    and salma, mi hija, before you hire that sassy gay boy, make sure there are enough diamonds to go around.  your husband should have enough money to keep you both in sparklies.

  • Anonymous

    Good grief.

    There’s not much more to say than that.  Except that I remember when she used to look fabulous at events like these. She does not look fabulous in any of these outfits.  Such a beautiful woman, and here she looks like a struggling starlet who has to hire D-list gays (or maybe even–GASP!–STRAIGHT PEOPLE!), who dress her in A-list castoffs. 

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      Aye-Men Sistah!
      I remember being always thrilled at how totally divatastic she looked, particularly on the RC.  Sad sad sad.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QP4RBTAZX6QTHZZSJ2YT7DGO7Q Brittany

    Egads these are all terrible. Where is the Salma of goddess dresses and vibrant colours? The silvers and deep shades are doing nada for her.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    That explains so much.  Good to have a peek behind the RC!

  • mogallup

    Salma,darling, snap out of it! It’s bad enough that your billionaire hubby embarassed you with his procreative two-timing, but now the minions of his fashion empire clad you in these schmatta? You are a fierce and fabulous creature, and deserving of much better public treatment. Chica, you are clearly not getting the love and care you need.

  • Cathy S

    I like the Balenciaga dress, minus the sash. I personally thinks she looks adorable in the tux and hat but she would have been better off without that scarf. The rest is meh.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve also been noticing how uncomfortable she looks on the red carpet lately. Remember how she used to glow and really own it? I feel like she’s tamping down her personality too much. Untamp, Salma, untamp!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-Charlotte-Siewierkiewicz/503556621 Jessica Charlotte Siewierkiewi

    Just a question: Would YOU divorce your husband if he made you dress up in unflattering clothes?

  • LocMama

    I’m just going to rock myself to sleep whispering “fridafridafrida” so that I can get my sexy Salma back.

  • http://www.wordydoodles.com WordyDoodles

    The good: She’s totally gorgeous and I respect her off screen and on. Hair and makeup are near flawless.

    The not-so-good: The corset. I love when people try to dress outside their comfort zones a bit, to try new looks. But this one has done her wrong.
    I love the Balenciaga dress, but it just needed to be tailored a bit more for her. Same with many of these looks. Almost right, but not quite fitting. (Which is how pretty much how all my clothes fit, but I’m not a red carpet regular.)

  • CQAussie

    Hire a sassy gay AND give him diamonds to dictate your style!

    Also, thanks for teaching us how to say Puss in Boots in different languages =p

  • Anonymous

    It’s almost like she isn’t allowed to look outright sexy anymore.  Like someone (husband?) wants to age and de-energize her.

  • Anonymous

    Wow, even Salma Hayek can look… I was going to say ‘bad’ or ‘dumpy,’ but even with horrible clothes she’s still not either.  I guess it’s disappointing or underwhelming. 

  • Anonymous

    I really love that Balenciaga dress! Sash or no sash.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1326120071 Gaby Ripoll

    Aw, I like the last look, but because that’s totally something I myself would put together and wear to class. 

    Why isn’t she wearing more Gucci? Is it because J.Lo is their current spokeswoman and someone out there is worried that having two sexy Latinas modeling their wares will make them seem niche? Because I think Gucci would work great on her figure, and I can’t figure out why she’s veering into these fussier looks when she could totally rock Gucci diva glam. 

  • Anonymous

    I like that first dress as an object but not on her, for the reasons you cite. Also the color’s not flattering her. 
    I disagree about that black BV outfit. Makes her look really short.
    The Balenciaga is indeed lovely.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t understand this latest deployments of outfits.  She has gone so many places looking amazing, and recently….. *crickets*  She is a GORGEOUS woman with an AMAZING figure.  Does she forget tolook in the mirror/get dressed in the dark?

  • Anonymous

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look so consistently BAD.
    Go have some fun Selma and get out of these clothes. 

  • Anonymous

    I have always been a HUGE fan of hers, she is so gorgeous, talented and sexy but……. Ever since she walked down the aisle her fashion sense has flown the coop.  Bottega Veneta IS NOT her friends, ever.  Their style is just to overworked and fussy with straps, details, gee-gaws and hoo-haws.  The tux could have been sooo sexy…….  Love that Balenciaga dress but the hip sash was unfortunate.

  • Anonymous

    She needs to tell Pierre to stuff it and go get dresses that actually flatter her, outside of the PPR stable. Really – could she look any less attractive than in the designs from the PPR houses? Yikes! Schmattes – expensive schmattes.

  • Anonymous

    I think it’s hard to dress a short, voluptuous woman.  These pictures demonstrate my point.  

  • oohsparkley!

    The only look I really hated was her tuxedo look, with the hat it just looks too costume-y and unflattering.  I like the corset belt, I think it accents her waist.  The rest are just so so.  Maybe she’s tired of looking drop-dead sexy all the time and just wanted to change things up.  Those shoes with the black dress are tragic.

  • Anonymous

    It astounds me that a woman who looks like this ends up wearing such tragic clothes. Girl, you’re beautiful. Re-learn what works for YOU. 

  • Anonymous

    I know she’s a tiny woman, but she looks stumpy.

  • Anonymous

    Richer than ever…duller than ever. WTF?

    • Anonymous

      Well said!

  • Anonymous

    As you point out, there are people who dress rich people for a living and many of them are really, really, good at what they do. Why does she not hire such a person????  At least for professional appearances. [a conundrum: are there any non-professional appearances when you are the younger and uber glamorous wife of an older & insanely wealthy gentleman?  Even if you are a successful film star, rich - by ordinary folk standards - in your own right?] 

    A new stylist-stylee pairing might need some time to establish trust and work out the kinks – but she’s been underperforming in the public appearance department for a while, yes? (I admit I don’t follow closely enough to be sure).

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Catherine-Rhodes/602850414 Catherine Rhodes

    I think she looks awful in every look. How is that possible when pairing a beautiful women with a whole wardrobe of couture possibilities?

  • Anonymous

    That first dress could have worked with a deeper v-neck and a sane belt. The material is cool. The second dress was adorable but then the addition of that tragic hip sash… yikes. The tux was such a to-die-for IDEA but so, so badly executed. And then she went and ruined that cute black dress with the ankle strap shoes. The only explanation I can find for the final look is that they lost her luggage on the flight. 

  • Anonymous

    I like the suit look.  Besides, “the cut here looks too masculine.”  What kind of nonsense is that?

  • http://profiles.google.com/thisiscelia Celia

    Yikes, this is a series of misses for her. I can’t remember the last time she was on such a poor streak. The only thing passable is the Bottega Veneta dress and even then, I agree that the shoes are all wrong.

  • Anonymous

    Gawd, these are awful. How do they manage to make such a beautiful woman look she’s wearing stuff from Dress Barn, or the West Bumfart Dance Academy’s costume closet? 

  • Anonymous

    I like the first three looks on her.  The last two, not so much.  I think she must be trying to find a way of flattering her figure AND looking like she belongs in a G-rated children’s film.  That must be why she’s got her décolletage covered in the tuxedo look.  The sash, the corset, the tux, the hat, the warmup suit – they’re all meant to be playful pieces, no?

  • Anonymous

    It looks as if the “Gossip Girl” costume director took a second job as Hayek’s stylist.

  • Anonymous

    Wow. Most of these looks are just painful. This Bitter Kitten was made to smile knowing that even a spectacularly beautiful woman with access to unfathomably expensive designer duds can still look…well….not great. I know, I’m a bitch!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1401197785 Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    Why can’t he just buy a company that does work for her body? Hell, why doesn’t he just buy her a designer?

  • http://twitter.com/Bloodisea Barbora

    She is so pretty, but wear so not flattering clothes 
    Like her in black and white dress :)))

  • http://twitter.com/hpenfield Hannah Penfield

    I’m pretty sure I wore a cheap, Old Navy version of that last outfit for picture day in the seventh grade. It was in like pink and orange, though.