The A-List: Cliff Notes Version

Posted on September 27, 2011

Because no one should spend more than 5 minutes on these queens.

Derek is throwing a party to launch his tanning product.

Rodiney throws a party to launch his calendar.

Nyasha is launching her “U.S. performing career.”

Tom and Lorenzo are planning a party to launch all of these ridiculous bitches into space.

Reichen slowly blinks and obsesses over Austin’s infidelities.

Ryan smirks and plays all the sides imaginable.

TJ is clueless and hops around like a hyperactive chihuahua.

Nyasha dresses up like Hooker Nefertiti for a photo shoot.

Rodiney takes a “dance class” with no one else in attendance, which we’re pretty sure just means he jimmied the lock on a dance studio.

Rodiney’s dancing skills are on par with his oratory skills.

Tom and Lorenzo predict that Rodiney will be doing porn within five years.

TJ throws a party for his gay blog.

T Lo have been gay blogging for 5 years and never once thought of throwing a party for themselves.

Austin and Phillip Bloch pretend to know each other while shopping for manpanties.

Rodiney weighs in on Austin’s marriage: “I’m so pissed Austin because he such a hypocrite. I like, please.”

Nyasha and Austin meet up in a bar to shriek at each other like velociraptors.

Rodiney hates everyone for gossiping about Austin at his calendar party. “Why you can’t support my perject?”

Rodiney spends all of Derek’s tanner party gossiping about Austin.

Mike thinks gossip is beneath him.

T Lo wonder for the thousandth time what the fuck Mike is doing here.

Austin has no job and no money but is planning a big bachelor party in Atlantic City.

Nyasha is – BY TOTAL COINCIDENCE – performing in Atlantic City that same weekend.

The Governor of New Jersey orders the immediate evacuation of Atlantic City.

Austin doesn’t show up for Derek’s tanner party.

Everyone decides they hate Austin and love Nyasha.

The writers of this show never work again and all on-camera personalities are rounded up and sent to poverty-stricken corners of the world to get some motherfucking perspective.

Next week: Austin sobs drunkenly – and unconvincingly.

  • Rand Ortega

    This is EXACTLY how this crap should be treated. Like a nauseating footnote.
    Thanks, again, TLo– for your sacrifice & your wisdom.

  • Terence Ng

    Frankly, I’m impressed that you still do this. Please. You don’t need to hurt yourselves for us. The A-List is killing you. It’s killing us all.

  • Anonymous

    I applaud you for still watching this crap.  The sacrifices you show to your bitter kittens don’t go unnoticed.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=630168379 Brian G. Cox

    May I be placed on the stand-by guest list for #4?

    • Anonymous

      Yes I would like a mention on the guest list.

  • http://twitter.com/karenwalsh Karen Walsh

    Please don’t launch them into space.  Space is too good for them.  Put them all in 1 car and blow it up.

    • Anonymous

      Besides…who needs even MORE space trash falling from the skies to worry about?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GFMOZFM3WT3T56EZHVZFK7UXSI Ramon

    You guys deserve an EGOT (and the Palme D’Or), the Leone D’Oro and the Berlin Golden Bear for all your suffering and our pleasure at reading these comments.

    • http://beautyforrealgirls.blogspot.com/ accidental housewife

      Yep. They deserve a Peace Prize or Medal of Honor, or something* for the lengths they will go for the Kittens. Everything I know about the A List is due to Tom and Lorenzo, and Joel McHale when he makes fun of Rod-i-ney.

      *There should be a special place in Heaven for them.

      • Anonymous

        I think there’s already a special place in Heaven for them.

        My mother used to say “Be kinder to people than they deserve, you never know what’s really going on in their lives. Bringing a small smile to someone’s face might be what they need.”

        By Mom’s criteria, they’re on their way to sainthood. (dubious distinction as that might be).

        • http://beautyforrealgirls.blogspot.com/ accidental housewife

          You’re probably right. Their special place in Heaven is already set aside.

          They can be the patron saints of fashion bloggers.

  • http://profiles.google.com/dchockeyguy Trevor Burroughs

    Sadly, I know it took you far too long to write this.  Will you be covering Dallas as well?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GFMOZFM3WT3T56EZHVZFK7UXSI Ramon

      I think TLo have suffered enough. 

      • Anonymous

        I echo this. I think they should announce they’re not going to cover the finale of THIS show let alone any future seasons, and then throw a party for themselves.

        • http://phdoula.blogspot.com Rebecca

          I believe they have (announced they’re not covering Dallas, not thrown a party for themselves).

  • Anonymous

    What a bunch of horse-hockey this lame show is….anyone wanna take my bet that Rotney is making up the infidelity stuff?…all so predictable. I wonder A-list if Dallas will be a running advertisement for whatever those twisted queens are pushing?.( I won’t be watching)..Thanks TLo for putting it all in perspective for us!!!…You deserve a medal!

    • Anonymous

      I was thinking along the same lines as you, that Rodiney was just making it up. I mean, he’s the only person who we’ve heard this little rumour from, and the fact that someone else who hates Austin was the person who told Rodiney in the first place, makes the whole thing even more suspicious. Alas, that is giving this show far too much thought.

      • Anonymous

        Seriously!!!…..it just crossed my mind while watching though…while this would require thinking by the production team,   
        it’s feasible…we shall see next week on the finale……wish I cared…LOL!

  • Anonymous

    and by the way: “Nyasha and Austin meet up in a bar to shriek at each other like velociraptors.”…I almost choked on my tea.

  • Scott Hester-Johnson

    “Tom and Lorenzo predict that Rodiney will be doing porn within five years.”FIVE years?!?

    That’s uncharacteristically generous of you.

    I’m willing to go out on a limb and pick five MONTHS in the pool. And that’s only because they’ll have to do three months of editing to clean up the dialogue (“Someones heres awwdor pizza for sex. I too smart for the sex”)

  • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

    I think TLo should definitely be throwing themselves a party… for the blog or anything else.

  • Anonymous

    “Tlo said: T Lo wonder for the thousandth time what the fuck Mike is doing here.”

    Yeah, but his little bit of advice about staying above the fray finally explains why we don’t see him on camera.

    This episode also explained why it’s called the ‘A-List’: The ‘A’ stands for Atlantic City. Now THAT makes sense.

    I had to laugh when I saw Derek pretending to look at commercial real estate. The rent on that store would have been MINIMUM 20K a month (and that’s a conservative estimate). How much tanner does this buffoon think he can sell? Or did he save up enough from what he made blowing that old English guy to pay the rent?

    By the way, I’m having a party tonight to celebrate the launch of this comment.

    –GothamTomato

    • Scott Hester-Johnson

      I will pointedly NOT come to your party, GithamTomato, because you have been gossiping behind my back, I hate you and I have my own party for the launch of my dinner.

      • Anonymous

        Well, I will not be attending either of your parties, because I will be throwing MY own party in celebration of coming home from work. 

        • Anonymous

          I will come to any of all y’alls parties that don’t make me get off the couch.

          • http://phdoula.blogspot.com Rebecca

            Now it make sense, no one is coming to any of the A-List parties because they are too busy attending their own!

      • Anonymous

        Bitch please.

        I believe it was Nietzsche who first said, ‘I know you are, but what am I? Infinity.’–GothamTomato

        • Anonymous

          Thank you for the Pee Wee Herman reference – a classic!

          • Anonymous

            Pee Wee was quoting Nietzsche. 

            Don’t let the inane giggling fool you; Pee Wee is a deep existential thinker.

            –GothamTomato

          • Anonymous

            Thanks for the clarification.  Apparently, Pee Wee is a deep as I go.

      • Anonymous

        And I’ve been having a party for at least 10 minutes now, celebrating me not inviting all y’all to my party.

    • aussiegal77

      I’ll be there, GT….making sure to drink all your alcohol, try on your wigs and open your drawers to peek in them then gossip about you to all our friends with you standing 2 feet away. 

    • Anonymous

      I will definitely come to GothamTomato’s party–I’ll be the one shrieking and causing a scene.  Please bring cameras, and then we can throw an afterparty to launch our own fabulous “reality” show!

    • http://beautyforrealgirls.blogspot.com/ accidental housewife

      I’m having a party to celebrate my trip to Big Lots this afternoon. I might have time to come to your party later. Fashionably later, of course.

  • MilaXX

    This show is so bad. I mean, I am a reality tv addict and even by my low standards this stuff is unbelievably fake. Also, can someone please explain to me how on earth Nyasha actually makes a living off her wig/weave line when she wears the most busted, plastic, fake looking weaves around? This stuff looks cheaper than the crap they sell at the corner stores.

  • Anonymous

    “The Governor of New Jersey orders the immediate evacuation of Atlantic City.”

    Hahahahahahha. Oh TLo.  You slay me.  Put your drinks on my tab this week.

  • Anonymous

    Tom and Lorenzo are planning a party to launch all of these ridiculous bitches into space.

    I know Miss Manners would not approve of what I am going to say.  But, please, may I come?

    The Governor of New Jersey orders the immediate evacuation of Atlantic City.

    He probably would, too.  Whatever else I may think of Chris Christie, I must give him kudos for vetoing the proposed tax credit for Jersey Shorehttp://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/27/nyregion/christie-blocks-tax-credit-for-jersey-shore.html

  • Anonymous

    Boys, I can’t believe you’re still watching this dreck.

    And YES you should have a party for your blog.  You’ve created a monster worth celebrating.

    And then you should do a cocktail hour/speaking tour of the U.S. because I would pay money, REAL MONEY, to be in the same room and share a beverage with you for an evening.

  • Anonymous

    Frig getting an invitation to the TLo Blog party…I’ll just crash, get drunk, throw a drink, bitch slap someone…make a scene! It’ll give ya’ll something to rant about!  XD

  • Anonymous

    You forgot to mention the best (or worst?) part of Derek’s new spray tan product is that it’s called “Tansexual”, which Derek pronounces “Tanssssssexual”.

    Also, I think the camera dude has a crush on Rod-i-ney because during the dance “lesson” the camera was focused ENTIRELY on Rod-i-ney’s crotch in those heinous moose knuckle tights.

    And your prediction about Rod-i-ney doing gay porn within five years was SPOT ON! I love you guys.

    • Anonymous

      NO.  Tell me that there is not a product called “tansexual.”  I swear, this is a sign of the Apocalypse. 

    • Anonymous

      They also forgot ” I want to be the Donald Trump of tanning”…oy….

  • Anonymous

    “Hooker Nefertiti?”

    Heifertitty?
    Notatwinkie?
    Nastybooty?

  • Anonymous

    I think I’m going to fart next week and throw a party to celebrate.  You know, in an empty restaurant.

    I mean…that’s what we’re supposed to do, right?  This is a how-to show, right?  Or is there going to be an Idiot Intervention for them later in the season?

    (and what IS Mike doing there?)

  • Anonymous

    even the cliff notes version was too long to read…30 seconds of my life I’ll never get back. For the record, I appreciate your tenacity in watching these queens…what has been seen cannot be unseen after all.

  • Anonymous

    Rodiney may be doing porn in five years, but Austin will be doing it in less than three. Mark my words!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002673395871 Roadkill Writer’s Camp

    I would pay real money for anything in print by TLo written in their version of Rodiney-speak. 

  • http://twitter.com/RobertSanchez36 Robert Sanchez

    You poor guys, you actually deserve to throw yourselves a party for putting up with these sad, pathetic, self-entitled queens!

    I had the misfortune of seeing Nyasha’s music video for whatever the hell the “song” is called on “Pop Lab.” Girl needs to stick with them wigs, ’cause “singing” and “dancing” aren’t in her (or anyone’s) best interests.

  • Anonymous

    Thank god we’ve got the Governor of New Jersey around to protect the populace. Might be the best thing he’s done. Ever.

    (What, no, whadda you mean “they were kidding”?)

  • http://twitter.com/urban_gypsy Urban Gypsy aka Tess

    I so want an invite to the T-Lo launch party. These bitches absolutely must be blasted into space. I’ll even chip in for the rocket fuel. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1380079551 Marie Dees

    Yay!  Perfect summary. Because I either have to believe you or watch the show myself. The wiser choice is simply to trust you two.

  • Anonymous

    Bravo, darlings!

  • Anonymous

    If you threw a party I would take money out of my grad school fund just to attend.

  • http://phdoula.blogspot.com Rebecca

    But that is only 5 minutes of laugh-out-loud joy when I could have 10 from your long-form recaps!

    I know it’s torture for you guys, so I will willingly accept whatever amount of bitchiness you can bear to expend on this show. Even 5 minutes is priceless.

  • Anonymous

    Short and to the point.  That said — I think you need to add

    Roidney learns to sexy dance and brings out his inner Zoolander

    Philip Bloch is desperate to be the Rachel Zoe of LOGO — but unfortunately, he looks more and more like John Waters

    Jake (cheater or not) gets a well deserved break from Austin in a few weeks.

    Jennie J or whatever her name is has been brought in because Nyasha’s career won’t reach  LOGO’s loose definition of career.

    Sure there’s more but I am too tired to add.

  • Joshau Norton

    Strange, When you distill it down to the basics you could just as easily be describing a low-rent, truck and bus company tour of  “Boys in the Band”. But without any of the laughs or talent.

  • kjthorp

    OMG! I totally love you two! My day is sooooooooo much better after reading this. I think I need to print this out and read when we have a meeting.

  • Anonymous

    HA! You guys should totally throw a party for yourselves! 

  • http://twitter.com/ggore Glenn Gore

    Oh get ready guys, there will be more once A-List:  Dallas debuts.    I just can’t wait to see who plays the N(y)aus(h)ea part in it (yaright).

  • Anonymous

    Tanning product launch party. Tanning product launch party. 

    Does Logo give them “work assignments” the way The Real World did ten years ago? Aside from tanning lotion and tanning oil, are there other tanning products? Or is Derek providing product for abattoirs and tanneries?

  • Anonymous

    All I heard was “blah blah blah ‘TLo have been gay blogging for five years and have never thrown a party for themselves’” – you guys have NEVER thrown a party for T&L-F&O? Wow, it is SO time!! Let’s get a venue in Philly, sell some tickets (like $30 per person, make it a fundraiser), run some contests on the blog for “head table” spots, the minions will donate DJ services and decorations (or OOOH, does anybody run a venue in Philadelphia?????), etc. Honestly I think the free publicity alone of being the venue to host the TLo party would be worth it!

  • vmcdanie

    I used to watch The L Word (it was wretched television-I have no excuse) and one day I realized there could only be one logical explanation for this group of mostly cartoonish, implausible and awful characters. Clearly Ilene Chaiken was a front for some anti-gay rights group. It’s genius! How else to explain a show ostensibly for, by and about lesbians who serially cheat on each other, commit arson, blackmail, sabotage, stalk and finally murder someone in their own group of friends?

    Anyways, this show makes more sense now, yes? Alas, I see there is a Texas incarnation on the way.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for suffering through yet another episode to recap for your bitter kittens in footnotes. That’s all the commentary these famewhores need. Let’s hope Logo comes to their senses and recasts next season with actual A-listers and better writers.

  • Anonymous

    “Tom and Lorenzo predict that Rodiney will be doing porn within five years.”
    His expiration date is rapidly approaching.  He better make his move NOW……….

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_L4IFPFFEDCL4PYWBU654VDA6OQ jjkalifornia

    Y’all should check out the broke down Tansxl website complete with Paypal checkout.  The site couldn’t have taken over five minutes to create.  The good news?  Shipping is only $9!