Miss Universe 2011 National Costumes, Part One

Posted on September 13, 2011

Hit it, hos!

Miss Angola

“Come to Angola! Our sealife grows wild and attacks you!”

Miss Australia

“My breasts represent the sun rising over our fair land! My skirt represents our love for tacky fabrics!”

Miss Bahamas

“Quick! Vote for me before I grow my beak and fly away!”

Miss Canada

“Come to Canada, where we appropriate indigenous cultures when it suits us — JUST LIKE AMERICA!”

Miss Bolivia

“Fuck Miss Bahamas! Vote for me before I lay my eggs!”

Miss Chile

“Those miners would still be down there if I was with them! Right, boys?”

Miss Guatemala

“Yeah, I know it’s ugly, but you should vote for me because I didn’t dress like a fucking bird.”

Miss El Salvador

“We have no ridiculous bird-women in El Salvador. We dress like toilet paper covers because it pleases us.”

Miss Denmark

“I just really, really want to find a husband tonight.”

Miss France

“Come to France, where we cut off the heads of uppity women!”

Miss Guyana

“You will come to Guyana. Or my henchmen will take over the World Bank and destroy the economy, Mr. Bond.”

Miss Honduras

“To hell with national pride. My body is HOT, amirite?

Miss Ireland

“Look, we’re tired of dressing up like your little Molly-girl fantasies. IRISH WOMEN WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP. UNDERSTAND?”

Miss Jamaica

“Jamaican bird-women are far superior to Latin or South American bird-women. We’ll get you high.”

Miss Korea

“In Korea, the craft store industry is thriving!”

Miss Montenegro

“Come and check out our stylish nurses!”

New Zealand

“See this thing? Made in New Zealand, fuckers.”

Miss Nigeria

“Come to Nigeria. Our girls are trapped in these things and we need all the help we can get.”

Miss Paraguay

“I don’t know… butterfly, maybe? I don’t think I’m supposed to be a bird. I’m pretty sure they would have told me that.”

Miss Romania

“The Dracula thing is all we’ve got going on right now.”

Miss Slowak Republic

“I can’t believe I got talked into wearing a folk costume when I could have dressed like a bird in a bikini.”

Miss Spain

“Support our drag queen industry!”

Miss Turks & Caicos

“How the hell should I know why I’m wearing this? You think I give a shit?”

Miss U.S. Virgin Islands

“Come to the Virgin Islands, where you will live every moment in mortal fear that a giant wave will wash you away!”

Miss Uruguay

“Come to Uruguay, where the girls fart feathers!”

Miss USA

“I CANNOT TELL A LIE, BITCHES! MY COOCH IS FABULOUS!”

Miss Venezuela

“You do not need silly bird-women. In Venezuela, the salamander people will cater to your every need.”

 

Miss Curacao

“Fuck those other bird-bitches! I’m the one you – SQUAWK! SKREE!”

 

Part 2 is coming soon, darlings. And this is as good a place as any to announce that we’ll be on the Derek & Romaine show on Sirius XM radio #108 at nine PM eastern tonight. You bitches better call in!

[Photo Credit: Patrick Prather/Miss Universe]

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