Miss Universe 2011 National Costumes, Part One

Posted on September 13, 2011

Hit it, hos!

Miss Angola

“Come to Angola! Our sealife grows wild and attacks you!”

Miss Australia

“My breasts represent the sun rising over our fair land! My skirt represents our love for tacky fabrics!”

Miss Bahamas

“Quick! Vote for me before I grow my beak and fly away!”

Miss Canada

“Come to Canada, where we appropriate indigenous cultures when it suits us — JUST LIKE AMERICA!”

Miss Bolivia

“Fuck Miss Bahamas! Vote for me before I lay my eggs!”

Miss Chile

“Those miners would still be down there if I was with them! Right, boys?”

Miss Guatemala

“Yeah, I know it’s ugly, but you should vote for me because I didn’t dress like a fucking bird.”

Miss El Salvador

“We have no ridiculous bird-women in El Salvador. We dress like toilet paper covers because it pleases us.”

Miss Denmark

“I just really, really want to find a husband tonight.”

Miss France

“Come to France, where we cut off the heads of uppity women!”

Miss Guyana

“You will come to Guyana. Or my henchmen will take over the World Bank and destroy the economy, Mr. Bond.”

Miss Honduras

“To hell with national pride. My body is HOT, amirite?

Miss Ireland

“Look, we’re tired of dressing up like your little Molly-girl fantasies. IRISH WOMEN WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP. UNDERSTAND?”

Miss Jamaica

“Jamaican bird-women are far superior to Latin or South American bird-women. We’ll get you high.”

Miss Korea

“In Korea, the craft store industry is thriving!”

Miss Montenegro

“Come and check out our stylish nurses!”

New Zealand

“See this thing? Made in New Zealand, fuckers.”

Miss Nigeria

“Come to Nigeria. Our girls are trapped in these things and we need all the help we can get.”

Miss Paraguay

“I don’t know… butterfly, maybe? I don’t think I’m supposed to be a bird. I’m pretty sure they would have told me that.”

Miss Romania

“The Dracula thing is all we’ve got going on right now.”

Miss Slowak Republic

“I can’t believe I got talked into wearing a folk costume when I could have dressed like a bird in a bikini.”

Miss Spain

“Support our drag queen industry!”

Miss Turks & Caicos

“How the hell should I know why I’m wearing this? You think I give a shit?”

Miss U.S. Virgin Islands

“Come to the Virgin Islands, where you will live every moment in mortal fear that a giant wave will wash you away!”

Miss Uruguay

“Come to Uruguay, where the girls fart feathers!”

Miss USA

“I CANNOT TELL A LIE, BITCHES! MY COOCH IS FABULOUS!”

Miss Venezuela

“You do not need silly bird-women. In Venezuela, the salamander people will cater to your every need.”

 

Miss Curacao

“Fuck those other bird-bitches! I’m the one you – SQUAWK! SKREE!”

 

Part 2 is coming soon, darlings. And this is as good a place as any to announce that we’ll be on the Derek & Romaine show on Sirius XM radio #108 at nine PM eastern tonight. You bitches better call in!

[Photo Credit: Patrick Prather/Miss Universe]

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  • Anonymous

    Loved the Bond villain and salamander people.  The girls in the flesh covering costumes must feel so overdressed.

  • Anonymous

    Brilliant, as always, guys!

  • Anonymous

    Absolutely glorious! Love the comment about Miss New Zealand

    • Pennymac

      Yes! The New Zealand comment made me choke on my coffee mid sip!

    • Anonymous

      Too funny! We (kiwis) ALL do this :)

  • Anonymous

    “Come to Nigeria. Our girls are trapped in these things and we need all the help we can get.”

    That made my morning! :)

    • Anonymous

      I have to confess that I liked Miss Nigeria’s headpiece-it reminds of some of the fabulous art that I studied way back when in college.

      I feel truly sorry for Miss Denmark-that was one sorry and uniimaginative costume.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, at least it did look like it was based on authentic costumes. I just love T-Lo though, they crack me up :)

  • Anonymous

    First thought on seeing Miss Chile . . . she went all Hunger Games.

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.parker Sara Parker

      My thoughts exactly!

    • alex

      Yeah, that’s what it reminded me of! Hunger Games with less terror and mortal fear… Or maybe not, I hear the Pageant Industry is pretty brutal.

    • Anonymous

      HAHAHAHA. That’s terrifyingly accurate! Miss Universe may be the closest thing we have to the Hunger Games…

    • muzan-e

      Yes! Every time, the coal-mining district with its costumes running a line between dull and ridiculous. I thought to myself at the time:  really? Couldn’t people with a staggering budget and better imagination than me, say, think up something awesome just once?

      And then I see Miss Chile.

    • http://profiles.google.com/a.w.geletka Anna Geletka

      YES!  That is entirely, exactly what I thought.

      • Anonymous

        When I just glanced at her briefly I thought “Ode To The Village People”……

  • Anonymous

    What’s with all the bird people? That’s a bit frightening…

  • Anonymous

    This looks like a Project Runway challenge in Bizarro world. 

    If you take away that patriotic half trampoline she’s carrying, Miss USA looks like she is appearing in the Non, Non Napoleon revue at the Folies Bergeres. She needs to get together with the Marie Antoinette wannabe from France. Is she carrying cake for the peasants in her hand? And why does Miss Canada’s tepee have teeth, a tongue and diseased gums? So many questions….Love the screencaps.

    • Anonymous

      And why does Miss Canada have her arms crossed??  So very odd…

      • Anonymous

        She’s mimicking one of those cigar store Indian chief statues. So very cringe-worthy.

        • Anonymous

          as a Canadian i formally apologize for both that costume that needs to be returned to the appropriate Village Person immediately….oh and Justin Bieber…

        • Anonymous

          as a Canadian i formally apologize for both that costume that needs to be returned to the appropriate Village Person immediately….oh and Justin Bieber…

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=615187474 Trish Barker

        Probably because she’s pissed she’s wearing such an unflattering, insensitive, never-nude get-up.

    • http://twitter.com/Athenabast Athena Bast

      The top of her dress is inspired by Haida art. I’m guessing she’s from out British Columbia way.

      • Anonymous

        agreed on the Haida dress inspiration, but the head dress is pure Plains Tribes (Blackfoot, etc), so apparently it’s a Native mashup costume, even more cringe worthy….

        • http://profiles.google.com/a.w.geletka Anna Geletka

          Yeah, the Plains headdress is… not ok.

    • http://twitter.com/urban_gypsy Urban Gypsy aka Tess

      OMFG, yes! Project Runway should get the designers to do up national costumes for the Ms Universe pageant. Can you imagine the fuckery (and because of Regretsy, I feel like I should say whimsicle fuckery) that would come out of that. At this point, I doubt it could get any worse so why not head directly for bizarre.

      • Anonymous

        The first one and the birds already look like they are the products of a Pet Store challenge, but made by people with more construction skills than this year’s bunch (though not necessarily better taste).

      • Anonymous

        The first one and the birds already look like they are the products of a Pet Store challenge, but made by people with more construction skills than this year’s bunch (though not necessarily better taste).

    • http://twitter.com/urban_gypsy Urban Gypsy aka Tess

      OMFG, yes! Project Runway should get the designers to do up national costumes for the Ms Universe pageant. Can you imagine the fuckery (and because of Regretsy, I feel like I should say whimsicle fuckery) that would come out of that. At this point, I doubt it could get any worse so why not head directly for bizarre.

    • Patricia Biswanger

      As I scrolled down and saw the weird teepee, I thought, please don’t be Miss USA, please don’t be Miss USA, please don’t be Miss USA.  What a relief that she was Miss Canada.  National pride salvaged . . . until I scrolled a little further.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_I6S4ZO76CSNSOYQOKHJ2MIOGH4 Denise

    These costumes would have fit perfectly in “Velvet Goldmine”. Brian SLADE!!

  • Anonymous

    I thought this was the premiere of Project Runway Season 10. 

    • Anonymous

      “Designers, In this, our unconventional materials challenge, you will use these old mardi gras floats to create looks for aspiring drag queens. 

      • http://isara.livejournal.com/ Synnamin

        I really want a Project Runway/RuPaul’s Drag Race mash up show.

        • Michaela King

          OMGosh wouldn’t it be hilarious? And terrifying?

  • Megan Patterson

    Miss Ireland was FIERCE. But I kind of love sexy lady armour?

    • Anonymous

      Miss Ireland was definitely out there, but such a welcome change from the overdone leprachaun, Riverdance looks.

      • vicki

        My favorite! I’d take those sleeves off and hang them on the wall as art.

      • vicki

        My favorite! I’d take those sleeves off and hang them on the wall as art.

      • vicki

        My favorite! I’d take those sleeves off and hang them on the wall as art.

      • vicki

        My favorite! I’d take those sleeves off and hang them on the wall as art.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, I liked it too. 

    • http://profiles.google.com/roseofthestage Emily Rose

      Fuck yes. She is rocking that sexy warrior-queen look.

  • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

    Miss Spain – “Support our drag queen industry!” – best line EVAH!!  Spit coffee everywhere!  Thanks, T and Lo!!  Love you guys!

    • http://www.facebook.com/CatherineKatz Catherine Katz

      That one was my favorite, too!   I’m so happy I work at home so no one heard me cackle like a demented bird…  wait, I’m not even in a bird costume!

    • Anonymous

      Even better, it’s Dorothy Zbornak drag.

    • Anonymous

      Even better, it’s Dorothy Zbornak drag.

  • Anonymous

    This is a classic. Well done.

  • http://twitter.com/zipper_revolt jadziadragonrider

    I thoroughly enjoyed this. 

  • Anonymous

    LMFAO!  as always boys….brilliant!

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been looking forward to this. Thank you, TLo. You guys never disappoint.

  • Anonymous

    OMG you slay me!!!
    Miss Guyana needs a lesson in tucking from RuPaul’s drag queens, and does Miss Romania have skeletal fingers on her shoulders???

  • Anonymous

    Y’know, if they banned feathers at Miss Universe, the world bird population would explode!

  • Anonymous

    It’s probably time to drop the term National Costume. Not one of these outfits resembles anything worn in its country’s real life—past or present. In fact, these are so OTT, they’d be considered too much for Mardi Gras or Carnivale.

    Actually, on second viewing, I rather like Nigeria.

    • Anonymous

      Well, Guatemala could actually pass for nineteenth-century sheep herder on the pampas.

  • Anonymous

    Curacao needs no words. That’s the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.

  • Anonymous

    I’d say it shows how idiotic a national costume competition is, but I am sure that it is the most entertaining part of the whole show.

  • http://twitter.com/bredalot Breda Smith

    I’m pretty sure Miss Ireland’s costume is inspired by the Morrigan, which: AWESOME. Or maybe it’s just a reference to the Celtic warriors, again which: awesome. (But I am an archaeology student and British Isles enthusiast, so maybe I’m just vulnerable to this costume.)

  • Anonymous

    Thank God I am learning – I stopped scrolling to the next hysterical costume, swallowed my coffee and then continued….avoiding the hot liquid through the nose wake-up technique.  Thanks for starting my day with so much laughter.

    Tell me these poor young women had no input in the design of the hallucinogen-inspired parade floats they are sporting.

  • Now I am The Bee

    Love Miss Romania the best.  Makes me want to visit Transylvania right away! 
    Is it odd that all the Europeans are all dressed up and the South Americans and Caribbean gals are practically naked?  All the bird outfits must be influenced by the recent “Rio” movie, don’t ya think?
    I can’t tell what’s all over Miss Ireland–beads?  What’s the point? 
    Miss USA ROCKS!

    Anyway–thanks for all the pics and screen caps.  This is why we love you, Tlo!

    • Anonymous

      I once was offered a scholarship to a Translvania University.  I just couldn’t wrap my head around claiming the name as my alma mater, so I declined (well, I was 17 at the time).

  • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

    Oh, Chile. You did not. 

  • Sobaika Mirza

    Paraguay looks like a peacock on acid.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1248212910 Jessie Melcher Brown

    The Chilean miner costume is the tackiest yet. Let’s take a potential tragedy and remarkable rescue and turn it into a showgirl costume.

  • Anonymous

    I actually kinda love Miss France.  Miss Romania as Vlad the Impaler is LOLworthy.

  • Anonymous

    Miss Chile: someone was attempting to mimic rock stratigraphy without actually looking at, you know, rocks. That’s not even a real rockpick. South America has some of the most amazing mineral specimens around, and beautiful rock.

    Miss Guyana: Where the mortality rate is so bad, they wear their hernias like a badge of honor. Seriously, it looks as though she is wearing her intestines on her hips.

    Miss Ireland: Now that is MY kind of wackitude. I want to hang that dress over the door way.

    Miss Jamaica: What’s up with the shin-guards?
    Miss Romania: A feather? Seriously?

    Miss Slowak Republic: Fetish wear for milkmaids

    Miss Spain: I can’t. It’s making my carpal tunnel flair up at the mere idea of how much there is to rip on.

    Miss Uruguay: Is that a bedazzled trashcan?
     
    Miss USA: Best. Congressional. Stripper. Ever.

    Miss Venezuala: I can see her tongue ready to flick out and catch an insect. I don’t think that’s a costume.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2T4MITQF3LY3T3KEKKOTMUP6EM Sarah

    All of your comments are fabulous, as always, but my favorite was definitely Miss Spain.  You nailed that one! 

  • Anonymous

    Could someone please explain to me what Miss Ireland is wearing? Is she representing the mummification of young maidens?

    • Anonymous

      Celtic warrior?

      • Anonymous

        yeah, I thought Celtic warrior as well. and to Breda Smith, I love the “bog mummy” comment!

    • http://twitter.com/bredalot Breda Smith

      Dude, if a future Miss Ireland (or, like, Miss Denmark or something) dresses up as the bog mummies, I will be THRILLED. Mildly grossed out, but still: I will want to be friends with her.

    • Anonymous

      I though Celtic Warrior as well. After I took a good look. Before that, I thought she was Ms. Egypt—or possibly Turkey, what with the scimitars.

  • Anonymous

    Looking at Miss American you do have to wonder, “What would George Washington think?”

    • Anonymous

      He’d think, “Damn, she has a bigger hat than me!” And then, “And waayyyy better teeth.”

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know about Washington, but I’ll bet that Ben Franklin would have been ALL OVER that shit!

      • http://profiles.google.com/awilsongirl Amy Wilson

        So help me Oprah, the Ben Franklin comment just made me laugh so hard, it woke up my sleeping kid.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZV4RPXU5S4LK62RCHHFCPLQ66E trixie

      NPR described her as “George Washington crosses the Delaware to get to Hooters”

      • Anonymous

        And this is why I don’t mind some of my tax dollars going to NPR…

      • Anonymous

        And this is why I don’t mind some of my tax dollars going to NPR…

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_45G3HP366QRX4HUWI5IAKTSOHQ NK

    Paraguay sweetie, you are clearly meant to be a peacock, but the fact that no one knows this, and that you are standing  a stage with Bolivia who looks pretty bad ass as a bird, means you fail.

  • Anonymous

    My very favorite thing about this is that it’s labeled “Part One.” These bitches seriously brightened my day.

  • Anonymous

    As always spitting out coffee while laughing at work!  Excellent!
    Bond and the salamander chica were my faves.  Ireland too.

  • https://profiles.google.com/104791269167429064986 Judy S

    Didn’t Anya on PR say she got her start designing her own beauty queen outfit?  Very strange.

  • Anonymous

    “Come to France, where we cut off the heads of uppity women!”
    And hide them in our skirts!!
    I think the Latina women win hands (or feathers) down!!

  • Anonymous

    Dear Ms. Romania,

    Just because the season finale of True Blood just aired, does not mean it’s okay to come out of the coffin. 

    Don’t make me stake you,

    RocknLox

  • Terence Ng

    This is some straight-up Priscilla Queen of the Desert shit right up in here, ladies!

    I kind of find Miss Chile offensive…but I guess no one died, so it’s okay.

    • Anonymous

      I had major problems with Chile as a salute to trapped miners. Might as well have an Israeli dressed in concentration camp PJs.

      • Erin Barclay

        I looked at Chile and thought ‘is that Carmen Carrera?’ before I asked if it was offensive. 

      • Erin Barclay

        I looked at Chile and thought ‘is that Carmen Carrera?’ before I asked if it was offensive. 

      • http://twitter.com/bredalot Breda Smith

        I think it was probably intended as a salute to the human spirit and what it took for all of them to get out alive. But that doesn’t mean it WORKED.

        • Anonymous

          Well, speaking of the human spirit, Israel was largely established as a nation by Holocaust survivors, but that’s no reason to dress them in Auschwitz chic.

        • Anonymous

          Well, speaking of the human spirit, Israel was largely established as a nation by Holocaust survivors, but that’s no reason to dress them in Auschwitz chic.

  • Anonymous

    Oh boys, THANK YOU SO MUCH.  I’ve been waiting for this for 364 days.  Nigeria’s costume last year was WAY better.

    And sometimes, when I’m having a bad day thinking about the American economy, I think of your most-excellent comment from last year “Eat it World, in America, our strippers can fly!”  And all is right.

  • http://twitter.com/VicksieDo Vickie Lord

    Great captions!  What drugs are these people on, and do they share??

  • Anonymous

    Thanks for returning to the hilarity!  I love the Miss Universe posts.  I missed that there was no Victoria’s Secret fashion show coverage this year.

  • margaret meyers

    Why doesn’t PR do a challenge like this — designing a costume for a beauty pageant, a fan convention, a state fair or a trade show?

    • Anonymous

      They designed for Miss USA in season 3.  Kayne won.

      • Anonymous

        Yes. But that was a regular evening gown. A National Costume design would be reminiscent of the Drag Queen challenge in season 5. In fact, Ireland sort of reminds me of Terri’s outfit for Acid Betty.

        • John Heffernan

          Terri NAILED that look. She should have been the winner of that episode.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZGP56UPWRMB2XP6KM2UNLWZYVU Brady

    I’m literally in tears after reading these! My coworkers are staring at me like I’m mental or something.

  • Anonymous

    Hysterical! As ridiculous and over the top as most of these are, the little craft-projects ones are so sad! Turks & Caicos, Korea, and Angola all look like they forgot about their costumes and asked their moms to help at 8 pm the night before.

    Miss Curacao needs to perform with Bootsy Collins, stat!

  • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.parker Sara Parker

    You know, the great thing about reading this blog on a regular basis is that my officemates no longer look at me funny when I start giggling at my desk.
    I still try to keep it on the inside, but when I got to “I cannot tell a lie, bitches! My cooch is fabulous!” I just completely lost it.

  • Anonymous

    How the hell do they even GET IN those things?? Must’ve been a super-long commercial break before this segment. 

  • Anonymous

    I thought these were pictures from A-List New York…oopsss…my bad….

  • Anonymous

    BEST COMMENTARY EVER! I LOVE YOU GUYS!

  • Anonymous

    AUSTRALIA HAD LITERAL VAGINA CURTAINS!!

  • Anonymous

    AUSTRALIA HAD LITERAL VAGINA CURTAINS!!

  • Judy_J

    You two are amazing….Fashion Week AND Miss Universe Pagent costume commentary!  I’m sort of in awe of these women actually wearing and being able to walk in these costumes. 

  • Judy_J

    You two are amazing….Fashion Week AND Miss Universe Pagent costume commentary!  I’m sort of in awe of these women actually wearing and being able to walk in these costumes. 

  • Judy_J

    You two are amazing….Fashion Week AND Miss Universe Pagent costume commentary!  I’m sort of in awe of these women actually wearing and being able to walk in these costumes. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/charlotte.horseman Charlotte Horseman

    OH my word… that’s good stuff for this Tuesday morning, thanks!! 

    Several said it, and it’s true – could totally have been from a PR team challenge… Josh M would be in heaven!

  • http://www.facebook.com/charlotte.horseman Charlotte Horseman

    OH my word… that’s good stuff for this Tuesday morning, thanks!! 

    Several said it, and it’s true – could totally have been from a PR team challenge… Josh M would be in heaven!

  • Rand Ortega

    The Miss USA costume is the ultimate in craptacular.

  • Rand Ortega

    The Miss USA costume is the ultimate in craptacular.

  • Anonymous

    This is a minor nitpick, but I really wish you guys would put your captions above the photos instead of below them.  When viewing your site on a small monitor, I always have to scroll down to read the caption, then back up to see the photo. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000317486855 Kathy Williamson

    Used to be that the costumes represented the culture.  These are “CRAZY” Your comments are spot on!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000317486855 Kathy Williamson

    Used to be that the costumes represented the culture.  These are “CRAZY” Your comments are spot on!!

  • Anonymous

    Miss Nigeria- Fun fact: Nigeria is the land where Red Hots originated.

    –M

  • Anonymous

    Miss Nigeria- Fun fact: Nigeria is the land where Red Hots originated.

    –M

  • Anonymous

    I think I kind of love Ms Ireland’s!

  • Anonymous

    I think I kind of love Ms Ireland’s!

  • Anonymous

    You got a good night’s sleep!  I was worried after yesterday’s werq.  Yay for TLo and for sleep and for your hilarious comments… because… well, I’m Irish and can f*ck someone’s shit up!!! 

  • aimee_parrott

    My personal favorite, as an Irish girl, is Miss Ireland’s “IRISH GIRLS WILL FUCK YOU UP!” although Spain’s drag-queen industry is a close second.  Miss Chile is representing District 12 in the Hunger Games.

    • Anonymous

      District 12, buah ha ha ha!

  • Lori

    Yay!  Can’t wait for part two.  Your Miss Universe posts are my happy place. 

    Just googled it and Angola won.  So the costume doesn’t count, they have to shlep those shipwrecks on their bodies and it doesn’t even get them anywhere? 

  • Anonymous

    Wow.  So a, erm, catfight at this event would look like a remake of The Birds.  And the US costume still managed to be one of the most embarrassing!

  • http://www.facebook.com/WendyLKaufman Wendy Kaufman

    LOVE the comments. I kinda like Ireland, Venezuela, and USA. 

  • Sara S Rummell

    The Spain comment made me drop my sandwich in my lap! Too funny

  • Anonymous

    Love the captions- no words for how fantastic this post is.  After looking at this post I realized that a certain PR contestant from this season must have also worn a National Costume (and no, I’m not talking about either of the Joshs).   So after some digging….

    http://movies.ndtv.com/gallerydetails.aspx?id=1942&category=Movies&picno=9&section=&ShowID=0#BD

    • http://www.facebook.com/c.d.barney Chrissy Barney

      Dayum, her chest does NOT look that big on PR. And nice, with the research. I sincerely hope she didn’t design that costume on her own.

    • http://www.facebook.com/c.d.barney Chrissy Barney

      Dayum, her chest does NOT look that big on PR. And nice, with the research. I sincerely hope she didn’t design that costume on her own.

    • Anonymous

      I spit iced tea through my nose when I read the caption…they competed at an Outlet mall!

    • Anonymous

      Thank-you.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, thank you very much. Icing on the cake.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_BA6BTBV4V3MQRX6K2HDEL7Y7TU MerridithK

    Miss Honduras–you two KILL me!!!  Hugs.

  • Anonymous

    OMG, your comments are some seriously funny sh%t this morning.  I loved Ireland (the comments).  TLo, my morning coffee.

  • Anonymous

    Is that a creepy disembodied hand grabbing the shoulder of Miss Romania? It is!
    You have to love a country that goes for the scariest costume category at Miss Universe.

  • Anonymous

    I liked Miss Ireland.  I also like that some of the girls actually wore a costume that you could tell was a tribute to the country, in a good way.  Like Miss Slowak Republic, Miss Guatemala (Miss Chile was tacky).  At least they didn’t start with the idea of ‘okay, I’m gonna wear a bikini.  Let’s glue some stuff to it, but make sure you don’t hide the goods.’

    I love these posts.  You can’t beat a bunch of looks-obsessed women trying to out-skank all the others in a televised competition for a sash and a shared apartment in New York.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Colum-Terence-O-Toole/1251952357 Colum Terence O Toole

    Both the Irish and gay men in me are fighting over who gets to bitch slap Miss Ireland first (just as soon as they figure out how that getup relates to our country)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1002675081 Stacey Noel

    Is Wendy Pepper designing for Miss Honduras? Just asking.

    Your commentary on Miss Ireland and New Zealand still totally cracks me up. Thanks for making me laugh today TLo!

  • Anonymous

    You made my day already.

  • http://isara.livejournal.com/ Synnamin

    I LOVE this time of year! It’s Eurovision for pageants!

  • Anonymous

    Hilarious.  Bless your hearts.

  • Anonymous

    Is the thing  Miss Ireland is wearing made of beer can tabs?

  • Anonymous

    OMG–I LIVE for these caps every year, and these did not disappoint–these are real tears puddled up under my eyes!

    Misses Ireland, Spain, New Zealand, El Salvador, and all the bird women–hysterical! 

    And caps aside, Miss Bahamas–what the FUCK?  Are you that proud of your bikini wax?  You’re coming perilously close to displaying all of the good china!

  • bookish

    Yes! An annual TLo favorite! Miss Curacao is my favorite by far. :)

  • Joyce VG

    Thanks! I needed the chuckle!

  • Didi None

    Ms Paraguay is a peacock!

  • Anonymous

    I didn’t understand most of the ‘Home-Ec” craft projects going on last night….is it weird that Miss USA’s custom looked well sewn, made the most sense and had the best styling?

  • Anonymous

    Really… gotta love Miss Ireland this year!

  • Anonymous

    I really hope the giant white flower on Korea’s hat spins.

    Denmark’s dress doesn’t fit her. How is that possible? Did they call Party City or some shit?

  • http://aimeewrites.com AimeeWrites

    Oh good heavens.  These are my favorite posts of the year.  I got SO excited when I heard the pageant was on last night, because I knew THIS was coming today.  Thank you so much; I needed those laughs.  Can’t wait for Part II.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002209332020 Molly Maguire

    You have outdone yourselves with the commentary! This is the best thing online this week — maybe this month — maybe EVER! Hilarious, and I thank you, thank you, thank you for a great, prolonged laugh!

  • gloria

    I am Spanish and I must say that your comment on the Spanish costume was so hilarious I almost choked! XD

    • Anonymous

      also, the fan Miss Spain is holding looks like it has chinese or japanese characters on it. so – confusing. Support the spanish fan-making business! there must be one! right?

  • MilaXX

    I love the crack that is the Ms. Universe pageant. Home tonight so if I don’t have laryngitis I may attempt a call.

  • MilaXX

    I love the crack that is the Ms. Universe pageant. Home tonight so if I don’t have laryngitis I may attempt a call.

  • http://profiles.google.com/ropprl Rachel Ropp

    “Wow, QVC has some really great stuff today” – Nicki Minaj, watching at home

  • http://profiles.google.com/ropprl Rachel Ropp

    “Wow, QVC has some really great stuff today” – Nicki Minaj, watching at home

  • Anonymous

    Is this part of their competition designed to see who can handle embarrassment on a global scale?  

    • Anonymous

      Hah! Yep, screw that ‘answering questions’ crap.  When the Miss Universe pageant means poise, they MEAN it.

  • Anonymous

    What in the… 

  • Anonymous

    OMG. This is hysterical. Love the salamander people.

  • Anonymous

    OMG. This is hysterical. Love the salamander people.

  • Anonymous

    OMG. This is hysterical. Love the salamander people.

  • Anonymous

    OMG. This is hysterical. Love the salamander people.

  • Betsy Wasser

    “Made in New Zealand, fuckers” made my day.

  • Betsy Wasser

    “Made in New Zealand, fuckers” made my day.

  • Betsy Wasser

    “Made in New Zealand, fuckers” made my day.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

    Omigod. AMAZING. Miss Bahamas looks like a gay pride float. Half of the rest of them look like members of the Village People in drag. I WANT whatever the hell Miss Venezuela is wearing for my Halloween party!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    Didn’t Nikki Minaj wear Miss Curacao’s outfit to the MTV Music Awards one year?

  • http://profiles.google.com/grandiva1968 e jerry powell

    I can’t wait until we get to deal with the REAL drag queen issues in the evening gown competition…

  • Anonymous

    “See this thing? Made in New Zealand, fuckers.”

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.  My new catchphrase is “I cannot tell a lie, my cooch is fabulous.”

  • Anonymous

    This made me laugh so hard.

  • Mariah J

    Ireland and Venezuela are pretty amazing costumes. The others are just tacky and/or ugly.

  • Anonymous

    Oh my. I rather like Ireland’s though

  • Anonymous

    Sweet Jesus. I am strangling trying not to laugh inappropriately loudly here at my (supposed) work place.

    I feel kind of sorry for the Misses Romania & Turks & Caicos. No custom-made costumes in their countries & they had to run from the airport to a picked-over, 2nd rate costume store on the way to their hotel, though Miss Romania apparently got there first.

    • Anonymous

      Or their costumes were made by the equivalent of Project Runway Turks & Caicos. These were the auf’d looks, obviously.

  • Anonymous

    Thanks TLo.  These are some of my favorite posts.  The pictures, your commentary, and the bitter kittens all make me laugh.  

  • Anonymous

    Query: What’s with Miss France’s lopsided panniers? Or was she photographed in the middle of her bump ‘n grind routine?

  • Anonymous

    Miss Universe is back!!!  I love your snarky wit as always, so many laugh out loud comments.  You guys are brilliant!

  • http://twitter.com/LianaBrooks Liana Brooks

    Ohmigosh! *dies of laughter* I started reading the blog after the last round of these! Love! It!

    I have no clue what Miss Ireland is supposed to look like, and I’m stealing Miss Venezuela’s mermaid costume for Halloween.

  • Anonymous

    What…in…the…holy….fuck….

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1469133250 Patricia McMahon

    Yes! Miss Universe Drag-queen, er. National Costumes. LOVE you two.

  • irielle

    Funny as usual, but I totally lost it over the Spain comment. Thanks so much for covering this again! (Or uncovering it?)

  • Kim Sheehan

    Miss Denmark should be Miss From the Land of Oz.
    This would be a perfect PR challenge. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1007327979 Sara Frankart Finn

    This entire post was abso-fucking-lutely brillian! Just what I needed on a shitty day – thank you TLo!!!

  • Anonymous

    OMG…90% dragtastic, 10% fierce!

    It kind of furthers the idea that beauty queens are vapid ho’s though, doesn’t it?  I mean, how many hours of talking would you have to do to get a smart girl into this shit? :)

  • Anonymous

    OMG I love this post! I’d forgotten how great this stuff is. 
    Thank you T-LO.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    I have so been looking forward to this!  And for all the outrageous costumes, can we just have a moment for the audacity of Miss Chile?  I die.

  • Anonymous

    I love these posts. I don’t even know what the point of these costumes is, but your commentary is always brilliant!

  • Anonymous

    Now that was entertaining!  On a serious note, I want Ms Honduras’s wedges.  Very cute.

  • Anonymous

    You guys make me so happy.

  • Anonymous

    You guys make me so happy.

  • Anonymous

    I mean Ms Guatemala’s!

  • Anonymous

    I mean Ms Guatemala’s!

  • Anonymous

    HEY IRELAND!  Boy George wants his ensemble back!

  • Anonymous

    HEY IRELAND!  Boy George wants his ensemble back!

  • Anonymous

    Why Turks carrying her Ikea bag???!!!

  • Anonymous

    Why Turks carrying her Ikea bag???!!!

  • http://karensbooksandchocolate.blogspot.com/ Karenlibrarian

    What the heck is Turks & Caicos wearing????  It’s just fugly.

  • http://karensbooksandchocolate.blogspot.com/ Karenlibrarian

    What the heck is Turks & Caicos wearing????  It’s just fugly.

  • Anonymous

    These, and Nina Caps, are my favorite posts. 

  • Anonymous

    These, and Nina Caps, are my favorite posts. 

  • http://gorydetails.livejournal.com/ GoryDetails

    Thanks for the fabulous and hilarious commentary! (Though some of those outfits were hilarious all by themselves – when the Miss USA picture came up I guffawed and scared the cat.) I had fun trying to Name That Country from the picture alone, not that I did very well. I actually liked Miss Ireland’s…. whatever that was; macrame chainmail with arm-banners? Anyway, I thought it would have looked better without the arm-hangings and with a mothering big spear, but I guess we have to take what we are given. Poor Miss Spain’s in the running for Least Flattering Outfit; what *were* they thinking? A drag queen would only wear that if she was participating in a Project Runway challenge and got really unlucky in her designer!

  • oohsparkley!

    Your quips and quotes are the BEST! TLo RULES!  This whole post was the funniest thing ever.

  • oohsparkley!

    Ms. Turk and Caicos looks like she made her own costume.

    • http://profiles.google.com/trashilove { edi } ilovetrash

      or it was made on project runway during an unconventional materials challenge where they go to a bodega followed by the 99c store next door.

  • http://profiles.google.com/trashilove { edi } ilovetrash

    i’d give it all to miss bahamas for being six & sixty all at the same time. pretty interesting microbiology business they must have there.

  • Anonymous

    Christ on crackers! I haven’t watched this show in years…THIS is what the nat’l costumes has come to? It makes for great laughs on an otherwise crappy day. Thanks guys!

  • yuju ti

    I just learned that the winner of Miss Universe 2011 is Miss Angola. The wild undersea creatures on her dress must be really happy and don’t want to attack anyone no more. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=527387866 S.T. Shimi

    OK I cannot wait for part two…I’m not sure if there will be anything interesting to say about Miss SIngapore’s outfit this year ( luckily?). What is up with all the bird costumes? Did they run out of time and money and repo someone’s Carnival costume? All I know is that I would KILL to own many of these outfits…but that’s because I’m a burlesque performer! Ha ha!

  • Anonymous

    “Look, we’re tired of dressing up like your little Molly-girl fantasies. IRISH WOMEN WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP. UNDERSTAND?”

    OMG that cracked me up! Also Miss Curacao SKREE!!!! They need to have these bitches vs RuPaul’s All Stars next season!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1260924501 Frank Butterfield

    OMG! It took a moment but I finally realized what Miss Paraguay is wearing.  She is flanked by mirror images of the shape of Paraguay outlined in peacock eyes.  What hideous reina paraguaya came up with that idea??!?!

    • BuffaloBarbara

      You’re good.  I never would have found that on my own, but now that you mention it, you’re right.

  • Anonymous

    Don’t quite get the oversized hat on Miss USA.  Makes her look like a LEGO bobblehead revolutionary war vampire hooker, (as opposed to a normal revolutionary war vampire hooker…)

  • BuffaloBarbara

    I think Miss USA gets the joke, at least.

  • BuffaloBarbara

    I think Miss USA gets the joke, at least.

  • http://tigergray.blogspot.com/ Tiger Gray

    “IRISH WOMEN WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP. UNDERSTAND?””

    As an Irish person I can tell you that this is entirely true.

  • http://inkyheels.tumblr.com Inky Heels

    My favorite thing I’ve read today.  Needed the laughs.  Got them.  Fantastic, guys!

  • Anonymous

    All I can say is WTF were the designers on when they made these costumes? Oh, wait! Let me guess this was the “thrown in at the last minute challenge” for the 3 finalists of Project Runway: “Ok, you have to make costumes for the Miss Universe Pagent out of all this craft material that we found in the dumpsters behind Michael’s (NOT Kors), JoAnns’, and Hobby Lobby. This year’s trend is “birds” because didn’t you all just LOVE that movie “Rio” with the bird who couldn’t fly? I took my kids to see it 47 times!!”

  • Anonymous

    Venezuela is absolutely beautiful.  I really love that one.

    USA?  Well, how can you go wrong with “slutty George Washington?”  At least they don’t have her in a powdered wig.

  • margaret meyers

    That Miss USA is wearing a mighty big hat, mighty big.

  • elzatelzabelz

    The T&Lo Miss Universe National Costume posts are better than…well, tons of funny stuff. Love it!

  • elzatelzabelz

    The T&Lo Miss Universe National Costume posts are better than…well, tons of funny stuff. Love it!

  • http://www.facebook.com/cvalenzu Cristián Valenzuela

    “Come to Nigeria. Our girls are trapped in these things and we need all the help we can get.”“Support our drag queen industry!”“Fuck those other bird-bitches! I’m the one you – SQUAWK! SKREE!”

    HAHAHAHA, crap, I almost peed myself in the middle of my laughter while reading this.
    Seriously guys, this was PER-FECT! The funnest post yet.
    Can’t wait to read part 2.
    And seriously, who’s getting hired for Miss Universe costume design?

  • http://www.facebook.com/cvalenzu Cristián Valenzuela

    “Come to Nigeria. Our girls are trapped in these things and we need all the help we can get.”“Support our drag queen industry!”“Fuck those other bird-bitches! I’m the one you – SQUAWK! SKREE!”

    HAHAHAHA, crap, I almost peed myself in the middle of my laughter while reading this.
    Seriously guys, this was PER-FECT! The funnest post yet.
    Can’t wait to read part 2.
    And seriously, who’s getting hired for Miss Universe costume design?

  • Anonymous

    Crying. I am crying. Damn you. (Best laugh I’ve had in weeks.)

  • Lisa

    Cannot…stop….LAUGHING!!

  • Anonymous

    Miss Korea should have worn a hanbok.. those things are beautiful and colorful, even without sequins and rhinestones and glitter! 

  • http://twitter.com/BeantownMrs Praggya R. Barretto

    I like the tongue-in-cheek of Miss USA’s outfit. Miss Spain look like she rummaged through Rihanna’s trash and pulled out that seafoam thing from a couple of weeks ago and repurposed it.

  • Lisa In Oz

    “My breasts represent the sun rising over our fair land! My skirt represents our love for tacky fabrics!”

    AHAHAHAHA! The tacky fabrics thing kills me! I’ve been living in Australia for about 9 years now, and although I adore the people, they are like drag queen magpies when it comes to dressing up. “Oooooh, this tight dress has a slit up to my nethers! You know what would make it even better? Let’s do it in gold lame and slap sequins all over this shit!”

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_SLFGZCIFSFAXUGN2ZSPCWFAEDI SP

    Miss Nigeria looks like a Hot Tamale Dominatrix. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/Cookie.Taz Aisa Ginger Jake Psenicnik

    really miss canada? you look like the child of a storm trooper and the chief from peter pan. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/Cookie.Taz Aisa Ginger Jake Psenicnik

    oh look, its miss district 12 

  • Anonymous

    Yay! T.Lo has been drinking again!!!

  • Anonymous

    I think this is the funniest commentary I’ve ever read from youse guys. I laughed — no, roared — all the way through, and then read it again until tears flowed. I may have peed a little at Miss Ireland, then Paraguay, then Venezuela . . . and so on). Bravo T-Lo!

  • Anonymous

    You guys make me sooooo happy – I can not tell a lie!

  • Anonymous

    I was going to STRONGLY give the Bird    prize to Bolivia but Curacao tighthened it up a little.

    Love the Spain comment – so many so funny

  • Amanda in Austin

    LOVE IT!

  • Anonymous

    Yay! Miss Slowak Republic kind of wore a dirndl.

  • Anonymous

    Yay! Miss Slowak Republic kind of wore a dirndl.

  • Anonymous

    Ah, my annual opportunity too pee myself…from the LOLz.

  • http://twitter.com/AileenBartels Aileen Bartels

    When I saw Miss Chili, I got confused and thought I was looking at a Project Runway recap.

  • Arcy Silver

    I actually love Chile’s the most. It’s cute and a little costumey but not as turning off as the rest.

  • http://twitter.com/RTBB_Elle Elle Summers

    You people are awful! By insulting Miss New Zealand, you are taking a shot at the Maori culture. And the “I just want to find a husband” comment? These are strong, smart, independent young women you’re slandering. You honestly have nothing better to do than sit around and make fun of beauty queens who work hard for this competition? You’re probably just jealous because you’re actually insecure and doing this makes you feel better about yourself. “Haha, beauty queens are slutty, bitches. Haha, I wish I was smart and pretty but since I’m not I’ll make fun of these girls.” Do you even understand what the swimsuit portion is for? It’s a test of confidence and physical fitness. It’s not about them showing off. So why don’t you go out and get a real job, go to the gym or something because I garuntee you are NOT fabulous. And your followers are scum. ALL of you. Get off the internet.

  • Anonymous

    Best post of the year, always. I am crying with laughter. THANK YOU!!!

  • Anonymous

    Omagosh, this is my always my favorite column all year!! 

  • Alloy Jane

    Hey thanks, I enjoy choking with laughter at my desk.  “In Korea, the craft store industry is thriving!”  Amazing, I’m laughing so hard I want to vomit the lunch I’m eating.

  • http://twitter.com/midoredo みどり

    チリカワイイwwいつも思うけど日本のキモノドレス衿抜き過ぎだよなぁ。適度が良いのに。

  • http://twitter.com/midoredo みどり

    チリカワイイwwいつも思うけど日本のキモノドレス衿抜き過ぎだよなぁ。適度が良いのに。

  • http://twitter.com/midoredo みどり

    チリカワイイwwいつも思うけど日本のキモノドレス衿抜き過ぎだよなぁ。適度が良いのに。

  • http://twitter.com/midoredo みどり

    チリカワイイwwいつも思うけど日本のキモノドレス衿抜き過ぎだよなぁ。適度が良いのに。

  • http://twitter.com/midoredo みどり

    チリカワイイwwいつも思うけど日本のキモノドレス衿抜き過ぎだよなぁ。適度が良いのに。

  • http://twitter.com/midoredo みどり

    チリカワイイwwいつも思うけど日本のキモノドレス衿抜き過ぎだよなぁ。適度が良いのに。

  • http://twitter.com/midoredo みどり

    チリカワイイwwいつも思うけど日本のキモノドレス衿抜き過ぎだよなぁ。適度が良いのに。

  • http://twitter.com/nmhg_ zyaru2

    チリの衣装かわいいー

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1079887629 Ellen Goldstein

    OMG – these costumes are so much better with the commentary.  Bless you for that big old belly laugh you gave me this morning!

  • Anonymous

    Miss Venezuela FTW!

  • Anonymous

    I think I aspirated my coffee.

  • Anonymous

    I long to be at one of your cocktail parties.

  • http://www.wordydoodles.com WordyDoodles

    I started at laughing out loud with Miss Chile and was weeping with Miss Korea on down. Craft store!! You’re killing me!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alyssa-Anna-Jane-Mabiasen/100000012626885 Alyssa-Anna Jane Mabiasen

    i love the coment of miss venezuela

  • Anonymous

    Canada is the best looking one followed by Angola.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000754333559 Bianca Monte Alegre

    i want misS venezuelA she is s0 vey h0t on her c0stume . ! i  Like it very mucH . !
     

  • http://www.thehomestyledirectory.com/a/ sabinad

    All quite bonkers. However Misss Honduras should be thrown out for looking relatively normal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000150109587 Dikkha Eiikha

    where the Indonesian costum ? I like that… so much….

  • Madeline Small

    srsly what is up with birds?! I would like to know what the people who made these were thinking. though America and Chile were fabulouPr

  • http://bit.ly/oiwlcp Cashhuge.com

    my roomate’s mother brought home $20284 a week ago. she has been working on the computer and bought a $381500 home. All she did was get blessed and put to work the clues uncovered on this website

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VZLU6YVO4BRTELTTH3GRAAMWZQ Dot

    Really France? A Marie Antoinette theme and that’s the best you could come up with?