VMAs Red Carpet, Part 1

Posted on August 29, 2011

Darlings, the whole “tree leaning on power lines” situation, which has been going on for 24 tense hours directly outside our front door, is currently being dealt with by nice young men with too many tattoos and a wood chipper, which means we can finally put away our candles and get back to worrying about much more entertaining things, like hemlines and clutches. Onward, bitches!

Adele

Hey there, Georgy Girl. The big-hair look really works for her when she’s being shot for pictures, but in real life, it tends to make her look a little drag-y. Also, that’s a pretty frumpy dress for the VMAs. You can do so much better than this, darling.

 

Bonnie McKee

“Fuck you, I’m NOT a hooker! DO hookers have these totally classy beaded curtains for their vaginas? I didn’t think so.”

 

Britney Spears in Moschino

“I’M NOT A HOOKER EITHER, Y’ALL!”

 

Colton Haynes

Having relentlessly worked the red carpet for several years now with no apparent career to show for it, Colton’s going back to basics and working the “teenager getting off the bus in the big city” look to see if he can get any takers. And by “takers” we mean “sugar daddies.”

Deena Nicole Cortese

You know, if she pinned a bunch of Ken dolls in jockstraps all over her, she’d be a perfect gay pride float.

 

Holland Roden

Casino hostess.

 

Joe Jonas


No, Joe Jonas, we do NOT want to read any literature about the cult you’ve joined.

 

Kelly Rowland in Falguni & Shane Peacock

She looks like she has some sort of gay, glittery fungus growing up her dress. Also, with that many metallic elements going on in the dress, you might want to tone down the use of bronzer, honey. You’re starting to look like an Oscar.

 

Kim Kardashian in Kaufmanfranco

Haven’t you put us all through enough? Go home. For a couple of years.

 

Liz Lee

There are really cute and VMA-appropriate ways to pair Doc Martens with a cocktail dress, but we fear this isn’t it. You need a dress with a little more oomph than this sad bedsheet for the juxtaposition to work.

 

Maria Menounos in Amanda Wakeley

Double straps, a center drape and a big ol’ zipper is at least one design element too many. This looks like something a desperate Project Runway contestant puts together at the last second. Not digging the superheroine heels either.

 

Ne-Yo

Too much bronze/brown for one look. A little contrast somewhere would have gone a long way. But really, how much can we criticize a man willing to go out in a glittery sweater?

 

Nicki Minaj in Amato Couture and Shojotomo

Island of Misfit Hos.

 

Nicole Polizzi in Ema Savahl

We are hypnotized by the dress, but despite the fear that we will be sucked into the vortex at the center of her lady area (as well as our fascination with the fact that she can face front with her feet facing sideways), we have enough presence of mind to point out that it’s a tacky mess.

 

Rebecca Black

Whatever.

 

Selena Gomez in Julien Macdonald

Mullet-skirted mantilla. She looks a bit obnoxiously overdressed.

 

Taylor Lautner

Good enough – although that shirt looks like one of Pa Ingalls’ castoffs. Love the shoes, though.

 

Victoria Justice in Theia

Cute. Nothing earthshattering. Too much going on around the ankles.

 

Zoe Saldana in Barbara Bui

Oh, Zoe. Tasteful and understated at the VMAs? Did you not get the memo, dear?

[Photo Credit: Jason Merritt/Getty Images]

    • [email protected] realda

      Nicki Minaj. REALLY? Is she wearing Helen Keller?

      • Molly OBM

        Did nobody stop to help her? she’s clearly being attacked, poor girl.

      • http://twitter.com/qrter Alexander Peterhans

        I literally have no idea what I’m looking at. Or where to even start.

        • Shawn Hill

          It’s sort of harajuku?

          • muzan-e

            Yup. 100%. If it’s a conscious imitation, facemask and all, I’m impressed.

            If it’s Something She Saw On TV One Day..   eh.

      • Anonymous

        Shes trying to do Gaga. Unfortunately it looks like when Rachel Berry tried to do Gaga.

      • Rick Aiello

        I laughed.  And then I cried.  And then I shrieked in horror.  What… the…. hell????

      • Anonymous

        My first thought was they gave Wendy Pepper an extra $500 and an extra 45 minutes at Gristedes.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NMIFZ6A7BHP66M546AO77BWVQ4 Bonnie

        Nicki Minaj-Island of misfit hos!  Priceless! 
        TLo, so glad you could put the candles away!
        bitchybitchybitchy

    • http://twitter.com/foodhussy foodhussy

      i will never take Zoe Saldana seriously. She was in the Britney Spears movie for pete’s sake. 

      • Terence Ng

        Because no good actress has ever been in any bad movie. Ever.

      • http://twitter.com/qrter Alexander Peterhans

        The thing that always strikes me about Saldana on red carpet pictures is that she always looks so incredibly unhappy – half the time she has a forced grin that makes her look like she’s going to start crying any moment, the other half (as in this case) she looks like she wants to throw up.

        • Anonymous

          I think she looks like she’s trying to hold back a sneeze in the above photo.

    • http://twitter.com/foodhussy foodhussy

      i will never take Zoe Saldana seriously. She was in the Britney Spears movie for pete’s sake. 

    • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

      Nicki’s outfit reminds me: I need to clean out the girls’ playroom today.

    • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

      Nicki’s outfit reminds me: I need to clean out the girls’ playroom today.

    • http://www.kittenmasks.com/ kittenmasks

      My eyes are burning. This is too much for the AM.

      What in hellations is going on with Britney? Someone should’ve told her that the belt was too much, and the shoes were NEVER acceptable?

    • http://www.kittenmasks.com/ kittenmasks

      My eyes are burning. This is too much for the AM.

      What in hellations is going on with Britney? Someone should’ve told her that the belt was too much, and the shoes were NEVER acceptable?

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      I only have one person to comment on, Nicki Minag.  No matter how hard you try, someone got to this schtick first and is doing it far better than you ever will.  You DO know who I’m speaking of doncha?  Name starts with a G?  THERE ya go.  Now take that pile of toys back to your baby brothers room and find your own look to work.  Poor kid has been crying all day.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      I only have one person to comment on, Nicki Minag.  No matter how hard you try, someone got to this schtick first and is doing it far better than you ever will.  You DO know who I’m speaking of doncha?  Name starts with a G?  THERE ya go.  Now take that pile of toys back to your baby brothers room and find your own look to work.  Poor kid has been crying all day.

      • Anonymous

        I agree.  Others who try this schtick are really lacking in imagination (Kesha too)

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          Don’t start me on Kesha. What a scalding hot mess.

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          Don’t start me on Kesha. What a scalding hot mess.

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          Don’t start me on Kesha. What a scalding hot mess.

      • Terence Ng

        You seriously think G was the person who got there first and did it better? Please.

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          Well, I can hardly lay claim to being all knowing about pop culture and music, so you may very well be right.  But the ultimate point is the same.  Find your own look and work it, don’t copy someone else’s.

        • http://profiles.google.com/trashilove { edi } ilovetrash

          i can write a list if you want, of people who got there first & did it better.
          starts about a hundred years ago, maybe more.

          • Anonymous

            The Marchesa Luisa Casati did it better.  The best actually.

            • http://isara.livejournal.com/ Synnamin

              How the hell did I make it this far in life without knowing about her?? OMG FAB! I think I have a new role model.

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PRM766RS56X25A5742XLACK2LM Sam

          Well, she’s the one who brought it back and made it the “hip” thing to do. She’s hardly the original.

      • muzan-e

        Gaga wishes.

        1990′s Shibuya and Harajuku. Gaga would’ve occasionally been considered conservative, but that Minaj get-up would’ve given even the hardcore enthusiasts a run for their money.

        For one day, at least. *g*

    • Aly Light

      As cracky as a lot of these outfits are, I’m really pleased by the variety of body shapes and sizes on this red carpet.

    • Aly Light

      As cracky as a lot of these outfits are, I’m really pleased by the variety of body shapes and sizes on this red carpet.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        That I have to agree on.  Its a pleasure to see some women who aren’t playing the “boobs on a stick” game. A a couple of guys who are hardly six pack candidates.  Gives us normal humans some hope, no?

    • http://www.facebook.com/kellyann.reese KellyAnn Reese

      Would have loved Nicki’s dress by itself. I have no idea why she decided to pin on everything she could find in her niece’s dress up chest…
      Also, I thought Selena looked very beautiful.

    • http://www.facebook.com/kellyann.reese KellyAnn Reese

      Would have loved Nicki’s dress by itself. I have no idea why she decided to pin on everything she could find in her niece’s dress up chest…
      Also, I thought Selena looked very beautiful.

    • http://fafafab.tumblr.com/ fafafab

      Nicky Minaj was the worst, she just seems to be trying so hard to overrule Gaga’s queendom of weird dresses on the red carpet, it’s just too much, ironically enough Gaga did what we (sort of) have been expected her to do for a long time now, she toned it down, even if in order to do so she needed to exchange gender, but if you look at it from the most positive perspective, she kept the same outfit throughout the entire show, and the outfit itself was a basic 3 pieces look

    • http://fafafab.tumblr.com/ fafafab

      Nicky Minaj was the worst, she just seems to be trying so hard to overrule Gaga’s queendom of weird dresses on the red carpet, it’s just too much, ironically enough Gaga did what we (sort of) have been expected her to do for a long time now, she toned it down, even if in order to do so she needed to exchange gender, but if you look at it from the most positive perspective, she kept the same outfit throughout the entire show, and the outfit itself was a basic 3 pieces look

    • King Dex

      Hey boys : ) Glad you’re up and running again. I have to say… Zoe looks pretty amazing (although maybe at the wrong event?!). So far, the rest of them appear to be blind or taking a sad trip on the tacky train. Youth is wasted on the young.

      • Anonymous

        “A sad trip on the tacky train!”  *Snort*

      • Anonymous

        “Youth is wasted on the young”  snort!

    • King Dex

      Hey boys : ) Glad you’re up and running again. I have to say… Zoe looks pretty amazing (although maybe at the wrong event?!). So far, the rest of them appear to be blind or taking a sad trip on the tacky train. Youth is wasted on the young.

    • Anonymous

      Nicki Minaj – wow. And not in a good way.

      The rest of them, meh.

    • Anonymous

      Nicki Minaj – wow. And not in a good way.

      The rest of them, meh.

    • scottyf

      Deena Nicole Cortese–
      Looks like Joshua M. found a client for his Aquarium Rocks Collection.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        (snorting)
        I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who thought that.  And liz Lee’s outfit is a leftover from the bedsheet and PJs challenge.

        • scottyf

          I think we may have hit on something…

          Soul Brothers T&Lo, are you sure these aren’t pictures from a Project Runway Bottom Three Fashion Show?

        • scottyf

          I think we may have hit on something…

          Soul Brothers T&Lo, are you sure these aren’t pictures from a Project Runway Bottom Three Fashion Show?

          • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

            Are we now working on the next inevitable PR spinoff?  I think SO!
            The whole premise will be: “How bad can it get?”

            • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

              Designers! You must create a COUTURE, High-end, Larger-than-life look for the VMAs– made only from items in the AS-IS bin at Toys R Us. Your 10 minutes starts NOW.

            • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

              Designers, you must, using only the items in this compost bin, make a work appropriate look that can go to an evening event or a brothel in Marrakesh.  You may not use a glue gun for any part of it.

        • scottyf

          I think we may have hit on something…

          Soul Brothers T&Lo, are you sure these aren’t pictures from a Project Runway Bottom Three Fashion Show?

      • MilaXX

        lol, I just posted the same thing.

      • BuffaloBarbara

        Ha, that’s what I get for not checking the comments before posting!

      • Anonymous

        Oh scottyf, anyone who quotes Eve Harrington is a god to me forever.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6TDAYXK555ABAKZEEOAJMC25FU Stan

      This morning on some insipid, local Chicago, morning chat TV show, there were three women dong a fashion recap of the VMAs and all three were PRAISING Britney for how great/adorable/perfect she looked.   That made me sad and want to pull the covers over my head.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=615187474 Trish Barker

        Well, I think the bar for Britney is set pretty low. She looks clean and relatively sane. The shoes are crazy, but at least she’s wearing shoes.

        • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

          Britney seems to have a fascination with footwear that cuts her legs off in the weirdest places, making her look short and stumpy.

    • Melanie S.

      Dear Kelly Rowland, the merkin goes inside the dress.

    • http://twitter.com/DarthJaeda Jaeda Laurez

      I think Rebecca Black looks cute and appropriate for being 14-years old. I don’t like Zoe’s dress- I thought it didn’t fit properly when I saw it on TV, like it was a bit too big. Love Kelly’s dress and skin- she’s giving me Chocolate Barbie teas!

    • http://www.facebook.com/rachel.council Rachel Council

      Oh, VMA red carpet, you never disappoint. I love the costumey tackiness of everything. The only fashion crime on this red carpet is being boring.

    • Anonymous

      Did Nicki Minaj have to stand through the whole show because there’s no way she sat on that. Her hair reminds me too much of curled intestines. What an uninspired bunch. I adore Adele (though not in this iteration).

    • Anonymous

      Did Nicki Minaj have to stand through the whole show because there’s no way she sat on that. Her hair reminds me too much of curled intestines. What an uninspired bunch. I adore Adele (though not in this iteration).

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2VBWWGHZEBKTVQMXE5SO5NCU2I Mich

        i think the back of nicki minaj’s dress was all ruffley, like pantaloons, so she could sit down. i’d love the dress and hair alone, but with the knee socks and all the other hoo hah, the prettiness of the actual outfit gets lost i think.

      • Anonymous

        I thought Nicki Minaj’s hair looked like a pile of link sausages. 

        • Anonymous

          Well, considering sausage casings are intestines you and serenitynow02 are both correct. :)

    • Anonymous

      Did Nicki Minaj have to stand through the whole show because there’s no way she sat on that. Her hair reminds me too much of curled intestines. What an uninspired bunch. I adore Adele (though not in this iteration).

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=668425491 Daniela ‘Dani’ Weiss-Bronstein

      How does Britney Spears always find a way to make an in-shape body look so hideous? If you have big calves, maybe wearing a shirt skirt and boots that end right beneath the calf muscle is a bad idea… Not that vinyl high heel peep toe boots really work on many people.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=668425491 Daniela ‘Dani’ Weiss-Bronstein

      How does Britney Spears always find a way to make an in-shape body look so hideous? If you have big calves, maybe wearing a shirt skirt and boots that end right beneath the calf muscle is a bad idea… Not that vinyl high heel peep toe boots really work on many people.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=668425491 Daniela ‘Dani’ Weiss-Bronstein

      How does Britney Spears always find a way to make an in-shape body look so hideous? If you have big calves, maybe wearing a shirt skirt and boots that end right beneath the calf muscle is a bad idea… Not that vinyl high heel peep toe boots really work on many people.

    • Anonymous

      Jesus, I haven’t heard of half these people. I’m turning into my mother!

      Also – Adele’s nails are FREAKING ME OUT. If she has to have such long and pointy nails, then I wish she’d paint them in a less flesh like colour so they don’t look like claws at the end of otherwise very elegant hands. 

    • Anonymous

      Jesus, I haven’t heard of half these people. I’m turning into my mother!

      Also – Adele’s nails are FREAKING ME OUT. If she has to have such long and pointy nails, then I wish she’d paint them in a less flesh like colour so they don’t look like claws at the end of otherwise very elegant hands. 

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PRM766RS56X25A5742XLACK2LM Sam

        Yes, her nails are terrifying!
        That’s what I thought too!

      • Anonymous

        Oh wow!  I had never even noticed her nails, they are a tad odd.  I still absolutely love her dress though.  I have immense respect for anyone, in the heat of their career rise, has the courage to stick to their guns and be who they are regardless of who knows how many people telling her she needs to thin it down, glam it up, look “mainstream” hooker.

    • Anonymous

      Jesus, I haven’t heard of half these people. I’m turning into my mother!

      Also – Adele’s nails are FREAKING ME OUT. If she has to have such long and pointy nails, then I wish she’d paint them in a less flesh like colour so they don’t look like claws at the end of otherwise very elegant hands. 

    • Amanda in Austin

      Snooki is a “tacky mess”?  Next you’re going to tell us that rain is wet.

    • Zubair Ghumro

      This whole event is a big fashion faux pas; sore sight for the eyes except for Zoe Saldana who is fierce and a tour de force. Love the lady!! 

    • Anonymous

      “Tlo said: This looks like something a desperate Project Runway contestant puts together at the last second.”

      Funny you should say that: I once saw her at one of Malan Breton’s shows.

      –GothamTomato

      • Anonymous

        She’s 23…=X

        • Anonymous

          What? That’s impossible. For one thing, hasn’t Jersey Shore been on for about 25 years? More important, her skin looks like cowhide. She’s probably been tanning since she was a little girl. She really does look to be about 40 (a bad 40).

          Also, pick a vice, Snookie- smoking or tanning. Do both and you might as well shoot yourself.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        Why they should be sporting a nice tasteful Chanel Suit of course.  Or perhaps something involving a pussycat bow.  lol

    • Anonymous

      I have no idea who Deena Nicole Cortese is, but she stole my beach towel and I want it back.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you! I thought Adele looked like a drag queen too. Pity, cuz I love that saucy bitch. She is the greatest fun in interviews.

      Love Bonnie McKee. She can do no wrong, vag chains included.

      I thought that Britney looked nice, if not technically good. Not all that flattering or age-appropriate (and why oh god why has she always picked the wrongest shoes for her muscular legs), but not batshit crazy, and I thought her hair and makeup looked pretty. A boon for the Spears camp.

      Deena looked like a My Little Pony threw up snowcone syrup all over her. Good lord. When you stand out as distinctly awful looking amongst all of the brightly-colored animal prints of the other 3 Jersey Shore girls on stage, you got issues. And the fact that your lipstick is so distractingly awful that it pulls attention away from that dress is remarkable.

      I hate to say it, but I thought Joe Jonas looked fine. As in, fine, not as in “ok.” Sigh. Shoot me if I ever start complimenting his doucheness The Biebs.

      Kelly Rowland…stop trying to make anything happen for yourself. It’s never gonna happen. The most you have to look forward to now is the occasional Christmas Card from Beyonce.

      Kim…ugh. Can’t stand her. And this dress, rather than voluptuous, just makes her look fat. Sorry.

      Maria Menounos looks hot. It’s not the best look ever, but it’s fun and very VMA’s.

      Ne-Yo looks hot too. I don’t mind monochromatic as long as you really switch up the textures and select interesting shades. Certainly more stylish than say, Colton Haynes.

      LOVE. NICKI. MINAJ. Love being a barb!

      Snooki’s dress is a tacky mess, worse than I noticed when she was on stage, but I did think she looked the best out of all the Shore girls. Love Snookerz!!!

      Rebecca Black…go home. Is this whole “YouTube” star thing really gonna happen now? It’s bad enough JB was unleashed upon the world.

      Hate Selena Gomez. In whatever she’s wearing, you can always tell she’s so damn satisfied with herself. Her smarmy attitude makes her look bad in anything she wears.

      Love Taylor, and love the henley. He looks hot and young, and (I keep repeating it, haha) it’s the VMAs. It’s not like he’d wear the shirt at the Oscars.
      Hahaha I said the exact same thing about Zoe. I was like, “How nice…and demure.” This is the girl that wore ”>this Givenchy to the Oscars! lol

    • http://profiles.google.com/trashilove { edi } ilovetrash

      rock & roll’s as dead as brahms’ carcass, just in a different way.

    • Anonymous

      Fell off the couch after readsing, ” the Island of Misfit Ho’s”. Most Perfect description ever!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

      I thought it would be a cold day in hell when Kim K. was one of the better-dressed people on the red carpet. Guess I’d better go find a sweater.

      By the way: HOW and WHY are Kim K, Rebecca Black, and Snoooki at the VMAs? Can I get invited too? I promise to wear something tacky.
       

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PRM766RS56X25A5742XLACK2LM Sam

        I can at least understand Snookie since her show is on MTV, but the other two, I have no clue. Maybe Kim just shows up at these things invited or not. She can sniff them out like a drug dog.

        “What is it Kim, did Timmy fall down a well?”
        “No, the Rite Aid down the street is getting a customer appreciation 2011 award, and there’s a lone tourist with a camera taking pictures.”
        “AWAY WE GO!”

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          That gurl is the walking definition of Fame Whore.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=6416893 Jenna Kuhmann

      I thought Britney looked cute!  That is easily the worst photo of her from the VMA red carpet; I’ve seen lots of cute ones.  Her hair and makeup are pretty, and the dress is not as short/tacky/ridiculous as some of the stuff she’s worn in the past. I’ma stand up for my girl! (Otherwise you are spot-on; “Land of Misfit Hos” was an inspired choice.)

    • Anonymous

      I don’t like to think I’m *that* old, but who the hell are most of these people??  And of the people i do recognize, 1/3 of them are worthless reality show fame whores. And the Nicki chick looks moronic.

      Maybe i am that old – I’m obviously cranky enough today.  

      BTW, boys, glad to hear you’re ok and not underwater or blown all the way to Jersey.

      • Anonymous

        You aren’t too old…I’m in my late 20s and I don’t know who many of these people are either.

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          THANK YOU!  I was beginning to feel 5000 years old looking at most of these people and wondering wtf?

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1326120071 Gaby Ripoll

          I’m in my early 20s and I don’t know who most of these people are. I think they’re Disney/Nickelodeon stars? 

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1326120071 Gaby Ripoll

          I’m in my early 20s and I don’t know who most of these people are. I think they’re Disney/Nickelodeon stars? 

    • Anonymous

      Something is definitely amiss in the world when Taylor Lautner is the best dressed of the bunch.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OYWH5NAGE3TS2MWXRAVBSWBSZA Brittany

      I keep on thinking about the ProjRun challenges where someone inevitably answers “She’s going to the VMA’s.” This post proves that as a worthy comment for some shitastic designs…Zoe = best, and I didn’t see Brit’s shoes at the show, I thought she looked aight until I saw this photo. Sadness.

    • Anonymous

      Island of Misfit Hos.

      I love you forever.

    • Anonymous

      T Lo, glad you made it safely through the Irene drama, and that being forced to stay indoors all weekend made you especially bitchy. Bring it!

      Nicki Minaj: I like that she’s not even trying to wear actual clothes. It seems more honest than a lot of the “outfits” here.
      Snooki: Didn’t know the Eye of Sauron came in dress form. 
      Selena: Don’t like her dress at all, but it is a nice change of pace from the appropriate, tasteful and boring she usually sports. Way to misstep, girl!
      Maria Menounos: You’re so gorgeous! Why would you willingly uglify yourself up? Why?!?

    • Christina MacDonnell

      as someone so succinctly put on twitter last night, “nicki minaj looks like a tribute to toy story 1, 2, and 3.”

      also, someone needs to tell britney that glittery rompers are never okay.

    • Anonymous

      I saw a clip of Adele’s performance and thought she looked much better there–her hair was much softer and the dress was elegant. I love her vintage look.  

      http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/adele-best-vma-performance/2011/08/29/gIQAjKCMmJ_blog.html?hpid=z4

      • Anonymous

        Thanks for the link, SapphoPoet. I didn’t watch the VMAs (why would I?) so I missed this. That voice singing that song could reduce anyone to tears.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks for the link, SapphoPoet. I didn’t watch the VMAs (why would I?) so I missed this. That voice singing that song could reduce anyone to tears.

    • http://twitter.com/NostalgiaOD NostalgiaOD

      Adele looks like a Hefty Hideaway girl, sadly.

    • Jacqui

      God I’m old.

      • Anonymous

        Not necessarily. Maybe you’re just tasteful.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know if it was the electricity zipping zapping around you or the scented candle meditations, but you’re on fire with the captions. 

      P.S. Glad to know the muscle boys are out there keeping you safe.

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

      Adele is gorgeous. She is saying “FUCK ALL Y’ALL, I’m not going to look like a hooker.” Good for her.

      And I must have her shoes. And that dress. I want it all, even the hair.

    • Anonymous

      Zoe Saldana’s dress is great but did you see her present? She looked stoned or sick. Her eye makeup didn’t help because it made her look like she had an extra set of pupils. It could also be that she needs to eat. All the energy looked drained out of her. Poor thing needs a vacation.

    • http://www.facebook.com/suzie.vazquez Suzie Vazquez

      Minaj is reacting to GaGa’s sense of fashion. and it’s not good.

    • Anonymous

      Cute. Nothing earthshattering.

      Y’know “cute, nothing earthshattering” is a bit of a relief amid all that eye-searing dreck.

    • MilaXX

      Adele – retro seemed to be the other theme of the evening.(Gaga dressed like the cast of West Side Story, Bruno Mars, JayZ/Kanye rapped over Otis Redding, Chris Brown yet again tried to copy MJ, Neyo always looks like he’s trying out as an extra for Mad Men & even Katy Perry did a 50′s housewife with a block of cheese I guess implying Minnesota, on top if her head) This wasn’t the right look for the RC, but other than the Amy Winehouse tribute her singing was the best thing about last night.

      Bonnie McKee – Sad thing is if she lost the weird belt and glove this wouldn’t be a bad VMA outfit.

      Britney Spear – I guess this is as god as it gets with her. Whoever her stylist is should have at least taken a paddle brush to that weave before she went out on stage.

      Colton Haynes – Look, after being subjected to Lil Wayne wearing leopard skinny jeans around his butt, I applaud Colton just for having his pants around his waist.

      Deena Nicole Cortese – Her dress looks like it was designed by Josh M as part of the aqua rocks collection.

      Holland Roden – Loose the peplum & it’s just an average look.

      Joe Jonas – I always get a Pat Boone trying to be hip vibe from these guys.
      Kelly Rowland – I liked her outfit and thought she almost looked pretty but the makeup was off. The body makeup is too bronzed and the face was either applied to heavy or a shade off. In close ups it looks pancake-y. There also should have been more attention given to making the face and body the same color.
      Kim Kardashian – Over dressed, the dress ages her and her tits look saggy.
      Liz Lee – UGH! She looks like she picked a sheet off her bed and borrowed her roommates docs.
      Maria Menounos – femme bot

      Ne-yo – Considering how most of these folks were dressed, this is darn near a WERQ.
      Nicki Minaj – Island of misfit toys is exactly what I said when I saw this.
      Nicole Polizzi – This dress may be tacky, but this is the best she has ever looked.
      Rebecca Black – Isn’t her 15mins up already?

      Selena Gomez – Her boyfriend’s bad taste must be rubbing off on her. This is hiddy.

      Taylor Lautner – Hate the henley shirt.
      Victoria Justice – cuteZoe Saldana – cute 2.0

    • MilaXX

      Gaga is the first for this generation, but certainly not the first ever.

    • http://nobeatenpath.com Forrestblogging

      You didn’t comment on the Beyonce pregnancy extravaganza!!!! TLo, I am waiting for your comments

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1179147626 Jeanne Mulcahey Bryant

      And Snookie’s dress was in “4-D, smell-o-vision”….  On GMA this morning they played a clip where she told the guy her dress smelled like puffy paint and then made him lean over and sniff her dress!!!

    • Anonymous

      I am so bored with the vast majority of these “celebrities”, just too much tit, bronzer, leg, sparkle, trash.  Maybe I’m old, maybe I’ve seen too much but Adele is absolutely my fave of the whole bunch.  She is a class act, sticks to who she confidently knows herself to be and works the shit out of it.  Yes, the hair was a lottle overdone but not obnoxiously so.  That dress is very cute and very flattering.  Which cannot be said for Ms. Kardashian.  She looks like a a zaftig Mafia wife with store bought boobs.
      And Deena Nicole Cortese…. triple WTF?  What, Who and Why.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Heather-Waddell/10401341 Heather Waddell

      I agree with all of your points about Adele’s hair and dress, but I must say those shoes are to DIE for.  Also, I don’t know who Maria Menounos is, but right there she’s looking pretty darn “Kluminator 2.0″. I want her to be a Project Runway guest judge so I can compare the two side-by-side.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Heather-Waddell/10401341 Heather Waddell

      I agree with all of your points about Adele’s hair and dress, but I must say those shoes are to DIE for.  Also, I don’t know who Maria Menounos is, but right there she’s looking pretty darn “Kluminator 2.0″. I want her to be a Project Runway guest judge so I can compare the two side-by-side.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Heather-Waddell/10401341 Heather Waddell

      I agree with all of your points about Adele’s hair and dress, but I must say those shoes are to DIE for.  Also, I don’t know who Maria Menounos is, but right there she’s looking pretty darn “Kluminator 2.0″. I want her to be a Project Runway guest judge so I can compare the two side-by-side.

    • Anonymous

      It’s a sad statement about Project Runway that we see a mishmash of clothes at VMA and Project Runway springs to mind. 

    • Anonymous

      Hos on parade!

    • Anonymous

      Good God.  What a spectacular collection of talent.  Kim Kardashian!  Snooki!  Whoever the rest of these people are!  All the big stars come out for the VMAs.  But Adele’s shoes seem kind of fabulous.  And Zoe Saldana, despite this not being the best picture of her beautiful face, looks good. 

    • Anonymous

      I wish I could type out the sounds of laughter, gufawing, and snorting I was doing while reading this. Had a shitty morning, and it was instantly improved by the time I got “Island of Misfit Hos.”

      The VMAs are definitely an opportunity to let it all loose on the red carpet, but it is hilarious to see what people choose to wear. I’m most disappointed in Adele and Selena Gomez. They can do better.

      The BEST part of this? The “Part I” at the top! That means more to come!

    • http://twitter.com/shinobi42 Shinobi

      Rebecca Black’s presence at the VMAs really brings home that this is not a meritocracy.

    • Judy_J

      “Island of Misfit Hos”—I am so stealing that from you!  And I’ll be looking for Bonnie McKee to show up as a contestant on Fashion Police’s “Starlet or Streetwalker” segment.

    • Anonymous

      Mullet skirt. Snort!!!!! The only one who looks attractive and well dressed is Zoe.  I do enjoy the fact that Snooki, etc do not have model bodies and represent real life ladies. They could dress better, but at least they look like real people. 

    • Anonymous

      Didn’t Kim K. just get married? Shouldn’t she be on her honeymoon, or are they working around the show schedule for that?

      Nicki Minaj is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while.

      I don’t care about Britney’s dress or boots. It’s just good to see her looking healthy.

      Adele rocks. That is all.

    • Anonymous

      So I’m the only one that noticed that Adele is in drag as Delta Work?

    • Anonymous

      Minaj should have stopped with the metallic origami dress, which seems like just the right amount of crazy.  You know, the old “take twenty things off before you go out the door” rule.   Though you have to admire the confidence it takes to go out with an ice cream cone between your tits.

      I think I need to rinse my eyes of these horrors before I look at the second post of more people I never heard of in expensive trashy clothes.

    • Now I am The Bee

      “Double straps, a center drape and a big ol’ zipper is at least one design element too many. ”

      Hee–reminds of customers at my old coffee house that ordered a drink with more than three adjectives.  OUT with you.  
      I won’t bother to learn any of these names because they are just not significant to me.  But I really love the gal with the island of Misfit Ho’s outfit.  Made me LOL here at work! 
      –Toni

    • Anonymous

      OMG.  Awful, Awful, Awful.. My eyes are bleeding.

    • Anonymous

      Maybe it’s a weird camera angle, but at least three of the women appear to have had six inches removed vertically from their middles. I know people want to have long legs, but there should be something between the shoulders and hips, too. I have no idea where Bonnie McKee or Nicole Polizzi have stashed their internal organs.

    • Shawn Hill

      Maybe her sole stroke of good taste is what’s making Zoe cry?

    • http://twitter.com/skeim Sarah Courtney Keim

      I don’t know who 80% of those people are…

    • Anonymous

      it’s funny that the only one who looks at all decent (besides zoe, naturally) is the one-hit wonder, ms. black.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1303837450 Lauren Dorsee Dillon

      Island of Misfit Hos has made my morning. I love you madly.

      • Anonymous

        I can never watch that scene in Rudolph again without thinking of this hot mess!

        • Now I am The Bee

          Ditto! 

    • Anonymous

      This is why I love you guys. You totally brightened up my morning!

    • http://www.facebook.com/andra.ruscoe Andra Ruscoe

      Zoe Saldana looks gorgeous.  I want her to come over so I can feed her while basking in her gorgeousness, of course.

    • Mariah J

      I don’t know who half of them are but they all look like hookers, in some cases like clown hookers

    • Mariah J

      I don’t know who half of them are but they all look like hookers, in some cases like clown hookers

    • Mariah J

      I don’t know who half of them are but they all look like hookers, in some cases like clown hookers

    • Anonymous

      That tree gave you guys even more bitchiness this AM!
      Island of Misfit Hos!
      Pa Ingalls’ cast-offs!

      hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. What a great way to wake up.

    • Anonymous

      Adele kind of reminds me of Cass Elliot.

      Kim’s boobs are jealous of her ass and are off to attack.

    • http://twitter.com/noelster_sf Noel Adolph

      i’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: glad to see @chrismarchlol promo’ing his new @bravotv show by dressing @nickiminaj. also, taylor lautner’s hair and makeup people nail’d it!

    • Anonymous

      Holy cannoli! I seriously thought that Maria Menounos was trying to channel Frau Seal… and then I saw your PR comment. I snorffled. :-D

    • Anonymous

      That’s all you have to say about Nicki Minaj?! I was expecting SO MUCH MORE! 

      Also, of course you can criticize a man willing to wear a glittery sweater if he has the front of his brown shirt bunched up and sticking out of the bottom of said bronze glittery sweater. It looks sloppy and it needs to stop. 

      Also, as someone who has been posing for her own self-timer for years—personally, I don’t care anymore how wide my waist looks because I’ve grown to love my wide waist—didn’t Snooki get the memo that in Hollywood you have to twist at the waist, not the knees, for photos? 

    • Anonymous

      Niki Minaj: I was laughing out loud *before* I got to your comment.

      Ne Yo: I know it’s “A Look.” Really, I know that. But I’d have loved your ensemble so much more if you’d worn real shoes. Not church/business meeting shoes necessarily. But something sharp.

      Bonnie McKee doesn’t look like a hooker. She looks like an “I have a friend we can pick up on the way to the afterparty” potential bootycall. The friend who can drop everything and be ready to go in 20 minutes. 15 if the car’s that close.

      And don’t dis Kelly Rowland. I thought she was very VMAs-appropriate.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1326120071 Gaby Ripoll

      Snooki’s dress is CLEARLY a tribute to the Best of Santana CD: http://image.lyricspond.com/image/s/artist-santana/album-the-best-of-santana/cd-cover.jpg
      She just really loved that goddamn trippy cover art. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1326120071 Gaby Ripoll

      Snooki’s dress is CLEARLY a tribute to the Best of Santana CD: http://image.lyricspond.com/image/s/artist-santana/album-the-best-of-santana/cd-cover.jpg
      She just really loved that goddamn trippy cover art. 

    • Anonymous

      Oh come on guys, give Rebecca Black some credit.  I’m not going to try to say she can sing or anything, but she looks great.  Whether she is employing a stylist or just has great taste, she looks a thousand times better than the rest of these yahoos.  Sure, she might not be pushing any boundaries or setting any trends, but if that means looking decent amongst insanity, I’ll take it!

    • Anonymous

      Well.  I see the VMA’s required all the attendees to be attired from the offerings from the Project Runway pet store challenge.  No doubt there will be a store front opening soon with Josh’s aquarium rock dress collection, Anthony’s birdseed dress collection and puppy pee pad dresses and dog bed dresses of every conceivable variation.  So nice of these fine folks embracing the chance to promote this new fashion trend.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Starzstylista Starz Stylista

      Who taught Snooki that weird Ancient Egyption pose?

    • http://www.facebook.com/Starzstylista Starz Stylista

      Nicki Minaj looks like she’s a giant magnet and all those toys have some kind of metal in them.

    • Anonymous

      zoe saldana looks jada pinkett smith there…

    • BuffaloBarbara

      Deena Nicole Cortese–Wow, good eyes.  I totally missed that entry in the pet shop challenge.  Is that aquarium sand on muslin?

    • BuffaloBarbara

      Deena Nicole Cortese–Wow, good eyes.  I totally missed that entry in the pet shop challenge.  Is that aquarium sand on muslin?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1341124218 Kim Loendorf Buggenhagen

      Did anyone else think Harper Valley PTA when they saw Adele?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1341124218 Kim Loendorf Buggenhagen

      Did anyone else think Harper Valley PTA when they saw Adele?

    • Anonymous

      I just want someone to teach BritBrit how to stand.  I love her, but she always looks so uncomfortable and awkward.

    • http://twitter.com/MandySCG MandyJane

      Adele’s dress might be frumpy, but her shoes are pretty cool.

    • Anonymous

      Adele totally looks like Delta Work ….

      And I must be getting old because I haven’t even heard of 3/4 of the people pictured above.

    • http://twitter.com/starvewars Sal

      i knew fellow ‘mo Jo Jonas and Tailor Lautner wouldn’t let TLo down

    • http://twitter.com/msaxelrod Maddie Axelrod

      i actually think rebecca black looks really cute and put-together. why she’s here, i have no idea. that makes me sad. but she looks good.

    • http://twitter.com/msaxelrod Maddie Axelrod

      i actually think rebecca black looks really cute and put-together. why she’s here, i have no idea. that makes me sad. but she looks good.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1523970099 Ana Cedillo

      god you guys are BITCHYYY today

    • Anonymous

      So the choices for women today are Lovely, Clown or Drag Queen? If you are not pen thin you have to look like Chi Chi La Rue or a circus clown? Iknow Tammy Faye went all in for gays but are the gays now all in mass tribute to TF by way of styling jobs?

    • Anonymous

      I hope there aren’t a bunch of teens reading this blog entry, otherwise you’ve just broken hearts with your “sugar daddies” comment about Colton Haynes.

      Are The Jersey Shore gals modeling for the Kardassssssshian’s new Sear’s line of clothing?

    • irielle

      I really like Selena Gomez but she looks as if she’s about to do the paso doble on Dancing With the Stars in this dress.

    • irielle

      I really like Selena Gomez but she looks as if she’s about to do the paso doble on Dancing With the Stars in this dress.

    • Anonymous

      Island of the Misfit Hoes!  You guys crack me up!   I know there is pressure to outdo the silly Lady Gaga outfits but this is pure comedy.  She looks like a pez dispenser exploded.  And wtf deena?  A more unflattering dress cannot be found.  And the makeup?  pobrecita looks like a clown.  I wish she could get a good stylist.  

      • Anonymous

        Adele look sad.  :o(  

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1294512334 Terri Griffith

      Do ANY of these people own mirrors?

    • Anonymous

      Who ARE 2/3 of these people???  Then again, considering how they dress, I really don’t want to know.

      Nicki Minaj in Amato Couture and Shojotomo – wait, this is COUTURE?? On what planet? Planet Fuzzies??

    • Anonymous

      I’d feel better equipped to throw around the harsh if I knew who even HALF of these people were.  Fuck, this made me feel old.  Were any of them even born when MTV actually showed videos?

    • Anonymous

      Zoe Saldano FTW. Absolutely gorgeous again, head to toe (greatest shoes!). Victoria Justice and Selena Gomez (barely) at #2 & #3. The rest are disgusting.

    • Anonymous

      Selena Gomez is tragically overdressed, especially since her boy(girl?)friend was wearing red denim.

      And Kim K needs to go far, FAR away, forever and ever.  Gah…

    • Beth Reed

      1. Didn’t Kim just get married? Shouldn’t she be honeymooning?
      2. Is it me or is Snooki’s dress an orange version of the one Amber Riley wore to I believe it was the Grammys?

    • Anonymous

      Island of misfit hos…..BAWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • s_avila6

      zoe looks gorgeous; love every.single.item she is wearing. 
      cannot get over the crap that nikki minaj is sporting. 
      love adele, her outfit is appropriate for her, but her nails gross me out.
      selena is irritating and her dress is more formal than this occasion merits.
      kim k, you look like your wax figure – and that is not a compliment.

    • Patricia Biswanger

      Kim Kardashian looks so FAT!!!  I know lots of people gain weight in the first year of marriage, but in the first week???

    • Anonymous

      You bitches were on fire today. Excellent posts all day and spot on hilarious commentary!

    • Anonymous

      Love the Georgy Girl reference :) I like Adele’s outfit, although the hair needs softened a little. The background isn’t helping either. Who thought of black at an awards show where a lot of people will be wearing, um, black!

      Adele looks like she’s also thinking, ‘who ARE all these badly dressed people!, get me the f*** out of here!’

    • http://www.facebook.com/janet.selman Janet Selman

      Oh, thank you, thank you, for some much needed snickers today!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=558308357 Kara Leinfelder Meyer

      will britney never learn?  regaining her pop queen status is not going to happen on the current fashion track she’s on.  granted, her taste level is nil, but surely she can hire someone to fix that.  selena gomez may b over dressed but at least she looks like she pays attention to fashion, looks somewhat like a lady but still keeps her young girl charm.  brittany looks like she went shopping at the local “adult superstore”