PR: Fashionista Turf Wars

Posted on August 21, 2011

The behind-the-scenes world of a fashion editor is not pretty, kittens.

“Congratulations on your hard work, designers. I know you all wanted to make a dress for an internationally famous supermodel, but even ugly little fashion editors need something to cover themselves so the rest of us don’t have to look at their bodies.”

“So why don’t we start off with their opinions instead of mine. Nina? Do you want to start?”

“Julie, I don’t know what to say abo–”

“I do. If Nina showed up to work wearing this, all the Accessories Editors would have a meeting in the ladies room to talk about how stupid she is. I mean ‘looks.’ How stupid she looks.”

“Yes, well. Everyone knows Accessories Editors are nothing but a rabid pack of c___.”

“Yeah, but those c____ would be right! If you came to the Marie Claire offices in this shitty raincoat, I’d JOIN them in the ladies room just to have a laugh at you.”

“Well it’s not like you have anything better to do. Now, Julie –”

“Julie, listen to me. If Nina wore this to work, everyone at Marie Claire, from the Unrealistic Body Images Department to the European Standards of Beauty Desk, would spend the morning texting each other about how awful Nina is. Seriously. You have no idea. We’d — I mean ‘they’d’ – get no work done at all. Issues would not get out on time and people would stop buying the magazine.

This coat would be the ruin of Marie Claire and it would be all Nina’s fault for wearing it. She’d never work again. Ever. At least not for me.”

“Well there’s an incentive to wear it.

But it’s still ugly, Julie.”

“Danielle, why don’t you tell us abo–”

“Alcoholism. That’s what all the Wrinkle-Free Skin Directors would say if they saw Nina in this. They’d immediately question whether she deserves her job.”

“Oh! Well, that’s not what I’m –”

“It’s not your fault, dear. Those bitches are just looking for a reason to trash Nina. She shows up in the office in that green blouse against her sallow skin tones and the Editors Who Make Fat Girls Feel Bad would never get any work done that day.”

“And that’s different from every other day because…?”

“I just couldn’t put you through that, Nina. No one deserves to have everyone she works with laughing at her, don’t you think?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I can think of some who deserve it.”

“Danielle, you’d be destroying Nina if you put her in this. Does that sound like something you want to do? Destroy Nina? Do you think about destroying Nina sometimes? Like when you’re daydreaming?”

“Why? Are you looking for a new assistant?”

“What about you, Cecilia? Were you trying to make Nina look bad with this … thing?”

“MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. If Nina wore this to work, the Ageism Editors would bar the conference room doors and call security. Then I’d have her swipe card deactivated and set dogs loose in the building to track her down.”

“Yeah, I know it’s — ”

“Then I’d call a couple of entertainment journalists. You know, people who owe me favors because I fed them information about which stars have eating disorders or who did coke on a photo shoot. ”


“I’d tell them all to be outside the Marie Claire offices when Nina comes bursting through the doors wearing THAT, desperate to get away from the dogs and the security guards.”

“And the c__y editors.”

 

“See? Look how defensive Nina’s getting. Nina would be like this EVERY DAY at Marie Claire if she wore clothes like this. She’d be under constant attack, forced to defend herself and her position to clawing, ambitious 23-year-olds…”

“…and aging Miranda Priestley wannabes…”


“…girls much prettier and younger than Nina…”

“…jealous, bleached-out drunks…”

“And I would be forced, as Nina’s boss –“

“Took you long enough to work that in.”

“To immediately hold a press conference–“

“Because you’re an attention whore.”

“And declare Nina mentally incompetent.”

“And that’s the only way you’ll ever get rid of me, best-selling author and way more famous than you.”

“Nina’s entire life would be ruined and I would be the one forced to do the ruining. In order to save Marie Claire, Nina would have to die.”

“Is anyone else listening to this nonsense? It’s hilarious.”

 

“Nina, I’m only expressing concern about your well-being.”

“Shyeah. Good luck with that “Project Runway All-Stars” thing. I’m sure it’ll make you a star. *snort*”

“Wow! I didn’t know fashion editors could be just as bitchy as pretty girls!”

“Don’t you fucking start with me, Tits.”

 

[Photo Credit: tomandlorenzo.com]

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