Sarah Jessica, we’re gonna do you a solid and explain to you why the public sometimes gets vicious with you. Your latest red carpet getup has helpfully provided us with visual aids.
Sarah Jessica Parker at a presentation of her new movie “I Don’t Know How She Does It” in Moscow. Sarah Jessica Parker wears a Giambattista Valli couture gown paired with Christian Louboutin shoes.
Giambattista Valli Fall 2011 Couture Collection/Model: Aymeline Valade (WOMEN)
Christian Louboutin Alex ‘Lion Paw’ Pumps
Sweetie, we’ve always tried to be on your side, but when you go out looking like this, you’re helping to confirm a whole lot of what your detractors say about you: that you’re irritatingly full of yourself; that you’re more fashion victim than fashion icon; that you lucked into one iconic role and have been trying to play it over and over again, both in life and in films.
Here’s the thing, hon: this is way too much look for a simple film premiere. To be honest, it borders on being way too much look for the freaking Oscars, but we won’t go there. The point is, Sarah Jessica, this is sort of how people expect you to dress up for a Sex and the City premiere because it’s dramatic and fashion-y and gives off that Carrie Bradshaw vibe that you’ve
been relying on cultivated. Because this is NOT a Sex and the City premiere, this looks a little obnoxious. The dress is fine, but no one really needs to wear a cape on the red carpet, dear. And you sure as hell shouldn’t be posing with it billowing out like you’re Cher in front of a wind machine.
And in the “…and the portions were so small” category of complaining… If you absolutely must wear the cape, then don’t remove the stunning brooch. That’s the only thing that makes the look interesting. This is where we get into the “fashion victm” charge, because darling? This look is nothing but a series of bad decisions. First, the cape, then the removal of the brooch. Next comes THAT HAIR. We can’t with that. Then comes the jewelry, all of which doesn’t really go with this look and most of it doesn’t even go with the other pieces of jewelry. It looks like a mish-mash of whatever wasn’t tangled in your jewelry box. Not that we believe for a second any of it came from your jewelry box. No, it’s more likely to be a case of not turning down some of the free pieces thrown your way. It’s fun getting free jewelry to wear, but that doesn’t mean you should wear it all at once, kitten. And finally, there’s the shoes. We think these can work in certain instances. Most of those instances require the wearing of pants. We could see these working with a skirt or dress, but no way in hell do they work with a gown. If anything, they look utterly freakish, poking out from the bottom like that.
IN! She’s a magical princess! With cat feet!
OUT! She looks like she was blasted with a fashion cannon!
Lake Bell’s strange hybrid look combining fetishwear with yoga hair got a well-deserved OUT from the nonetheless puzzled precious unborn fawns.
[Photo Credit: Getty, elle.com, christianlouboutin.com]