The A-List: The Walls Come Crumbling Down

Posted on August 16, 2011

Dear TV Guide,

Please allow the attached episode description to serve as every episode description for LOGO’s “exciting” reality series, The Real Fishwives of The A-List New York:

“Various stereotypes with no marketable job skills meet up in empty restaurants all over Manhattan to talk shit about other stereotypes with no marketable job skills. Special Guest Star: A Sassy Black Girl.”

You’re welcome.

The long version:

Austin and Jake are stuffing themselves into tight pants and for once, it’s not because Austin thinks he’s a lot thinner than he is. No, the boys are going fencing. Why? Forty-two minutes is a lot of airtime and you can only shoot the empty insides of so many restaurants. Austin offers his curriculum vitae in swordsmanship: “I have played a pirate for Halloween a time or two.” This is of a piece with his “I’ve been naked several times, therefore I should be a Playgirl model” line of thinking. While fencing, they discuss the fact that Derek blocked Austin’s number. “What are we, thirteen-year-old girls?” asks Austin with no trace of irony whatsoever. After the fencing session is over, he tells us “This is a great way for me to get my aggression out,” which is odd, because we thought going through his social circle one by one and hitting them was how he got his aggression out.

Reichen and TJ arrive in Hawaii at a hotel entirely populated by men in tanktops because Reichen has been hired to host something called The Paradise Festival.  TJ kisses Reichen’s hand in gratitude because he has no dignity whatsoever and apparently Reichen is the Gay Pope. Reichen indicates that he’s excited about meeting up in Hawaii with “one of the first guys I’m interested in since my breakup with Rodiney.”  Since Reichen becomes interested in just about any man who looks in his direction for longer than 40 seconds, we imagine that list is quite long. Suddenly, on camera, Reichen’s phone rings! It’s the guy who is part of that vast group of men whom Reichen is interested in and he’s calling now, while Reichen is in Hawaii, to tell him that he can’t make it. Because the phone lines in LA don’t reach New York. Reichen grimaces and moves his facial muscles, which is supposed to indicate crying even though his eyes remain as dry as Christina Aguilera’s hair. Later, Reichen and TJ hit the beach; the former shirtless and the latter dressed like Weezie Jefferson for some reason.

In an empty boutique, Derek meets up with Rodiney, who he describes as “My most dreaded ex-friend Rodiney,” inadvertently answering Austin’s question as to whether or not they’re 13-year-old girls. Derek puts on a “sad face” that was so hilariously inauthentic that he might as well have held up a sign that says “SAD” to go with it. He walks around in his big girl sweater and won’t meet Rodiney’s eyes.  He feels he needs to apologize to Rodiney because “Austin and I are no longer friends.” Someone explain this to us, because it’s been a while since grade school: why does he automatically have to apologize to Rodiney because he’s not friends with Austin anymore? Why not just come right out and say “My ‘hatred’ of Rodiney, which went on for months and was all-consuming, was really only because Austin hated him. I have no emotions or thoughts of my own. I just do and say whatever will make me more popular.”

LOGO, could we have a job writing subtitles for what all these whores are really saying? We can call them “subconscious titles.”

Rodiney, who isn’t as dumb as he looks (hard as that is to believe), isn’t buying it. “You turns like a different person like this,” he says emphatically. Derek doesn’t understand so he just agrees with him and keeps apologizing. “I juz hope I can truz you,” and with that, the summit talks end for the day. Derek closes the session with a ridiculously insincere “That looks really good on you.”

Later, Derek meets with his business partners who are very blonde and speak in very high-pitched voices – and  for once, they’re women. He tells us: “I hand-selected extremely capable business partners,” as if he harvested them from a vine or something. They’re named Joy and Sally. Of course they are.

The very excitable business partners come up with a plan for Derek to do a “boylesque” show as a way of launching their product, “Tansexual.” Derek leaps up and says he wants to try the product out. He strips down and Joy and Sally spray him until he glows like a radioactive persimmon.

Ryan asked Rodiney to walk in a fashion show for a client of his. Rodiney walks terribly, which is no crime because the clothes sucked. Ryan is nonetheless very proud of him. “Look at you,” he says to Rodiney while checking his lipstick, “All grown up and walking and paying your bills!” Rodiney tells him he’s going to take a girl out on a date and Ryan shudders at the thought of ladyparts anywhere near his person.

TJ and Reichen are at the Honolulu film festival, where, Reichen informs us,  “I”ll be walking the red carpet and be available for pictures.” We see one shot of him posing for a picture with one guy. Since this is the only guy willing to appear on camera wih him, Reichen turns on his seduction technique, which he apparently learned from watching Anne Bancroft in The Graduate; lots of narrowed eyes, long pauses, and head-tilted-back laughter, none of which seems to impress the guy. In fact, he tells Reichen he’s a bit freaked out by his behavior and beats a hasty retreat. Gay living rooms all over America erupt into spontaneous applause. Reichen does his bone-dry crying face and whines to TJ about all the “horrible” things happening to him, like men not dropping to their knees at the sight of him. In a way, we hope this show goes on for years, because the pleasure of watching Reichen age cannot be understated.

Derek and his fruitfly show up to a dance studio, where his business partner Sally, who is, of course, also a burlesque performer called Lady Chardonnay, waits for them with a gaggle of bored chorus boys. For no discernible reason Derek has tiny little pigtails on top of his head. They begin “rehearsing,” which seems to consist of Sally yelling out things like “Give me that Tansexual energy!” and, later, as the boys are supposed to be crawling after the irresistible Derek, she’s forced to intone unenthusiastically,  “More crawling… a little faster.” None of the chorus boys seem particularly keen on catching up with Derek and his pigtails.

It’s Rodiney’s Heterosexual Date Night! He gives the girl a rose, which is code for “I can get hard for you.” Like all first dates between a gay man and a straight woman, it’s awkward, punctuated by stretches of silence, and full of lies. “I got invited to do a Broadway play!” he pipes up. “Also, I’m bisexual.” With an entire production crew filming Rodiney’s gay reality show only inches from her face, she pretends to be shocked by this news. “It’s part of Brazilian culture” she offers weakly, like millions of other women forced to come up with a reason why their boyfriends watch soap operas and don’t play sports.

Derek’s summit talks continue as he meets with Nyasha in another empty restaurant. Nyasha informs us that she doesn’t buy his contrition and assesses him as “somewhat of a follower.” BITCH NAILED IT, DEREK. They immediately start running down the reasons why they don’t like each other. We’ve regressed backwards from high school to grade school, and now we’re in kindergarten. Derek moves away from alternating between criticizing Nyasha and apologizing to her by bringing up Austin because he knows they can reach common ground there.  “I want to show everyone that I’m not this big nasty bitch that everyone says I am,” he says. Oh, HONEY. That ship has sailed.  They end the summit by clinking drinks and toasting to friendshp. Derek silently prays that the footage of him calling her a “broke-down, disgusting, angry pig bitch” never airs.

Back in Hawaii, Reichen finds a reasonably attractive man willing to kiss him on camera. They do so.

Ryan and Austin meet up at their prearranged park bench. Austin doesn’t understand why Derek didn’t come to the party after sending him a thousand texts telling him he couldn’t come. Austin thinks his behavior is better and Ryan takes a moment from shaping her brows to burst out laughing.“I can almost guarantee your friendship with Derek is over,” he informs him (with no small amount of barely hidden glee). “But I just got my prescription to Prozac!” blurts out Austin.

It’s the night of Derek’s boylesque show and he’s nervous because “I’m going to perform a burlesque number in front of a hundred people.” Judging by the shots of the crowd, he overestimated by about 70. Ryan, Nyasha, Rodiney, Mike, Mike’s boyfriend (who is dressed like a 16-year-old), and for some reason, Mike’s dad, all show up to support their friend castmate. Ryan surveys
the scene and tells us he’s impressed with Derek’s plan of befriending all the people Austin hates. Finally, it’s showtime, which is signaled by Rodiney shouting, “There’s come the bitch!”

As Derek’s glittery, Chernobyl-hued body gyrates on stage in sequined short-shorts, he tells us in voiceover,  “Tonight is a turning point in my life.” Gay living rooms all over America spontaneously erupt into derisive laughter. After the “show,” Derek comes out to hug all his friends castmates, leaving glittery orange streaks all over the front of them. Now that Derek has such a major, life-changing accomplishment under his belt, he informs us that it’s time to meet with Austin because “he needs to know this friendship is over.” Wasn’t blocking his calls, meeting with all his mortal enemies, and having all your mutual friends inform him that the friendship was over enough? Don’t be silly. These things must be handled face-to-face, in an empty bar.  “I need closure,” he sniffs, in his tiny little shorts.

The big day arrives and all the bars in Manhattan clear the decks, hoping against hope that these two scions of New York Society will choose their bar to stage their bitchfight. Hahah. No. Some bar who paid for LOGO to shoot its sign for 5 seconds allows the girls to have their coffee klatsch inside. It’s disappointing. Derek’s voice quivers and his lower lip puffs out while he runs down the prepared list of Austin offenses. Austin blinks stupidly and offers half-assed apologies when it’s clear he has absolutely no idea what he’s apologizing for. Amazingly, Austin has an adult thought and wonders aloud if there’s anything he can say or do to help Derek get over it. Derek isn’t having any of this grownup shit and he sure as hell isn’t going to reconcile with Austin. He openly admits that he wouldn’t be able to face their friends if he forgave him because he just spent a week badmouthing him to all of them.

Derek, honey? Come on now. Everyone in your social group and the hundreds of millions of people* who watch your show all know you’re a two-faced bitch who moves people back and forth from two columns headed “Friends” and “Mortal Enemies.” Waving off his attempts at reconciliation, Derek blurts out, “I loved you, Austin!” and spins on his heels, heading out. Austin blinks and walks away in slow motion because this is some seriously dramatic shit, you guys.

*imaginary

[Screencaps: tomandlorenzo.com]

  • Anonymous

    Ok, I was unbelievably bored last night so I tried to watch this episode so I could at least say I tried.  I got about half way through, vomited from laughing so hard and feeling self loathing for being a gay man and turned off the TV.  I always thought you guys were really going over the top with making this stuff up but it really is exactly as you recap.  Dear God above, someone pull the plug on this.
    Oh, and I’m not convinced that the one “business partner/burlesque dancer” is actually a woman.  We would need to see a real vagina shot as proof and even then, it’s iffy.

    • scottyf

      Errrrr….no, no, no, no, no.

      I respectfully disagree tomstl: it is NOT exactly as T&Lo recap.

      If it had even ONE TENTH of the drama, camp, decent writing and appeal that these boys give to it I could watch it for at least long enough to know these imbecile’s names. As it is, the commercials are the most interesting things happening in the time slot.

    • MilaXX

      hush, they are expanding and launching an A list; Dallas and I cannot wait!

      • http://theskippyreview.wordpress.com/ Skippy

        Oh, no.  Isn’t it already horrible that Dallas has been invaded by Bravo and their “Most Eligible Dallas”?

        • MilaXX

          HA! I haven’t seen that one yet. I’m not even gonna front, I love these crappy reality shows! The people are so ridiculous.

    • Anonymous

      trans*misogyny isn’t cool, bro. :(

      • Anonymous

        Thank you.  I don’t think this comment section will ever be rid of it, but it’s better than it used to be back in the “let’s all imitate Christian Siriano” days.  It’s not like Gawker, which is still a vile cesspool when it comes to trans stuff.

      • Anonymous

        Um, who said this woman is “trans” anything?  To me, she is simply unattractive and has bad make up as far I can tell.  Lighten up on the knee jerk reactions.  And the use of the word “bro”.  Seriously, that’s just a douchy word.  This show is so stupid and offensive to ALL GAY people everywhere I can’t believe this is the comment you object to.

        • Anonymous

          The ordinarily misogynistic bit was the bit where you implied that the woman couldn’t possibly be a woman, presumably because of her appearance; the bit that was transmisogynistic was the bit where you said straight-out that you’d only believe she was a woman if you could see her vagina (implying that men don’t have vaginas, and that trans women aren’t real women because they can’t meet your little test).

          I don’t watch the show, I just read the recaps because they’re funny. But just because the show – not the woman in question – is damaging to gay men, doesn’t give you the right to shit on trans* people and women.

          Okay, bro?

          • Anonymous

            Sorry, but I did not “shit” on trans people or anyone else.  I simply said she possibly looked like she might be a drag queen.  You are the only one who brought in the term “trans”, not me.  This is your issue, not mine.

          • http://profiles.google.com/briarmoss11 Alexander Rich-Shea

            When you said “Oh, and I’m not convinced that the one “business partner/burlesque
            dancer” is actually a woman.  We would need to see a real vagina shot as
            proof and even then, it’s iffy.”
            You were saying that all women have vaginas, and that even if a woman has a vagina “it’s iffy”, which doesn’t seem like it could be referring to anything other than trans women who have bottom surgery.

            The part that is definitely and without a doubt transphobic is where you equate anatomy with gender, thereby invalidating men with vaginas and women with penises. Maybe you’re okay with being transphobic, but don’t deny that what you said is offensive to trans people and their allies.

            birdhead and I are communicating that we don’t think your transphobic statements are okay and that you should think about how your statements can be offensive to trans people and their allies. You, apparently, don’t care.

          • Anonymous

            Jesus Christ!  I knew nothing good would come from being sucked into reading and commenting on this peice of shit show and the people it draws in.  I should have listened to my inner voice and stayed away……  exiting this conversation now, I won’t be back.

          • Anonymous

            trans women make up the bulk of the statistics of queer people beaten and killed, precisely because of the attitude – “if she doesn’t have a vagina she’s not a real woman” – you have displayed here. I can assure you that the people who assault and kill these women don’t use the term “trans” either. It’s not required to use a term to be saying oppressive things that perpetuate stereotypes and endorse attitudes that lead to violence.

            Trans people were instrumental at Stonewall. trans people are an important part of our community and it is our responsibility to not perpetuate ideas that actually kill trans people every day. I think it’s really unfortunate that we still can’t be bothered to deal with trans people or address transphobia and trans misogyny. I guess that is ~my issue but the world would be a bit safer if it was yours as well tbh.

          • http://profiles.google.com/briarmoss11 Alexander Rich-Shea

            Thanks for trying. I don’t think he’s ever going to get it though. Maybe I can help spell it out?

          • Anonymous

            Props to you too! Oh, well. I’ve said some stupid shit in my time, and patient wonderful people have corrected me, and sometimes it still wasn’t until I got myself alone and looked at what I’d said when I saw my privilege and my asshattery. Hopefully every little bit makes a difference!

          • scottyf

            Thank you both for bringing up this point of view. It’s an honor when people open my eyes to ways that I might be inadvertently disrespecting an individual. I personally don’t think that was tomstl’s intent, but I understand how it could be perceived as such. I think it takes great courage to speak out.

          • Anonymous

            I really appreciate you saying this. Thank you!

          • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

            Um, not to be picky here but… MEN DON’T HAVE VAGINAS!  It’s not implied, it’s a fundamental fact.  If you are a pre-op transgendered person then that’s who you are: transgendered.  Until you have a vagina you remain a man, and until you stop having a vagina you remain a woman. 

            I’m all for transgendered people being happy and finding a way to get to that place; in fact, I think everyone should worry more about their own happiness than acceptability.  But changing the definitions of man and woman is never going to happen.  I don’t get to say, “Well, I wasn’t born Chinese but my husband is, and I feel Chinese.”

            Your gender is something you’re born with, which doesn’t mean you have to keep it that way — people are born with cleft palates too, and changes can be made. But it IS related to DNA and gentalia.

          • Anonymous

            I’m sorry, this isn’t true. Trans women are women pre op and post-op – just like if a man were to have a horrible accident and have his genitals amputated, he would remain a man, and just like if you ditto, you would remain a woman; just like women who have double mastectomies are still women and men who don’t grow facial hair are still men. A man with one testicle isn’t half a man, after all!

            The distinction you don’t understand here is the difference between sex and gender; I would take it as a personal favour if you would do a little googling about it.

            You appear to mean well but the attitude you display here is seriously, seriously transphobic and harmful to trans people, and I really hope you don’t perpetuate it. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. What they pack in their pants (and the state of their chromosomes) isn’t your business, mine, or anyone else’s, because people’s gender is the one with which they identify, and nothing else.

    • Eclectic Mayhem

      I’m going to put my tin-foil conspiracy hat on for a second and suggest that the whole show is part of a ghastly right-wing plot to persuade the general public that homosexuality is morally bankrupt and deny the LGBT community the rights they deserve.  LOGO you’re being USED!  Stop it immediately!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

    I have NEVER watched this show and don’t plan to, but I check out your comments to fill my soul’s need for bitchy schadenfreude

    (Hmmm…Bitchy Schadenfreude will be my new drag name)

  • http://twitter.com/karenwalsh Karen Walsh

    Oh Lord, please help me.  Why do I keep watching this show?  The answer is obvious.  So I can read TLo’s hilarious recaps!  The fact that these guys are on television boggles the mind.  Oh LOGO, you should be so ashamed, just as I am for actually watching them.

  • Anonymous

    “Reichen grimaces and moves his facial muscles, which is supposed to indicate crying even though his eyes remain as dry as Christina Aguilera’s hair.”

    I love you guys.

  • Terence Ng

    Oh God, A-List. Please don’t ruin fencing. Get out. Get out of my sport right now. Aut.

    • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

      You fence?  That’s on my list of things to learn to do before I hit 30:)

  • http://profiles.google.com/grandiva1968 e jerry powell

    “…though his eyes remain as dry as Christina Aguilera’s hair.”

    Nuh-uh. As dry as Christina Aguilera’s weave.  We haven’t seen her real hair in at least five years.

  • Scott Hester-Johnson

    Your Rod-i-ney quote left out the best part. Our favourite ESL student said “I got invited to do a Broadway IN NEW YORK play!”

    I am always amused by how many people in the comments say “I don’t watch the show but read the TLo recaps” LIARS!

    Yes, this show is starting to cause me actual physical pain, but I…can..not…turn…away.

    My (masochistic) persistence has finally paid off with the shooting down of Reichen Pensildicken by “TV Personality” and Paul Rudd lookalike Mike.

    “Why??! Why does everything bad happen to the genetically gifted?!”

     Perhaps “TV Personality” and Paul Rudd lookalike Mike got a look at Reichen’s Pensildicken on the web?

    • scottyf

      Scott Hester-Johnson said…
      “I am always amused by how many people in the comments say “I don’t watch the show but read the TLo recaps” LIARS!”

      I tried watching it for a couple of episodes during it’s first season. I decided then that the last thing I needed in my life were any more offensive stereotypes of white gay men. NOW the show is giving offensive stereotypes of black women too? Please.

      It’s a good thing that the Gay Marriage Bill in New York brought us a few steps forward, because this show takes us about sixteen steps backward.

      • Susan Crawford

        I SO agree, Scottyf. How, in a smart, sophisticated cityful of uber-talented, creative, intelligent and interesting gay men did Logo find this collection of retrogressive, damaging stereotypes? And adding Nyesha for that “sassy black gal” vibe is just offensive.

        Well, I’m still watching it, alternately laughing uncontrollably, throwing things at the screen and monitoring my blood pressure when the offensiveness-meter goes into the red zone. 

        (And, dammit, I’m right there with you rooting for cranky old Bert. )

        • BuffaloBarbara

          in a smart, sophisticated cityful of uber-talented, creative,
          intelligent and interesting gay men did Logo find this collection of
          retrogressive, damaging stereotypes?

          Because the uber-talented, creative, intelligent, and interesting gay men have jobs and couldn’t commit to making idiots of themselves on national television every week?

          :eyeroll:

          Yeah, I read the TLo recaps without watching the show, too, though I went to the website to check the names. Given the vapid women who now seem to be appearing, maybe they’re planning a spin-off series about Women who love men who love men.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

            Because people don’t tune in to watch intelligent and well adjusted people- they tune in to watch train wrecks.

    • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

      I don’t watch because I don’t have cable and I’m not invested enough to go through the headache of watching online (God, I hate glitchy, skipping streams!)

      If/when I have cable again, I can almost guarantee I will be watching — for TLo’s blogs and because I’m the same girl who HAD to see every new episode of Rock of Love to the point I would go to the gym and watch while on the treadmill.

  • Anonymous

    I loved when Reichen hit on that Other Reality Show Queen in Hawaii and ORSQ kept saying Reichen was so “intense”. Gurrrll, I don’t think that word means what you think it means. No one is going to be throwing Reichen’s picture on the cover of Newsweek and declaring him “The Queen of Rouge”. I think “pathetic” was the word you want. As in “Rechen, we are (supposedly) buddies but you’re just acting so pathetic.” Scene! Cut! Print! 

  • MilaXX

    I just have to say between the odd hair cut and thew much to orange skin, Derek looks a hot mess this season. This show is simply so bad it’s good.  I need the recaps to catch everything I miss because I am laughing so hard. At east both Rodiney and Nyasha had enough sense to give Derek a bit of side eye at decision to suddenly bury the hatchet with them. I love watching Ryan manage to somehow not takes sides and sit back and enjoy the craziness of it all.

  • Anonymous

    Roidney, Roidney, Roidney… here I was thinking you were still a wee bit lost in translation, and not completely out of your skull… Nope!  I hope his “date” got some good coin for her appearance.  No way in hell could I have kept a straight face through that. 

    Derek, OTOH, seems to have completely blown a gasket.  Perhaps he’s inhaling too much of his own product?

  • Susan Crawford

    “Like a radioactive persimmon”! HIGH-larious! What amazes me about this show is that each week, I think to myself, “Self, this shit cannot possibly get any more ridiculous.” And then the next week – it gets even more ridiculous. And every week, as the closing credits crawl over the screen (“Crawl faster!”), I sigh and think, “There’s another hour of your life gone to hell in a handbasket, girl.”  Thank Gawd for the T Lo recaps that restore some IQ points lost during the show.

    • Scott Hester-Johnson

      FENCING!

  • Sara__B

    Add me to the list of those who don’t watch the show but faithfully read these funny, scathing recaps. (I just wish you’d label the screen caps so I could match names with faces.)

    • Scott Hester-Johnson

      That’s cheating! Why should you get to enjoy TLo without suffering this weekly assault like the rest of us?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_EDI2DLE7DE3YPW2ONIHBWOVHMA ecallaw

      Me TOO! I know what Reichen looks like because he dated Lance Bass, and I assume now Derek was the shirtless orange one this week, but I have no idea which ones are Austin, Roidney or TJ.  They always refer to Austin as the fat one, but I don’t think any of them look fat!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

        I wonder what happened to Reichen’s way-back-in-the-past partner Chip? Now HE was good looking!

        • http://profiles.google.com/dchockeyguy Trevor Burroughs

          Chip was obviously the smart one of the two. He probably is just off doing some normal job now, not interested in being a fame whore. I think Reichen used him to win the AR.

          • Anonymous

            Chip is co-founder of a great organization called “Couples for Equality” that fights for marriage equality. And has a day job to boot.

  • Anonymous

    apparently Reichen is the Gay Pope.

    Well, he wouldn’t be the first.

  • Anique Ashraf

     Uh, I tried watching this to read your recap. Your recaps are delicious, the show is NOT. I literally started shaking the first time I saw it — from anger and mirth, both.

  • aimee_parrott

    LOGO, could we have a job writing subtitles for what all these whores are really saying? We can call them “subconscious titles.”

    Holy shit.  This is awesome.  If I knew someone at LOGO, I’d be calling right now to make sure it happened.

  • Joshau Norton

    I’ve actually stumbled upon a reality show about a young gay guy that doesn’t treat gay life as one big joke. It’s called “Staten Island Cakes” It’s on WEtv on Saturday afternoons. Vinny and his family are like a breath of fresh air compared to the over-the-top drama queens that populate this this waste of film footage.

    I didn’t mean to go so OT, but it just popped into my head while I was laughing at TLo’s recap.

  • Anonymous

    So, I can’t watch these vapid whores, as I can feel myself getting stupider.  My question to you, T and Lo…WHY IS THERE NO SCREENCAP OF TJ AS WEEZIE???

    This sounds like pure visual gold, and I would have adored seeing it.

  • Anonymous

    So, I can’t watch these vapid whores, as I can feel myself getting stupider.  My question to you, T and Lo…WHY IS THERE NO SCREENCAP OF TJ AS WEEZIE???

    This sounds like pure visual gold, and I would have adored seeing it.

  • Anonymous

    “Tlo said: LOGO, could we have a job writing subtitles for what all these whores are really saying? We can call them “subconscious titles.””

    YES! PLEASE! LOGO, I beg of you, please allow Tlo to do ‘subconscious titles’ for A-List!!! Do a special weekend A-List marathon where all subconscious titles are provided by Tlo. After we, your viewers, sat through this drek, you owe us that much!!

    –GothamTomato

  • Anonymous

    “Tlo said: LOGO, could we have a job writing subtitles for what all these whores are really saying? We can call them “subconscious titles.””

    YES! PLEASE! LOGO, I beg of you, please allow Tlo to do ‘subconscious titles’ for A-List!!! Do a special weekend A-List marathon where all subconscious titles are provided by Tlo. After we, your viewers, sat through this drek, you owe us that much!!

    –GothamTomato

    • Anonymous

      Now THAT I would watch.  Can’t say the same for the “unsubtitled” A-List, but I do so enjoy these recaps.

    • Anonymous

      Now THAT I would watch.  Can’t say the same for the “unsubtitled” A-List, but I do so enjoy these recaps.

  • Anonymous

    “Tlo said: LOGO, could we have a job writing subtitles for what all these whores are really saying? We can call them “subconscious titles.””

    YES! PLEASE! LOGO, I beg of you, please allow Tlo to do ‘subconscious titles’ for A-List!!! Do a special weekend A-List marathon where all subconscious titles are provided by Tlo. After we, your viewers, sat through this drek, you owe us that much!!

    –GothamTomato

  • Anonymous

    “Tlo said: LOGO, could we have a job writing subtitles for what all these whores are really saying? We can call them “subconscious titles.””

    YES! PLEASE! LOGO, I beg of you, please allow Tlo to do ‘subconscious titles’ for A-List!!! Do a special weekend A-List marathon where all subconscious titles are provided by Tlo. After we, your viewers, sat through this drek, you owe us that much!!

    –GothamTomato

  • Anonymous

    “Tlo said: …in his tiny little shorts.”

    Yes, and speaking of those tiny little shorts, they were rather unfortunate, weren’t they? Especially after Derek informed us all how fabulous and ‘hung’ he was. Because of that declaration, when he appeared in those tiny little shorts, I had to check that out, and sorry, but I didn’t see anything to write home about. But maybe he meant ‘hung’ in the way LOGO means ‘A-List’.

    Which reminds me of that line from the old Buster Keaton movie, ‘Bedroom, Bath & Parlor’, where two women are sitting out by the pool assessing the men and one says to the other, ‘You can’t judge a husband by a bath suit.’ To which she replied, ‘No, but you can get a rough idea.’

    Yes, Derek, you can.

    Though I have to say, one of my favorite scenes last night was when Tin-Tin told Austin that he feels sorry for him. I don’t know why, but that was one of the laugh out loud moments.

    –GothamTomato

    • Anonymous

      “‘Hung’ in the way Logo means ‘A-List'”–GT, you are my new hero(ine?).  That line is priceless.  Thanks for the biggest laugh I’ve had in an otherwise pretty shitty day!

    • Anonymous

      “‘Hung’ in the way Logo means ‘A-List'”–GT, you are my new hero(ine?).  That line is priceless.  Thanks for the biggest laugh I’ve had in an otherwise pretty shitty day!

  • http://visceralresponse.com Dina dV

    I don’t think Rodiney could have looked any less interested in what Derek had to say at the store if Hans the cat walked past and he started talking to the cat while Derek was in mid-sentence.

    It is kind of funny how production has to squeeze Rodiney in now that he won’t shoot with Austin but he’s a regular.  Last week?  Only talking heads.  This week?  That awkward “date,” and the “fashion show.”  What’s next week?  Ryan drops by while he’s getting waxed?

  • Anonymous

    This show is extremely painful to watch. It takes stupid, pretty men and shows them behaving like cliched gay stereotypes. I’m so proud of you, TLo, for pointing the vapidity of this garbage in such great detail.  I feel that I, too, must watch this show, to, you know, keep track of the exploitation of the naive and dumb young men, and well, their grooming, and to see if they are smoothing themselves down, or behaving like imps, or being naughty.  Because then you will write an aggressively long dissertations taking them to task, because, like me, you care.

  • Anonymous

    I confess – I’ve been skipping your recaps of “The A-List” because I don’t watch the show and didn’t think the recaps would be funny as a result. But something in the intro to this one made me read the rest…

    This is possibly the FUNNIEST show recap I’ve ever read!! I’m DYING here! LOLOLOLOLOL! 

    I’m still never watching this shitty show, but I’m not skipping T-Lo’s recaps anymore!

  • Anonymous

    LOL.  I can’t stomach the show but I love your write-ups!  

  • Anonymous

    LOL.  I can’t stomach the show but I love your write-ups!  

  • Anonymous

    My favorite moment was the sign on a rack of ugly shirts in the boutique apparently written by a 5-year-old that said “Sale $79.”

    That, and that Austin actually had a good point when he pointed out that Duh-reck said that he can’t believe what those other bitches say- WHEN HE JUST QUOTED THEM! 

  • Danny Maza

    where I can download this episode? I download all the episodes because I’m not from the USA, but the episode 4 is no online anywhere :S

  • Sara R

    Oooohhh Reichen.  You wouldn’t know one Mahu or Fa`afafine if you saw one, because, (although they usually are…) it sure don’t mean hott gay boys…look it up. 

  • Anonymous

    Tansexual?! really? All I see is the slip into a “transexual” joke which exacerbates transphobia. Although something like that is a bit over the air head named Derek. So happy that I chose not to watch this season, although read about on the blog of course.

  • Anonymous

    Tansexual?! really? All I see is the slip into a “transexual” joke which exacerbates transphobia. Although something like that is a bit over the air head named Derek. So happy that I chose not to watch this season, although read about on the blog of course.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_TTCQ6TNSQ27V6BMA46JD2Y62WQ Adriel

    You totally forgot to mention how Reichen was completely DISSED by hottie Mike Manning after Reichen acted like an ass and got read by Mike so fast he didn’t know what hit him! It was priceless! Otherwise keep up the excellent and hysterical reviews!!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_TTCQ6TNSQ27V6BMA46JD2Y62WQ Adriel

    You totally forgot to mention how Reichen was completely DISSED by hottie Mike Manning after Reichen acted like an ass and got read by Mike so fast he didn’t know what hit him! It was priceless! Otherwise keep up the excellent and hysterical reviews!!

  • http://twitter.com/BrickMercury Brick Mercury

    OMG this is SOOOOO much better than the actual show!

  • vmcdanie

    T Lo, did you know you got mentioned on the NPR Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast this week? Trey Graham reads your recaps. When nu media worlds collide…..

  • Anonymous

    If you told me that I had to watch this show for ten minutes or I would die, I would just go ahead and kill myself. These summaries, however, are delicious.

  • Anonymous

    “Derek silently prays that the footage of him calling her a “broke-down, disgusting, angry pig bitch” never airs.”

    Please, bitch has the memory of a dog, he already forgot he ever said that.