Princess Charlene’s Wedding Gown

Posted on July 03, 2011

Leave it to those colorful Flying Grimaldis to give the world a royal wedding with enough delicious rumors to fill an entire season of Dynasty. From illegitimate children to confiscated passports, this endeavor could have used a couple fights in a fountain and more shoulderpads, but all in all, we give it a bitchtastic double thumbs up. We CAN’T WAIT for the inevitable Lifetime movie! Starring Dianna Agron and Neil Patrick Harris! Because Charlize Theron and Russell Crowe were too expensive!

Hit it, you sweaty little family of chain-smoking carnies!

Princess Charlene of Monaco and Prince Albert II of Monaco during the religious ceremony of the Royal Wedding, in the main courtyard at Prince’s Palace in Monaco. The Princess is wearing an Armani Privé gown of more than 140 yards of different silks, 40,000 Swarovski crystals, 20,000 mother of pearl beads, and a 15-foot train, with a diamond spray tiara.

If we must make comparisons (and lets face it; we must), we think this is a prettier gown than Duchess Cathy’s. Strangely, it doesn’t seem to fit her as well as it should, especially in the bust. Perhaps all those daring late-night escape attempts and chase scenes through French airports (on an empty stomach, because who can eat when their fiance keeps spewing the royal sperm all over Europe?) caused a sudden drop in weight and there wasn’t time to do a refitting because she’d been locked in a dungeon somewhere and wasn’t cooperating. Perhaps. We’re only speculating here.

At any rate, it’s pretty. We sniff at some of the showier details, like the diamonds in her hair, but what the hell; a girl’s gotta grab some bling for herself if she wants to be a princess; right? And since “Princess Charlene” sounds like the title of a Judith Krantz novel, she might as well look the part.

 

[Photo Credit: Getty]

    • Anonymous

      Now see, THIS is the kind of princess a country singer/songwriter like Taylor Swift should be penning epic songs about.

    • Anonymous

      How insanely adorable are the flower girl’s (or whatever they are) costumes?!?  At my wedding I want all my attendants to dress like 18th century farm girls in their Sunday best.

      • Anonymous

        those flower girls ARE precious!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=513945580 Megan Patterson

        and their little hats!

    • Anonymous

      Poor girl could barely move in that big train.  She looked nice, but those tears in the church? Not happy tears. Ouch.  Season of Dynasty is right.

      It’s funny you mention NPH…. 

      • Anonymous

        That’s what I thought too. She doesn’t have that radiant, happy look at all.

        “Hit it, you sweaty little family of chain-smoking carnies!”
        Too funny, TLo! Please find photos of the guests, especially that prince that married Albert’s sister Caroline. He’s a royal hot mess.

        • MilaXX

          saw some pics online. Naomi Campbell was there in head to toes McQueen.

        • Anonymous

          And please comment on the Cavallis and their superfly get ups!!!!

    • Anonymous

      You would think with all of that fabric and ornamentation the dress would be stunning, but no.. boring and ill fitting.  I am not impressed.

      • Alyson Lamble

        I concur totally.  If you can’t go insanely OTT in MONACO, for pete’s sake, where can you do it? 

        Personally, I love her headpiece. 

      • Anonymous

        Boring and ill fitting indeed. And not elegant -I must actually disagree on it being prettier than Cathy’s (in spite of lace not being my favorite). She looked young and fresh. Charlene looks a bit tacky and every bit the arranged marriage this is (oh, I still maintain he’s gay),

        • http://twitter.com/_serenachan Serena

          He has two illegitimate children and possibly two more. I think we can put the gay rumors to rest.

          • Anonymous

            Well, possibly bi. Not everyone is exclusive.

        • http://twitter.com/_serenachan Serena

          He has two illegitimate children and possibly two more. I think we can put the gay rumors to rest.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Krowe4 Kelly Rowe

      If Lifetime makes it a wacky comedy and casts Lisa Kudrow as the princess I’ll be there.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F3HKIK7MIJMBDAQBDWEAQDTXUM theneva

        YES. Write the script.

    • Karen O’Hara

      What are those…things…jutting up from the dress near her collarbones?  

      Also, TLo, pleeeeeeeeease go back to the more Google Reader-friendly format…please?

      • Anonymous

        I think those are rose petals.  People were flinging them from the crowd. 

        • Anonymous

          It took me a minute to realize those were petals… I was like what the hell is that on her chest?! Looked like a couple of random bills.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Teresa-Rebecca-Cunningham/100000219160779 Teresa Rebecca Cunningham

            At first I thought they were something medical – nicotine patches, maybe.

      • http://www.facebook.com/kscincotta Kristen Sager Cincotta

        I second the request for a more gReader friendly format!! I love you boys but it’s a pain to have to click out of Reader to come read your fabulousness.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1214755227 Meira Niibori

        I third the request for Reader-friendliness!  Pleeeeeeeeease!  The truncated feeds are just not nice.

        As for the dress, meh.  Ill-fitting but somehow fits what you’d expect for this wedding.

    • Anonymous

      whats that square thing at the neckline?  looks like a tag….or patch of some sort….

      • Anonymous

        Rose petals.

        • Anonymous

          That square thing on her right shoulder blade is pearls? it just looks weird  On her left, its fine, but that square patch i don’t get

      • Anonymous

        Looks like a dollar to me. Was someone pitching cash at the royals as they walked by?

      • Anonymous

        Maybe it’s a nicotine patch.

    • Anonymous

      Okay, so my only quibble, and its a small one is the intersection point of the left side of the bodice where it meets the shoulder drape.  It should have been cut in the round rather than the abrupt squared off shape in evidence there.  It makes the whole shoulder piece look tacked on as an afterthought, (which it clearly was not).  That would also have addressed a few of the fit issues for the bodice in general.

      Overall though, a remarkably restrained dress for a royal wedding.  Diamonds in the hair?  Hey if you’re an effing PRINCESS, why the hell not?  Where diamonds where ever you damned well please babe.

      As for the Prince, well lets jsut say white isn’t his best color and leave it at that.  Oh and placing some of those order badges on his tummy, not such a good idea.

    • http://profiles.google.com/rosatcollege Ros Clarke

      I like the diamonds in the hair, but I really don’t like the dress.  It looks weird around the armholes and the satin is pulling in odd places.  Plus those bridesmaids’ dresses are truly terrible.

    • Anonymous

      I hadn’t heard the one about the confiscated passport. I’ll have to look that up. As for the dress, I agree with you about the fit – kinda ruins it. I do love the neckline though. But while one could argue that it’s a prettier gown than Cathy’s, it was missing the element of bridal radiance, which kept it from being a contender. And she sure went a long way to keep from being upstaged by a Pippa, didn’t she? 

      He’s wearing his brooches in an odd place though, isn’t he?

      –GothamTomato
      gothamtomato.etsy.com

      • Patricia Biswanger

        I wondered about that too.  Plus they look like Christmas tree ornaments.

        • Anonymous

          From a distance, they looked to me like the pre-made bows that self-stick on packages. The better to emphasize his tummy.

    • http://twitter.com/micapants karen

      I like the second to last photo where she has a wrinkly forehead snuggled beneath her chin.
      Two dimensions, you’re so wacky.

    • Anonymous

      She looks MISERABLE and he looks relieved.  And I prefered Cathy’s gown – maybe Charlene’s dour puss didn’t sell it for me.

    • Anonymous

      I thought the most beautiful thing about Catherine on her wedding day was how radiantly happy she looked. Princess Charlene on the other hand, looks as though she is scoping out the exits. That look of detachment and terror only reinforces my belief that someone dosed her morning orange juice with Valium to ensure she showed up to the ceremony. The dress is beautiful though, I love the embroidery.

    • Anonymous

      For some reason I keep thinking I’d watch a made-for-TV movie if a grumpy Sarah Michelle Geller were cast as the princess. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=616313 Wyn Furman

      This looks like David’s Bridal. Nothing wrong with that, but totally doesn’t compete with Cathy’s. Also, she looked fucking miserable, poor lady.

    • Sabrina Hom

      The “things on her collarbone” are petals from the shower of confetti, of course :)

      I think it’s a pretty dress and the neckline especially is well-suited to her figure. She has an athlete’s body–broad shoulders, wide but not busty chest, slim hips. Something fluffy or strapless would have been a terrible mistake. She’s no Duchess Cathy, though–it must be hard to muster that gorgeous glow when you’re marrying a well-known philandering putz and taking on a job as “demure baby machine”. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1046681022 Paula Berman

      Someone fill me in on why Charlene is miserable.  I know Albert has at least two illegitimate children, but Charlene knew that, right?  I am not generally a royal watcher, only a fan of TLo’s coverage of royal doings, but I love a good melodrama!

      • MilaXX

        A third popped up right before the wedding and rumor has it she tried to take a runner.

      • Anonymous

        The media reported that she tried to run away but they caught her at the airport or some ridiculous melodrama like that.  They speculated that she found out even more discouraging info about Albert than what she already knew.  More babies or something maybe, who knows?

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1046681022 Paula Berman

          From Googling, I gleaned that she discovered a third love child that he kept from her, but the Grimaldis cannot maintain control of Monaco without a legit heir, so he was desperate to keep her around.  But is it really so hard for the Prince of Monaco to find someone who will marry him?  It’s not like he’s living in a shotgun shack in a third world country or anything…

          • Anonymous

             Well, the tv commentators were kind enough to inform me yesterday that at this moment the next in line for the throne is Albert’s sister Caloline and her cildren and after them Stefanie and her cildren. His father changed the succession protocol since Albert didn’t seem willing to get married.
            They said nothing of the scandals thow, however all the silly coments about Charlene being serious so she can resemble Grace ect… make sence. They’re actioully not sameful nor stupid, they were simly making excuses!

        • Anonymous

           Thanks for the lowdown y’all. I didn’t know any of this. Good grief, that poor woman.

          • Anonymous

            That *foolish* woman. I know two persons who wanted to call off their weddings right beforehand, but didn’t. (One was talked out of it, one wasn’t brave enough to tell all 300 guests it was cancelled and talked herself out of it.)  Very different scenarios, both ended in divorce after lots of misery for all concerned.

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QCJEZMOV4VYMXC5WJALLZNYEB4 Mari Rose

            I understand the “poor woman” feeling, but when you think about it, she’s not really worthy of such sympathy. According to a recent NYT article about her, she’s basically been sitting around the palace – literally doing nothing (She has no job. At least “Waity Katie” made a go at a fashion buyer.) – for the past four years waiting for him to pop the question and marry her.

            She could have left at any time prior to that but decided to waste her life in a foreign country with a language she doesn’t understand and can’t speak so she could be a princess.

            His illegitimate children have been known worldwide for years now. She signed up for this and if she had jitters at the last second – well, too late. The tea towels already have her face on them. Of course, I made a Diana reference but Di was 19; one can be expected to be foolish at that age. Charlene is 33. What’s her excuse?

          • Anonymous

            Poor woman, indeed. I saw the video after the ceremony where she is crying and I didn’t see any tears of joy. Sad. They look so awkward and wooden together. Hope I’m wrong.

    • Anonymous

      Tacky. And they are not eye candy. She might be in a different setting but it’s hard to see Grace Kelly in him. 

    • Anonymous

      Her gown is just beautiful–sophisticated and elegant.  The hairstyle, veil, and diamonds look really stunning.  If only she looked happier in it!  He, on the other hand, looks like a stuffed teddy bear toy, and I hate it that his uniform is white, too.  If you’re going to wear all those paste ‘n’ gilt maltese cross geegaws, they should at least have a dark background to make them look a little richer.  And they should be on his chest, not his waistline.  Geez.

      The flower girls are adorbs.

    • Anonymous

      I guess she’ll stay around long enough to produce a legitimate heir (not even a spare) and she’ll be outta there.

      • Anonymous

        If she’s smart, with an excellent settlement.

    • Anonymous

      Carnies have way more class than the royal family of Monaco.

    • http://joansbooks.blogspot.com/ lilithcat

      Nah, Cathy’s dress was lovelier.   This one’s too heavy-looking, and the neckline is weird (and impractical!  She was probably shaking the rose petals out of it all night).

      • Anonymous

        From the sounds of things that’s all she’d be shaking that night!

    • MilaXX

      I love her gown. I always preferred off the shoulder over strapless because I think it’s a sexier look. Prince Al almost looks handsome here and I have always thought he was fug on 2 legs. I hope she’s happy cause it looks like he’s baby daddy to at least 3 kids.

      • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

        At least three…

    • Anonymous

      She doesn’t look very happy, but you wouldn’t look happy either if you were marrying this creepy little weasel.  The dress is beautiful, but she seemed to have trouble walking in it.  Was it a little too long, or was the long train hard to manage, or did her feet want to run the other way? I’m betting on the feet.

    • Anonymous

      Those flower girls are weird.  It’s like the alternative story of what happened if Dorothy chose the red-brick road instead of the yellow brick one. She married a creepy evil prince and never went home again.

    • Anonymous

      Agree dress is prettier (and far more sophisticated) than Cathy Cambridge’s; also agree does not fit correctly in the bust – but neither did Cathy’s – what is the problem? Also not loving the center seam – but the crystals/pearl embroidery is simply gorge, as is the neckline and train. But why oh why oh why did he have to wear all white?

      On a related topic – it’s almost just as well that Grace Kelly isn’t here to see what has become of her children. Caroline and Stephanie were such beautiful women and now they look as though they’ve been ridden hard and put up wet. I’ve seen women of 80 that look better. And that’s not even beginning to discuss the behavior of all three of them.

      I really hope Charlene enjoys the money and position because that’s all she’s getting out of this. And probably 3-4 stepchildren…

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NMIFZ6A7BHP66M546AO77BWVQ4 Bonnie

        Caroline’s third marriage to the boarish Hanover prince seems to have come apart, and Stephanie seemingly has flitted from one career/interest and from one man to another.  It’s a if all of the children have fallen into a Eurotrash carnival ride. 
        bitchybitchybitchy

        • Anonymous

          I do feel a little bad for Caroline with that terrible Ernst person (she sure can pick ‘em ) – I think your description of Stephanie’s ‘history’ is more than charitable !

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1550881905 Hildegerd Haugen

      Poor Charlene..

    • Anonymous

      It all looks a bit fake and hollow. Dynasty meets Eurotrash. And she really does not look happy. The dress is lovely, but the shoulderpiece and where it meets the dress bugs. 

    • Beth G

      Um… I guess in a sense it’s a prettier dress, but she’s missing the glow that Kate had (and still does, judging by the Canada pictures), which in the end makes Kate a much more beautiful bride.  I really don’t see this union lasting.

    • Anonymous

      Poor lady. I hope her contract is short and she’ll be able to get out without losing too much of her life to this bozo.

      They’re called CONDOMS, Albert. Look it up.

      • http://twitter.com/themoonay The Moonay

        Re: marriage contracts. Look what happened to Katie Holmes, and I doubt hers should’ve lasted this long. This poor lady is probably trapped for life.

        He looks like a total skeeze.

    • http://profiles.google.com/awilsongirl Amy Wilson

      I think the neckline of the dress is so flattering on her. She has such a lovely, athletic body but sometimes I feel like her shoulders overpower her in some of the dresses she chooses. This dress really frame and showcased her in a nice way. That said, when I first saw the pics, I thought I could see her nipple because that dart(?) at the bust was in a most inconvenient spot. Perhaps it is because the dress is loose? But I simply adore her hair and the hair jewels that she was wearing. I swear, if my hair were long enough, I would wear it like that on a daily basis just because I can. As for comparing her to Catherine, as someone previous mentioned, the difference is that one of the brides looked radiant and happy on her big day and other looked much more apprehensive. And given all of douchebag Albert’s shenanigans, I don’t blame her. He should thank his lucky stars everyday that he was born royalty.

    • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

      Her gown is more sophisticated than Catherine’s, but the Duchess wore hers better.  I’d look miserable too if I were marrying a dumpy troll who keeps inseminating women around the world.  Suppose they really showed her the money.

    • http://diaryofaconsumerpunchingbag.blogspot.com/ Laura Ann Springer

      Her hair looked great….that is all

    • Anonymous

      Totally unimpressed with the fit through the bust, one would think Armani could create a dress that didn’t make the bride look like she has her high beams on…..

    • Anonymous

      The girl just needs a decent bra.

    • Vaniljekjeks

      It would have been perfect if it fit her better.  My own wedding dress could have been taken in a lot though, so I know that it’s not easy!

    • Vaniljekjeks

      It would have been perfect if it fit her better.  My own wedding dress could have been taken in a lot though, so I know that it’s not easy!

    • Anonymous

      That’s 140 yards of silk?  Wow, SOMEONE got taken.  I know that silk can be narrow compared to other fabrics, but seriously.  As has been noted, it wasn’t fitted well.  And the cut was unflattering to her hips.  The beadwork looks like it took quite some time, at least.

      • Anonymous

        I’m figuring all that netting is probably silk as well which would explain the 140 yard figure.  Pretty much of a mess of a dress the more I look at it.  Badly fitted, and it even looks uncomfortable to wear.

      • Anonymous

        At a guess; silk duchesse satin for the dress, silk organza underlining, silk charmeuse lining/underskirt (perhaps with an extra petticoat layer so the back lies right, there’s the underside of the train too, and then a hell of a lot of silk tulle veiling. So yes, it could well be that.

    • Anonymous

      That’s 140 yards of silk?  Wow, SOMEONE got taken.  I know that silk can be narrow compared to other fabrics, but seriously.  As has been noted, it wasn’t fitted well.  And the cut was unflattering to her hips.  The beadwork looks like it took quite some time, at least.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UH5XQGXDKLXDSVGB626B53KXBA linda

      what is the thing on her shoulder, right above the neckline?  Looks kind of like a spitwad.

      • http://joansbooks.blogspot.com/ lilithcat

        Rose petals.

    • Anonymous

      I like how Armani’s design softened the broadness of her shoulders — and am I nearly alone in *liking* her hair & adornments?  (I think that’s the best part of her look — like others here, my first impression of the gown was ‘David’s Bridal.’)

      Hope you’ll critique the guests’ and family’s get-ups, T Lo.
      (Don’t know for sure, but pretty Charlotte appears to have thrown an awful lot of Chanel at the wall.)

      • Rand Ortega

        & Stephanie looks her Gram (instead of her aunt).

    • Anonymous

      My first thought was “whoa, nipples”.  I can’t believe how poorly the bust is fitted.   He looks like he’s in a hurry to get back to his job driving an ice cream truck.   

    • Anonymous

      Oh, come on… Cathy’s dress was lightyears prettier… For one it fitted like a glove, secondly it didn’t have a ridiculously long train, trirdly said train didn’t start as high ad her back and finaly  the patern and the placement of the embroidery are just weird.
      The tiara is beautiful thow.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_N3GA2TTX752OYSKBWWXQVFM2HI katie

      That is the ugliest wedding gown I have ever seen. It looks like it’s made out of fabric from the hobby lobby. Cathy Cambridge has it all over this poor girl.

    • Anonymous

      I watched a couple different videos of the wedding and didn’t see them say a single word to each other. Either at the civil or the religious ceremonies.
      She’s going to pop out the requisite heir and move to Paris.

    • Anonymous

      Where is Princess Stephanie with her latest bodyguard baby daddy?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Karen-Stephens-Bassett/1503492602 Karen Stephens Bassett

      I think the little bridesmaids are precious.

    • Anonymous

      I preferred the Duchess of Cambridge’s dress.  And the Duchess of Cambridge.  Nothing is more becoming than being happy.  

      Princess Charlene’s dress is lovely, but for whatever reason doesn’t look particularly distinctive.  It’s sophisticated, but boring.  Probably like the groom who came with it.  I did like the diamonds in her hair though.  Lovely touch.  

    • Anonymous

      Bah. Cathy C wins by a landslide; hers was a gorgeous dress and it was enhanced by the happiness of the bride who wore it. This is an ill-fitted dress and it looked as if she could barely walk in it. Charlene looked positively robotic. (Then again, they probably had her medicated just so she wouldn’t bolt during the ceremony.) She made her bed, and god help her she has to lie in it–with him. Ugh.

    • Anonymous

      That’s Grace Kelly’s son? And he is screwing around on her? Honestly I do think she didn’t have a final fitting. You should try to find the picture of them sitting together in church where it looks like Charlene is very close putting her head between her legs. Poor thing.

    • http://twitter.com/VicksieDo Vickie Lord

      I prefer Duchess Catherine’s and I think it will always be my favorite~~~  and the best part of this ensemble was the diamonds in her hair, in my opinion.  I thought it was plain until you explained all the bling (that didn’t show up very much). 

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_AUULCEDSKXZKYP2AABC2HQOV24 Studio

      Sorry, but Catherine and her dress were light years better.  (I will forever love a bride who brings back sleeves!)  Of course, the overall mood of the weddings were light years different as well.  W&K didn’t look at each other a lot, I felt, because they’d burst out laughing and appearances of solemnity must be kept up.  But when they did, you could see how joyous they both were to be there together.

      Albert and Charlene…well….  Five bucks says he negotiated for her to stick around and produce an heir and then he won’t contest a divorce.  The video I saw of her crying made me feel so sorry for her.  He looks like he’s counting the minutes until it’s all over with and he can go back to screwing flight attendants and socialites.

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

      I love how the stray rose petals on her bust make it look like she has tissue sticking out of her bra.

    • Anonymous

      I agree that this dress is much lovelier than Cathy’s, whose gown bordered on boring to me.  It has more interest, yet retains an elegance that befits the occasion. .  I loved the way the veil framed her beautiful face during the ceremony.  Watching the videos of the day’s proceedings really depressed me, though.  I hope she bolts happily ever after.

    • http://twitter.com/omsafeeya Omsafeeya

      A Beautiful dress, but not a beautiful woman. No genuine smile and so in the wedding stakes she loses. However I thought Kate’s dress was more interesting — like an oriental carpet bears looking and relooking at. Charlene is just like good wall-to-wall.

    • http://twitter.com/omsafeeya Omsafeeya

      And Albert’s suit was ill fittig. A Savile Row tailor would have done wonders for him. He looks like he’s the heavy gofer on the Love Boat.

    • Anonymous

      I suppose that maybe on a rack it’s a better looking dress, but Kate Middleton’s suited her and she and Wills looked like a couple that actually want to be married to one another.  You could sort of seeing them pairing up even if they weren’t getting married in Westminster Abbey.

      These two, though–he’s an aging roue whose best years are literally 25 years behind him.  She’s there for the heir and the spare.  It probably just hit her that the title might not be worth it.  I understand looking tense before the ceremony, but usually brides look happy and relax once the ceremony comes off.  She looks sick.

      Albert wanted to have his cake and eat it too–the result though is that he’s waited so long that it’s unlikely anyone he’d want to marry would really want to marry him if he didn’t have money and a title.  Water’s not seeking its own level here.

    • Anonymous

      TLo, I will always love you because you had me at “Hit it, you sweaty little family of chain-smoking carnies!”  What a great holiday weekend.

    • bbartergianturco

      The dress is pretty but not full-out gorgeous.  The embroidery details did not show up at all in the live feed I watched (yes, I’m a royal geek like that) so I’m glad to see them here.  The two trains were ridiculous.  At one point in the ceremony they were going in different directions and the 2 adult bridesmaids were at cross-purposes trying to straighten them out.  The under-train should have been a shorter, sweep type one so when they removed the long shoulder-based one she could actually move.  The veil framed her face beautifully and I LOVED LOVED LOVED the diamonds in her hair.  Now that’s Princess Hair!  I hope the rumors aren’t true, but given his past shenanigans, they probably are.  If that’s the case, I hope she’ll get out as soon as possible with as much of his money as possible.  It would serve Albert right if no legitimate heir was forthcoming, the little weasel.  

    • Anonymous

      Could we please get a front shot of those adorable little midgets (sorry, little people) in peasant wear who are walking behind them?

      • http://twitter.com/EBarkenbush Ellen Barkenbush

        J’ADORE the tiny maidens in their ensembles! And she actually looks happy in this picture… go figure.

    • Anonymous

      She looks lovely. I hope she’s happy.

    • Anonymous

      This just looks overall wrong. I don’t know if it’s because it looks cheap, or like a movie representation, or because she is clearly miserable, and WHY DOES MY SCREEN KEEP MOVING MAKE IT STOP! Just all wrong.

    • Anonymous

      Might as well dress for the royal train wreck that appears to be this marriage. He may be a prince, but he’s sure no prize. Word has it that she was trying to flee, because it came out that there was indeed yet ANOTHER illegitimate child floating around the principality.  Making it number three! These Grimaldis may have been lording over the Monegasques since the 1200s, but they need lessons in comportment! But indeed, the rich, and the royal, are different. 

    • Anonymous

      I do like this gown better than the Duchess of Cambridge’s – but it isn’t well-fitted and she doesn’t look as radiant, so overall, England for the win.

      I assume the placement of his Christmas ornaments/Important Badges of Office is traditional – otherwise using them to emphasize his belly is truly inexplicable.

      As I commented in a reply, above, I hope she or someone in her family made sure she got an advantageous pre-nup, given his reputation.

    • http://twitter.com/Space_Kitty Space_Kitty

      I didn’t know it was possible to look so sad while wearing a spray of diamonds in one’s hair.  Poor dear, I hope it turns out to be worth it.

    • Anonymous

      A bitchtastic double thumbs up for TLo! Flying Grimaldis! Russell Crowe as Prince Albert! Sweaty little family of chain-smoking carnies! You two are a veritable cornucopia of bitchy entertainment – much like Dynasty or a Judith Krantz novel – and should be declared a National Treasure immediately. Love your commentary on the Cambridges too, but for gossipy, titillating entertainment, who are you going to go with: Jane Austen or Sidney Sheldon? Knowhutimean?

    • Anonymous

      I truly had no idea about these two. She really does look like she’s thinking, oh my god, what have I done?

      He looks like the captain of the Titanic.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=521161843 Pri Murphy

      No. No. No. No. Girlfriend does not need to broaden those Olympic-swimmer shoulders any more than they already are. I ca-ca-ca-nnot (yes, it’s giving me a speech impediment) support this look. The fit is a joke, and the embellishments make me think David’s Bridal. No lo quiero. 

      • Anonymous

        I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks the off-the-shoulder look doesn’t suit her.  Don’t get me wrong, I *love* the off-the-shoulder look, but I too have linebacker shoulders and can’t pull it off.  The dress would be stunning on the right body though, I do like it more than Kate’s (and love her hair bling too).

      • Anonymous

        I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks the off-the-shoulder look doesn’t suit her.  Don’t get me wrong, I *love* the off-the-shoulder look, but I too have linebacker shoulders and can’t pull it off.  The dress would be stunning on the right body though, I do like it more than Kate’s (and love her hair bling too).

    • http://twitter.com/Merneith Merneith

      It’s a good dress, but I liked Cathy’s better. Must have more pics of the flower girls!

    • Anonymous

      It’s a gorgeous dress and she’s a gorgeous woman but she doesn’t look happy. Cathy glowed and therefore would’ve beat Charlene even if she’d worn a dress by Walmart.

    • Anonymous

      Tacky, tacky, tacky. It all looks forced, overdone, money just vomited all over everything. She looks dried up and he looks like a drunk. Oooh, aren’t I the bitchy Auntie PeaceBang scowling from the back row murmuring dire predictions about the future of this strained-looking duo.

      • Anonymous

        I’m envisioning you in a very glamorous black ensemble, accent jewelry of jet & diamonds. Were it a christening, you’d be prepared to curse the poor infant.

    • Anonymous

      I too hope you will do the wedding guests.  Many wore French fashions.  That should make for good commentaries since some were better than others.   I thought Charlene’s (who can say Princess Charlene-too trailer park) dress suited her swimmer’s physique.  Grace Kelly apparently had a terrible time with French, etc. when she arrived in Monaco, maybe this girl can do okay but she does not look happy despite the good dress.  I think she and the Duchess of Cambridge are apples and oranges each appealing but in a different way.

    • Anonymous

      I too hope you will do the wedding guests.  Many wore French fashions.  That should make for good commentaries since some were better than others.   I thought Charlene’s (who can say Princess Charlene-too trailer park) dress suited her swimmer’s physique.  Grace Kelly apparently had a terrible time with French, etc. when she arrived in Monaco, maybe this girl can do okay but she does not look happy despite the good dress.  I think she and the Duchess of Cambridge are apples and oranges each appealing but in a different way.

      • Alyson Lamble

        Hopefully, the ripping on the guests will commence before consumption of copious amounts of grilled foodstuffs tomorrow.  I especially want to see what they think of CP Victoria of Sweden, whose outfit (at least in the photo I saw, which was certainly not the best angle) looked unflattering and frumpy. 

    • Anonymous

      What does she have stuffed in her shoulder? It looks like a dollar bill. High class stripper!

      • http://joansbooks.blogspot.com/ lilithcat

        It’s a rose petal.  The cut of the dress is such that they were catching on the neckline.

    • Alisa Rivera

      How could her parents let her go through with it? The dad gave a press conference reassuring the media that everything was fine. Way to look out for your daughter, you greedy asshole. Hope selling your daughter for a title was worth it. 

      • Anonymous

        Well, she IS 33. If she decided to go ahead (and we don’t know she didn’t), they’d have to break several laws and kidnap her to stop it.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QCJEZMOV4VYMXC5WJALLZNYEB4 Mari Rose

      Would it have killed him to lose some weight for the wedding? He looks like an albino beluga whale.

    • Alisa Rivera

      Just noticed the 50-something woman in the last photo wearing a white minidress and flashing major cleavage. What the fuckety fuck?

      • margaret meyers

        Third wife of an important guest?

      • Anonymous

        Thanks so much for showing that! Eurotrash would be a kind name.  

      • Anonymous

        Didn’t get the memo not to wear white to a wedding. DEFINATELY didn’t get the memo not to wear white lingerie to as a dress to the wedding.

    • http://twitter.com/mme_hardy MadameHardy

      I said “Prom dress”, my daughter said “Pageant”.  Seriously, if that rag had showed up on Project Runway you’d have been screaming for them to axe the designer.   If you want a dress to drape, don’t do it in duchesse satin.   Contrast Pippa Middleton’s dress. Those shoulders looked weird because it was a cowl done in a stiff fabric.     And there is no excuse on God’s green earth for the iron-on rhinestone wallpaper pattern on the front.

      The one thing I liked was the one you guys hated — I loved the diamond flowers in her hair.  Nice reuse of a 19th-century jewel.

    • Anonymous

      The dress is more mature then Kate’s. I just kinda hate the dress. lol It looks too standard bridal, like a much higher upscale David’s Bridal. When I was in Europe on a tour, our tour guide hinted that he might be gay and it has been noted that he has been seen at Lucky Chang’s in NY, which is a drag queen restaurant, by himself, so the wedding could be sham. Also that smile is labored by the bride. Something is way off.

      • Anonymous

        That labored smile looks like botched plastic surgery to me.  Charlene apparently has had a lot of work done and she certainly wasn’t as duck-lipped back in the day.   

    • http://twitter.com/delysia_lafosse Delysia LaFosse

      Yikes. The poor girl looks miserable – not only was Cathy’s dress much prettier and better-fitted, it couldn’t have been clearer that those two were thrilled to be getting married. Here? Not so much…

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Silvia-Orellana/100000159114360 Silvia Orellana

      I love love the little flower girls! but I really loved Kate’s dress way better. And it was made better by the fact that she actually wanted to get married.
      Poor Charlene’s dress just screams out “Swap Meet!” to me. And her hair is really boring.
      The drama, though, that was fun.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Teresa-Rebecca-Cunningham/100000219160779 Teresa Rebecca Cunningham

      I’m sorry but the diamond hair thing looks like a fancy scrunchy to me. – Not a fan.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F3HKIK7MIJMBDAQBDWEAQDTXUM theneva

      I’m honestly surprised you liked her dress better considering it looks like she had about $2,000 to spend at David’s Bridal. I’ve seen nicer dresses on Say Yes to the Dress, and that’s not saying much considering I only enjoy watching it to see what kind of tacky tat is going to be gazed at with loving reverence and pronounced “elegant” by dewy-eyed brides.

    • Anonymous

      Love the hair, it is a style Cathy Cambridge should try with hats occasionally. 

      I’m unimpressed with this dress. An obvious seam down the center front? Tacky. It looks ordinary except for the train. The fit is poor.
      The groom’s all white uniform is unfortunate. 

    • Anonymous

      Love the hair, it is a style Cathy Cambridge should try with hats occasionally. 

      I’m unimpressed with this dress. An obvious seam down the center front? Tacky. It looks ordinary except for the train. The fit is poor.
      The groom’s all white uniform is unfortunate. 

    • http://twitter.com/ShelfAfterlife Shelf Afterlife

      I prefer Dutchess Cathy’s dress, m’self.

    • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

      Sorry, guys, I still like Kate’s better.  This reminded me quite a bit of Princess Victoria’s dress from her wedding not too long ago.

    • foodycat

      Nothing to say about her dress, but him. Surely if you are ruler of a principality you get to change the uniforms so you don’t have to wear white shoes? He looks like he should be on the Love Boat.

    • margaret meyers

      I liked the way she did her hair.  At first I thought they had merely woven two showy diamond bracelets into her hair, but I have read it is a tiara, made for her, with 60 carats of diamonds.  I suppose it can be reconfigured into a tiara-shaped tiara.

      The Grimaldi’s are the Entry-Level Royals, aren’t they?  He should be wearing a croupier’s uniform.

      • Alyson Lamble

        I think the correct term for a tiara of this style is “circlet”.

    • Anonymous

      Have a look at princess Stephanie too! Talk about rode hard and put away wet…

    • Anonymous

      It looks lovely and fairy tale like…and why the hell shouldn’t it.  They have more money than god…so spend it and make a f’ng spectacle…dammit.  Spread the wealth.

      I think she looks absolutely stunning and her dress far outshines Cathy Cambridge’s…just like Princess Charlene wanted it to be, I’m sure.  And Albert (the naughty little slut that he is…)  looks very dapper and sexy all decked out in his uniform.  I wonder if his alleged reputation has now made him even sexier to me.  hmmm…can’t help digging them bad boys.  ;)

      I really am curious about the truth of all the recent rumors flying about….guessing it’s all pretty spot on.

    • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

      Its a beautiful gown.  But the girl always just looks sad (or she’s a cold fish – I haven’t decided yet).  You never see her genuinely smile the way Kathy does.  And those tears after the ceremony seemed so forced and faked. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dinar-Puspa/1148920289 Dinar Puspa

      LOL on the whole escape line, she’s the saddest bride i’ve ever seen.

    • Anonymous

      From the gossip I’ve read, he’s had an ongoing affair with the flight attendant who’s the mother of his second acknowledged illegitimate child, and rumor has it that she may be pregnant now with another one.  And that Albert wanted to marry her years ago, but daddy Ranier simply wouldn’t permit it.  Which means poor Charlene has her own Camilla to deal with. 

      I don’t like her dress — ill-fitting, ridiculously overdone with the two trains, and of course it’s lacking that element that Kate covered so well, the glowingly happy bride.  The little attendants were totally adorable, though!  And like so many others here, the only element of Charlene’s whole do that I love is the jewels in her hair. 

      I just hope she’s going to be happy with the mess she married and the messy family she married into.  At least she’s old enough to know what she’s getting herself in for.  And yes, she looks drugged at the ceremony to keep her from attempting to flee again!  Not that I blame her.

    • Claire Tuley

      I usually love your snarky commentary, but maybe it’s a bit cruel to treat this situation so lightly? This is a woman who clearly did not want to be at that ceremony and had her freedom to leave the country taken away.

      • margaret meyers

        She has been hanging around in Monaco for y e a r s  waiting to marry him.  No one forced her into anything. 

      • http://www.tomandorenzo.com Tom and Lorenzo

        Seriously? There’s nothing “clear” about that story at all. It’s gossip and it doesn’t hold up under the slightest bit of scrutiny.

    • Tim Wong

      I love the silhouette… but really wish it didnt have the emboidery…. it doesn’t seem to go with clean neckline and silhouette… almost feel like they put emboidery on just so the press can say that its couture and the embroidery took 1XXXXX ppl and 2XXXXXXXXXX hrs……
      otherwise its a perfect look..
      although I disagree with it looking better than Duchess Cathys just cause in my biased opinion.. Sarah Burton for Alexander Mcqueen can do no wrong in my eyes…

    • Gwen Schott

      I like the hair, and I sort of like like the neckline. That’s the extent of it. I hate the seam down the middle of the front, and I hate the two trains. And I despise the way they had to separate the trains during the ceremony. Ridiculously fussy and showy.

      This site has some good guest pictures: http://candycaneladiess.blogspot.com/

    • Anonymous

      I like her dress much better than Kate Middleton’s. I think she looks beautiful but sad. Love her hair and the jewels in it.

    • Anonymous

      I think Cathy’s dress way, way outshines this creation of yuck-ness.  This looks like something you could get at David’s Bridal, possibly as a mother of the bride dress if there was no train and in a color.  At least they could have ensured it fit her properly.  This is a princessly disapointment… 

    • Lisa

      I think both gowns were beautiful, but I prefer Kate’s.  And as for the looks on their faces, you can’t beat the obvious happiness as Will and Kate beamed at each other all day.  Albert and Charlene, on the other hand, look like they’re facing their 10th helping of brussel sprouts.

    • Anonymous

      Definitely NOT prettier than Cathy’s gown.  Guys, what gives?  Too many sparklers?

    • Anonymous

      Well, I thought the dress was lovely and I liked the hair and tiara/whatever it’s called with all the diamonds.

      Did you hear the speech he gave at the reception?  Thanking her for putting up with his “frequent absences’?  Saying she’s “sometimes patient” with him?  Hopefully this was just a nervous groom (even a man in the public eye all his life can be nervous, no?) who wanted to make spontaneous remarks that just came out a bit wrong.

      And in fairness, she seems to display a reserve in every picture I’ve ever seen of her, so hopefully that’s just her facade.

      I’m hoping for the best.  And failing that, a good monetary settlement and some cute bodyguards to have affairs with.

    • Hannah Marten

      I have to disagree with you two, Cathy’s dress was much better looking. But each to her own opinion.

    • Hannah Marten

      I have to disagree with you two, Cathy’s dress was much better looking. But each to her own opinion.

    • Anonymous

      pretty sure the 140 yards of silks is off  – 40 is more likely – unless they’re counting that they used portions of yards………   420 feet of material?????
      I love the hair bling!  Gorgeous and actually understated – it’s no different than a spray of flowers back there!

    • Anonymous

      pretty sure the 140 yards of silks is off  – 40 is more likely – unless they’re counting that they used portions of yards………   420 feet of material?????
      I love the hair bling!  Gorgeous and actually understated – it’s no different than a spray of flowers back there!

    • Anonymous

      pretty sure the 140 yards of silks is off  – 40 is more likely – unless they’re counting that they used portions of yards………   420 feet of material?????
      I love the hair bling!  Gorgeous and actually understated – it’s no different than a spray of flowers back there!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juline-Débaul/100002426617563 Juline Débaul

      Someone should have been there to assist with her train!

      Beautiful dress, though!

      That song performed in the chapel was really beautiful, and I can see why she became emotional there! It was also a much more beautiful gesture to dedicate her bouquet to Mary than those other weird tricks brides do, like throw it over their heads to see who catches it.

    • Anonymous

      Is that a falsie sticking out? I adore Armani, but I find this dress meh. 

      • Anonymous

        It’s a flower petal.  I agree though, it’s a meh dress.