Hey, Chris Evans and Hayley Atwell! This is your moment, guys! A big-time superhero movie where one of you plays the title character and the other one plays the girl! All eyes are on you for, really, the first time for both of you! Photographers are at the ready and bitchy celebrity bloggers are poised to give their opinion on how you look! So, what did you both choose to wear for this supremely important moment in your careers?
*Long pause where we go from befuddlement to annoyance*
Guys, what the fuck.
HE: Deserves a righteous gay slap across the face. Big-time starring role, jackass! Featuring your abs! Now is not the time to go out looking like a befuddled accountant. Why does the shirt look wrinkled? Why can we see his shirt peeking out from under his vest? Why is he sporting a gingham hankie? And finally…dude, WHAT IS UP WITH THE TRANSITION LENSES? Didn’t we all decide they were never going to look cool? No? We’ll we’re issuing an edict now. They’re never going to look cool. To be fair, it’s a nice suit and it fits him well. It’s just that he seems to be working very hard to maintain a “ain’t no thing” kind of attitude here and we’re telling you, kid: IT’S A THING. People paid hundreds of millions of dollars to make and market this movie. Someone lent you that outfit and we’re pretty sure it cost several thousand dollars, head to toe. Straighten up, hands out of pockets, tighten your tie, and button your jacket. And get rid of that hankie. Score: 6/10. Sartorially speaking, it’s not awful, but don’t stand there like you’re in flip-flops and board shorts. Own it.
SHE: Does not deserve a righteous gay slap, but we’re still a little underwhelmed by the effort here. It’s a pretty enough dress. Not really a summer color but considering the movie title, red, white, or blue were her only real options here. It’s an incredibly flattering dress and her figure looks delicious in it, but man, it could have used some punctuation somewhere. Those are “senior administrative assistant” shoes if ever we saw a pair; the purse is nondescript to the point of being invisible and if she’s wearing any jewelry, she’s doing a very good job of making us look for it. Sassy sandals, a bag that you can see from more than 5 feet away and a nice necklace to enhance that milky cleavage she’s rocking and this outfit might have been worth talking about. Also, a bit more color on the face. It’s your movie premiere, honey; not a job interview. Score: 7/10. A good base look let down by some timid accessorizing.
Score: 6.5/10. Some will say we’re being harsh here, but when you’re genetically superior, rich, are getting your clothes for free, and attending your own movie premiere, we expect a little more effort than this. Tsk.
[Photo Credit: Getty]