Pairs Division: Watts and Schreiber

Posted on June 22, 2011

Naomi Watts and beefy hunka burning love Liev Schrieber attended the 2011 Shakespeare In The Park Gala in New York City in their summer finest. Let’s assess.

Marc Jacobs Spring 2011 Collection/Model: Angie Schmidt

SHE: Is wearing someone else’s dress. This is not your dress, honey. Whether due to her shape, her coloring, or just her ability to WERQ it, this dress goes flat on her. All the life you see in the garment on the model is nowhere to be found when it’s on Naomi. It’s a great dress, but on Naomi it looks like a knockoff of a much better dress. Not her fault, but a gay in her sphere should have uttered those words gently: “Honeybear, this is some other girl’s dress. Set it free.” Still, she could have worked with this a little. It wouldn’t have magically made the dress suit her, but a little effort in the hair and makeup would have helped. Sure, it’s obviously not a formal event, and at first glance, we like the “garden party” vibe of the two outfits, but north of her neck, she’s looking a bit depressed. Score: 5/10. It’s just not your dress, sweetie.

HE: Is doing all right here. The hem on the pants is very painful to us, but everything else works just fine. We like the simple black tie and the suede bucks. Like we said, this isn’t a formal event, so the sloppy collar and tie is okay by us. If this was a movie premiere or an awards ceremony, we might have wagged our fingers over that, but it’s fine. Score: 7/10. Honestly, there’s very little wrong here, but that’s at least partially due to the fact that he’s wearing something that’s fairly difficult to get wrong. He might have warranted a higher score if he’d pulled off something a little trickier.

Combined score: 6/10. Seems about right to us.

[Photo Credit: Getty, style.com]

    • Jessica Rowe

      Her dress looks like bacon.

      • Anonymous

        And that is an insult to bacon.  lol

      • Anonymous

        Came just to leave that reply. Glad I’m not the only one who sees it.

    • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

      I’m just pleased to see him in clothes that don’t look like he just got doing chores, since he is standing with a woman who is in a designer dress.  That already puts him ahead of a lot of male celebs at these things.

      She’s too short for that dress.  That’s why it’s not working.  It needs the extra length to be able to flow the way it does on the model.  Without that, it looks like a perfectly nice dress that you could pick up at a department store inexpensively for running errands and going to kids’ soccer games.

      • Anonymous

        Exactly. This dress only looks good on tall toothpicks. On a woman with a lovely normal figure and height, such as Naomi, the design/lines/color take over and the dress is wearing her. He looks *nice* but forgettable.

        • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

          I think her figure might have been okay if she’d been taller.  She’s not so hourglass as to really throw off the lines (which I would be:)

          • Anonymous

            I think there’s more to it than just her height. She’s certainly not chubby or anything, but she’s just not thin enough in the torso to be able to pull off droopy horizontal stripes. They’re making her look thick around the middle and nobody wants that.

            I think this is just one of those dresses that you have to either be a model or Halle Berry to be able to wear.

    • Anonymous

      My, god, the print on that dress reminds me why I didn’t go to medical school (aside from no interest and probably not being smart enough): the dissections! I guess it’s no coincidence the model is made up to look like the walking dead.

      As for the ice cream man, I’m not convinced that’s a suit. Looks like a sport jacket that closely matches the pant color. I could be wrong, but the fabrics look different.

      • Anonymous

        Good eye. In two of the three photos it does look as if the pants have more of a sheen to them than the jacket. Hard to tell if that’s the case or just the effects of the lighting.

      • Anonymous

        Good eye. In two of the three photos it does look as if the pants have more of a sheen to them than the jacket. Hard to tell if that’s the case or just the effects of the lighting.

      • Anonymous

        Good eye. In two of the three photos it does look as if the pants have more of a sheen to them than the jacket. Hard to tell if that’s the case or just the effects of the lighting.

      • Anonymous

        I believe your are correct about the pants not matching the jacket…for that he should lose points.  There should be more contrast between non-matching fabrics & colors.  One shouldn’t try to make a suit out of separates. 

    • Anonymous

      These two are as exciting as canned soup.

      • Anonymous

        Yes. The more I look at them the more it looks like they are chaperoning the Homecoming Dance.

      • Anonymous

        Yes. The more I look at them the more it looks like they are chaperoning the Homecoming Dance.

      • Anonymous

        Yes. The more I look at them the more it looks like they are chaperoning the Homecoming Dance.

      • Anonymous

        I just snorted my morning coffee out of my nose because of this comment.  I think I love you.

    • Annie Leung

      Her dress makes me sad, I don’t know exactly what it’s doing to her boobs but I don’t like it. I also think she could have used a little more eye makeup to punch it up a little. He looks ok but the pants and the shoes are scaring me a little. 

      • Anonymous

        I also feel sad looking at her dress, Annie Leung.  Heidi and the Duchess would probably say the same thing.

      • Anonymous

        I think she was so busy trying to convince herself that she can wear this dress that she had no time for hair and makeup.

    • Anonymous

      When I first saw her, even in the little snippet of a photo before getting the full article, I knew that my reaction was going to be an “oh, honey, NO!”

    • Anonymous

      I’ll go with 6/10 across the board. A little higher than your score for her, because she’s not doing anything dreadful, it’s just that the sleeves, lack of wearer pizazz & shoes make it kind of J.C. Penney. A little lower than your score for him because the suede hush puppies-like shoes drag it down to high school math teacher.

    • Anonymous

      When I saw the dress on her, I thought, “That is the ugliest dress I’ve ever seen.” When I saw it on the model, it’s inoffensive. You’re right, it’s not Naomi’s dress.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think the dress is her fault. What makes it look good on the runway is more that it is moving (& under dramatic lighting) than the model. I don’t think anyone would really look good standing still in that dress. That bunching and pleating in the front is rather weird and (shall we say) O’Keefe-esque(?).

      –GothamTomato

    • Anonymous

      No Naomi, just plain No.  Its the wrong color, style and length for you.  Liev, I agree with the estimable TLo that your pants could use a good hem job.  Though I’m not entirely sure the beige suit is a good choice for your skin tone.  And even trying to smile would help a lot.  I get it that you hate these sort of things, but honeybabe, its part of your JOB to look like this is all big fun.

    • Anonymous

      No Naomi, just plain No.  Its the wrong color, style and length for you.  Liev, I agree with the estimable TLo that your pants could use a good hem job.  Though I’m not entirely sure the beige suit is a good choice for your skin tone.  And even trying to smile would help a lot.  I get it that you hate these sort of things, but honeybabe, its part of your JOB to look like this is all big fun.

    • Anonymous

      No Naomi, just plain No.  Its the wrong color, style and length for you.  Liev, I agree with the estimable TLo that your pants could use a good hem job.  Though I’m not entirely sure the beige suit is a good choice for your skin tone.  And even trying to smile would help a lot.  I get it that you hate these sort of things, but honeybabe, its part of your JOB to look like this is all big fun.

    • Anonymous

      Wow, that is soooo not her dress!  Actually, I don’t think that dress should be manufactured in anything over a size 0 or 2.  Ms. Watts is a lovely woman with a lovely figure but this is just awful on her.  He, as always to me, looks completely f**kable and tasty.

    • Anonymous

      Wow, that is soooo not her dress!  Actually, I don’t think that dress should be manufactured in anything over a size 0 or 2.  Ms. Watts is a lovely woman with a lovely figure but this is just awful on her.  He, as always to me, looks completely f**kable and tasty.

    • Anonymous

      Wow, that is soooo not her dress!  Actually, I don’t think that dress should be manufactured in anything over a size 0 or 2.  Ms. Watts is a lovely woman with a lovely figure but this is just awful on her.  He, as always to me, looks completely f**kable and tasty.

    • Anonymous

      then there is the issue with her shoes.  love the bacon comment jessica

    • Anonymous

      then there is the issue with her shoes.  love the bacon comment jessica

    • Anonymous

      then there is the issue with her shoes.  love the bacon comment jessica

    • http://visceralresponse.com Dina dV

      The only reason the dress works on the model is because her hair and makeup is so overstyled that it looks like a costume.  On someone trying to wear it in the real world it looks, like the Fug Girls said, like an illustration of human muscles and tendons from a biology textbook.  And since Naomi generally seems allergic to hyper-styling her hair and painting on the slap, this was always going to be tragic.

      I like Liev, though.  Bold move going with beige because it does kind of turn him into a really giant floating head.  It’s a gorgeous head, but sometimes I wonder how he manages to stay upright carrying such a huge head around.

    • http://visceralresponse.com Dina dV

      The only reason the dress works on the model is because her hair and makeup is so overstyled that it looks like a costume.  On someone trying to wear it in the real world it looks, like the Fug Girls said, like an illustration of human muscles and tendons from a biology textbook.  And since Naomi generally seems allergic to hyper-styling her hair and painting on the slap, this was always going to be tragic.

      I like Liev, though.  Bold move going with beige because it does kind of turn him into a really giant floating head.  It’s a gorgeous head, but sometimes I wonder how he manages to stay upright carrying such a huge head around.

    • http://visceralresponse.com Dina dV

      The only reason the dress works on the model is because her hair and makeup is so overstyled that it looks like a costume.  On someone trying to wear it in the real world it looks, like the Fug Girls said, like an illustration of human muscles and tendons from a biology textbook.  And since Naomi generally seems allergic to hyper-styling her hair and painting on the slap, this was always going to be tragic.

      I like Liev, though.  Bold move going with beige because it does kind of turn him into a really giant floating head.  It’s a gorgeous head, but sometimes I wonder how he manages to stay upright carrying such a huge head around.

    • sarah jacobs

      The dress color is just bad for her. can’t people just look in the mirror and see that a color does not work?? i guess i just answered my question.

    • sarah jacobs

      The dress color is just bad for her. can’t people just look in the mirror and see that a color does not work?? i guess i just answered my question.

    • sarah jacobs

      The dress color is just bad for her. can’t people just look in the mirror and see that a color does not work?? i guess i just answered my question.

      • Anonymous

        Sadly, no. I adore textiles and spend an inordinate amount of time looking at clothing, textile art, and just fabric. But my eye for color is unreliable and for a flattering human coloring/clothing color match flat out lousy.

        It is very sad.

        • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

          My mother has the same problem.  We’ll be shopping and she’ll go “Oh, I like that.”  Inevitably I have to respond with “You can’t have it, it’s not your piece.”  She’ll argue, I’ll force her to try it on, and then she’ll realize that the color is ghastly on her. 

          • Anonymous

            I only wish that trying it on and looking in the mirror would guarantee that I would recognize what colors look ghastly on.  Even after a lot of practice, I am still occasionally in error. Tragic error. If my friends-with-color-sense abandon me I’m sunk.

        • sarah jacobs

          You don’t have to do the ’80′s color me beautiful  thing to get it right. You can start by eliminating the colors that make you look ill.  you can wear a color that makes you look bad away from your face or with a scarf in a color good for you..  It’s good to keep some colors that look bad on you in case you want to leave work early.

    • Anonymous

      If he buttoned that shirt I think he would turn blue – it looks way too tight.  So they both showed up in someone else’s clothes.  If I went out in public with my hair flat and stringy like hers I hope someone would give me the name of a good salon.

    • Anonymous

      If he buttoned that shirt I think he would turn blue – it looks way too tight.  So they both showed up in someone else’s clothes.  If I went out in public with my hair flat and stringy like hers I hope someone would give me the name of a good salon.

    • Anonymous

      If he buttoned that shirt I think he would turn blue – it looks way too tight.  So they both showed up in someone else’s clothes.  If I went out in public with my hair flat and stringy like hers I hope someone would give me the name of a good salon.

    • Anonymous

      Definitely not her dress.  The horizontals make the model look normal sized, and a normal-sized woman look… large.  And there’s something with the shoulders, too–I think that Naomi’s shoulders slope a bit, which makes the dress hang wrong.  (And that’s not a complaint about Naomi Watts–a whole lot of women have slightly sloped shoulders; dresses that depend on not having them in order to  achieve their goals really don’t work.)  It looks great on the model,and dramatic make-up and hair might help, but here, I don’t think that much.  Aside from the shape, Naomi’s coloring is also wrong for this dress.

    • Anonymous

      He looks good.  I don’t mind the hem, since it’s a casual suit, more like a pair of khakis.  And the hems aren’t dragging the ground.  Points for not wearing scuffed up work boots.  He looks clean, his clothes look clean and and they fit him.  I agree with your score of 7.  He’s so hot…he’s definitely getting better with age.

      She’s…sad.  It’s like she was at home, in her muumuu, watching t.v. and drinking wine and he came downstairs ‘hey, did you forget about this thing tonight?  we’ve got to leave now!’ and she put on the her yard shoes that she keeps at the back door.  Does not even look like the same dress.  I don’t mind the print, but she’s not bringing any drama like the model, and the fit is way off.  It even looks like some of the thread in the gathering of the skirt broke and now it’s saggy.  I think a score of 5 is a bit generous, unless you are counting him as an accessory.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=637520850 Madison Chua

      OMG!  They both look totally burnt out. Schrieber has never looked more like a douche. Those shoes of his are just pathetic. Naomi’s face is gorgeous. But everything else, including her partner, is just an OUT!

    • Anonymous

      from a short woman with no fashion sense, even I would know not to wear this dress. The print and the length are bad for her height (or lack thereof) but it’s the wedgie-like gathering in the front that is particularly offensive. I won’t scream at her because I have too much respect for Naomi as an actress. We’ll just chalk it up to being a big mistake that she’ll learn from.

    • Anonymous

      I agree with all the “meaty” comments. That young woman looks like she is in the middle of being dissected. Kind of like a very meek homage to Gag-a.

      Liev is all kinds of cute.

    • Anonymous

      Wow, this is a PERFECT example of Honey That’s Not Your Dress. I love the dress and it looks amazing on the model (that’s why she’s a model), but seriously, any woman in her right mind wouldn’t even need someone to tell her about this. She shouldn’t have even made it out of the dressing room in this. One look in the mirror should have told her that this is definitely Not Her Dress.

    • Jessica Goldstein

      As many of you have noted, this dress is ideal for the very tall, very slight person who happens to have straight shoulders. As Naomi is not the first nor last item in this description, it’s not the dress for her. I think she could have faked it a bit better by raising the hem to lengthen her leg or lowering it. Then she’d need to add a sky-high strappy sandal. It still wouldn’t be her ideal dress, but it might be less “Oh honey, no.”

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.parker Sara Parker

      I have too much lust in my heart to adequately rip Mr. Schreiber’s outfit.  But since it looks like I’m not alone, maybe you could add him to the Man on the Street repetoire?
      So let me just say that Naomi here should be the textbook example of That’s Not Your Dress.  I don’t think I fully got the concept until I saw these pictures… I kept scrolling back and forth between Naomi and the model to see what went wrong.

    • Monkey Toe

      I would argue that no-one looks good with a ruched cooch.

      • Anonymous

        Amen, Monkey Toe.  Hilarious!

    • Anonymous

      From what I can see Naomi’s shoes are horrible and should be burned. That shoe choice didn’t help the look at all.

      She has some stringy hair.

    • Sara__B

      That dress looks awful on Naomi. Her hair and makeup aren’t doing a thing for her, either. 5/10 is much too generous!

    • Anonymous

      The guy is 6’3″ and he still finds pants that are too long for him?  What is he doing, shopping at the Goliath store???  But still, he looks much better than her.

      I don’t mind the “meaty” colors on her, but that dress just needs a more extreme hourglass figure to pull it off.  She has the same kind of face as January Jones – nondescript.  I have a hard time picking her out of a lineup.

      • http://twitter.com/scriptgrrl scriptgrrl

        Why do all men in Hollywood (except for Clooney) have trouble with pants hem length? Have they never learned that you need to bring the shoes you intend to wear with the pants to the tailor?

        • Anonymous

          I’m not sure he went to a tailor.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      That dress is totally the wrong length for her, as well as the length of the sleeves.  Her hair and make up gives the “I just threw this dress on and ran out of the door” look.  

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      That dress is totally the wrong length for her, as well as the length of the sleeves.  Her hair and make up gives the “I just threw this dress on and ran out of the door” look.  

    • Anonymous

      Uncooked pork tenderloin! Bad choice all around. (pun intended)

    • Anonymous

      Uncooked pork tenderloin! Bad choice all around. (pun intended)

    • http://www.facebook.com/Nestor.Chocolato NesTtor Chocolato

      why so harsh on him

    • Aly Light

      I can’t believe you let them off so easy. They both look a mess. You meet better dressed people at a typical PTA meeting.

    • Anonymous

      Methinks you were too generous to both of them.

    • MilaXX

      I don’t disagree with the scores or the critiques. My suggestion for her would be either have the dress altered to knee length or wear a better shoe. I’m partial to wedges theses days and perhaps a wedge in a color (burgundy?) might have helped.
      My only complaint with him is the unbuttoned color. If you’re wearing a tie, close the button. For a casual event like this I wouldn’t have minded a tie-less look.

    • http://twitter.com/Space_Kitty Space_Kitty

      That dress screams, “Hi. In case you missed them, here are my crotch and boobs.”  As the model fared only a little bit better, I’m not exactly sure whose dress this would be.

    • Anonymous

      That’s the wierdest cooch emphasis I’ve ever seen.

    • Anonymous

      Bacon. That’s funny Jessica Rowe. Anyway she’s too short for it. They had to cut it off mid-chevron and it looks truncated and strange. 

    • Anonymous

      its most assuredly not her dress, i imagine many women want to look “sinewy” but this is likely not what she had in mind….those roots could use a quick touch up too…

    • Anonymous

      Even before I saw your comment, I had mumbled under my breath “oh, no honey. Not your dress,” and I’d thought it looked like something I’d find at the Goodwill. Lo and behold, you guys have read my minds once again. I just, I dunno. if she was longer in the torso it’d be better, I think. I can actually see it to be very flattering to more voluptuous wanting to show off their figure, but somebody nice and tall as well. Almost looks like something Beyonce would wear (call me nuts, do it).
      I just don’t like suits that color. It screams all over his face he was dragged to the event, too. 

    • Erica Moon

      I covet Liev Schreiber.  No opinion on either of their clothes – just Liev.  Covet.

    • Erica Moon

      I covet Liev Schreiber.  No opinion on either of their clothes – just Liev.  Covet.

    • Anonymous

      Its not a formal event, so who cares?

    • Laura Valentine

      am I the only person with a ferocious craving for Fruit Stripes gum?

    • http://twitter.com/hillaryblock Hillary Block

      this is the cousin of zoe saldana’s bacon dress! only this looks even worse because it makes it look like she eats a little too much bacon :/

    • http://summerborn.livejournal.com/ Summer Born

      I did double takes between the dress on Naomi and the dress on the model… like five times… to see if it was really the same dress. I can’t tell if she’s wearing it “badly” or if it’s just a body type issue, but… wow.

    • D Devious

      Ms. Naomi, I don’t care about the fact that the model went for the “headlights” look. Wear a damn bra.