Pairs Division: Cruz and Bardem

Posted on June 28, 2011

Spain’s hottest couple hits the street, secure in the knowledge that everyone who sees them will want to have sex with at least one of them. Also, looking like they just had sex themselves.

Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem have been honored on Madrid’s Walk of Fame. Penelope Cruz wears a dress by Roksanda Ilincic.

Roksanda Ilincic Fall 2011 Collection

Look at those shit-eating grins and half-lidded eyes. Look at the way she’s pressing her whole body against his whenever they’re next to each other. The sweat has barely dried on their backs, we’re telling you.

SHE: Doesn’t even look all that great from a style perspective, but that is some hot earth mother realness she’s serving up there. Sexy as all hell? Yes. But the hair’s a mess, the makeup’s minimal, and that’s not the best-looking dress we’ve ever seen. Still, the point could be made that looking good is about working with what you got and she’s got a whole lot of do-me going on. Score: 7.5/10. If she wasn’t so hot she would have scored below a 5.

HE: Well… ditto, we guess. Not a bad outfit, of course. And he also has the do-me going on, but let’s face it: any guy could wear this. Any guy has. Score: 7.5/10.

Sure, we’d love to be a Spanish fly on their bedroom wall, and there’s something to be said about love being the best accessory (or at least lust), but we have standards here at T Lo Style Ministries International and these two lustbirds clearly only gave themselves enough time to gargle and throw on whatever clothes were scattered on the floor before the limo arrived. Spanish kittens? A bit of advice. Schedule your no-doubt marathon fuck sessions around your public appearances and professional obligations, giving yourselves more than 3 minutes to get ready, mkay?

[Photo Credit: AFP, Getty, style.com]

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  • Anonymous

    Spanish fly…HAR!  I agree with your scores. Why are so many female celebrities forgoing accessories and jewelry these days? A bracelet and bolder earrings would have amped up the look a little.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1248212910 Jessie Melcher Brown

    Considering they have a new baby the half lidded eyes, thrown together wardrobe and leaning is due to sleep deprevation.  BDTD

  • Anonymous

    Men with dark hair tend to look terrific in that shade of blue (and jewel tones in general.)  

  • http://twitter.com/nicole_sauvage Nicole Sauvage

    …What? I’m sorry, TLo, I couldn’t hear you over my Javier Bardem fantasy.

  • http://profiles.google.com/denise.alden Denise Alden

    Awww . . . I’ve been in love with these two since “Jamon Jamon” and though your description is spot on, I think they look adorable!

  • Anonymous

    I really like the model’s dress version with the dark tights. Very cute. I think these two look very happy together. And yes…post coital. Good for them!

  • Sara__B

    7.5 works for me. Ms. Cruz is a gorgeous woman, with beautiful curves and great posture, BUT that dress is doing her no favors. If she doesn’t want to hoist the girls up a few inches, she should avoid dresses that don’t flatter a heavy bust.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UCLO5V2YD36T7QMPKOC7YXPOFU Erica

    Hah!  Since they have a little baby, I doubt it was a marathon, and instead a quickie, but those are sexy, too.  To me, she looks like she had a baby a few months ago–well, she looks like a beautiful celebrity who had a baby a few weeks ago, not ME five months after birth –all curves and such, and it’s charming.  I give them 8s because they are just so darn cute together.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UCLO5V2YD36T7QMPKOC7YXPOFU Erica

    Hah!  Since they have a little baby, I doubt it was a marathon, and instead a quickie, but those are sexy, too.  To me, she looks like she had a baby a few months ago–well, she looks like a beautiful celebrity who had a baby a few weeks ago, not ME five months after birth –all curves and such, and it’s charming.  I give them 8s because they are just so darn cute together.

  • Anonymous

    They are a cute couple. I like her even better a little un-done like she is here.

  • http://twitter.com/DJButtons Breanna

    Funny, he usually doesn’t do a thing for me, but I would drag him to the bedroom in a SECOND in this look. I approve!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=811053804 Stacy Parker Cole

    I just don’t get the Javier love.  ???  I feel like her dress is missing something.. I dunno .  Love the color on her though.

    • Anonymous

      Javier doesn’t do it for me either, too rumpled and hung over looking most of the time.

  • MilaXX

    Oh poo! i think they both look hot as hell.
    She looks great, this doesn’t seem to be an overly fancy occasion so the tousled hair & minimal makeup works for me. 8/10
    Ditto for him and please note that even though it is a causal event, he has on actual shoes that have seen the good side of a polish rag. Bonus points for being so  drool worthy. 8/10

  • Rand Ortega

    They look like they jumped out of bed when they realized they had to be @ this event in 20 mins & can’t wait to pick up where they left off. That rates 2 10′s for me.

  • Anonymous

    I’m cutting them some slack.  It’s summer in Madrid, possibly hotter than h#ll, and clearly not a black-tie or even suit-wearing event, judging by the people on the outskirts of the picture.  I appreciate that the bitter kittens have standards, though, and I think a bracelet and not-”nude” shoes would have helped her out immensely.  Him, I don’t know, that color is just so great on him…. *sigh*  a pass.

  • Anonymous

    They shouldn’t change one thing! 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

    Also… the package on Javier? ohhhh…..

    I didn’t think much of Ms. Cruz (maybe ’cause she dated Tom Cruise?) until I saw Volver, and I was blown away. Astounding.
     

  • Anonymous

    Her dress really needs a belt to set off the waist. Interesting color though. He looks hot. They both have JBF’ed looks on their faces.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3AJ237ND3GAHDQJZ4TLCO4WLRA Emily

    They look so great together it’s kind of ridiculous.

  • Anonymous

    The model looks great in the dress. PC looks boring, but her Chesire Cat smile is a winning accessory!

  • Anonymous

    Are you crazy? 10s for the both them. How many couples have been featured that makes everyone who looks them want to have sex!
    Sex and sangria is all want now!

  • Anonymous

    TLo, you surprise me. Despite my general anti-Wilma policy, I think this is the best I’ve seen her in quite a while. I love the color of the dress, and she looks summery and chic as can be in it. His blue shirt complements in beautifully, though I’d rather he’d worn something nicer than jeans, and had a shave. She’s all the way IN. He’s halfway there.

    • Anonymous

       I think SHE looks good but the dress – at a minimum, the fit – is not right.  It looks better on the model (but not much). 
      It is because of her breasts.  In a wilma and in most fitted bodices, the (larger) breast “consume” more fabric and can lift or pull at the breasts and the waist; and I think that is the biggest part of the problem here.

  • Anonymous

    JBF’d hair and some shit eating grins?..works for me!

  • Anonymous

    They look absolutely great in a way that has very little to do with what they are wearing. Agree with the score, the excellent observations and I add they look ridiculously fresh and very comfortable in all the shots. Maybe that’s what making them look good, because it sure ain’t the clothes.

    • Anonymous

      Agreed 100%.  Compare these two with the photos of Shia La Beauf and his co-star from Transformers where they are dressed impeccably but are projecting the personality of wax figures. 

  • Anonymous

    Eh, I don’t really think either of them is that hot or amazing looking, especially him. I’m sorry, he’s just fug. Being a hot-blooded Latin person doesn’t automatically make you gorgeous in my book.
    Her: Red is a great color for brunettes, but I don’t think that draping is doing her midsection any favors. She could have used a more flattering lip color and this is another woman who needs to be tied down and dragged to the hairdresser. It just hangs there with that ridiculous center-part and does nothing for her.
    Him: That blue is a good color for him and I like the sideburns, but he really could have put a little more effort in.
    Why do I have the feeling that neither of these two owns a comb?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1303837450 Lauren Dorsee Dillon

    The skirt part doesn’t fit her correctly. Or maybe she just didn’t pull it down all the way after their frenzied Latino passionate love making. It’s hot in here, amirite? :)

  • Anonymous

    Hmm. The new baby-sleep deprivation explanation makes sense to me. Though I imagine they can afford to hire enough help that their new-baby days don’t much have to resemble those of the hoi polloi (that would be me), unless they actually *want* to be primary caregivers for their beloved spawn.

    But who cares? He’s adorable and sexy and to be able to be both when you’re not really my type is so deeply affecting me that I can’t score his clothing, let alone hers. It’s some kind of super power.

  • http://twitter.com/democracydiva Democracy Diva

    Oh, they had plenty of time to get READY. They just fucked in the limo. :-P

  • Anonymous

    Yum-yum-yum!!!  I’ll take these two any way I can get ‘em.

    I think they look more than presentable considering all the factors (actual & possible) mentioned previously.
    Only minus I’d give would be for her hair.
    Not a nude shoes fan, but hers aren’t really nude + they have some texture, and they work fine with the dress this time of year.

  • Anonymous

    Yum-yum-yum!!!  I’ll take these two any way I can get ‘em.

    I think they look more than presentable considering all the factors (actual & possible) mentioned previously.
    Only minus I’d give would be for her hair.
    Not a nude shoes fan, but hers aren’t really nude + they have some texture, and they work fine with the dress this time of year.

  • Judy_J

    Javier can rock a pair of jeans, I tell ya!  What’s-her-name looks pretty good, too.

  • Anonymous

    I want both of them.  SO HOT.

  • Anonymous

    Muy caliente!

  • Anonymous

    Dayum. Clothes? Who cares about the clothes?

  • http://twitter.com/LaurenSchneider Lauren Schneider

    Clothes are but a formality for people this good looking.

  • Anonymous

    It’s impressive that she can look hot even while wearing a dress that doesn’t flatter her. Still, 7.5 seems fair. I’d give him at least an 8. This is a casual event and I think he looks very well put together. Everything fits perfectly, stylish shoes and he’s wearing color. It’s funny, Mr. Bardem isn’t even that good looking  but every time I see him the room seems to get warmer. Hot couple indeed.

    Spanish fly on the wall. This is why I love you TLo

    • Anonymous

      Mr. Bardem isn’t even that good looking.  WHAT? WHAT? What?  Actually you may be right…if we’re using the Cary Grant/George Clooney scale. However, have you seen these two in Vicky Cristina Barcelona? This is one sexy, flawed, breath-stopping, macho male man. Rawrhr.

      [excuse me, I need to go find a fan, and some ice...and a fainting couch]

      • Anonymous

        Believe me, I find the man hot hot hot. HAWT

  • Anonymous

    She looks far better casual than in a big dramatic frock. As is. I respect that. He looks great as is also. Plenty of star charisma from them. Tlo sounds envious as double hell. I agree with pundits above, the new kid is the tiredness. They deserve the sex life. Neither of them are spring chickens. A-ok.

  • oohsparkley!

    Both of them look so hawt for a dressy casual look.

  • Natalie Karic

    i wonder what language they speak when they’re alone together

  • Natalie Karic

    i wonder what language they speak when they’re alone together

  • http://www.facebook.com/Nestor.Chocolato NesTtor Chocolato

    eeewwww

  • Anonymous

    Her books look weird.  I feel like they’re screaming for help.

  • Anonymous

    He looks hot no matter what. I’ll give him a 9 just for being Javier Bardem.

    She gets a 5 for that weird drape around her waist. It just makes her look bloated.

    But what do they care? They get to have sex with each other nonstop!

  • Lisa

    Excuse me… I need a cold shower now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juline-Débaul/100002426617563 Juline Débaul

    7.5? Sounds high for both, but especially for him. I do not look Javier Bardem AT ALL! He annoys me to no end!

  • http://profiles.google.com/trashilove { edi } ilovetrash

    the dress looks so stunning on the model that –if the sexy edge does not permeate yr brain– it’s really hard to say it looks good on penelope cruz. aka: if you remove its hot aspect, it’s a real not your dress, penelope cruz.

  • http://www.joannao.blogspot.com JoannaOC

    What I love about these pictures is that they just look like themselves, at home in Spain and not in Hollywood: relaxed, smiling, probably she just nursed the baby.

  • Judy Raddue

    What I love about her?  She looks like a woman now, not a waif. As Cruz as gotten older, she’s only gotten hotter, seemingly following the Dame Helen school – look like you spend your time living, not racking up hours in a gym and pushing food around your plate.  All you skinny movie babes, take note…

    As for Bardem, definitely working F*** You clothes…  He’s got it made and can do/wear whatever he wants.  Besides, he’s surely assuming all eyes will be on his gorgeous wife.  Like the best partners, he’s making sure the spotlight is on her.

  • Anonymous

    say what you will, this is not Spain’s hottest couple but THE hottest couple. The could be wearing trash bags and they’d look hot.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t like her dress and her hair looks like crap but she still looks beautiful.  But him – OMG he is the hottest man alive.

  • http://twitter.com/Space_Kitty Space_Kitty

    These shots are SO not about the fashion. They’re giving us major realness here and that kind of made me fall in love with them both.  HOT.  I mean, IN.

  • Anonymous

    a better bra – bring em up an inch or two more.

  • Anonymous

    Who cares if he threw it on in 3 minutes.  Javier Bardem could wear anything (or better yet, nothing) and be a 10.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NMIFZ6A7BHP66M546AO77BWVQ4 Bonnie

    They’re both totally hot.

  • http://twitter.com/Unclassical Alexandria N

    you’ve sunk below bitchy into BLIND, tlo. that color is AMAZING on her.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1550881905 Hildegerd Haugen

    He is totally in.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Katie-Heim/708520610 Katie Heim

     I say may they never, ever change. Fuck your brains out, you great looking freaks!