Poodles, you didn’t think we’d leave you for a whole weekend without giving you the chance to be bitches, did you? Here at T Lo Ministries, we are all about providing the public with opportunities to be judgmental. The sun may be shining and we may have places to go and people to see, but a celebrity wore something egregious and the call to arms must be made. Minions, it’s time to WORK.
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Every single time we feature her, we go to wikipedia to double-check her age because we’re convinced the birthdate that places her at exactly thirty can’t possibly be correct. We keep waiting for that correction that places her birthdate some time in the early ’60s but it hasn’t happened yet. So yes, it appears to still be true: we are NOT looking at an Xtina who traveled here from 20 years in the future; this is apparently her, in all her 30-year-old glory.
Y’know, we always say that she clearly needs gays, but we’re going to amend that. First, because we detect the distinct whiff of very tacky music industry gays (and any gay will tell you those music bitches are the tackiest gays of all) telling her she’s fierce and picking out her outfits. More importantly, we’re going to amend that because we think what she clearly needs is older gays. Put some gay under 35 in her orbit and he’ll fawn all over her. Put some 50-something gays in charge and they’ll be the first to tell her she looks like Ginger Rogers about ten minutes before she dropped dead.
But all things considered, this is actually an improvement for her. Oh sure, the proportions are all wrong, everything’s too tight, and most of it is just plain tacky, but she’s actually dressed. She’s not spilling out of it or risking an inadvertent gynecological exam; she’s pretty much covered up. Or at least as covered up as Christina gets. Still, that’s about the only kind thing we can say. The hair remains fried; the makeup remains harsh; the shoes remain hooker.
IN! She looks… she looks… She just looks IN, all right? I don’t have to explain myself to you!
OUT! Although it’s always nice to see aging burlesque stars let out of the home for some sun!
The Minion Opinion on Iman’s color wheel dress was a historic (and deeply disturbing) OUT. Iman wants to have a word with each and every one of you.
[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage]