Chloë Moretz in Carven

Posted on June 03, 2011

Darlings, the sun is shining, we’ve had our coffee, we’re chained to our desks for the day, ready to work, so let’s start off by kicking a little girl.

Chloë Moretz attends The Royal Academy of Arts’ Summer Exhibition Preview Party in London in a Carven dress.

Carven Fall 2011 Collection/Model: Carolina Thaler (NATHALIE)

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Oh, all right. If we absolutely must, then we will refrain from kicking any little girls. In fact, we’re not even going to subject her to an In or Out assessment; just a quick rundown of the good and bad from a gay uncle perspective.

Okay, the dress is super-cute and works really well on her body type. However, it’s a bit too bulky up top and it shrinks her torso down to nothing. This dress needed some alterations to fit her in a more flattering manner, but the dress itself, we like. It’s everything else that’s wrong. Honey, that hair is for working in the food court at the local mall. Those shoes are for your great aunt to wear to your cousin’s wedding. The nail polish is kind of adorably appropriate for a 14 year old, but not for a 14 year old wearing this look. And while concessions should be made when a very young lady is dressing up like a grownup, we still think a little color on the face and at least ONE piece of jewelry would have been called for here. As it is, it’s a showy dress with absolutely NO detailing; no jewelry, little (if any) makeup, no purse, and shoes that look like they were chosen from a bin.

But cheer up, honey! You’re 14 and practically EVERYONE dresses like an idiot at 14! You’re actually doing all right, all things considered. Just hire some gay uncles, pronto. They’ll hook you up on the detailing.

[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage, style.com]

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