“Pirates of the Caribbean” Premiere

Posted on May 09, 2011

Darlings, two stars came out for the “Pirates of the Caribbean XIX: More Piratey!” movie premiere at Disneyland! Plus a bunch of contractually obligated D-listers showed up too! And Jodie Foster stopped by in between errands! Let’s point and laugh.


Penelope Cruz in Marchesa

Although really, that caption should read “Penelope Cruz in every dress she’s worn in public since 2003,” which would be fitting, because…


…Here’s Johnny in every outfit he’s worn since 1998.





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Feh. You bore us, superstars. We refuse to spend any more time on you. The desperate attention-whores are where it’s at.



Ashley Benson in Alice+Olivia

The bodice is kind of interesting, but that shapeless feather duster of a skirt is a no. Especially since it looks like the lining is hanging out.



Jodie Foster

The look on her face pretty much screams “Fuck, I just wanted to take the kids out for fun. Nobody said anything about pictures.” Cool Chucks, girl.



Chelsea Kane in Nicole Miller

Kind of a cute/interesting dress. Shoes are a bit bridesmaid-y, but it’s a good look. Might’ve been improved by a belt.



Eliza Dushku in Betsey Johnson

Geez, when did she become so generic? We didn’t recognize her at first. Is it us, or does this look have a slightly juvenile feel to it?



Emma Roberts in Stella McCartney

She’s doing a fine job of upholding the family tradition of being totally boring from a fashion sense.



Kevin Sorbo

Dude, have a little dignity.



Kirstie Alley in Malandrino

Okay, the shoes are all wrong and she’s far from giving good face here, but credit where it’s due: that’s a great dress on her.



Sophie Simmons

Sophie was carried to this event rolled up inside a tote bag and then dumped out onto the red carpet mere moments before this picture was taken.



Vanessa Hudgens

We think she might be too tiny for this dress. Also, the neutral platform pumps are all wrong for it.


[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage]

    • scottyf

      Guys, give Kevin Sorbo a break! Being a ride operator on the “Pirates of the Caribbean” attraction is the only work he can get.

      • Catlover2x

        OOoh, burn.

      • CAT

        Bahaha! You smartass.

      • tommytimp


      • http://onionjam.tumblr.com SkipperJane

        If you thought Kevin Sorbo was bad, go looking for the photos of Kat Cora – full pirate regalia (in red).

        • Mac


    • Eclectic Mayhem

      Oooooh – I like Mr Depp’s new ‘do’. *Eclectic makes a purring sound difficult to replicate in type*

    • Magdlyn

      And the winner is… Kirstie Allie! Something I never thought I’d have the opportunity to say.

      • Jakie

        I thought Kirstie Alley was Fergie when I first looked at the picture, not good for Fergie since Kirstie Alley is probably 20 years older than her.

    • fafafab

      Chelsea Kane and Jodie are my favs

    • Judy_J

      Love the Betsey Johnson dress Eliza Dushku is wearing, but those tights don’t belong. I like them though….I have a pair just like them I bought at Target. Kevin Sorbo looks like he’s going trick or treating.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      I actually like Chelsea Kane’s shoes, but the dress did need a belt. Kirstie is working that new body! And Vanessa..those shoes are all wrong…for everything.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=811053804 Stacy Parker Cole

      Is it me or is Kirstie channeling Fergie? Can’t stand Depp’s hair. He’s way too hot to do sloppy. Penelope looks GORGEOUS.

      • Anon

        I too thought it was Fergie until I looked at the caption.

      • Breanna

        I actually thought it was Fergie going for a Kirstie Alley vibe…awkward.

    • Anonymous

      Is this movie about Porter Wagoner and Dolly Parton?

      • scottyf


    • CAT

      1. It’s a pirate premier at Disney, for cryin’ out loud. They should’ve all been in dime store costumes.

      2. There is something new with Depp: he looks washed and appears to have been groomed with a hair dryer.

      3. This is the second denim ‘gown’ shown on this blog within a week. What the hell? Tell me this is not the next celebrity trend.

    • Kaycee

      Chelsea and Kirstie look great – all that dancing can’t hurt. The feather trim on Penelope’s dress looks a bit creepy crawly. Is Emma Roberts naturally a brunette? The hair, skin and makeup tones combine to look sallow to me. Jodie Foster just cracks me up.

    • DL

      Dress? I thought Vanessa Hudgens showed up in her bathrobe.

    • MilaXX

      Is Penelope a bit self conscience of her baby weight? Other than the red dress she wore a few months back, she’s only worn black mermaid dresses for a very long time.

      Johnny looked great on Oprah last week. What on earth happened here?

      Chelsea looks cute, but the satin shoes are a big NO. Who decided to bring those back?

      Kirstie looks hellavu good in that dress, but the shoes are no bueno.

      Ahsley looks like a bedazzled swifter.

      Jodie looks like she borrowed Jane Lynn’s wardrobe for the day.

      Kevin Sorbo looks cray cray.

      Emma’s legs look almost as pale as that bag she is carrying.

      Eliza’s dress is too young for her. I love the tights, but wish she had worn them with a pencil skirt an funky top.

      Sophie looks like she got dressed from the trash bin behind Saks.

      Vanessa should have shortened that dress to knee length and worn a better shoe.

    • Anonymous

      Johnny Depp is just a big ol’ bottle of yum yum! I don’t care how ridiculous he tries to look.

      • Mac

        Tries? In my book he’s accomplishing.

    • Nancy lee

      Love Jodie Foster – she seems so smart and so real. Emma Roberts’ hair looks dirty!! Disgusting!!! I am unimpressed. When my daughter looks more elegant and put together going to her Junior Prom than these “stars” do, they are not putting in the effort. Shame on them.

    • Janicemuah

      I know it’s just a shadow, but for a moment there i thought Depp had grown a one-sided mullet and i was very afraid…..

    • Anonymous

      I can see my reflection in Chelsea Kane’s legs.

    • Nancy

      Kirstie Alley’s face always looks like that and her roots are a disgrace, but she is looking fabulous in that dress. I admire her attitude.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1832126583 Mary Lauer

      I can’t tell … is Penelope’s hair SHORT or just UP?

      • http://onionjam.tumblr.com SkipperJane

        It’s up – a twist/ponytail.

    • tom

      Now playing “The Dress that Swallowed Vanessa!” Coming to a theater near you. Or direct to Netflix. Whatever. Kirstie Alley is rocking that dress, hoping noone would look at her feet. Jodie Foster looks like every one of my lesbian Mom friends out with the kids, perfectly fine. Unless you are taking the kids to a movie premier, then she could heve stepped it up just a notch.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t mind if Penelope’s has a signature look. She still looks amazing. Minus those hiddy shoes, Kirstie looks great. What happened?

    • http://onionjam.tumblr.com SkipperJane

      I was actually there to watch the “Black Carpet” and quite a few of these people must have slipped by in the crowds. I really like Penelope’s dress, but she was overdressed by a factor of four for this event (outside, at Disneyland).

    • Anonymous

      I’ve come to the conclusion that Johnny Depp does everything he can to downplay how insanely good looking he is. It’s not working. I don’t care what he wears. He’s totally gorgeous.

      Kirstie looks fabulous in that dress. Emma Roberts looks great, if not particularly exciting. Vanessa Hudgins is not wearing just any bathrobe. She’s wearing the world’s largest bathrobe. (It’s in the Guiness Book of World Records. I looked it up. ;) ) That thing is about five sizes too big for her. She’s really a cutie though.

      I didn’t recognize Jodie Foster or Eliza Dushku. Jodie said “Fuck it. I’m not changing my clothes.” I don’t know what was going on in Eliza’s head.

      I am endlessly amazed at how lacking in style and good taste Hollywood is.

    • Anonymous

      I love that Kirstie Alley always looks completely wasted.

      And Eliza Dushku has ALWAYS been utterly generic. Mediocre talent in a mediocre dress. She nearly ruined Buffy. I will loathe her forever.

    • http://profiles.google.com/nariman.c.alkhatib Nariman Alkhatib

      hahahah OMG tlo you should warn people first I was sipping some coffee when I read the
      “Pirates of the Caribbean XIX: More Piratey!” comment.. now there is coffee everywhere .. thankfully not on the computer

    • http://profiles.google.com/hawkeye1978 Kristin Hanson

      Is that Simmons woman wearing a dress made out of denim?!

    • Megan

      I like Emma’s style, even if it is simple and a little boring. She always looks classy and put-together. Chelsea Kane is the winner in my book. Everybody else, eh. I really wish the bodice on Ashley Benson’s dress was attached to a different skirt.

    • C.Jean

      So now Jodie Foster dresses in Ellen Degeneres’s hand-me-downs? What can I say? I kind of wish for more, but I actually like the way she looks–timeless and comfortable with herself. That’s more than can be said about most of these other folks!

    • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

      Ms. Alley looks fabulous for her age.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_MNMVM2GPVUEIOJXBOSLCXKAW4U judy brown

      So many eep! ugh! eh! sounds forced from my body.

    • Anonymous

      I’m so thrilled for Kirstie Allie. She looks great these days. The dancing is doing her a world of good.

      Kevin Sorbo – oy!

    • Amanda Soisson


    • Amanda in Austin

      For the most part, I have no idea who these fetuses are!

    • Amanda in Austin

      For the most part, I have no idea who these fetuses are.

    • Mac

      Penelope I’m so bored! Thankfully Depp and Sorbo made everything better.

    • amused kitten

      Kevin Sorbo is a riot. “I haven’t been relevant for 20 years. LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!”

    • Anonymous

      Eh, Kevin Sorbo, like Jodie Foster, looks like he’s just there to have some fun. Lighten up, TLo… it’s a Pirates premiere. If you can’t wear a pirate costume to it, then where, I ask, can you wear one? It’s like going to a Potter or Star Wars premiere… the fen go to goof off. Looks like Sorbo is one of the fen.

      • George

        It doesn’t sound like T Lo is the one who needs to lighten up.

    • Anonymous

      Why should Penelope Cruz change things up when she can look this good? Mr. Depp, I find you insanely attractive, but sometimes you make me work at it. In this case, those shoes, sir are just silly.

      Kirstie Allie for the win. That dress both looks good on her and is a genius piece of figure flattery.

      I do hope Sophie Simmons was, indeed, violently resisting attending, which is why she was forced into that dress & shoes and bundled up as you described. Because she LOOKS like someone who is really not happy to be there.

    • SMM

      Penelope Cruz? I thought that was Lea Michelle! And I thought Jodie Foster was a MAN! A MAN I tell you!

    • Petshopbear

      Emma Roberts look like the Corpse Bride! Get some sun baby you would be perfect as zombie no. 25 in the Walking Dead.

    • Anonymous

      Dude, have a little dignity.”
      In the running for Best Comment Ever.

      Did Johnny Depp get knocked on the head and wake up thinking it’s 1994 and the Ed Wood premier?

    • http://www.beautifymylifeblog.com Jessica

      Holy shizz, is Sophie Simmons (whoever that is) wearing a denim dress?? Honey, we’re not in Kansas anymore.

    • http://www.beautifymylifeblog.com Jessica

      Oh, and I am normally all for rocking natural pale skin, but Emma Roberts could seriously use a spray tan. Or at least some bronzer. She looks sickly.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DO54ICWQLRD2STHRSELEATLSKY Cindy

      I love Jodie Foster’s face. My teenage daughter has the same Chucks… Kevin Sorbo looks rediculous!

    • OnlyMe

      I like Chelsie Kane’s shoes, very cute.

      And I’m guessing that Kevin Sorbo lost a bet.

    • Guest

      Kirstie Alley? I thought that was a bad pic of Fergie.

    • http://profiles.google.com/phyllis.craine Phyllis Craine

      Kirstie is working her tail off in dance rehearsals and it shows!

    • sass

      Jeez Emma Roberts will show up to the opening of an envelope. The only person who looks any good here is that Chelsea Kane person- loveee the dress, glad she didn’t wear a belt with it but wish she wore dark shoes. Everyone else ranges from awful to boring.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=513945580 Megan Patterson


    • Lisa

      Oh, Kevin Sorbo…. you make my heart hurt.

      Chelsea Kane looks adorable! And Kirstie Alley looks great!

      As for Penelope Cruz, well, yes, she looks gorgeous. Totally hot, sexy and gorgeous. But she could have toned down the whole vampishness of her look, considering it’s a Disney event. Is it really appropriate to wear a dress that makes Mickey Mouse want to tap that ass?

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Penelope Cruz and Johnnie Depp together -that’s pretty fabulous in my book.

      Kevin Sorbo-it’s a long way from his Hercules days isn’t it?

    • Anonymous

      Vanessa Hudgens seems to be making a “thing” of wearing her dressing gowns onto the red carpet.

    • http://profiles.google.com/thisiscelia Celia

      Penelope Cruz and Depp are slumming it, which totally bums me out. Two gorgeous people can’t be bothered to look hot? Fie!@minnie8:disqus Cruz should keep the fringe, I’m really liking it on her.

      Jodie Foster needs to tuck her shirt in. Chelsea Kane (whoever that is) has a cute dress, but it definitely needs a belt. Elisha Dushku (someone needs to get her some work, stat!) is all kinds of wrong. The dress is too young and twee, the tights with a lace dress is a total NO, the shoes are awful. Kirstie Ally needs to comb her hair, the girl in the wrinkled denim dress needs to….not wear a denim dress, and Vanessa Hudgens is scaring me a little.

      • Anonymous

        Cruz and Depp, IMO, would have to be covered a couple of inches deep in shapeless daubs of mud & straw to NOT look hot. And all it would take is a garden hose or a good -sized pond to restore hotness.

    • Terri

      Oh Johnny, Oh Johnny, Oh Johnny…..NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

      Dushku appears to have come directly from a Fetish Fantasy scene, only stopping to remove the cap and apron from her Naughty french Maid outfit.

    • Kate

      Penelope Cruz looked stunning in that dress but maybe it’s a little too Oscars for a movie premiere where someone showed up wearing a pirate costume…
      I’m loving Chelsea Kane’s whole ensemble!If Johnny Depp had worn Jodie Foster’s outfit he would have looked so much better! She needs red carpet lessons. TLo, could you stage a red carpet intervention?

    • Addis R. Pérez

      Wow! I did a double-take at Chelsea Kane’s dress! That print is crazy gorgeous and the cut is very flattering [on her]. I, for one, like the shoes.

    • Scott Hester-Johnson

      Left out of the story was how we mortals were unceremoniously booted out of Disneyland at 5:00pm, 6 hours before normal, to make way for this parade of “celebrities” for a yet another awful Pirate movie.

      Never mind that we were on a surprise trip for my husband’s 40th birthday or our 4th wedding anniversary booked months ahead (with no prior notice given that the park was closing early), never mind that we had to pay full price to get in for a half day and never mind that there was not even an attempt at an apology from Disney for any inconvenience to us peasants. No, as long as Kevin Sorbo can show up dressed like a Free Credit Report dot com pirate, F everyone else.

      And yes, although I enjoy being an angry, bitter old queen, I get no joy from being angry and bitter over this one.