Darlings, the Pirates of the Caribbean PR juggernaut rolls on. Johnny and Penny showed up all fresh-scrubbed and pretty for a photocall at Cannes. And since poor Penny wore such an ill-fitting dress the other day that the T Lo Commentariat shrieked and covered its eyes and begged us to stop making them look at her (slight exaggeration) we thought we’d do the girl a solid and remind our minions that she may have stumbled in that Givenchy dress but the gal’s still got it in spades.
SHE: Makes us want to clap our hands and exclaim, “Oh, Honey! You found a dress that fits you!” But then we look at that ridiculous body of hers and wonder why she had a problem in the first place. It’s not like the fashion industry has no place for petite women with great figures. We’re going to assume that Givenchy was forced on her by a drunken stylist. At any rate, we love this dress. We weren’t sure at first, because it does sort of make her boobs look like two scoops of blue ice cream, but hey. There are worse things in life than to have your boobs compared to a delicious treat. Believe it or not, we even like the matchy shoes here. The whole outfit is so deceptively simple that we kind of like the unity of color. And besides, the heels are killa. Hair and makeup look great. Score: 9/10
HE: It’s Johnny Depp. This is what you get. He’ll probably be dressing exactly like this at 80. He looks clean (which isn’t always the case) and put together. Our only really quibble – and it’s more of an annoyance than a quibble – is his weird need to tie bandannas around himself like he was an adorable cocker spaniel or something. We don’t LOVE his outfit or anything, but we can’t really criticize it. Score: 8/10 .