Pairs Division: Anthony and Lopez

Posted on May 24, 2011

Is there anything weirder than the celebrity life, kittens? Here they are, dressed to the nines and wearing thousands of dollars of merch, just so they can sit on a folding chair on the sidewalk for a few minutes and get their picture taken in the hopes that bitchy bloggers and entertainment journalists will pass it around and ensure that the public is talking about them.

Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez at Simon Fuller’s Hollywood Walk of Fame star presentation ceremony in Los Angeles. Jennifer Lopez is wearing a Zac Posen dress.

Zac Posen Fall 2011 Collection/Model: Carmen Kass (SILENT)

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HE: Looks a sloppy mess. That suit is wrinkled and hanging off him. He always seems to dress as if he’s hiding the fact that he’s rail-thin. The same dressing rule applies to the very thin as it does to those carrying a heavier load: don’t hide your body in yards of fabric. You’re much better off with good tailoring. He always looks like he’s wearing his big brother’s hand-me-downs. Also, the shoes look cheap and if you’re going to undo the second button on your shirt, it better be starched to within an inch of its life so the collar stands up on its own. Score: 5/10

SHE: Looks like a cartoon. Don’t get us wrong; she pretty much always has looked like a cartoon, but this little getup is making it worse: big hair, big shoes, and a ridiculously tight dress. Here’s a little Timely Tip from T Lo: If we can see your belly button through the fabric of your dress and that fabric isn’t even close to sheer? You need to go up a size. Here’s another: Don’t wear ridiculously tight dresses to an event where your picture will be taken while you’re seated. We guarantee a personal assistant or stylist got bitchslapped this morning when she saw these pictures. It’s a lovely dress and it really suits her but it’s just too small on her. And nude platform pumps are an abomination. Score: 6/10.

Combined score: 5.5/10. This was one of those things where you think they look fine at first glance, but the longer you look, the more wrong you see.

[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage, style.com]

    • http://profiles.google.com/thisiscelia Celia

      You guys are bang on, especially the too-tight and unforgivingly clingy dress. But what’s with the “SILENT” on Carmen Kass? I love her in the J’adore ads.

      • http://profiles.google.com/shawna.ready shawna ready

        I think that’s the name of her agency…

        • http://profiles.google.com/thisiscelia Celia

          Ha, thanks. I thought TLo really hated her or something.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_MNMVM2GPVUEIOJXBOSLCXKAW4U judy brown

        Wow, belly button showing and panty lines (from the back), little pooch tummy, three rolls when sitting.

        When a dress can make Jennifer Lopez’s magnificent body look poochy, it’s too damn tight.

        • jessamyn

          I sympathize to an extent because she undoubtedly suffers from the same problem I do: if I go up a size to accommodate the hips, the top is falling off. However, there are only two reasonable solutions, neither of which includes wearing ones that don’t fit: 1) Get sheath dresses custom made (or make them yourself, for us mortals); 2) Don’t wear sheath dresses. Sausaging yourself is never an option!

    • MilaXX

      I’ve loved Marc Anthony since his salsa days, but the man never wears clothes that fit. 5/10
      I could forgive JLo the big hair and even the neutral pumps, but that dress needs to be a size bigger. It completely ruins the entire look. 5/10

    • Anonymous

      It’s not good when you can gauge the humidity by looking at JLo’s hair; she’s in desperate need of some anti-frizz cream.  Maybe she could borrow some product from Kate Middleton.

    • Anonymous

      Even I wanna bitchslap the stylist! That shit’s tight, and not on a complimentary way.

    • Anonymous

      Yowza. I was thinking, Oh, her dress is a little tight, but it is J Lo. Then I saw that side shot! WAAAAAYYY too tight. On a positive note, I like the neckline/shoulder detail on J Lo’s dress better than the runway one. Marc Anthony does indeed look sloppy. Like when I meet my husband somewhere after work and he takes his tie off because he’s tired of wearing it. I hate that.

    • Anonymous

      Obviously they attended the bosses honor event and did not want to be there…the summer lethargy is settling in on tinseltown.
      Marcs shoes are probably Gucci, not cheap just too casual for the suit. You just know they left as early as possible and charged over to In and Out, and home to the kids.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PFPESDH4EDCW3UEDVNWWSHB4XQ Michaela T.

      What a pity, though – it’s such a fantastic dress and she could have looked amazing and classy in it (whilst still showing off her body) – if only she’d gone up a size.
      The guy – oh, whatever.

    • Anonymous

      Unless this event took place in Teirra del Fuego, Cape Town, or Tasmania, she should not be wearing a Fall dress.
      And regardless of where it was and regardless of her fine figure, she should be wearing a smoothing undergarment like (but not limited to ) Spanks.

    • Judy_J

      The shot of JLo sitting in that dress makes her midsection look like the Michelin Man.  Marc does look like he’s wearing his big brother’s duds.  5/10.

    • lilibetp

      AND the way too tight dress is sewn on her.  And badly sewn, at that.  Did she break the zipper?  Didn’t it then register that the dress was too small?  And the heels are too high – in real life, she’s not six inches taller than he is.

    • Anonymous

      Those shoes are horrifying, but I can’t even see the dress.  I’m too busy being jealous of her insane body, which the dress does an excellent job of displaying.

    • Anonymous

      Agree with everything you wrote – in fact I looked at the pics first and though – wow he is thin, why the baggy clothes and the exact same thought about seeing her navel   

    • Anonymous

      Oh, do you think her dress is tight?  What makes you say that?  Is it the fact that it makes her butt look like a balloon?  Or the Michelin Man thing she has going on when she sits?  Or maybe the way her thighs bulge out where they join her hips?  On the bright side, you have to admire the way a woman whose dress is obviously too heavy for the weather manages not to have sweat stains in her armpits.

    • Anonymous

      No only can see your belly button, but every stitch on your bra. Some stylist should get fired for this one.

    • Chantelle James

      While Spanx would have smoothed out her midsection, I actually like that she’s not wearing a shaper because she looks more like a real woman with real lumps and bumps. Going up a size – or two – would have worked just as well.

      I like the style of the shoes but not the colour.

    • http://www.facebook.com/mindy.davis1 Mindy Davis

      Skeletor always looks like he’s wearing hand me down suits from a big brother

    • Anonymous

      VPL! VBL! (“B” for bra)

      But I can’t blame the stylist for this. Jennifer Lopez is 40 years old. She’s a grown-ass woman who should recognize VPL when she sees it. That dress is perfect for her, but it’s too damn tight.

      I don’t mind how Marc A. looks. He always looks like that. I guess I’ve gotten used to it.

    • http://profiles.google.com/laura.jane.ogorman Laura O’Gorman

      Those shoes would be efficient murder weapons. But if you’re not going to clock someone over the head, I’d forgo them.

    • Anonymous

      Too tight is right.

      Photos of the two of them together always make me uneasy because they inspire unsettling and completely conjectured thoughts about their relationship.  He looks like such an intentional professional grade charmer to me and she’s always making some affectionate gesture that makes me wonder if she’s staking her territory or keeping him where she can watch him.

      I have no reason for this whatsoever but they always make me think the tell-all book will paint their relationship as very Lucy-Desi.

    • Anonymous

      I have only one thing to add.  Nude platform pumps make feet look like there’s something HORRIBLY wrong with them.

    • Anonymous

      TOO. TIGHT. CAN’T BREATHE.

    • Anonymous

      Has JLo’s butt gotten smaller or am I just desensitized to it due to the constant media attention on Kim Kardashian’s much larger booty?  Also, I can’t help but notice that JLo’s hair – while looking good – does not look anything like the shiny silky mane she displays in those haircare commercials.  Guess I won’t be buying L’oreal EverSleek after all.

    • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

      Love the dress, but it’s too tight on JLo and her hair hides the collar, which really needs to be seen. It’s a good color, though. Marc Anthony does nothing for me.

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

      HOLY SHIT THAT IS ONE TIGHT DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Anonymous

      Wow, agreed that the dress is too tight! Jenny, you have a slammin bod, but you’re not 20 anymore, dammit!

    • Patricia Biswanger

      I love the dress, but it is at least TWO sizes too small.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      Her undergarments are a mess.  She has been a train wreck with her styling as of late. She needs new gays!

      • Anonymous

        Agreed.  She needs better foundation garments if she’s going to go super tight.

    • Anonymous

      I love the dress, in theory. Looks awfully uncomfortable here.

    • Anonymous

      You can see her thong cutting into her hips as well. Girl. No. I’m about 50 lbs heavier than her and even I know how to avoid that look. 

    • Anonymous

      Yes…stomach rolls are not something one wants to put on display when seated.  She’s got an amazing body…especially considering age & children…but not amazing enough for what she thinks she can wear.    He’s a sexy guy (but sooo thin!) and she’s sooo beautiful and voluptuous..one would think they’d be a hot couple…but they’re not.  Not that I should, but I have trouble “picturing them together”…she looks like she’d break him. ;)

      They’re both a fashion mess here.  I’ll just give them a combined score of 4/10.

    • Anonymous

      The side view of J-Lo’s hem sent me into picky-seamstress anaphylactic shock.

      Still, have to admit:  that’s a great ass she’s carrying.

    • Anonymous

      You’ve never been to Texas if you think that’s ‘big hair’. That’s just a girl with a gorgeous head of hair who likes to show it off. I would too if it belonged to me.
      Agree about Marc. He’s always looked like he’s drowning in hand-me-downs. Give him credit for apparently not being bothered by the height difference caused by Jenny’s penchant for sky-high platforms.

    • Anonymous

      Is he wearing shoulder pads?

    • Anonymous

      Dear lord, can she even breathe in that sausage casing?  That is just entirely wrong.  And I still am of the opinion he has a drug problem.  That is heroin skinny.

    • Anonymous

      Dear lord, can she even breathe in that sausage casing?  That is just entirely wrong.  And I still am of the opinion he has a drug problem.  That is heroin skinny.

    • http://www.sineaddoyle.com Sinead

      On a positive note. The fit may be awful but how great is that colour on her.

      Unfortunately thanks to the Fug Girls I can’t get beyond vampire when I look at Marc Anthony. Which is very unfair to him I’m sure…

    • http://www.sineaddoyle.com Sinead

      On a positive note. The fit may be awful but how great is that colour on her.

      Unfortunately thanks to the Fug Girls I can’t get beyond vampire when I look at Marc Anthony. Which is very unfair to him I’m sure…

    • loy phillips

      Bellybutton!  I can see her fallopian tubes!

    • loy phillips

      Bellybutton!  I can see her fallopian tubes!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_HY37OQ6GEB5IMWUREVZ2KE5HYA Norita

      Too tight????  Christ on a breadstick..you can count the eggs she has left in her ovaries!!!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_HY37OQ6GEB5IMWUREVZ2KE5HYA Norita

      Too tight????  Christ on a breadstick..you can count the eggs she has left in her ovaries!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/suzie.vazquez Suzie Vazquez

      I thought it was her bra, but it’s the seaming of the dress.. no likey. I do like the color.  Until this post I thought it said PARIS Division. I thought they were all in Paris. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/suzie.vazquez Suzie Vazquez

      I thought it was her bra, but it’s the seaming of the dress.. no likey. I do like the color.  Until this post I thought it said PARIS Division. I thought they were all in Paris. 

    • http://twitter.com/mcglory13 mcglory13

      The blue is a lovely color, the dress was ugly as heck.

    • http://twitter.com/mcglory13 mcglory13

      The blue is a lovely color, the dress was ugly as heck.

    • Anonymous

      Too tight?   She has camel-toe in that dress!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5X4B3NBE3NUGS3OY5IRI645NMI Mrs. Joe

      I think you guys were too generous in the scores.  Dress is way too tight and doesn’t do anything for her.  5 points for a dress that might look good on someone else or in a different size is kind of high.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5X4B3NBE3NUGS3OY5IRI645NMI Mrs. Joe

      I think you guys were too generous in the scores.  Dress is way too tight and doesn’t do anything for her.  5 points for a dress that might look good on someone else or in a different size is kind of high.

    • Lisa

      I have nothing more to add – you guys got it spot on.  Bad, bad, both of them!

    • http://diaryofaconsumerpunchingbag.blogspot.com/ Laura Ann Springer

      What is up with the bodice of the dress???? Are we supposed to see hip bones when you are wearing a dress?? 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1294512334 Terri Griffith

      She reminds me of Jessica Rabbit.

    • Anonymous

      I totally agree about the fit of JLo’s dress, but I do love that color.

    • Anonymous

      I saw the pic of her sitting down and was yelling, ‘noooooooo!!!’ Does it not occur to celebs or stylists what happens when someone sits down? Seriously. I have to think about it all the time why don’t they?

    • Anonymous

      He’s wearing Payless shoes…ugly and cheap. Even JLo needs some serious shapewear with a dress that ridiculously tight. She’s wearing some damn ugly shoes too. 
      5 out of 10

    • Mariah J

      Why would anyone wear a dress that tight…ugh, disgusting

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juline-Débaul/100002426617563 Juline Débaul

      She still looks better than she has looked in a long time!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_C65IT4K6RYN4TWRMFJOI3VUDAI Olechka Milashka

      That’s a great color on her, though!