Cover Girl: Penelope Cruz for GQ UK

Posted on May 12, 2011

Like the title says, Penelope Cruz graces the cover of British GQ. What the title doesn’t say is that it may just be the worst picture of her we’ve ever seen. Check it:

GQ UK June 2011 Issue
Photographer: Mario Sorrenti
Stylist: George Cortina
Slip by Agent Provocateur. Dress by Yves Saint Laurent

Guys, HOW DO YOU SCREW UP A PENELOPE CRUZ PICTURE? The lighting on her face is extremely unflattering. We kind of hate the hair too. It reminds us of a bad drag version of Sophia Loren. Penelope’s been subtly courting a “21st Century Sophia” image ever since she did that Nine movie. It’s not a bad idea, but when you literally make her up and pose her like an early  ’60s version of Sophia, it just doesn’t work. Not for us. She’s no less beautiful than Sophia (arguably), and she’s sultry and sexy in that latin way that both women embody, but the bottom line is she’s not Sophia. And she’s been around long enough that she shouldn’t have to rely on making these types of connections in the minds of her audience.

Also, female actresses should never, ever rely on men’s magazines to make them look glamorous and beautiful. Their first goal is to make you look fuckable. Never forget that, starlets.

Yves Saint Laurent Fall 2011 Collection/Model: Freja Beha Erichsen (IMG)

 

[Image Credit: thefashionspot.com]

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  • http://profiles.google.com/fionna13 Cassandra McCraw

    Terrible – she looks plastic.

  • http://profiles.google.com/denise.alden Denise Alden

    GAWD awful! How in heaven’s name do you make Penelope Cruz look so bad?

  • http://profiles.google.com/fionna13 Cassandra McCraw

    Terrible – she looks plastic.

    • AJ

      I was thinking that she looked like a latex sex doll, and not in a good way.

  • http://profiles.google.com/denise.alden Denise Alden

    GAWD awful! How in heaven’s name do you make Penelope Cruz look so bad?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    Yes, that pic is bad…and that hair over her eye is driving me mad.

  • Fernando

    She looks kind of sleepy, but is her standar face when tries to pose glamorous.
    Ah, and she is only good actress with Almodovar.
    The dress is very good.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    Yes, that pic is bad…and that hair over her eye is driving me mad.

  • Fernando

    She looks kind of sleepy, but is her standar face when tries to pose glamorous.
    Ah, and she is only good actress with Almodovar.
    The dress is very good.

  • MilaXX

    I think I mostly hate the helmet hair and I really hate the hair over the eye.

  • MilaXX

    I think I mostly hate the helmet hair and I really hate the hair over the eye.

  • andyleigh

    Enh. I never thought she was all that to start with, so she doesn’t look any worse than usual here. Sure, she’s got a slammin’ bod, but since we’re dealing with her face and I’ve always thought her features looked like the were shoved to the middle of it, I don’t see this as any kind of sacrilege. But you’re right about men’s mags. They’re only interested in making the woman look like she’s just dying for your pudgy pasty behind to manhandle you into the bedroom. Do men really think like this, or is this purely a fantasy of the males who run men’s mags?

  • andyleigh

    Enh. I never thought she was all that to start with, so she doesn’t look any worse than usual here. Sure, she’s got a slammin’ bod, but since we’re dealing with her face and I’ve always thought her features looked like the were shoved to the middle of it, I don’t see this as any kind of sacrilege. But you’re right about men’s mags. They’re only interested in making the woman look like she’s just dying for your pudgy pasty behind to manhandle you into the bedroom. Do men really think like this, or is this purely a fantasy of the males who run men’s mags?

  • ailsieengland

    I saw this issue in the shop yesterday and I was standing there horrorstruck. And then my boyfriend tried to drag me away, and I was all “Bu – bu – but that’s PENELOPE CRUZ” and then he was horrorstruck too.

    The lesson is, GQ tries to pretend it’s upmarket, so they won’t put actresses topless on the cover – but they still want you to think she might be topless inside.

  • ailsieengland

    I saw this issue in the shop yesterday and I was standing there horrorstruck. And then my boyfriend tried to drag me away, and I was all “Bu – bu – but that’s PENELOPE CRUZ” and then he was horrorstruck too.

    The lesson is, GQ tries to pretend it’s upmarket, so they won’t put actresses topless on the cover – but they still want you to think she might be topless inside.

  • http://www.thirteen.org/program-content/downton-dish-season-3-episode-1/ Gotham Tomato

    Are we sure the photographer actually shot Penelope and not her dummy from Madame Tussaud’s? It’s just so digital and processed that she looks lifeless. I would have said it’s impossible to make Penelope look bad, but this photographer has done the impossible.

    –GothamTomato

  • Anonymous

    Are we sure the photographer actually shot Penelope and not her dummy from Madame Tussaud’s? It’s just so digital and processed that she looks lifeless. I would have said it’s impossible to make Penelope look bad, but this photographer has done the impossible.

    –GothamTomato

  • AJ

    I was thinking that she looked like a latex sex doll, and not in a good way.

  • Guest

    As Miss J once said, hair in the face is for ugly girls.

  • Guest

    As Miss J once said, hair in the face is for ugly girls.

  • dee

    Why is that hair covering one eye? But just barely? It doesn’t even look purposeful. Horrendous.

  • dee

    Why is that hair covering one eye? But just barely? It doesn’t even look purposeful. Horrendous.

  • dee

    Why is that hair covering one eye? But just barely? It doesn’t even look purposeful. Horrendous.

  • Cecerslouisers

    Hate that piece of hair in her face. My OCD wants to move it.

  • Cecerslouisers

    Hate that piece of hair in her face. My OCD wants to move it.

  • Cecerslouisers

    Hate that piece of hair in her face. My OCD wants to move it.

  • tonibaloney

    Her mouth is creeping me out. It looks like she’s been embalmed.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1050159612 Antonia Keithahn

    Her mouth is creeping me out. It looks like she’s been embalmed.

  • scottyf

    You guys said it: the cover isn’t supposed to appeal to most women and gays.

    I don’t know many straight guys who would pick up the magazine and do as succinct a dissertation on Penelope and the Sophia Loren connection–including her hair, make-up and styling.

    If they did, and they are standing at any newsstand in NYC looking at the magazine, I would suggest they catch the 1 train down to Christopher Street; grab a drink at The Monster; and re-think their orientation.

  • scottyf

    You guys said it: the cover isn’t supposed to appeal to most women and gays.

    I don’t know many straight guys who would pick up the magazine and do as succinct a dissertation on Penelope and the Sophia Lorenz connection.

    If they did, and they are standing at any newsstand in NYC, I would suggest they catch the 1 train down to Christopher St. and re-think their orientation.

  • Anonymous

    I agree, she’s a total butterface to me. I don’t get the hotness at all.

  • Lulu

    I don’t happen to find this woman attractive at all, but wow, that’s a shockingly bad picture of her.
    If that’s fuckable, then I’d hate to see what unfuckable looks like.

  • Lulu

    I don’t happen to find this woman attractive at all, but wow, that’s a shockingly bad picture of her.
    If that’s fuckable, then I’d hate to see what unfuckable looks like.

  • http://www.ellenciompi.com/ NurseEllen

    I think you’re all being harsh. It’s not the most glam photo, she doesn’t look the best she’s ever looked, but really…..I kind of like the drowsy, tousled, JBF vibe and thank god they didn’t do something like put fire engine red lipstick on her to “match” the magazine logo. The hair echoes the messiness of the feathers. And there are worse faux pas than attempting to channel Sophia Loren. I’d like to see the rest of the photos in the shoot. Any chance of posting them, TLo?

    • http://beautyforrealgirls.blogspot.com/ accidental housewife

      Her face looks kind of odd, but overall I agree. I love the hair and feathers and the generally messy look. It suits her. And I would also like to see the other photos.

  • Anonymous

    I think you’re all being harsh. It’s not the most glam photo, she doesn’t look the best she’s ever looked, but really…..I kind of like the drowsy, tousled, JBF vibe and thank god they didn’t do something like put fire engine red lipstick on her to “match” the magazine logo. The hair echoes the messiness of the feathers. And there are worse faux pas than attempting to channel Sophia Loren. I’d like to see the rest of the photos in the shoot. Any chance of posting them, TLo?

  • http://profiles.google.com/paigemano Paige Mano

    It looks like she went to bed with wet hair and didn’t have time to fix it before the photoshoot.

  • Paigealicious

    It looks like she went to bed with wet hair and didn’t have time to fix it before the photoshoot.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t think she looks that bad! Yeah, the hair in the eye is stupid, but she still looks pretty. Granted, her pics normally look a lot better. Bad photographer.

  • jblaked

    I don’t think she looks that bad! Yeah, the hair in the eye is stupid, but she still looks pretty. Granted, her pics normally look a lot better. Bad photographer.

  • herong

    Um, can we talk about how freaking WHITE she looks???

  • herong

    Um, can we talk about how freaking WHITE she looks???

  • herong

    Um, can we talk about how freaking WHITE she looks???

  • http://twitter.com/erincropper Erin Cropper

    The hair, the lighting, the makeup… she looks like she’s dying of consumption!

  • fireontiger

    The hair, the lighting, the makeup… she looks like she’s dying of consumption!

  • StL K

    I’m not sure I would have recognized her. She just looks generic. That said, it bothers me more that so many women’s and general interest magazines present women as primarily fuckable objects.

  • StL K

    I’m not sure I would have recognized her. She just looks generic. That said, it bothers me more that so many women’s and general interest magazines present women as primarily fuckable objects.

  • http://twitter.com/ShelfAfterlife Shelf Afterlife

    She has such pretty, dark hair. Why put that matted, ugly wig on her?

  • http://twitter.com/TheSnickleboom Snickleboom

    She has such pretty, dark hair. Why put that matted, ugly wig on her?

  • GSK

    Are you sure that isn’t a picture of the Penelope Cruz model Real Doll? Because that’s what it looks like. Yuck!

  • GSK

    Are you sure that isn’t a picture of the Penelope Cruz model Real Doll? Because that’s what it looks like. Yuck!

    • homofascist

      I totally thought blow up doll too

  • Joey

    Ives Saint Laurent????????????????????????????????????????? OMG!

  • Anonymous

    I totally thought blow up doll too

  • a_said

    Also, female actresses should never, ever rely on men’s magazines to
    make them look glamorous and beautiful. Their first goal is to make you
    look fuckable.

    ——

    Eh, they failed on that front too.

  • a_said

    Also, female actresses should never, ever rely on men’s magazines to
    make them look glamorous and beautiful. Their first goal is to make you
    look fuckable.

    ——

    Eh, they failed on that front too.

  • Stephanie

    Well, we now know that she’d be a lovely model for a wig mannequin.

  • Stephanie

    Well, we now know that she’d be a lovely model for a wig mannequin.

  • blogless

    Wow, she looks like a wax figure of Sophia Loren. She doesn’t look alive or well. Almost like one of the replicants in Blade Runner.

  • blogless

    Wow, she looks like a wax figure of Sophia Loren. She doesn’t look alive or well. Almost like one of the replicants in Blade Runner.

  • Petshopbear

    That magazine cover is not of a any human let alone Penelope Cruz! She looks like a femebot?

  • Petshopbear

    That magazine cover is not of a any human let alone Penelope Cruz! She looks like a femebot?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1046681022 Paula Berman

    Why is she always wearing feathers? It does not work well with her attractive, but aquiline, nose.

  • NoGovernmentName

    Why is she always wearing feathers? It does not work well with her attractive, but aquiline, nose.

  • Anonymous

    Her face looks kind of odd, but overall I agree. I love the hair and feathers and the generally messy look. It suits her. And I would also like to see the other photos.

  • CPK

    she looks like she is wearing a terrible toupee

  • CPK

    she looks like she is wearing a terrible toupee

  • Anonymous

    If you can make Penelope look bad that means anything is possible.

  • ItsDicey

    If you can make Penelope look bad that means anything is possible.

  • https://twitter.com/LisaF1163 Lisa

    I really hate when the media tries to crown someone as “the new so-and-so”, and I’m not surprised that it’s not working for you either, TLo. There’s only one Sophia, and besides – Penelope’s doing pretty well on her own. She doesn’t need to be the “new” anyone else.

    With that said, it really is a bad picture of her. How do they screw up someone so beautiful?

  • Lisa

    I really hate when the media tries to crown someone as “the new so-and-so”, and I’m not surprised that it’s not working for you either, TLo. There’s only one Sophia, and besides – Penelope’s doing pretty well on her own. She doesn’t need to be the “new” anyone else.

    With that said, it really is a bad picture of her. How do they screw up someone so beautiful?

  • formerlyAnon

    KIND OF hate the hair? KIND OF??

    On the hair alone she looks like she’s auditioning using one of the “this mad, slutty life has its comeuppance” scenes from an early 60′s film. Butterfield 8 is what springs to mind, though it’s been so long since I’ve seen it that I can’t call up an actual vignette.

  • Anonymous

    KIND OF hate the hair? KIND OF??

    On the hair alone she looks like she’s auditioning using one of the “this mad, slutty life has its comeuppance” scenes from an early 60′s film. Butterfield 8 is what springs to mind, though it’s been so long since I’ve seen it that I can’t call up an actual vignette.

  • Guest

    It is truly amazing that they made Penelope Crux look that bad. That must actually take some considerable effort.

  • Guest

    It is truly amazing that they made Penelope Crux look that bad. That must actually take some considerable effort.

  • Guest

    Er, that was me right below. Cruz, sorry. I am having some typing issues today.

  • Guest

    Er, that was me right below. Cruz, sorry. I am having some typing issues today.

  • Golden J

    The cover accurately highlights the fact that the space between her nose and her lips is way too small. This is what she always looks like, people.

  • Golden J

    The cover accurately highlights the fact that the space between her nose and her lips is way too small. This is what she always looks like, people.

  • PrunellaV

    She looks like the product of a union between Audrey Hepburn and Sophia Loren. Sometimes even the most beautiful people beget ugly children.

  • Prunella

    She looks like the product of a union between Audrey Hepburn and Sophia Loren. Sometimes even the most beautiful people beget ugly children.

  • Csmith82

    I don’t get it; she looks the same as she always does. Gorgeous eyes, jacked up nose and mouth. Maybe a little too airbrushed, but that seems to be the convention these days.

  • PeaceBang

     I have a huge girl crush on her and am going to see that stupid pirate movie because she’s in it. 

  • Anonymous

     I have a huge girl crush on her and am going to see that stupid pirate movie because she’s in it. 

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  • annabegins

    Horrible hair. I agree with other posters that the hair over the eye is horrible.  And that has to be the lamest tag line ever. Carribean Cruz? Lame.

  • annabegins

    Horrible hair. I agree with other posters that the hair over the eye is horrible.  And that has to be the lamest tag line ever. Carribean Cruz? Lame.

  • KC

    She looks like Nelly Furtado

  • KC

    She looks like Nelly Furtado

  • Vivian

    REALLY bad picture.  The wig looks so cheap and her lips are bugging me the most.  Really bad picture. 

  • Vivian

    REALLY bad picture.  The wig looks so cheap and her lips are bugging me the most.  Really bad picture. 

  • EmilyMullasWilson

     Her eyes are dead and glassy.  I may have nightmares.

  • EmilyMullasWilson

     Her eyes are dead and glassy.  I may have nightmares.