Chloe Sevigny for Twin Magazine

Posted on May 31, 2011

Darlings, it’s Chloe Sevigny! And she’s pouting and knock-knee’d and wearing a ton of clothes! Thank you, Mr. Jesus! THANK YOU!

As devoted minions know, we have long suspected that “Chloe Sevigny” is actually a long-form piece of performance art in which the person we call “Chloe Sevigny” is actually a succession of characters with rich, colorful histories. In other words, she’s a walking form of fashion MPD and we love her for it.

Trousers by John Galliano. “Chloe’s” own top.

Twin Magazine Issue #4
Editorial: “Kick Ass”
Photographer: Kenneth Cappello
Stylist: Michelle Cameron

Don’t let the t-shirt fool you. She’s fucking with you. There is no Chloe here. Come. Meet the alters.

“Chloe’s” own outfit.

This is Ravensong. She grew up on a commune, never had a waxing, is currently “not into guys,” and is a drummer in a punk/folk band.

Skirt by Christopher Kane. “Chloe’s” own hoodie and boots.

Madisen is 12 years old and is wearing combat boots in protest of the fact that she isn’t allowed to have a red carpet at her bat mitzvah.

Dress by Alexander Wang

Julie-Ann is 30 years old and poses as a horny 15-year-old on the internet in the hopes she can get creepy old men to pay off her law school loans.

Dress by Miu Miu dress. Boots by Dr. Martens.

Jocasta is a plucky, free-spirited English girl who frequently exposes her nipples and has grill marks on her ass from a lifetime of not understanding how a kitchen works.

Jumper by Erdem. “Chloe’s” own shoes.

Maria is a former competitive gymnast who spends her days pathetically exposing herself to a succession of postal workers, paper boys, and repairmen.

Dress by Chanel.

Patty-Sue is a poor Appalachian girl with a banjo, a fashion magazine, a set of improbable windows, and a dream.

Sweater by Acne. Dress by Alexander Wang.

Donna is a congressional aide and doesn’t have time for your bullshit. But you can’t quote her on that. Get that camera out of here.

[Photo Credit: twinfactory.co.uk]

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know what the interwebz version of a Peabody is, but you guys should get it for this series.

      • Anonymous

        Absolutely.

      • Judy_J

        You took the words right outta my mouth (or fingers, since they would be typed rather than spoken.)

    • Anonymous

      Who, besides me, has had it with ugly things pretending to fashionable things that most of us don’t “get”?  Show of hands?

      • Carrie Zelinka

        Word.

      • Anonymous

        although you cannot see them, both of my hands are waving in the air!

      • Anonymous

        I have also had it with grown-ass women posing in editorials that look like 70s kiddie porn. It offends me on so many levels.

      • http://twitter.com/pag_baj Paige Boerman

        Behind you 100%. Enough already.

      • Anonymous

        *snap*

      • Toni Mitt

        Me, too!  Waving my hands in the air! 

      • Anonymous

        I’m waving my hands, my children’s hands, the mailman’s hands, the…well, you get the picture.

    • Rand Ortega

      I simply can’t see CS beyond her trailer trash face & average bod.

      • http://profiles.google.com/ameliaheartsu Amelia Logan

        woah body hate isn’t necessary. 

    • Valerie Owens

      Hahahaha! OMG Awesome! LOVE the commentary.

    • http://twitter.com/pinup_ghoul Pinup Ghoul

      I love this. That’s all!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      LOL LOL LOL! Perfect assessment TLo!

    • Anonymous

      This is ridiculous.  This woman must have the absolute best agent/PR person in the world.  Nothing about her or this layout would intice me (or anyone else, I suspect) to buy clothes.

    • Anonymous

      Many thanks for the first great laugh of the day. Ravensong…I nearly died! Patty-Sue and the improbable windows *snorts*.

      This is gold. Pure gold. 

      • Anonymous

        Ravensong is my favorite. But I loved the “improbable windows,” too. And thank you for not writing that you literally died.

    • Anonymous

      Her alters have never felt more understood or “seen”. They weep tears of appreciation for you Tlo and finally feel less alone. 

      (I weep the tears of hysterical laughter!)

    • http://profiles.google.com/cracklerod Jasper Peng

      lawl

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lauren-Jean-St-Martin/504251897 Lauren Jean St. Martin

      How does anyone put on that jumper? Honestly, the gut she seems to be sporting in it is ridiculous!

      • Anonymous

        I don’t see much of a gut but I do see a nice butt. I mean damn.

    • Anonymous

      I was trying to come up with something about the Julie-Anne one about bedspread matching the wallpaper ( you know, like carpet matching the drapes), but couldn’t pull it together. 

    • Anonymous

      Ever there was a more perfect blogpost? No. There was not.

    • Ted Kane

      I want, no need, a banjo, a fashion magazine, a set of improbable windows, and a dream.  Ok, mostly the set of improbable windows, but I’d take the whole package.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Darcie-Burkhart-Wiley/1647832285 Darcie Burkhart Wiley

      Love the commentary as always, by the by, I know this is going to expose me as an Bitter Kitten imposter, but how in the hell do you pronounce her last name? I’ve heard … Seven-ee and Sevin-yay, Please help, Thanks.

      • Anonymous

        Sevin-yay

    • Anonymous

      Love the arrogance of it all. WIsh I was skinny and twenty and could wear this stuff.

      • http://twitter.com/asciident Melissa Della

        Except Chloe Sevigny is closer to 40 than she is 20.

    • Anonymous

      I think you captured what she was “acting’ in every single picture. She really is pretty good at creating a character.

      • http://twitter.com/pinup_ghoul Pinup Ghoul

        Indeed she is! Despite her ridiculousness in editorials, I just love watching her. I think she’s a great actress.

    • http://profiles.google.com/laura.jane.ogorman Laura O’Gorman

      LMAO! I could read your Chloe Sevigny posts all day. I was in tears by the end of this.

    • Anonymous

      Good Evening  America! I’m…. Chloe Sevon-YEE.  It’s recently come to my atten-SHON that I love hand me downs!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=850300570 Matjaž Bogataj

        LMAO

      • http://profiles.google.com/thisiscelia Celia

        I am so tired of her antics. I’m surprised there wasn’t a shot of her wearing overalls with a plaid shirt tied around her waist.

    • Eric Curtis

      When I saw Chloe Sevigny I thought “this is going to be delicious”. And it was. Thanks for bringing life to her alters and making the day brighter for many of us.  

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_RCQK5TYNUKJFR36PSPJGXHE65Q fairy

      this commentary should be in the TLo Hall of Fame. One of your  best!

    • Anonymous

      Yuck, yuck, yuck, and yuck. What’s with all the creepiness today?

    • Anonymous

      Christ you guys are funny.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NMLK23QK6C7NMLMVVYA5POXKJY WhiteMage

      hahaha. love your send up of her. those photos look like they were taken by some kid intending to put them on his myspace. ugh.

    • Anonymous

      Best. Screencaps. EVER.

      • Anonymous

        They’re darn good, I grant you, but best? Are you forgetting Nina caps, during PR’s prime? Or, if I remember rightly, the post entitled “Tim Gunn is tired of your sh-t” ?   Now those are classics worthy of going into syndication!

    • Anonymous

      Love you, T Lo.  MWAH

    • Anonymous

      Bless you, bless you, bless you!!! I have no other words for the brilliance that is this blog post. I bow down to the masters. And I hold you responsible for my uncontrollable and inappropriate laughter in the workplace.

    • enid soto

      Dear God those pics are terrible, she looks like a poser.

    • Anonymous

      No one can take the piss out of a hipper-than-thou sort than our beloved T Lo. This post is an instant classic!

      Having been born and raised in the Bay Area, the Ravensong caption about killed me.

    • Anonymous

      Madisen’s nose job is totally awesome. Just in time for carrying the Torah!

    • vmcdanie

      I can’t top your commentary so I’ll just pose an observation about something I’ve always found curious: why is it that when a celebrity wears their own stuff in an editorial, the designer is never mentioned? Skirt by Christopher Kane and the rest of the ensemble is Chloe’s. Like buying and designing are now the same act.

      • Anonymous

        Looks like she got them at goodwill and cut the tags out….

      • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

        Because whoever did design them didn’t pay the magazine? My guess…

    • Anonymous

      Love the commentary! So vivid and funny, you left me wanting so much more and that ain’t easy considering the subject.

    • margaret meyers

      At least she’s had her roots touched-up.  I’ll give her points for that.

    • MilaXX

      Love Chloe and her alters.

    • Lisa

      She is the most wacked-out rodeo clown!  Little does she know that she’s fallen right into your clever hands!

    • Anonymous

      I haven’t read this article, and I could be dead wrong, but I think the location for this shoot may be Chloe’s own home.  I distinctly remember a feature story on her from several years back (5 years?  8 years?) in the now defunct H&G.  There was green lattice wallpaper in her foyer because they did a pic of her there with her bicycle.  Now she’s standing there as a gymnast.  I’m almost postive it was the same space.

      Anyway, she kills me, and you guys kill me.  I saw behind her a a benefit about a year ago and she has the perfect body for fashion. That night she was wearing a black dress that was so short the men couldn’t keep from ogling her.  It was slit even further up the thigh and held together by safety pins.  Her long legs, short waist and broad shoulders are beautiful.

      makeityourself

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GGHUHKXUP2O5ZXRQPUVSGRICSY Tara

        yes! I remember that wallpaper too! It’s by Kelly Wearstler! If you check out the website for Twin Magazine it does say that these pics were shot in Chloe’s own home. I had to check because I KNEW I had seen a picture with her and that wallpaper before!

        Apparently this shoot is supposed to be a “reflection on the meaning of rebellion.”

        • Anonymous

          Thanks Tara.  I’m old and sometimes I remember odd things.  I remember green lattice wallpaper but I don’t remember why I am standing in front of the refrigerator.  Didn’t know it was Kelly Wearstler paper, but that makes complete sense.

    • Anonymous

      Jocasta! The thought of anyone naming their child after Oedipus’ mom pretty much instantly makes tears of mirth roll down my face. And the fact that she does look like a Jocasta in that snap is icing on the cake of hilarity.

    • Anonymous

      Jocasta looks suspiciously like Julia Stiles to me…..

    • Anonymous

      …were these photos taken by my 11- year old cousin?

    • Anonymous

      I’d be pissed if I were Alexander Wang. Especially in that last shot. What, you see maybe a square foot of dress? Or is that the sofa?

    • Anonymous

      These photos all look like those sad self-conscious Facebook profile photos people take using their digital camera’s self-timer, thinking they look sexy or mysterious.

    • dickinson-julie

      Lord I love you guys.   The whole spread looks like what happens when you leave a twelve year old ANTM fangirl who just learned how to use the timer function on her new camera alone at home on a dreary weekend.

    • Anonymous

      You out-do yourselves. Not only have you hit upon the only reasonable explanation (because, really, it can’t ALWAYS be laundry day in Chloe’s photo shoot closet, can it?), but you’ve made it past entertaining straight into hilarious. Ravensong & Julie-Ann were reigning only to be eclipsed by “a set of improbable windows” which, in turn, were cast into shade by Donna. I shall always think of Donna when I see Chloe.

      Spot on, gentlemen.

    • Anonymous

      I love the SEV- and she is the only one that can get away with this behavior/photo shoot, in my eyes. Spot on commentary, and it only makes me love her more

    • Bernice Boursiquot

       Oh, T and L, you have outdone yourselves. And it’s only Tuesday! BRAVO.

    • Patricia Biswanger

      Sheer genius.  (Your writing, that is, not the “fashion editorial.”)

    • Anonymous

      You guys make this world bearable. And by “this world” I specifically mean this rage-inducing editorial. “Jocasta.” LOL!!! 

    • Anonymous

      Chloe’s many personas is my favorite, and this post is your best thus far! Jacosta “has grill marks on her ass from a lifetime of not understanding how a kitchen works” – LMAO! Love it, and love her.

    • http://profiles.google.com/trashilove { edi } ilovetrash

      why, oh why, is there a high-end clothing line called acne?

      anyway, thats been on my mind for years. ever since it showed up. the brand, not the skin condition.

      you guys mustve been racing back to do this one after yr vacation. it must have been on yr {collective, individual} mind{s} the whole time. i cant imagine there is a vacation in the world equal to getting paid to semi-quietly comment on chloe sevigny’s invisble banjo.

      et al.

      thank you.

    • Anonymous

      Super post! I’m very fond of Chloe the actress, but this editorial makes her look like she really wants to be recognized as Tavi Gevinson, original version.

    • Anonymous

      funniest post ever

    • http://twitter.com/MarieanneDH MarieanneDH

      ::wild applause::

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_RB4LCSFTWB4SGGZENIXV2QZXAE Joan

      I admire Jocasta’s innovative use of green fly swatters as jewelery. Or is that an undergarment?

    • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

      That Christopher Kane skirt in photo # 3 kinda rocks. “Improbable windows.” Love that too.

    • Anonymous

      Oh, you two. My first day back at the office after holiday, feeling wretched but you made me laugh out loud and this day just got a touch more bearable.

      May Mr. Jesus bless you and stuff.

    • Apocalipstick Now Redux

      I think there’s a slight error.  Jocasta is a 32 year old housewife who
      pretends to be a free-spirited plucky English girl.  Patty Sue is at
      least 48.  She’s far too haggard to be called a “girl.”

    • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

      Are you sure this isn’t actually a layout from her Sassy Magazine days, circa 1991? No? Are you SURE?????? 

    • aimee_parrott

      This?  Is genius!

    • Anonymous

      Hilarious! Aim for the stars, Patty-Sue!

    • Anonymous

      Hysterical

    • Anonymous

      Love it!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6TDAYXK555ABAKZEEOAJMC25FU Stan

      Those pix of “Julie-Ann” and “Maria” would look equally at home on the female version of http://www.luriddigs.com
      (NSFW, but really hilarious commentary on the pix posted on male hook-up websites.)

    • suzq

      Hi-larious!  In fact, your commentary is the only thing that makes sense in this editorial.

      Thank you, thank you, thank you, Ms. Cameron, for not posing Chloe in front of the green lattice wallpaper with the green necklace.  Somehow, in spite of all the weirdness, I come away wanting Christopher Kane’s skirt. How much did he pay you to give that a special showcase?

    • Anonymous

      Wow, that last photo is atrocious. That’s fashion mag photography? What’d they do, give the camera to someone’s kid?

      I do love your posts on Chloe. They crack me up!

    • Anonymous

      Wow, that last photo is atrocious. That’s fashion mag photography? What’d they do, give the camera to someone’s kid?

      I do love your posts on Chloe. They crack me up!

    • mcarlson

      THANK YOU! I thought it was just me.

    • mcarlson

      THANK YOU! I thought it was just me.

    • yanneng ong

      My favorite column. Ever.

    • veronika voss

      This is nowhere leftfield as the majority considers it to be. It might not be your own taste but you’ll see eclectic dressed people everyday in Berlin and Chloe is nowhere near to be sporting something crazy. It’s the perfect example to take fashion not too seriously. Great job with the alters. Luckily I didn’t drink something while reading.

    • Toni Mitt

      This is the weirdest thing I’ve seen in a long time.  But Chloe never surprizes me anymore.  Indeed, this is the norm for her and her “alters!” 

    • Anonymous

      Y’all are ON today! I love it.

      And I think I might like to hang out with Ms. Sevigny and her alter egos

    • Anonymous

      You guys are hilarious.