2011 Billboard Music Awards

Posted on May 23, 2011

Kittens, it was the 2011 Billboard Music Awards, held at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas. Maybe we’re burnt out from those horrid dressers of Young Hollywood, but this crowd did relatively well, all things considered. Come. Judge with us.

Beyonce in Lanvin

Pretty much perfect. The exaggerated shoulders really work with her curviness. The earrings look tacky but we like the shoes.

Bleona Qereti

This is not a dress. This is an exuberant slip.

Fergie in Hervé Léger by Max Azria

Oh dear. Dressed designed by a committee of monkeys hopped up on Red Bull, we’d say. There’s no way one human being came up with this monstrosity. It took a village. Of Meth addicts. How in the hell do you put on a dress that looks like an overloaded luggage rack and think “I’m ready to have my picture taken?”

Hillary Scott

It’s just okay. We don’t think that deep V neck works well with her shape. The shoes look like Payless.

Julie Brown

Still a tacky dresser, we see. Sequined leggings. We’ll just leave you with that thought, kittens.

Ke$ha

WOW! We didn’t think anyone was going to top Fergie’s dress for sheer ugliness, but well done, you! Because this? HIDEOUS. It’s assaulting us, darlings. We’re going to have bruises later.

Kelly Rowland

As standard as it gets, but you can’t say the girl doesn’t look good.

Keri Hilson in Rachel Roy

Great dress in a great color with a great belt. Well done.

Kylie Minogue in Alexander McQueen

Cute, but she looks like she’s bolted to the floor in those shoes. Way too heavy and big for such a tiny little thing.

Mary J. Blige in Marc Bouwer

Thank you for being a diva, Mary J. It’s not the classiest or most stylish of looks, but it’s perfectly right both for her and for Vegas. It’s a “I SAID ‘Look at me,’ Bitches!” dress.

Meredith Fuller

Standard; way too short for her.

Michelle Williams

We don’t love it, but we’d like it a lot more without the crazy bandoliers on the bodice. Shoes too heavy. Is that the next shoe trend? Didn’t we just have that trend?

Nicki Minaj in Mark Fast

It’s Nicki Minaj in Vegas. What did you expect?

Nicole Kidman in Dries Van Noten

We hate dresses with a sheer long skirt over a mini. It just looks stupid. Shit or get off the pot. You either want to cover your legs or you don’t. Pretty dress otherwise. Hate the braid. We’ve noticed quite a few ladies wearing simple low-heeled sandals with long skirts and we have to say, we love that. Very chic looking.

Rihanna in Max Azria

We don’t like the fullness of the pants or the nude pointy-toed shoes, but she does look pretty amazing here. Love the hair.

Selena Gomez in Dolce & Gabbana

Cutouts on your dress PLUS sequined bows on your shoes? Oh, honey. That’s stripper wear.

Taylor Swift in Elie Saab

We thought we’d do a solid for the people who put this event together and feature one picture with an unimpeded view of all the corporate logos. Not a person in sight; just a backdrop.

[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage, style.com]

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  • Mariah J

    Keri Hilson: Gorgeous. The rest don’t just do it for me. Points to Nicole K and Kylie for an “almost”

  • Anonymous

    Rihanna for the win!

    Nicki Minaj looks like Celia Cruz reincarnated as a graduate of Ru Paul’s Drag U.

    –GothamTomato
    gothamtomato.etsy.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37300827 Johnny Heffernan

     The lighting is WEIRD, Beyoncé’s body is SLAMMING, and Fergie really PILED ON the makeup.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37300827 Johnny Heffernan

      Oh, and Fergie’s dress is dreadful. 

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_POPDEGBQFZZ3MHRBT4PN4GY4N4 David

      ha body those like slamming

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_POPDEGBQFZZ3MHRBT4PN4GY4N4 David

      ha body those like slamming

  • http://profiles.google.com/kbryna kbryna frogboots

    “exuberant slip.” hee hee hee.  Taylor Swift looks the same in every single picture. I think she’s just a cardboard cutout that gets toted around town. And is that Julie Brown of MTV-in-the-80s fame? if yes, then she must be delighted to be able to pull out her old sequined leggings and slouchy sequin shirt again. who ever thought THAT shit would come around again?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

      Yes – that’s Downtown Julie Brown! We just need Martha Quinn and Mark What’s His Name for a rockin’ reunion.

  • Anonymous

    I disagree on Nicole Kidman. She looks so effortless and comfortable… had the bottom part of her skirt not been sheer the outfit would have been way to “heavy” for the season and the event.

    • http://twitter.com/VicksieDo Vickie Lord

      I AGREE

  • Anonymous

     I really don’t understand Ke$ha.  Did she cover the mirror in her hotel room?  that has to be one of the most unflattering dresses ever.  Forget it being ugly, which it certainly is, it is just wrong.  At least Fergi’s, ugly as it is, it generally flatters her shape.  But Ke$ha?  what could possibly be her rationale?

    • Anonymous

      She actually looks fat, which is just ridiculous to say

      • http://twitter.com/VicksieDo Vickie Lord

        Actually, I saw a pic of her in swim wear, and she carries weight very oddly around her middle.  

        • Anonymous

          Yes, I was thinking of the same swimsuit pics- she’s not fat at all, but her core is like a tree trunk- I don’t think I’d be wearing a dress that accentuated that if I were her.

  • Anonymous

    I like Keri’s but as she and Meredith have both demonstrated, if you have tiny ankle and wider upper thighs, And choose a too dress skirt that hits at that wide upper thigh  – you look like you have huge saddlebags.  tyra has done that as well.  

    Rhianna – hate the way the pants fit and the tight ankles.  But agree, otherwise she looks good 

    Julie Brown – really like the top but the leggings are just not right. 

  • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

    Ke$ugggh.
    Thought Nicki Minaj would bring more of the crazy to Vegas. Disappointed.
    Rihanna is gorgeous–so is Mary J. and Beyonce.
    It might be a simple frock, but Kelly’s working it.
    I normally don’t like the mini/lace look, but Kidman pulls it off. Loving the braid
    The Taylor Swift remark was brutal but true.

  • http://www.facebook.com/devin.christopher17 Devin Christopher

    Beyonce Run’s The World! She looks banging and her performance was OFF DA HOOK! <3

    Rihanna looked chic as hell! I love Nicki and that's all there is to that!

    BTW I LOVE Kylie's shoes! I love heavy, bear -trap heels! All day, everyday!!!

    • margaret meyers

      Those shoes are animal!  I loe them.

    • Anonymous

      The shoes are fabulous.

  • Anonymous

     Um, but don’t you like it when Florence Welsh wears sheer skirts over shorter skirts? 

  • Anonymous

    I love Nicole Kidman’s hair.  I wish I had enough hair to wear mine that way.  I agree though about her dress.   

    • margaret meyers

      I like the hair, too.  But I also like the dress.  The fact that the lower part of the skirt is still pretty opague makes it work for me (and I also dislike the transparent lower skirt trend).

    • Anonymous

      I actually really liked her hair, too!  Before I scrolled down I thought I was going to read, “We don’t normally like braids on the RC, but this one’s working for us”

      • http://twitter.com/Kikishua Crishna Simmons

        I also loved the braid – it softened her up

  • MilaXX

    I don’t know which is worse the hot mess that is Ke$ha or the boriness that is Taylor Swift.

    • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

      Is Ke$ha dressing that badly on purpose? Is that her MO?

  • Anonymous

    Ke$ha, I’m sorry. You’re out. Go clean up your workspace.

  • Lisa

    Beyonce looks good!  It’s nice to see her looking like more than just a gold-plated hooker.

    Oh, Ke$ha… just…no, child.

    And TLo, THANK YOU for calling out this horrible trend that I hate with the long sheer skirts over the mini dresses!  Gaaah!  I can’t wait till that’s over and done with!

    Know what Downtown Julie Brown’s outfit reminds me of?  Did you ever see old pictures of when they were casting “The Wizard of Oz”, and they originally tried casting Gayle Sondergard as a glamorous, head-to-toe black sequined Wicked Witch of the West?  Looks just like this!

  • Anonymous

    Totally disagree about Nicole Kidman.  That dress is gorgeous, with a full lining to the sheer skirt it would have been too heavy and innapropriate for the event.  And the braid is cool.  Just offbeat enough without being silly or too affected. 

  • Anonymous

    Beyonce is fabulous, Keri’s dress is my favorite except for its length.  Another inch or two would’ve been perfect. She has a dark Fallopian-tube + ovaries thing going on between her thighs, and I just didn’t need to see that.

  • http://twitter.com/phreddd F. Eloy Vaughn

    Rihanna’s look here is so Ronald McDonald meets Kate Hepburn… but in a MUCH better way than I envisioned.

  • Anonymous

    I’m not sure I understand your last comment. Is it becaus Taylor Swift is thin? Because she’s so devoid of personality that she becomes invisible? Or is it because she’s wearing a drape? Or do you just hate her? Or is it all of these things? WE DEEPLY NEED TO KNOW.

  • http://profiles.google.com/trashilove { edi } ilovetrash

    said by someone who actually likes fergie’s dress.

    kesha:
    theres avant garde & theres DUMB. & theres wearing a box. & theres wearing a DUMB BOX. w/ cutouts. & taffeta crap torrenting off the sides. &, i dunno, more.

    the top of nicki minaj is very nice, the bottom would be better sans frosting flower sidebars. & she has found herself some amazing foundation garments.

    the keri hilson yellow is really wonderful. i think it’s keri hilson.

    • http://twitter.com/jennawaterford Jenna Waterford

      I liked Fergie’s dress, too. It kind of reminded me of Leanne’s car dress from Project Runway only more rock ‘n’ roll.

  • margaret meyers

    So, we have falsies, to make your breasts look bigger (see Bleona).  And we have panniers, to make your hips look bigger (see Fergie). Is Ke$ha trying to make a fad out of waistlets, dress inserts that make you look really, really thick around the middle?  That can’t be her own waist, can it?  Waistiers?  Waisters?  

    Thats photoshopping, right?

  • Judy_J

    Ke$ha’s dress.  I have no adjectives to describe the ugliness of this dress.  It is hideous and looks hideous on her.  Whoever told her this was a good idea should be drawn and quartered.

  • http://twitter.com/Littlegrr Mary Nau

    I know you guys hate Taylor Swift, but she looks great, and I loved Nicole’s braid.  It really softened her. 

    Beyonce, Taylor, Nicole and Rihanna looked great.  Everyone else so so at best.

  • Anonymous

    Sorry…what?  Did somebody turn out the light?  Oh, I think I just burned my retinas out looking at the horribleness that is Ke$sha.  Good God!  Doesn’t she have people?  Who told her she should wear that?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_YG4CJVFIDWHGICQPLJFSEZ3IOI StaceyJ

    That Mark Fast jumpsuit looks awful, and I Googled him to see what he was all about.  Here’s a link to a model in that get-up:  http://markfast.net/images/gallery/spring_summer_2011/Mark_Fast_SS11_look-13_148_full_zoom.jpg

    His line looks like he designed everything for the busy,
    stylish Roller Derby Girl on the go. 

  • Anonymous

    I covet Rihanna’s hair.

    At first glance I thought Ke$ha was Britney. “BRITNEY!” I cried. “What happened?! You were doing so we – oh, its just Ke$ha .. thank God.”

  • MJK19601987

    Ummm..I can TOO say the girl doesn’t look good. I think Kelly Rowland looks dreadful.
    And I am SO OVER Rhianna. AND her HAIR COLOR. Something like that is only meant to be worn for a minute. Not forever. Enough already.

  • Anonymous

    Taylor Swift is a 75-year-old prim-and-proper grandma trapped in a 20something body. 

    • Anonymous

      I don’t get what’s wrong with that.

  • Anonymous

    You boys are in fine form today. The Fergie caption had me making some unholy snorting/laughing noises.

  • Anonymous

    This one, I have to ask–you guys have complained about every braid we’ve seen.  Is it personal? ;p

    Meanwhile, I have to say it at some point–Rihanna looks like she’s wearing a Ronald McDonald wig.  Love the outfit, though–it looks great.  And the hair would be great if not for the Ronald-ness.

    Way better than Nicki Minaj, though.  That’s nuts.

  • Anonymous

    I love Nicole’s braid. dont like her dress. It looks like a Nun’s nightgown…..

  • Anonymous

    Keri Hilson for the win, Rihanna first runner-up. And for me it was a close call.

    I can’t pick a ‘worst’ though Nicki Minaj & Ke$ha are strong contenders. I just can’t decide if they (as the intentionally outlandish, by my best guess) should beat the unintentionally outlandish (Fergie) and the “so much going on in all directions my eyes don’t know where to light.” (Michelle Williams). Or if they should score higher because they went out making a conscious decision to make “attention grabbing at all costs” the goal, and indeed met the goal.

    I think you should give Taylor Swift more credit. Given the years of red carpet fabulosity Kidman has on her, looking better than Kidman does gives her laurels to rest on, I’d say.

  • Anonymous

    You can always count on Ke$ha to up the fug factor. 
    That’s pretty toned down for Nicki Minaj, ugh.
    Mary J. — rowwwwr. 
    I actually think Nicole’s braid looks pretty on her…the dress is just “meh”.
    And there’s Selena Gomez sexing up her image. Cuz the world needs more tartlets.

  • Anonymous

    P.S. Julie Brown is bringing the tacky, but it’s at least a fun tacky and not slutty. Selena Gomez (stripper wear is dead on) and Nicole Kidman (“the girl in the shop said this is the latest thing in Paris. And when she pointed out how wonderful it looks on me, I just *had * to have it!) clock in below Brown, IMO.  And while I don’t love Kelly Roland’s outfit, as hard as she must work to maintain that body I can’t really grudge her giving in to wearing something that has no interest to it except that it DOES show off that body.

  • Anonymous

    Key dollar sign ha’s dress makes her looks about 50lbs heavier than she is. Base heads are not that chubby, trust.

    Keri Hilson wins, hands down.

    Rhi-Rhi gets points for that amazing hair. 

  • Anonymous

    Gomez and Rhianna brought it. Everybody else is SAD. 

  • Anonymous

    ha, ha, ha!!! You can’t see Taylor Swift.  Is there a pill for that? Can I have some?

    We asked, nee, pleaded with Rhianna to change things up from the ‘I’m not wearing underwear’ dresses. She did. She looks like class incarnate. Let’s give her some more ardent kudos shall we?

  • http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

    I’m pretty impressed with Nicki Minaj. How she managed that outfit without a hint of camel toe, I’ll never know.

  • http://twitter.com/sockandaphone Gaby

    LOVE the tswift commentary. She is so beige it’s offensive.

    I though Kelly Rowland looked fantastic, simple dress but works great for her figure.

  • http://joansbooks.blogspot.com/ lilithcat

    Keri Hilson in Rachel Roy
    Great dress in a great color with a great belt. Well done.

    Are you guys on crack?  Or is it the pain meds you were talking about the other day?  This is atrocious!  You can practically see the good china.  It looks like a cut-down bridesmaid dress.  I shudder.

  • Anonymous

    Beyonce’s hair is a mess. Other than that, she looks fab.
    Fergie is cracking me up.
    I think Hillary Scott looks great in that dress. Not loving the shoes, though.
    Kei$ha scares me.
    Rihanna looks incredible. I LOVE her hair.
    Mary J!!! She’s more awesome than words can say.
    Stop picking on Taylor Swift. At least she doesn’t look like a stripper.

  • Anonymous

    “a village. Of meth addicts.” 
    HiLArious!

    Hate to say it, but what Ke$ha’s wearing really does look like the product of a design competition reality show. One of those “here’s a pile of hideous fabric; you have one hour to make a red carpet gown out of it” challenges.

    How old is Selena Gomez? Isn’t she a little young to be sporting cutouts?

  • Anonymous

    The Aussies brought it! Kylie and Nicole looked lovely!

  • Fatah Cooper

    rihanna looks amazing.

  • Alloy Jane

    Oh but I LIKE Fergie’s S&M Cigarette Girl dress… The rest of these looks are forgettable.  Except for the hair.  There’s some tragic hair in these photos.   

  • Emily Rifkin

    “It took a village. Of meth addicts” @tomandlorenzo : Fergie actually is a recovered meth addict. While that comment did make me laugh, let’s try not to be too insensitive about drug addiction.

  • http://twitter.com/pinup_ghoul Pinup Ghoul

    Rihanna looks red hot.
    Ke$ha, what the crap? That dress makes you look as if you’ve recently switched bodies with a 6th grader. You don’t look like you from the waist down, which should be a clarion call to NOT WEAR THAT DRESS.

  • Anonymous

     ”this crowd did relatively well”
    Compared to the children in the previous post. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juline-Débaul/100002426617563 Juline Débaul

    You made my bottom-two already, so no need to go over that.
    Winner: Rihanna, with Keri Hilson as close second. Those sheer blown-out sleeves are generally not to my taste, but she looks quite nice nonetheless.

    Selena Gomez showing sophistication early on, eh? Just referring to that one IN/OUT post on her, that’s all.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juline-Débaul/100002426617563 Juline Débaul

      Better lighting might have helped Beyoncé, but I think my top two would still stand. She might even be top three, provided Kylie Minogue is not on top of her.Fergie really would have made an easy rock bottom for this red carpet, but no, Kesha had to take it down even further on all accounts. Why do they do this to us? To make us ask?

  • Amanda in Austin

    TLo’s commentary on Taylor Swift: made me snort coffee out my nose!

  • Anonymous

    Ke$ha spent all day looking for and applying the PERFECT stickers to her face, and she didn’t have time to make a rationale decision about her dress, so she put on the first thing she found.

    • Anonymous

      Where did she find that thing, anyway?

      • Anonymous

        I wonder if she made it herself.  There’s no designer name listed. 

        I don’t get the point of this whole thing.  Her boobs her legs, the bulky dress, her hair, her stance…it looks like she’s inflating.

  • Anonymous

    The only issue I have with the bitchy comments about too-precious-by-half Tay-Tay is that it brings out her defenders in force (as though high fashion for a 20something who could be a fashion clothes-horse is … dressing in gowns and styling her hair like a reserved rich octogenarian stepping out to a charity ball). Oh won’t someone swoop in and rescue her from the evil queens?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Just/100000398823204 Matthew Just

    Is it just me or does the Mary J dress recall THE MONDO DRESS?

  • Anonymous

    Girls, we need to start a band called The Exuberant Slips.

  • http://profiles.google.com/dchockeyguy Trevor Burroughs

    Ke$ha’s outfit perfectly reveals her for what I call her (instead of her stupid name). “Talentless Whore.”  Yep, that sums that dress up alright!

    Sorry, I love Kylie.  But I”m biased. You should be too. -10 gay points for criticizing anything on her. :)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3AJ237ND3GAHDQJZ4TLCO4WLRA Emily

    I wish I could unsee that ke$ha dress.  Disaster.

  • Anonymous

    You boys are back and in rare form. I almost lost it here at work on the Fergie and Taylor Swift commentary.
    When I saw Rihanna on the show she looked absolutely amazing in that white suit. Loved it!

  • http://twitter.com/VicksieDo Vickie Lord

    I love Nicole Kidman’s look…classy and sexy too.

  • Anonymous

    Fergie with her roots showing! Those damn roots. I just don’t get it. I know they all have the money employ a colorist full time so letting the roots show all the time must be intentional. Does Fergie think her pronounced dark roots give her some sort of street creed that makes her look tough? Combined with her over plucked eyebrows is she trying to like some toughy in all girl gang? What a joke. Wasn’t she in some kid band? Well in the circle she runs in I am sure Fergie is the tough one. My money would be on her over Will.I.Am.

  • sonictofu

    Agreed on Mary J.’s divaliciousness, but she’s killing me with the Suzanne Somers hair!

  • Anonymous

    I just read that Michael Costello from PR season 8 designed Michelle Williams dress.  Still hate the bands…what was up with those?

  • Anonymous

    Poor Selena.  She normally dresses more cutely (cuter?). I sure hope her fragrance-creating boyfriend didn’t unduly influence her to dress in that monstrosity.

    And I think Michelle Williams’ dress was made by PR alum M. Costello, so props to him for getting there.

    • Anonymous

      I just want to take a black magic marker and color in those cutouts and it would be a completely different dress.

  • http://twitter.com/Naddy_Lite Nadege

    Keri Hilson (surprisingly) and Rihanna look great. Kelly Rowland has a fab body and looks great in that Herve Leger. The rest…ehh…

  • Anonymous

    I love Kylie.  Any comment against her falls on deaf ears.  That said, Keri Hilson looks cute and Rihanna’s hair and makeup look a-freakin-mazing!

  • Anonymous

    Why are ya’ll hating on the braids lately? I think they’re quite unexpected and beautiful. T. Swift is not unexpected, but still beautiful.

  • http://profiles.google.com/mochizukisan kyasarin mochizuki

    Nicki Minaj is looking positively sedate, considering she’s Nicki Minaj and the shindig’s in Vegas.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=68202265 Andrea Howland-Myers

    Rihanna looks like a redheaded Marilyn Monroe of color. Beautiful. Looks like pants are starting to Happen!

  • Anonymous

    What’s to hate about Nicole’s braid? It’s pretty, the soft hairstyle flatters her (she often looks too harsh with pulled back hair). Except for the mini-skirt issue, I think she looks incredible.

  • Anonymous

    One more thing — You LOVED Rihanna’s ugly wig, but you HATED Nicole’s braid? I just don’t get it. Tacky tacky tacky tacky.