Darlings, a bunch of biological females got together in Vegas this week for the world’s foremost drag event, the Miss Universe Pageant. Most of them presented their national costumes at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, although some are waiting to unveil theirs for the actual pageant on August 23. Still, what a fabulous way to spend the afternoon, right? Because there is nothing more cracktastic than the national costumes portion of the Miss Universe Pageant. It makes competitive figure skating costumes look understated and minimalist.
Hit it, ladies!
Apparently the outback has a Jo Anne’s Fabrics.
Getting it done, drag queen style. You go, Braneka.
Brazil! It’s one giant Hallmark store! Apparently!
“Come to Curacao! And consider the fantastic waterfront development opportunities! Under my skirt!”
Miss Dominican Republic believes that aliens could contact her at any time, so she’s not taking any chances.
This is actually pretty damn fabulous.
And this is kind of sad. Unless it’s a tribute to El Salvador’s heretofore uncelebrated hot glue gun industry.
Hmm. It’s an adorable dress, Germany, and we get that it’s a take on folk dancing costumes, but it reads a little too much like, well, just a pretty dress. You should have beer steins over your boobs or something.
This is pretty fabulous too. Love the fan, but we have to admit, we keep thinking her sash says “banana.” Can you blame us?
Miss Guam rides elevators alone, thank you very much.
Miss Guatemala has skipped the competition and gone straight to declaring herself a goddess.
The hell? We’re thinking this is referencing the earthquake in some way, but it’s kind of strange. And she’s so exuberant about it. “Hello world! Look at the Haitians on my skirt!”
You guys, Miss Israel is retaining water this week and she really doesn’t give a shit what you think of her.
We kind of like the idea of couture gown, plus GIGANTIC prop that refers to your culture in some way. Miss USA should totally wear a Marchesa gown and carry a giant gun.
Miss Kazakhstan is always easy to find at a crowded party.
We don’t know her, but we love her. “HAHA! Do you guys believe this shit? Look at this crap they made me put on my head!”
This is gorgeous.
Every grandmother in Peru donated her couch so that this costume could be made.
It’s the dress that converts into a dressing room!
We like the boldness of dressing like you’re a member of the royal family that was murdered in a violent overthrow during one of the most famous periods of your country’s history. Kind of cuts through the bullshit, you know? “Russia! We get shit done!”
MISS SLOVAK! QUEEN OF STRIPPERS, PATRON SAINT OF TROPHY WIVES! BOW DOWN, MORTALS!
Okay, we’re officially over the “dress as photo album” theme.
She looks EXACTLY like a centerpiece at a July 4th church picnic.
Switzerland apparently got tired of being neutral, you guys. Miss Switzerland will bathe in the blood of her enemies if she doesn’t at least make it to runner up. Also, if you don’t drink her cocoa.
She’s all “Tribal on top, stilettos on the bottom, bitches!”
We’re sure there’s some sort of historical or folkloric explanation for this outfit but it is FREAKING US OUT. Turkey goes Gaga!
Uruguay Jones, Indiana’s distant cousin.
EAT IT, WORLD! IN AMERICA, OUR STRIPPERS CAN FLY!
VENEZUELA WILL KILL YOU! WITH SCIENCE!
We’re all for incorporating natural and traditional elements but we draw the line at gourd bras.
[Photo Credit: gettyimages.com]