RuPaul’s Drag Race: Bitches Who Bring It and Bitches Who Don’t

Posted on February 23, 2010

You know, we really can’t overstate how brilliant the challenges are for this show. At first glance, an all-game show episode might seem like a strange idea, but takeoffs on The Price is Right and Match Game are so inherently campy that most of the queens took it and ran with it without even thinking about it.

And come on…

That is fucking CLASSIC.

Here’s the exchange that went down in front of our TV after all three of the finalists guessed way too low on the “drag queen essentials” package ( Sonique: $225 Jessica Wild: $390 Raven: $395).

T: “Are they NUTS? A lace-front wig costs like a thousand bucks!”

(After the price of $1283.90 was announced)

Lo: “How the hell did you know how much a lace-front costs?”

T: “I’ve been reading Ru’s book whenever I’m on the toilet and she has a whole section on lace-fronts.”

This is our life now. This is what we talk about.

Raven was all, “Winning that made me feel great. OK, these bitches better watch out.” And we were all “You correctly guessed the price on a package of tube socks and you won the final prize by “only” guessing too low by 900 dollars. We see no need for cockiness.”

Absolutely without a doubt the cheesiest guests they could come up with, which was perfect for “The Snatch Game.”

Let’s see how our impersonators did, shall we? Oh and hey, isn’t it kind of amazing that there HASN’T been a celebrity impersonation challenge before now? It’s the very soul of drag. Granted, the show is based around Ru’s career and she made her name by being herself, but let’s face it, EVERY drag queen has at least one celebrity impersonation inside her.

We could not possibly love her any more. When she’s in her element – and this is way more her element than a catwalk – she outshines just about everyone. Pandora is a true comedian.

Sucked. Full of attitude because she knew she sucked. At least she didn’t pretend like she did fine and it was everyone else’s fault for not getting it.

What a disappointment. We both roared from laughter when he announced he was doing Kimora, but aside from the resemblance, there wasn’t much Kimora in her Kimora.

We honestly forgot who this was. We knew it was supposed to be Lady Gaga, but we couldn’t remember who the queen was attempting her. That should tell you something about Sonique’s efforts.

To be honest, we found this kind of embarrassing. There was nothing about this look or performance that said RuPaul to us. Ru is a star because she’s so polished and charming. Why Jessica wanted to play her as a messy, self-absorbed attention-seeker we’ll never know. Ru is too polite to be offended (and to be fair, we doubt Jessica intended to offend her), but the whole performance was cringe-inducing.

It’s a shame, because Raven nailed Paris’ affectations and body language, but he didn’t give her one funny line. What’s the point in dressing up like Paris Hilton if you’re not going to make her funny?

Tatianna knocked this out of the damn park, shocking us in the process. She’s been mostly a strong middle contender, but she was so damn funny as Britney (and looked so much like her) that she vaulted to the top of the list. Granted, she may just have lucked into a challenge that played to her strengths, but we weren’t even aware she HAD strengths, let alone how strong they really are. She was at least as funny as Pandora and that’s high praise.

Sahara gave it her best shot, and she did get some funny bits in, but she only slightly looked like Whitney and she was overshadowed by two much funnier performers.

Honestly, we don’t know what the hell was going on here. First, her makeup was awful. That’s the thing about Tyra. She’s not being all that she can be. We’ll let the cat out of the bag now and say that she would be our pick for the winner, based solely on the raw material she’s got to work with. She has the potential to be an absolutely stunning queen, but we’ve noticed her makeup skills aren’t what they should be and she’s got a bit of a personality problem. We don’t think she’s an awful bitch or anything, but she’s too sour most of the time. She’s got some comedy chops that help a bit, but she just wasn’t a believable or particularly funny Beyonce.

See? That’s what it’s all about. Hair, makeup, and dress are all perfect, and she’s just radiating good vibes. That’s what these queens need to be striving for if they want her career.

Let’s hit the catwalk! Ladies?


Finally brought some glam to the runway. We still think she could look prettier than that if she worked at it (that wig ain’t so hot), but we were happy to see her find her inner diva.

To be honest, she’s in a close second behind Miss Tyra in our minds. Her comedy skills make her the most talented of the bunch, but she needs to refine her look a little.


Look at that fucking bitch. That is the definition of “fierce.” We mean it when we say, she could pursue a legitimate modeling career if she wanted to.

The judges don’t respond to these kinds of outfits, though. Have you noticed that? They want the girls to bring major glam and sparkle to the catwalk.


It’s a strong look, but we cannot get past her terrible walk. In fact, we kind of think Morgan’s getting by on her looks alone. She doesn’t have a lot of poise and she’s not particularly funny or entertaining.


This was a disappointment. She tends to default to these campy looks when she could really bring it in an over-the-top way if she really wanted to.


Frankly, this looked like a cheap Halloween costume. No imagination.


And speaking of cheap…

We’re just glad someone called her out on it finally. Her lack of style is holding her back, especially since she really proved herself with her Britney impersonation.


We’ll say this about Jessica: she really brings it to the catwalk. We have our doubts about her in just about every other area, but when it comes time to walk the walk, she pulls it together.


Raven continues to disappoint, mainly because she’s got all the tools to be winning the challenges every week but always seems to be struggling. Time and again, when she should be bringing it, she left it at home. This was just an okay look. She’s looked better.


Ditto. Didn’t really love this Rhythm Nation retread.

Cute. Had they worked in a Family Feud parody on top of all the other game shows, it would win an Emmy without a doubt..

Big girl.

No seriously, even though her runway looks tend toward the tragic, she really broke out ahead with that Britney impersonation. She deserved the win.

And now, an art installation. We call this piece “Shocked, Open-Mouthed Bitches.”


Frankly, as soon as it was announced, we figured Sonique was out of there. The judges love Morgan (at least enough to forgive a lot) and Morgan really went all the way with her lipsynch.

[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]